Pros & Cons (18 page)

Two sleeping pills later—one for him and one for me—we’re snuggled in his bed.

“Tell me about your dad,” he says. “How is he?”

“Worried. What about your folks?”

“The same.”

I nod against his chest. “Dad wants me to come home.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“I
am
home.”

Ethan looks down at me, and for the first time in days, I actually see a grin.

“Is that a smile?”

“It is.”

I gently trace the lines of his tired, worn-out face.

“Close your eyes, Ethan.”

“Jenna . . .” his voice breaks, “the nightmares . . .”

“I know they’re awful, and I can’t promise they won’t come. But I can promise that I’ll be right here if they do.”

I can see the battle raging in his exhausted eyes.

“I should be taking care of you.”

“You are. By trying to sleep, you are.”

He lets his fingers gently trace my cheek.

“You’re my best friend, Jenna. Do you know that?”

To me, he’s so much more, and it took something horrific to prove it to me. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to admit it. Not yet, anyway.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

Ethan reaches over to turn off the light. We snuggle into each other’s arms, but I don’t close my eyes. I’m determined to stay awake until he falls asleep. His body’s tense—a sure sign he’s fighting the sedative—so I gently stroke his arm in an attempt to soothe him. After a while, his body relaxes and his breathing evens out.

“Jenna?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with your best friend?”

My heart hammers in my chest.

“Yes, I do.”

He brushes his lips against my forehead.

“Me, too.”

Ethan pulls me tighter against him, and within seconds, he’s fast asleep. With a contented and thankful sigh, I close my eyes.

The next morning, I’m awakened by bright sunlight, soft kisses, and warm arms.

“Good morning.”

“It’s about time,” Ethan murmurs against my neck. “I’ve been dying to wake you up for over an hour.”

With one look at his face, I know he slept through the night. The dark circles under his eyes are nearly gone.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you’re really beautiful when you sleep.”

“So you’ve spent the last hour watching me sleep? That’s kind of sweet. And creepy.”

“Not
just
watching you sleep. I was also listening to you talk.”

Oh no.

“You know, anything I say while unconscious can’t be held against me.”

Ethan grins wickedly before rolling us over. Hovering above me, he presses his body against mine.

“Wow, what did I say?”

“You said a lot of things.”

Ethan kisses the corner of my mouth before trailing his lips along my neck. I moan and writhe beneath him, letting my hands slide along his bare back. His muscles flex beneath my fingertips. He starts to unbutton the flannel shirt I stole from his closet last night. It’s ridiculous how much I love sleeping in his clothes.

“I’m so tired of being unhappy, Jenna. I want to be happy today. I want to make you happy. Today.”

I whimper when his fingers make a slow trail along my collarbone before letting the shirt fall. His eyes drift hungrily down my body, and I squirm self-consciously under his gaze.

“Jenna York, you’re blushing.”

“Because you’re staring.”

“I can’t help it. I won’t lie. I’ve often fantasized about what you’d look like, lying naked beneath me. The reality is
so
much better.”

I’m totally exposed, which means he can see every little flaw. It’s not the first time he’s seen me naked, but that night in the shower doesn’t count. We’d been too overwhelmed with grief to pay attention to anything else. But now, he could see all of me. He can see the tiny freckles that litter my chest, and he can see the scar where my appendix was removed when I was ten. These things never really bothered me in the past, but they bother me now, under the intensity of his gaze.

“Hey,” he says softly, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not perfect, Ethan.”

He smiles gently.

“Not true. I love everything about you. You have the warmest, brownest eyes I’ve ever seen. I love the way you feel. The way you smell. The way you tremble when I do this.”

He buries his face against my neck, and a shudder runs through me.

“But that’s not why you’re perfect,” he says. “You’re perfect because you know me better than anyone. I don’t have to pretend or be something I’m not. You
know
me, Jenna. You know how I think. You know how I feel. And I love that you don’t put up with my bullshit. You’re perfect, Jenna. You’re perfect for me.”

I let my fingers drift into his hair as his mouth moves lower, making a trail from my throat to my navel. What few clothes remain on our bodies come off very slowly, but when they’re gone, he wastes no time in lowering his body onto mine.

