Promise to Obey (12 page)

Lily had no fear of the water and was splashing about with her arm bands. Jessica swam a few lengths alongside Daniel, slowly and easily. He was obviously in training to swim the Channel.

‘All right?’ she asked.

He nodded. But she could see from his face that he was
enjoying
it. This was another of his freedoms. Where he could be himself and no one would bother him. The water was endless and he could go on forever and ever.

No one noticed the maid coming in and placing a tray on one of the glass-topped tables. The sun glinted on the chrome
fittings
of a tall coffee pot. She smiled at Jessica and indicated the tray.

‘Coffee and cold drinks,’ she said. ‘Bathrobes for your use over here. Please to enjoy.’

There was a row of bathrobes on the wall. Everything had been thought of. Lady Grace climbed out a little unsteadily, glad to put on a bathrobe and rest on one of the blue loungers. She was tired. She hadn’t swum for years.

‘Thank you,’ said Jessica.

Lily, who would never say no to a drink and a biscuit,
scrambled
out. Daniel ploughed on, determined to beat some personal world record.

Jessica poured out the coffee, glad of a cup herself. Breakfast seemed a long time ago. It was excellent coffee. She had been worried in case this expedition was a failure. She might have fallen flat on her face. But it had been a wonderful morning despite the shaky start.

‘So who won the bet?’ asked Lady Grace. ‘I knew where we were.’

‘But you didn’t know the secret,’ said Jessica. ‘Suppose we call it a tie? We could still play cards this afternoon.’

Lady Grace waved her hand round the pool and its
surroundings
. ‘So, how did you arrange all this, young lady? You don’t have a magic wand.’

They heard a discreet cough behind them. ‘No, she doesn’t have a magic wand, but she has a way with words and an inventive mind,’ said a man’s grave voice. He stopped suddenly in the doorway. ‘Good heavens, if it isn’t Grace Coleman. It is, isn’t it? Grace Coleman, after all these years, well I never. What a surprise.’

Lady Grace had taken off the flowered cap and her grey hair was all mussed up but it was too late to do anything about it. The elderly gentleman walking carefully towards them was not looking at her hair. His face was one big beam.

‘Well, I never thought to see you again. You just disappeared into thin air. We wrote and phoned but you never answered. We all missed you down at the club. You were one of our best lady swimmers.’

‘Arthur Hopkins,’ she said weakly, drawing the bathrobe closely around her body. ‘After all these years. What a surprise.’

He sat down and Jessica saw there was an extra cup. She poured him some coffee. He ladled in sugar and milk, hardly taking his eyes off Grace.

‘I’m not going to count the years,’ he chuckled. ‘I stopped counting long ago. It’s only numbers after all. But we had some good times, didn’t we? My goodness, that seawater was cold, but we didn’t care, did we? The youngsters these days, they’ve got no stamina.’

‘Some still swim in the sea,’ said Lady Grace, always ready to argue.

‘But they wear wet suits and goggles!’

‘No stamina.’

Arthur Hopkins turned to Jessica. ‘Grace Coleman was one of our best lady swimmers. Always the first in and the last out. Never mind the weather, even in winter. Championship material. Then she stopped coming, disappeared, not a word to anyone to say why.’

Lady Grace looked embarrassed and Jessica decided to come to her rescue. It was time to change the subject. She smiled at Arthur Hopkins and held out a warm but damp hand.

‘I’m Jessica Harlow and I want to thank you and your
granddaughter
for letting us use this lovely pool. It’s going to make such a difference even if we can only use it for a few weeks.’

‘My dear young lady, you can use it as often as you like when Roxy is away. Roxy is my granddaughter. She sings with some pop group.’

‘Miss Harlow is my nurse/companion,’ Lady Grace said quickly, making sure he knew Jessica’s status.

‘What a nurse/companion! I wish I had such a pretty one. We’re more than happy to see the pool used and to have your company, especially if it means that Grace comes along.’ He chuckled again. ‘We can talk over old times. This is Roxy’s house, of course, and I’m her permanent house-sitter. It’s a bit lonely at times. I’d like a bit of company.’ He put down his coffee and clapped his hands. ‘I could look out some old cine films, see if the projector is still working.’

‘I think it’s time for another lesson, Lily, and then we must go. Let’s see if you can remember how to do the doggie paddle,’ said Jessica, tactfully leaving the two old friends together.

‘Woof, woof,’ said Lily, grinning, waving her arms about. ‘I’m a doggie paddling.’

‘What a bonnie lass,’ said Arthur, pouring out more coffee for Lady Grace. ‘I’m so glad to see you, Grace. We’ve a lot of catching up to do.’

