Protecting Fate (11 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Sara barely had time to get into the feeling of Z’s cock in her mouth when he dragged her up his body to straddle him. He took her mouth in a slow, drugging kiss, his tongue playing along hers as if he had all the time in the world. As if he was never going to get enough. His hands urged her to slide up and down against his cock, its ridge lining up perfectly with her clit.

There was something so damn forbidden about this, about them miming sex without any barrier between them, that her entire body zinged with desire unlike any she’d ever known. Every inch of her skin was on fire, the feeling heightened by the drag of her nipples against his chest, the imprint of each of his fingers on her ass, his cock between her legs, his tongue in her mouth. She wanted. God Almighty, she wanted.

She slid against him faster, chasing the delicious feeling building inside her. “Why can’t I get enough of you?”

“I don’t know.” He jerked her up a little higher than she’d been before, taking her nipple in his mouth.

“
Shit
.” She went wild, holding him against her, her hips rolling, seeking… There. His cock notched in her entrance. A small voice inside her was screaming that this was a terrible idea, but she didn’t care. Before she could think too hard on that, she slammed down, sheathing him deep inside her.

And, damn, it was even better than she could have imagined to having him filling her with nothing between them.

His hands spasmed. “Sara, we shouldn’t.” Despite his words, he didn’t push her away or try to withdraw. Instead, he thrust ever so slightly, rocking against her.

“I know.” But she couldn’t stop. The fact they shouldn’t be doing this only spurred her need for him higher. She kissed him, needing to be as close to Z as she possibly could. Her orgasm loomed, but she didn’t want to stop riding this edge of pleasure so sharp it was almost pain.

She leaned back, keeping a grip on his shoulders, needing to see his face. As she rode his cock his gaze centered on the spot where their bodies joined. He cupped her breasts, lightly rolling her nipples between his fingers. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

With him looking at her like that, she’d never
felt
more beautiful.

His slid his hands down between them, holding the spot where her thighs met her ass. Before she could adjust, he lifted her, keeping her splayed wide, until only the crown of his cock remained inside her. She looked down, mesmerized by the picture they made. Then Z started the slow slide down, spearing her inch by torturous inch. It was decadent and thrilling and she fought against his hold to take him all.

“Not yet, sweetheart. Soon.” Before sheathing himself completely, he lifted her and started the process again.

Her breath sobbed from her throat. “Please. I need you.” When he remained unrelenting, lifting her a third time, she dug her nails into his shoulders. “Zebadiah,
please
.”

“Yes.” He brought her down hard and shifted his grip to grind her against him, sending her flying into oblivion. She cried out, clinging to him as he milked every single shudder from her. And then he turned them, bracing her against the side of the pool as he pounded into her. She kissed his neck, still half dazed from her release.
We should stop.
But she didn’t say the words. Refused to.

He cursed as he came, his fingers digging in to her hips even as she kept him close with her legs around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her so tightly she could barely breathe.

They stayed like that for a long time, long after their breathing had returned to normal, long after the water had cooled their bodies. She kept her eyes closed and her forehead against his shoulder, not wanting to look at him for fear of what she’d see on his face. What they’d just done was unbearably stupid, birth control or not. But she didn’t want to dirty it with real life. Not yet.

He stroked a hand over her hair. “Talk to me.”

“I’m on birth control.” It was out before she could stop herself. “And I’m clean. I’m always careful, and I get tested on such a regular basis, it’s downright paranoid.”

“I’m clean, too.” He held her tighter. “I haven’t been with anyone in months—not since the most recent test.”

Knowing that was a relief, but it didn’t make what they’d done any less stupid. She
never
lost control like this, never put herself in a position where the end results were up for grabs. It left her cold that she’d barely questioned the intelligence of doing it this time, trusting Z or not. No, knowing that it was forbidden only made it hotter.

She was so fucked up.

He finally pulled out and let her off the pool wall. “Let’s get something to eat.”

He led her out of the pool and patted her dry, all the while her mind was still whirling. It was tempting to go hide in her room until she felt better about things—too tempting. Z wouldn’t stand for it, though. And, more than that, she knew that she’d just work herself up into a panic if she had too much time to think. It was over and done with, and she should be thanking God that she wouldn’t be seeing any permanent consequences for it. That said… She stopped him with her hand on his arm. “Z?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we… I mean…” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to stop using condoms.”

Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her. “We won’t. That was a one-time thing, okay? I’m not going to say it wasn’t some of the hottest sex in my life, but we won’t go bareback until you’re comfortable with it.”

She let it slide that he assumed she’d
ever
be comfortable with it. That was a talk for another day. Right now, she just had to ride out her sudden anxiety until it dissipated. “Do you cook?”

