Protecting My Hart (Protectors Series Book 1) (36 page)

I send a quick text off to Leia and Beamer, slip on my slippers and one of Slyde’s sweatshirts. I grab my phone, keys and wallet and head to my car to drive back to the hospital.

I make my way back up to his room and it’s dark but there’s enough light that I can see him lying in bed. His chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Laying my stuff back on the table, I carefully climb into bed next to him.

“Tesoro? What are you doing back here?” he asks a bit sleepily, but his arm comes up around my back and shoulder.

“You told me I never had to ask for this. That it was mine anytime I wanted it. I want it now. I need it now. I can’t sleep at home and I just need to feel you breathing, Slyde.”

“Sleep, mi Tesoro. Te amo siempre.”

“I love you too, babe. Always.”

He’s settled back in our bed. He’s taken his meds, and now it’s time for him to sleep.

“Goodnight, babe. I love you. Get some sleep.” I lean down and give him another kiss before leaving him to sleep.

“Where are you going?” he asks, catching my arm before I can leave.

“Um, I’m leaving you to sleep.”

“I’ll wait for you to finish whatever it is you need to do and come to bed.”

“Slyde, I’m sleeping in the spare room.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because you’re still hurt and I don’t want to hurt you while we sleep.”

“Fuck that, you are not sleeping in another room.”

“Yes, babe. I am. It’s fine, and it’s only for a little while. Just yell if you need me.”

“Hartley, you are not sleeping in another fucking bed.”

“Slyde.”

“No. I get that you are trying to do what’s best for me, and trying to take care of me and I’m gonna let you for the most part. But, Hart, I’m not gonna let you sleep in a different bed than me.”

“I can’t sleep next to you, what if I roll over onto your shoulder in my sleep? I’m gonna hurt you.” I explain. Slyde lets go of my arm and moves over in the bed, I see him wince and I panic.

“What are you doing?!?” I cry out.

“Moving over, so that you sleep on this side, like you did last night.”

“Slyde, you’re hurting yourself! Stop!!”

“I can handle the pain, Tesoro. What I can’t handle is you sleeping in a different bed than me. Not when it’s not necessary.”

“But.”

“Turn off the light, Hart, and get into bed.” He states evenly and I know not to argue. I know that I can get away with a lot when it comes to taking care of him, but he makes sense, and it’s hard to argue with that. So I do what he says and turn the light off and climb gently into bed next to him. I begin to settle in and he pulls me closer to him, forcing me to use his shoulder as a pillow.

“Relax, Hartley, go to sleep.” His voice now soft and he leaves a kiss on my head.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Hart.”

“I was terrified, I still am. I’m so scared.”

“Tesoro, you’re not making sense.”

“I was nervous all day. The more time that passed that I didn’t hear from you or the guys just worried me more. I knew. I knew before Beamer said anything, before he even got to the house. I knew that something had happened, that something was wrong. I could feel it. My heart stopped when Beamer confirmed it and I couldn’t breathe. I’ve been afraid of a lot in my life, and for most of my life. None of that compared to the thought of losing you. You not with me, Ethan not having his daddy, living even a second longer than you; that thought is paralyzing. I’m sorry for leaving five years ago. I had no idea that you felt the same as me and if what you felt is even remotely close to what I felt when they told me, to what I feel now, to what I feel when I think about what could have happened. I’m so sorry for ever putting you through that.”

“I’m right here, Tesoro. I’m going to be OK. I’m sorry I scared you, I hate that you are so upset, but it’s all going to be OK. When you left, you did it out of necessity, to save your life and Ethan’s. I don’t blame you for that in the slightest and I’m not mad at you for leaving. I was pissed because I too knew something had changed and I didn’t act fast enough. I didn’t protect you when you needed me too. You never would have asked, because you didn’t know how I felt and that’s all on me. I should have told you sooner, but I for sure should have fuckin’ told you after we shared that night. I was going to, once I got you out of there, I was going to prove to you how much I cared and try my damndest to earn your heart. Yeah, I was scared when you left, I was scared that you were in trouble, I was scared I’d never see you again, never get the chance to tell you that I love you. I’m not scared anymore, you’re right here and I get to tell you whenever I want that I love you. I can’t promise that nothing bad will happen to me, Hart, it’s a risk I signed up for when I joined the bureau. What I can promise is that regardless of what happens, I will fight like hell to get back to you and our son.”

“I know. I’m so grateful that you are OK, I think it’s still just too raw, it will get better, I hope.”

“It will, and, Hart, if it doesn’t, promise to tell me. I’m here for you, Tesoro, give and take, that’s the only way our marriage is gonna work.”

“I know. Slyde, you own my heart, I love you so, so much.”

“I know, Tesoro, I love you too siempre.”