“You’re perfect for me, too,” I whisper against his lips, and we both gasp when our bodies finally connect. A breathless Ethan presses his forehead to mine and stares deep into my eyes. For just a moment, I’m flooded with guilt. We shouldn’t be allowed to have this—not when our best friends are gone.

“Don’t,” he murmurs.
God, he knows me so well.
“It’s okay to be happy, Jenna.”

I pull his face to mine and swallow his groan with a burning kiss. With a gentle shift of his hips, he eases into me, and my legs tighten around his waist as we begin to move.

Ethan and I have danced around each other for so long that my own fantasies of this moment have become fairly R-rated throughout the past few months. But things are different now.

We’re
different.

We kiss frantically until the need for air is just too much, and when I open my eyes, I see his burning baby blues gazing into mine.

“Jenna . . .” his voice is a rough whisper.

“I know.”

This is so much more than flirtation and it’s so much more than simply satisfying my curiosity.

I’m in love.

“Baby, wake up,” I whisper against her ear.

How is it possible that she still smells as sweet as when we first woke up over six hours ago?

Yes, we’ve spent the entire day in bed.

Best day ever.

Jenna groans adorably. “I need sleep, Ethan.”

She’s not too convincing, though. Jenna stretches her naked body, arching her back and wiggling against me. I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face against her neck, holding her close and breathing her in.

“You should feel my heartbeat,” she says, pulling my hand and placing it against her chest. “Can you feel that?”

It’s racing, just like mine.

“Is it always like this?” she asks.

I smile against her shoulder. “It’s never been like this for me. Not until you.”

Jenna turns around in my arms. With her pink, swollen lips and her wild mass of tangled hair, I know I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. We gaze at each other, and I wish I could read her mind. Whatever she’s thinking, it must be good, because the smile on her face is one of pure bliss. I’m sure it mirrors my own.

For today, we’re happy.

We lay in a comfortable silence, and I’ve nearly drifted back off to sleep when I hear a stomach growl.

Jenna giggles.

“Was that you?” I laugh.

“Not sure. Could have been yours, considering neither of us has ventured out of bed all day.”

“I should feed you. I bet we have breakfast and lunch leftovers, thanks to Minnie.”

Jenna’s eyes grow wide. “Do you think she heard us?”

I chuckle when she jumps out of bed. My eyes linger on her backside until she grabs another flannel shirt out of my closet and slips it on. I sigh dejectedly when she starts to button it.

“What’s wrong?”

“I prefer you naked.”

“I’ve been naked all day.”

“Best day of my life.”

A slow smile crosses her face. “Really?”

Jenna slowly makes her way back to the bed, crawling across the mattress and settling over me. My hands reach for her hips.

“The best ever.”

She leans down, her hair falling down like a curtain around us, and she kisses me softly.

“Mine, too.”

The flannel shirt easily slips off her shoulders, and any thought of food is easily forgotten.

It’s evening before we finally emerge from the bedroom. Just as I predicted, we find plenty of leftovers in the fridge. Jenna offers to warm up dinner while I set the table and check my cell. I have texts from both Gabe and Minnie, encouraging us to check the news.

“What is it?”

I shake my head and put the phone on silent. “Tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Because we’re happy today.”

I can tell she wants to argue, but she finally nods and brings the plates over to the table. Minnie left spaghetti and salad, and the two of us eat like it’s our first meal in days.

“It’s good to see you eat,” Jenna says, smiling.

“Must have been that good night’s sleep I had.”

She smirks. “Must’ve been.”

After dinner, we sit on the couch while I play my guitar for her. Jenna rests her head on my shoulder as I play, and after each song, she softly brushes her lips against my cheek. Later, she joins me outside on the swing, and we watch lightning flash in the distant sky. Even when the storm blows in, our eyes remain on the mountains while she snuggles against my chest. It’s the most perfect day of my life, and I know without a doubt that I’m in love.

I’d never understood Coop’s attachment to Abby. I accepted it, because I knew it was sincere, but I just couldn’t relate. How could one girl consume you so completely? How could one woman be everything you ever wanted? How could she be the missing piece of your soul—a part you hadn’t even realized you were missing?

I understand now.

I wish I could tell him.

I want to tell
her
.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks quietly.

Thinking I love you.

“Nothing, really.”

I’m such a liar.