It was difficult to drag everyone away. Lily didn’t want to come out of the water. Daniel also kept on swimming, pretending not to hear. Grace was deep in reminiscences about old friends with Arthur and the colour had returned to her face. But Jessica was determined that they should not outstay their welcome.

At last everyone was in the car, Lady Grace more composed now that she was neat and tidy in her suit and pearls and her hair combed up. The children were dressed but damp. Arthur and the maid stood waving them out of the drive, making sure that no cars were coming and the way was clear.

‘Come again soon,’ called Arthur. ‘Any time. Look forward to seeing you.’

Lady Grace waved from the window like the Queen.

Now that Jessica knew the way, it seemed no time at all before they were on the road to Upton Hall. It had been a morning without thinking of Lucas and her mind had cleared. She couldn’t live without him. But she couldn’t live with him either. It would be an agony to be his wife in name only, while he took his pleasure elsewhere. It was like a door slamming in her face. It was as if he had told her that he did not find her attractive enough to bed, only to wed. She would have to start the process of getting over him.

She had got over Fraser, hadn’t she? She could do it again. It would be a big loss at first, but then the sense of loss would get smaller and smaller.

‘So how come this pool event happened, young lady,’ began Lady Grace in her most dictatorial tone. ‘We are allowed to
swim in a famous pop singer’s pool? Have you sold your soul to the devil?’

Lily’s ears perked up. She always listened to everything.

‘No, nothing so drastic. I value my soul more than that. I put a quarter-page advertisement in the local newspaper. I phoned it over and let them design the display. It came out the next day, looked really nice, with dolphins leaping about all round the edge.’

‘And what did this advertisement say?’ Lady Grace asked grimly.

‘Lady and two small children desperately need regular swimming for medical reasons. Public pools unsuitable. Please can anyone help?’

‘That’s quite appalling. A vulgar newspaper advertisement. Most improper,’ Lady Grace snapped. ‘You should have asked my permission first. Our address, our phone number in a
newspaper
. This is really unforgivable. You have overstepped the mark this time, Jess.’

Jessica nearly stepped on the brake. Hard. She was astounded. They had all had a wonderful morning and she was being reprimanded, told off as if she had committed a crime. She could not believe her ears. It took all her self-control to keep her voice level and continue driving. She did not want Lily and Daniel to be alarmed.

‘If you have any complaint to make, Lady Grace, I suggest you make it to your son,’ said Jessica. ‘And you will no doubt want to rest all this afternoon after such a strenuous and upsetting morning, instead of playing cards with me.’

Lady Grace snorted, not answering.

Jessica was so angry she could barely speak to Lady Grace. She gave the children their late lunch in the kitchen, and let Lady Grace eat by herself in the dining room. There was no way she was going to join her and have her head bitten off again.

‘Mrs Harris has left us a lovely lunch. I’m sure you are really hungry,’ said Jessica, laying the kitchen table. But she couldn’t
eat. Her appetite had fled. She rinsed out the swimsuits and hung them in the garden to dry. She took the children for a walk in the afternoon and then let them watch some television. It was a treat. Television was not allowed on school days. Daniel didn’t watch anything. He didn’t connect with television. He was busy drawing in his exercise book.

Lady Grace was still not speaking to her when Jessica took in her tea tray. She simply nodded her thanks, barely looking up from her book.

There was time for reading and writing with Daniel while Lily played with Floppy Ears. She was teaching him to swim in the air. Jessica’s anger cooled and left her feeling sorry for the disgruntled woman. Nothing pleased Lady Grace. Lucas could sack her if he liked. She’d get some temporary job somewhere, washing up in a bar, but she would be sorry to leave the two children. Even Daniel was showing a fraction of movement towards her now, some fragile awareness that hadn’t been there before.

She heard the Porsche turning into the drive. Her ear was tuned to the sound of his car now and she could recognize it from other cars. Animals could do that. They recognized a car sound. Knew when their owner was returning home.

But Lucas didn’t own her. She went to meet him, driven by a basic and primitive force. But she made sure it didn’t show. She didn’t care what happened to her now.

‘Hi,’ he said, his coat flung over his shoulder. ‘I see you’ve all been swimming today. I counted the swimsuits. Great idea. Excellent exercise.’ His eyes were riveted on her, daring her to give a plausible explanation.

She read war declared on his handsome face. She turned away in bafflement. How could he have changed so suddenly? He looked as if he despised her.

‘I suppose Lady Grace has spoken to you on the phone?’

‘She has indeed. She wasted no time. She has told me all about the newspaper advertisement. Your public advertisement from Upton Hall for all the world to read. Not exactly to my
mother’s liking. Did it not occur to you to ask someone first? Perhaps even me?’