The sounds of my son and husband playing together on the floor after dinner brings me out of my memory from the night Slyde came home. Like predicted, the paralyzing fear of losing him has subsided a lot. I fall asleep every night to the steady rhythm of his breathing. I know that there is always going to be the fear of losing him because of his job, but I also know how good at his job he is, and how much he, Beamer and Kash watch out for each other and that eases so much of the worry. It’s been a week and a half since he came home and he is doing much, much, better. Almost all of his bruising is gone and he doesn’t wince every time he moves. We went to the doctor today, his shoulder has healed nicely and they removed his stiches. They explained to him that he still needed to take it easy and not go full strength right away. They gave him stretches and exercises to do to build his strength back up and as long as he takes it slowly he won’t need physical therapy. The guys are also off for another week before they have to go into the office and start on the paperwork. I’m still having trouble with allowing myself to believe that all of this is really over. It’s a strange feeling, not having fear hanging over me any longer and I’m not quite sure how to deal with that. I know that I want to get Ethan back in school; it’s safe for him again and I know he misses playing with other children. I want to put him back in part time preschool for the next six months or so before he starts kindergarten. I’m wondering if Slyde would be interested in looking at local schools with me. This is strange too; I’ve never had to consult anyone else when it comes to decisions about my son. I’m not even sure that Slyde would want to be consulted. I mean I know that he loves Ethan, that’s clear as day. He’s claimed him as his son, loves him as such and Ethan loves him the same in return. Now that I think about it more, I’m pretty sure that Slyde would want to be involved in this decision. I’ll talk to him later after we put Ethan to bed.

“What’s on your mind tonight, Hart? You’ve been quiet and off in your own little world.”

“Just been thinking about a few things.” I answer while slipping on one of his shirts as I walk toward the bed. Slyde climbs in and pulls me to him, and I sit on his lap straddling him. Both of his arms wrap around me and he sighs.

“Fuck, Tesoro it feels good to hold you with both arms again.”

“Yes it does.” I sigh in return and relax against him, my head resting against his chest.

“So what have you been thinking about, Tesoro?”

“I was thinking about the night you got home from the hospital and our conversation about the fear. We were both right, it’s not overwhelming anymore. There’s barely any fear anymore about anything and that’s something I’m not quite sure how to deal with. I know that with time, I won’t even notice anymore. I’m happy, for the first time in my life, happiness is a constant feeling and not just isolated to a few stolen moments with a man who has perfect blue eyes.” His arms tighten and he leaves a kiss on my head. “I was also thinking that since its safe now, I wanted to put Ethan back in preschool until he starts kindergarten. I was thinking that I wanted to put him in a school that’s closer than before and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come with me to check them out. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

His hand leaves my back to gently grasp my chin and bring my gaze to his. There is so much love in his eyes that my breath catches. His lips lower to mine softly and he kisses me deeply. My hands slide from his chest to around his neck and into his hair. Slyde pulls back, ending the kiss entirely too soon for my liking. I let out a soft whine of protest and when I open my eyes his are smiling back at me, as are his lips.

“I’d love to come with you to look at schools for Ethan. Thank you.”

“You’re his Daddy. You should have a say on where he goes to school, and what happens in his life. I like having someone else to make these decisions with. I’m not alone anymore, and Ethan has someone else in his life who loves him as much as I do. This is how it’s supposed to work, right? Both parents discussing and making decisions for their child together.”

“Yeah, Tesoro, this is exactly how this is supposed to work.”

He smiles, causing my eyes to focus on his lips. His perfect full lips. My breathing increases when I think about the feeling of his lips on my body, which leads me to think about his skin pressed against mine, his hands caressing me. My hands ache to caress him. I want to feel his breath hot and heavy against my ear. I want to feel him buried deep inside me, while his piercing drives me wild. I miss all of that; I miss my husband in that way. I try my best to push those thoughts out of my head. He may be feeling better, but he still needs to take it easy and sex is not taking it easy. I can feel his body responding to mine, it’s hard not to feel it when he’s growing harder beneath me and pressing against where I desperately need him. No, this can’t happen. I move to get off his lap but his hands quickly grasp my hips.

“You’re not going anywhere, babe.” His voice is low and sexy.

“But we can’t, your shoulder.” I practically pant.

“Has absolutely no effect on my ability to have sex with my wife.” He assures, and then his lips are back on mine consuming me and I have no choice but to let Slyde take control of my body. His hands slip under my shirt caressing my skin while his tongue thrashes against mine, kissing me deep. His hands continue to roam my back and press me against him all at the same time. He’s growing harder and I press down on him needing to feel him against me. Slyde swallows my whimpers and I feel myself becoming wetter. His lips tear from mine and my shirt is being yanked up. His lips capture one of my breasts before the shirt is off completely. His lips, his tongue, and his teeth all toy with my nipples forcing them into hard peaks, the tightness making me whimper. I move my hips against him, desperately needing friction. Slyde’s lips have moved to my neck and he growls as my hips move again. His hands rest on my hips, stilling the movements. His hand leaves, and I hear a click then cold metal against my skin. I hear the rip of fabric as one side of my panties falls away. Slyde has his pocketknife in his hand and he slides it against my other side and cuts my panties again.

“Slyde!” I pant in surprise.

“I’ll buy you another pair. I don’t want you to get up.” He growls out and tosses his knife back onto his nightstand. He pulls away the remaining fabric and tosses it to the floor. His hips raise just enough for him to slide his boxers down; a low moan passes my lips as his cock springs free. His piercing glistens, covered with pre cum. He pulls me up and over him, then claims my mouth again and lowers me onto him. My hold around his neck tightens and I shake and moan as I stretch around him and clench him tight as he makes his way further into my body. There is no air, at all, anywhere. I pull my lips from his, trying to find some, but there is none to be found. God it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve had him inside me and I didn’t realize just how desperate my body was for his.