Promising Light (6 page)

Sierra groaned and grabbed Becca’s
brush. She tangled her dark hair, forming knots and rats that would
later take her ages to smooth out. She had to keep it long for the
act, and her washings in the bath became longer as her hair grew in
length. Her hair used to be the most prized aspect of her
appearance, and she’d spend an hour brushing through it, vain as
she was. Evan would run his fingers through it before they fell
asleep, commenting on its smoothness.

She forced thoughts of Evan out of
her mind and threw the brush back on Becca’s bed. Outside, she
pulled dirt up by the handful and smeared it on her face and arms.
She dug her hands into the ground until she could feel it in her
fingernails. She’d only had a chance to make a few
realistic-looking cuts with Rena’s paints, so she’d have to make
her ferocity overlook her wounds.

She joined Vance near the tiger
cages. Matt stood nearby, his arms crossed as he watched the crowds
swarming outside of the tent.

“How’s Ella today?” she asked as
she crouched to look at the mother tiger of the show.

“She’s a little fussy,” Vance
said. “Are you ready? Childress wants us out there now.”

Sierra stroked Ella’s face.
“Sure.”

“I think the prince is here,” Matt
told her. “Better give him a great show.”

She smirked as Vance put the leash
around her neck. “You know me.”

Vance turned and called for Nassan.
Matt stepped closer to Sierra. He ran his hands over the leash,
which was a harsh rope. His brown hair fell over his eyes. “Be
careful,” he said quietly.

“Matt, we’ve been doing this for a
year now. We have it perfected.” She’d spent a couple months
getting to know the tigers, and they’d never hurt her. Vance and
Nassan knew when to give and take; they’d learned everything about
each other, and even the tigers knew how to put on an amazing
show.

Matt met her eyes. “All
right.”

Nassan and Alec jogged over from
the tents of the staff. Dark bags were under Nassan’s eyes, his
skin pale, his red hair slightly greasy. He looked tense, too, but
people usually were around Alec. He’d joined the circus less than a
month ago, but he already had a reputation for being cruel and
hostile.

“Nassan’s sick,” Alec said. “I
should take his place.”

Nassan sighed with exasperation.
“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Sierra asked. “You
don’t look too well.”

“I’m sure. Unless you really want
Alec to step in for me?”

Sierra looked at Alec, who sneered
at her. “No.”

“Why not?” Alec took a step
closer. He was taller than all four of them, and his shoulders were
wide. Was he trying to intimidate her? “You scared of me
controlling you?”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from
someone from Shyra,” Alec said with disgust.

Childress jogged over, his face
red. “What’s going on? Get out there! The show starts soon, and
you’re going to lose them!”

Alec picked up the rope and tugged
on it, making Sierra balk forward. She snatched it away from him
and handed it to Nassan, then crawled into the cage with Ella and
her daughter Gia. “Let’s go,” Sierra said, ignoring Alec’s
glare.

The three of them approached the
tent flap keeping them from the crowds outside. Vance opened the
tent flap, and the two of them pulled the cage out behind
them.

The crowd backed away from the
tigers with awe and fear, but when they saw Sierra with them,
fascination filled their faces.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the wild
child!” Vance yelled, spreading his arms out. “She was born and
raised with the tigers. We haven’t been able to civilize her since
we found her.”

Sierra stared at the people with
crazed coolness, clinging to the bars of the cage. When she saw a
young boy gazing at her, she reached out to him with unintelligible
shrieks. His mother pulled him away, scolding him.

She paced around the cage,
scratching and biting herself, and occasionally petting and playing
with the tigers. When someone got too close to the cage, she lunged
herself at the bars and reached for them. The crowd loved it. They
didn’t care about the illogic of it, how if she were raised by
cats, she’d probably be cleaner. They simply loved the barbarity of
it.

Sierra examined the crowd: nobles,
peasants, children. All kinds of people came to see the circus. She
recognized the prince not because his face, but because of the
royal guards around him. A young woman with blonde hair escorted
him, and Sierra felt as though she may have known her from
somewhere.

“She’s so savage,” the prince said
as Sierra bit at herself. She raised her eyes and looked directly
at him, then crept closer to the bars.

“I don’t know,” the blonde said
slowly. “It seems like an act.”

Sierra reached out for them,
shrieking again, and the prince pulled the lady out of Sierra’s
reach. Alec stepped between them and Sierra. He bent down and
grabbed a handful of her hair. She hissed at him as he jerked on
her hair and knocked her forehead against the bars. Ella stood up,
growling at Alec. His face paled, and he stepped away.

Sierra rubbed her forehead, baring
her teeth at Alec. She looked past him at the prince and the
blonde, but they were fading into the crowd. The blonde looked over
her shoulder and met Sierra’s eyes. Sierra knew her from somewhere;
she knew her face.

A few minutes later, Sierra looked
up from petting the tigers to see another familiar face, one she
hadn’t seen for two years. She quickly sat up and turned to the
other side, her back to Dar. What was he doing here? Some small
girls dared each other to get closer and squealed when one of them
would step toward Sierra. Sierra went for them, shaking the bars of
the cage. They shrieked and ran into the crowd.

It was only a matter of time,
really. The circus had traveled to Shyra many times since Sierra
had joined it, and she’d pretended to be sick each of the times
they’d been there. Anything to avoid familiar faces. She’d left
that life two years ago and she didn’t want to return. Now, of all
places, she saw him in Nyad, where they’d last seen each
other.

She glanced over her shoulder,
hoping he’d left. He hadn’t. He gazed at her with a peculiar look
on his face, as though he couldn’t tell if it was her or not. She
bared her teeth and growled at another passerby. Couldn’t he just
leave? Leave her alone, let her be, let her pretend to be the wild
child, to be connected to these tigers, to have a different
childhood, one without him or the Avialies.