“Only if MREs and cold cereal counts. And I know how you feel about cold cereal.” He kept his arm around her as they walked back into the house to the kitchen.

She laughed, glad that he was keeping things light. She’d never met a man who could read her like Z could. “I don’t think we have MREs hidden away anywhere around here—though I wouldn’t be surprised, knowing Uncle Rodger. Either way, I vote for something a little more substantial. Think you can swing PB and J?”

“Consider it done.” He guided her to the stool he’d occupied yesterday while she was making breakfast. The silence stretched out as he put together two sandwiches. He passed over one of them. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She took her time chewing and swallowed. “No.”

“Okay. If you change your mind, let me know.”

“Will do.” She had no intention of getting into
that
conversation if she could help it. She already felt spooked and twisted up. Adding a potential talk about the future on top of it? No, thanks.

She’d take things one day at a time. It was the only way she knew how to move forward with Z without losing her damn mind.

…

After breakfast, Z wasn’t sure where to go from there. He wanted to talk about what they’d done in the pool. Fuck, he couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to lose control and fuck Sara without a condom. From the stilted conversation afterward, he gathered that there was no risk of pregnancy, but it was still unforgivable. He’d put her in jeopardy, even if it was unintentional.

But that was obviously the last thing
she
wanted to talk about. It was in every tense line of her body when he asked her about it, and the way she wouldn’t meet his gaze. It stung a little, but he’d respect her wishes.

For now.

“Since the power’s back on, do you want to watch a movie?”

She braved a smile. “Sure.”

On the first day, he’d found a theater room in the west wing of the house. Its tiered floor had wide chaise lounge chairs that could easily fit two people. While Sara looked through the extensive movie collection, he found a thick knitted blanket and tossed it onto the couch in the middle.

“Thoughts on
Aliens
?”

“The best of the
Alien
movies.”

This time, her grin was much more real. “I knew I liked you.
Aliens
, it is.” She popped it into the system, which looked like something out of a science fiction movie, and came to sit next to him. He tucked her against his side and pulled the blanket over both of them. A few minutes later, they were watching Ellen Ripley being recovered from deep space.

He’d always liked this movie, but he liked it with Sara a thousand times more. She didn’t feel the need to keep up an ongoing commentary, and despite the fact that she’d seen it enough to occasionally mutter lines under her breath, she still jumped at some of the parts. Not to mention she eased closer to him throughout the first half, until she was nearly in his lap.

Fuck, he could get used to this.

If he had a woman like Sara, he might actually look forward to coming home after every mission, instead of dreading it. And she was independent enough to live her own life while he was gone, without feeling like he was abandoning her. It was very feasible that they could make this work—really work.

His phone started ringing, and for the first time in seven years, he was tempted to let it go to voicemail. He couldn’t, though. There were people depending on him, and ignoring their calls wasn’t the mark of a good leader. With a sigh, he answered. “Loreto.”

“We got a problem.”

Shit. He’d left Andrew in charge while he was handling bodyguard duty for Sara, and he wouldn’t be calling him for anything less than a sky-is-falling emergency. “Hold on.” He kissed Sara and climbed off the couch. As soon as the theater door shut behind him, he said, “Tell me.”

“Team you sent to retrieve the package hasn’t reported in.”

Fuck
. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “They should have reported in damn near twelve hours ago. What took you so long to call me?”

“I was still tracking their movement via satellite, but they went dark thirty minutes ago.”

He closed his eyes. “Okay. Call in Garrett and Rick. I’ll be there in…” He checked his watch. “Four hours. Update me when you have news.”

“Will do.”

He hung up, hating that this shit had come along when things were finally calming down with Sara. But his men might be in trouble, and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to leave them hanging out to dry. He called Joe. “There’s trouble. I need you at the house in fifteen.”

“Want me to come in hot?”

“No. The trouble isn’t here.” He pocketed his phone and went back into the media room. “Sara, we need to talk.”

She shut off the movie and turned to face him. “What’s going on?”

“You’re safe.” He needed her to know that, if nothing else. “But some of my men aren’t.”

“You have to go.” There was no condemnation in her voice, no guilt-tripping. Just calm acceptance.

“Joe’s coming in from the road to stay with you until I can get back.”

“Then I need some clothes.”

He followed her upstairs to her room and watched her pull on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I know.” She went up on her tiptoes to kiss him. “Go, Z. I’m safe enough here, and it sounds like they need you a whole hell of a lot.”

“They might.” But he still didn’t leave the room. Not yet. “Sara.” He waited for her to look at him. “As soon as I get back, we’re going to have a conversation.”