He finally left, and she carried on
the rest of the act until the show began. Vance and Nassan rolled
the cage back into the large performers’ tent. Alec stood nearby,
his arms crossed over his broad chest. “I want to have a hand at
that leash sometime.”

Sierra ignored him. The tigers
wouldn’t respond well to Alec. She could picture them mauling him,
and it was quite a satisfying fantasy. She pulled the rope off and
handed it to Vance. She didn’t want to think about the hostility
Alec had toward her simply because she was from Shyra. It reminded
her too much of another kind of bigotry that had ruined her life
and torn away everything she’d held dear.

* * *

After the show, Sierra helped with
the cleanup. There was so much to take care of, almost more than
before the show: the animals, the costumes, the tents. She didn’t
even change out of her torn, brown dress to help Jewel unsaddle the
horses. Becca called out to her as she approached the stables,
“Sierra! There’s someone to see you!”

Sierra looked over her
shoulder.

“Some guy’s out there,” Becca
said, motioning behind him. “He looks rich.”

Dar.
Sierra hesitated. “Tell him I’m not
here.”

“What? Sierra, he’s really
handsome, too.”

“Tell him—” Sierra cut off. Over
Becca’s shoulder, she saw that Dar had come into the stables on his
own, and he was staring at her. She swore and walked over to him,
her heart pounding.

A few feet from him, she stopped
and crossed her arms. Possible things to say flew through her mind,
but each of them seemed stupid. It’d been two years since she ran,
and she knew how she looked—filthy, ragged, bloody. He looked good,
of course, in his noble wear. There were so many times when she’d
wished to see him again, but she knew he fled to Renaul a year ago.
She couldn’t risk it. Now he must be here with the prince, who
worked with the Protectors.

He studied her worriedly. “Sierra.
You… you’ve looked better.”

Sierra looked down at her bare feet
as she curled her toes into the dirt. “Yeah, comes with being the
wild child.”

“I suppose you could describe our
family as tigers,” Dar said with a half-smile.

Our
family. Sierra frowned. She didn’t like to think
of them as her family. Not after what they’d done. She took a deep
breath and met his eyes. “What are you doing
here?”

“I had to see you. I’ve been
looking for you everywhere, and suddenly I see you in cages with
tigers, looking like this.” He motioned to her dress and ran a hand
through his hair. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen you for two
years.” His gaze dropped to the ground. “Since Seth and Evan
died.”

Sierra said nothing, wringing her
hands in front of her. She gazed at his face. He looked slightly
older. Maybe it was just her imagination, but he did have bags
under his eyes. She wondered if she looked different. Besides the
dirt. If she put on one of her old dresses, combed through her
hair, wore the jewelry she’d already sold, would she look older?
Did she look different from two years ago, when the world was
wonderful and her future was open? Would people be able to see the
darkness that had grown inside of her?

“Sashe has missed you,” Dar
said.

Sierra tensed and met Dar’s eyes.
“You’ve seen her?”

“She lives at the castle. She’s
the king’s mistress.”

“Yes, I know.” She fought to keep
annoyance out of her voice. Of course she’d seen Sashe, but she
wouldn’t tell Dar that, not when he seemed so hurt that she hadn’t
contacted him. She pushed that guilt away. He could be trusted, but
his family couldn’t be. “But you talk to her? Even though she’s so
close to the Protectors?”

With a frown, Dar said, “Of course
I do. I have no reason to fear the Protectors. I stay out of their
way, and they stay out of mine.” He paused. “For the most
part.”

“And…” She hated herself for
asking, because she knew what the answer was. “And the
curse?”

He shook his head. “Nothing’s
changed. They’re still looking for someone.”

A chill went through her, and she
glanced over her shoulder. Jewel and Becca were leading the horses
out of the other end of the stables. “Dar, I should go.”

Dar’s face fell. “Do you need
anything? I—my father—”

“I don’t want to see your father.”
She wouldn’t go back to that life, and she couldn’t see
Alastor.

“I could help you with anything
you may need.”

“I have enough. The circus pays me
well.”

“Is it going to be another two
years before I see you again?” His voice sounded pained.

Sierra remained silent at first.
She didn’t mind if it was another year or ten years. She wanted to
forget everything about Dar and his family. They used to be her
family, before they used her, before they let the Protectors kill
her husband. “I don’t know.”

“Sierra, I’m sorry.” Dar stepped
closer to her. A note of urgency entered his voice. “I should have
done more to keep you and Sashe safe. And Seth and Evan. You know
how much I loved them, how much I loved the two of you.”

“Dar, don’t—”

“No, I haven’t seen you for two
years. You disappeared, and I didn’t have the chance to apologize.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Sierra nodded, meeting his eyes. “I
know you’re sorry. It wasn’t your fault, though.”

Dar looked as if he wanted to
argue, but he cleared his throat and stepped away. “Perhaps you
could send me a letter, tell me where you’ll be next. I’d be happy
to write you.”

“Thank you. I should go now.”
Sierra backed away. If he was here with the prince, she didn’t want
to be found by him or any other politician. She paused, studying
his face. “It was good to see you.”

He smiled, his eyes shining with
tears, and she had to leave before her own came. Dar had been like
her brother once, had protected her and looked out for her. He’d
taken care of her and Sashe until that last year, until the lies
and the murder.

* * *

After the circus, Grace spent a
short while in the city with William and some of the other
politicians. The circus had set up their tents and stopped their
carriages in a large field, and merchants had gathered on the roads
next to it. Grace was hardly interested in the merchant booths they
shopped at. Her gaze kept wandering to the performers and circus
crew as they packed up animals and tents.