She went still. “I figured.”

“I mean to keep you, sweetheart. And don’t you forget it.” He kissed her one last time and walked out of the room before she had a chance to reply.

Chapter Sixteen

The next week passed at a snail’s pace. Sara avoided Z’s man, Joe, as much as she could. He was nice enough, but all he did was remind her that the man she really wanted to be spending time with was off in some unknown part of the world, putting himself in danger. And there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it, because she was stuck here.

Not that she could do much about it even if she was back in the city. Her skill set leaned toward cleaning up messes made by other people—not saving soldiers.

“I thought I’d find you stewing.”

She looked up as Ridley walked into the theater room. “What are you doing here?”

“Stewing. Garrett went with Z.” She walked down the aisle and plopped next to Sara. “When he’s gone on retrieval missions like this, he can’t risk calling to update me, so I’m driving myself out of my mind.”

“Sounds familiar.” Even her favorite comfort movies—
Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil,
and
A Perfect Getaway
—weren’t enough to actually
comfort
her. She kept wondering where in the world Z was, and if he was okay, and if she should be freaking out. The only upside was that she was so busy worrying about him, she hadn’t had a chance to worry about herself. “How do you handle this happening over and over again?”

“I don’t know. It goes with the territory of being with Garrett, so I power through.” Ridley sighed. “And he has the tendency to send people over to check on me and to keep me distracted.”

Sara had been swimming more laps in the last week than she had in the last three months combined. She’d been grateful time and time again that there had been a swimsuit in the bag her friend packed for her—teasing Z was all well and good, but the thought of Joe seeing her skinny dipping made her skin crawl. There was nothing wrong with him, exactly, other than the fact he was too
not Z
. She flopped back against the pillow. “I think I went and fell for him.”

“I
knew
it. I knew there was something going on—well, something more than sex. That’s kind of a given with you.”

“Hey!” She grinned. “Only mostly. But he’s something else. He makes me crazy and uncomfortable and so hot, I can’t see straight.”

“I’m familiar with the feeling.”

“Since you’re talking about my brother, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” She traced the stitched pattern on the couch. “What am I going to do? I’m not cut out for relationships.” Then again, neither was he. They were both people who’d been broken and crawled back from the verge. Maybe they were just broken enough to fit each other.

“You figure it out as you go.”

That didn’t sound so bad. She could take one day at a time. No crazy leaps forward into uncertainty. There was enough of that shit in the future without making it harder on themselves. “Maybe I’ll do just that.”

“That’s my girl.” Ridley settled in next to her. “What are we watching?”

“
Mean Girls
.”

“It’s like you knew I was coming.”

They spent the rest of the day chatting and snacking and watching cheesy movies and, by the time her friend called it a night and bunkered down in one of the other rooms, Sara felt worlds better. She could do this. It might not be amazing and wonderful all the time, but she could definitely give things with Z an honest try.

She was almost asleep when her phone rang. “Hello?”

“Sara.”

Her heart leaped into her throat. “Z? Are you back?”

“No.” He sighed, the line crackling. “The situation is more complicated than I’d thought it would be. I’m out for another week, possibly more. But I wanted to hear your voice.”

Yeah, that giddy feeling in her stomach was definitely her falling head over heels for the man. She settled on her side. “I’m glad you called.”

“I can’t talk long but… I’m thinking of you. All the fucking time.”

“Me, too.” Her breath hitched, but she forced it out in a smooth exhale. Keeping things locked down and putting on a strong face was important, even if the thought of not seeing him for another week—or longer—was a horrible one. “Stay safe, okay? I’m counting on that date you promised me.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She heard something that sounded suspiciously like gunfire in the background. He cursed. “I’ve got to go. Touch yourself when you think about me tonight.” Then he was gone, the phone dead against her ear.

She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry. He was obviously in danger, but just as obviously, he wanted to make
her
feel better. She rolled onto her back. “Well, hell. I think that was an order.” And she wanted to be able to tell him she came while thinking about him next time they talked.

She’d just slid off her sweats when her phone rang again.
What now?
She glanced at the display and frowned. “Uncle Rodger?”

“I know it’s late, but I thought you’d want this news as soon as possible. Mr. Nord has called off his goons—with the condition that you stay the hell away from him. Can you do that?”

It stuck in her throat that the man was getting away with cheating and lying, but he’d proven himself more than a match for her, and she wouldn’t be able to come home unless she agreed. So that’s exactly what she did. “Okay.”

“Good. Take tomorrow, but I expect you in the office the day after.”

Getting back to work would be the perfect distraction to keep her from thinking too hard about where Z was. “Sounds good.”

“Night, Sara.” He hung up.

She lay back with a smile. Z was safe for now, and thinking of her, and her exile was officially over. God, it was going to be good to go home.

…

Z had been back in the US for barely twenty-four hours when he got off the train in New York. He’d stopped home to shower, sleep a few hours, and change, but he hadn’t wanted to wait to see Sara. Four fucking weeks since he’d seen her last. Their stolen conversations had helped, but they were a temporary patch for a problem that only having her in his arms could fix. His men were safe, and the mission was a success, but it had taken too long. He’d never felt that way before.

But, then, he’d never had someone waiting for him to come home.

He knocked on her door, hoping like hell she was actually home. He’d wanted to surprise her, so he hadn’t called first. Sure enough, it burst open and Sara was in his arms half a second later. He held her close, letting it finally sink in. She was
his
. And he was here, and they were both safe for the first time since they’d met.

Z stepped into the apartment and kicked the door shut behind him. She was already working on his pants. “I need you inside me.”

“Yes.” He had the presence of mind to lock the damn door, but then she was tugging him past the couch to her bedroom. It was all new furniture, the old ruined during the break in.

“Hurry up.” She yanked off her dress, quickly followed by her panties and bra. He got his shirt off and then she was kissing him again. “God, Zebadiah, I missed the hell out of you.”

The combination of his given name and the rest of what she said had him holding her tightly against him. “I missed you, too.” Two seconds later he was naked and they were on her bed.

She scrambled for the nightstand, and came up with a condom. “Next time we’ll go slow.”

“Who’s in charge here?”

“Right now? Me.” She rolled the condom on and had him inside her before he could think of a good reason to argue. It turned out there wasn’t one, not when she was warm and tight around him. She shifted, taking him deeper yet. “God, I missed this nearly as much as I missed you.”

He pulled her down for a kiss, and rolled them. Even now, he could barely believe he was here, inside her, with her whispering such sweet shit in his ear. He pulled almost all the way out, and then thrust into her. As her eyes started to slide shut, he framed her face with his hands. “Eyes open, sweetheart. I missed those baby blues.”

“You missed a lot.”

“Damn straight.” He kept going, conscious of her rising to meet each stroke, their bodies completely attuned to each other despite the separation. He drew it out as long as he possibly could, enjoying their closeness, their intimacy, but he knew the second she approached the point of no return. “Come for me, Sara. I’ve been dying to feel your tight pussy clenching around my cock. I’ve been dreaming about it for four fucking weeks.”

She kissed him as her body went wild, her pussy doing exactly as he’d described, milking him until he couldn’t control his thrusts, until he gave in with a curse, coming so hard it felt like the top of his head was going to explode.

When he could move again, he rolled onto his side, taking her with him. “Damn.”

“Mmm.” She kissed his throat. “Why didn’t you call me to tell me you were back?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

She laughed. “That was one hell of a surprise.” With a sigh, she stretched. “I hope you’re hungry. I was just going to run out and get something to eat.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her to stay and answer the need already hardening his cock again, but there was more than one kind of need. “How about takeout?”

She seemed to consider. “Normally, I’d say yes, but I’m jonesing for some taco truck. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“Far be it for me to keep you from this taco truck of course.” He sat up. “Shower first.”

“But…”

“You had your chance to be in charge, sweetheart.” He grabbed another condom and followed her into the bathroom. For all her protests, she wasted no time getting the water running and pulling him in behind her.

“Did I mention how much I missed you? Because I’m holding off on really excellent tacos for you.”

“Your sacrifice is appreciated.” He pushed her until her back rested against the tile and went to his knees in front of her, maneuvering one of her legs up to drape over his shoulder, and baring her to his mouth.

She cried out as he tasted her. “Is every homecoming going to be like this?”

Homecoming. Fuck, he liked the sound of that. He sucked her clit into his mouth, rolling the sensitive bundle of nerves between his lips. “Yes.”

“Good.” She wobbled, but he kept her up with one hand on her thigh and the other on her hip. Using his hold to open her wider, he fucked her with his tongue the same way he had with his cock, slow and deep. She unraveled around him, her hands sliding over the back of his head to keep him in contact as she shuddered. Like he was going anywhere.

He drew her orgasm out until the only thing keeping her off the floor was his strength. Then he pushed to his feet, paused to roll on the condom, and buried himself deep inside her. He’d never get tired of this.
Never
. Z would move mountains and commit terrible acts to keep Sara in his life. He wouldn’t even hesitate.

He took her in the shower until they were both barely standing, until they were clinging to each other and beyond words. Z smiled against her hair. This, right in that moment, was perfection.