He was staring over her shoulder into the garden, not looking at her at all. Jessica felt the first taste of ash and fear.

She took a deep, steadying breath. ‘Was that so bad? There’s this beautiful indoor pool and we can use it, any time. Your mother needs to swim, as well as Lily and Daniel. It will improve their health. Daniel loved the quietness and the space. Your mother will get the vital exercise that she needs.’

‘Well done, Jessica,’ he said, coldly. ‘You have got what you wanted. Very nicely done. Am I supposed to pay you a bonus? How would you like it? Cash or a cheque?’

‘Got what I wanted?’ Jessica faltered. ‘I don’t understand. What have I got that I ever wanted?’

He turned away and marched indoors. Jessica followed him, bewildered, almost stumbling over the porch step.

‘Please, Lucas, don’t treat me like this. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I accept that I should have asked someone about the advertisement, but you were busy at the hospital, never here and I didn’t think. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Everyone had a lovely swim.’

‘I don’t give a damn about the advertisement,’ said Lucas, his eyes cold as steel. He touched her jaw with a fingertip. It was not a gentle touch. ‘I’m far more concerned about the way you have betrayed me and my family.’

‘Betrayed? You’re talking in riddles.’

‘You’re a scheming little hussy and I confess, I was completely taken in.’

Jessica’s composure collapsed around her feet. She was devastated. She felt crushed into defeat. She shook her head.

‘I don’t … understand, Lucas. This is all wrong. What are you talking about?’

‘Your doctor lover-boy turned up at the hospital today. What’s his name? Fraser Burton? Very good-looking, blond chap. Apparently you are engaged, have been for several years, and he is about to claim his bride. He seemed very eager. And,
no doubt, you are too.’

Lucas stood back at a distance, his mouth set into a hard line.

Jessica staggered, dumbfounded. She couldn’t even feel her own feet. They had gone to sleep. She didn’t own any, feet or legs. She leaned her weight against the door, unable to stand without support. Fraser. That damned man. Surely Fraser hadn’t come into her life again, to destroy all she had fought for in these last years?

‘Fraser? Oh God, not Fraser. It’s not true,’ she whispered. ‘Whatever he said, it’s not true. I’ve never been engaged to him.’

‘He certainly talked as if you were. He said he had been looking for you after some unfortunate misunderstanding.’ Lucas was standing, legs astride, tapping his side with
impatience
. He looked at her coldly.

‘The man is a cheat and a liar. You have got to believe me. He’ll say anything about anyone, whatever suits him.’ She felt her world spiralling away into an abyss.

‘He seemed pretty pleased to know that you were here. He’s coming to see you. I’ll make sure I’m not around to spoil the lovers’ reunion.’ He turned his back on her as if she did not exist.

Jessica felt her heart thudding fiercely. She heard the
pattering
of small feet. It was Lily carrying Floppy Ears by his ears.

‘Floppy Ears has got earache,’ she said. ‘From swimming.’

‘Oh dear,’ said Lucas. ‘Do you want me to have a look at him?’

Lily looked at Jessica and then back at her father. She was an angelic pickle, all sunny smiles and mischief.

‘Willdo has sold her soul to the Devil,’ she said innocently.

‘So I gather. And the Devil has come to collect.’

It was a thunderous grey sky, leaves skittering in a mischievous wind, long dark branches swaying in time to incantations. The atmosphere was close and humid, warning the world that the skies were about to explode.

Jessica wondered if she could cope with a storm on top of everything else that had happened this evening. She wanted to run away and hide from everyone. The thought of Fraser back in her life, disrupting her peace of mind, causing trouble with his demands and selfishness was too much. It was enough to send her packing and buying a one way ticket to Aberdeen.

Lily was tugging at her T-shirt. ‘You haven’t lost your sole, have you, Willdo? I can see both of them on your feet.’

‘No, of course not. Your daddy was joking,’ said Jessica, swinging the little girl up in her arms. She felt quite a bit lighter than the first time Jessica had tried this manoeuvre. ‘I don’t think you need a bath tonight,’ she went on. ‘All that swimming, then a shower. You’ll turn into a fish with any more water and we don’t want that, do we? How about two stories instead of one?’

‘One for me and one for Floppy Ears.’

That rabbit was turning into a tyrant.

Lucas had disappeared into the library downstairs and she had heard the sound of a bottle being opened and the
television
being switched on. He was going to drown his sorrows. So what? Why should she care if he believed anything that Fraser told him?

Daniel was in his bedroom, reorganizing his rows of shells. They were now in a different rigid line which had a new meaning to him. Jessica had never quite worked out if it was by size, colouring, contours, texture or shape. He knew exactly what he was doing even if no one else did. She felt a split second of softness for him.

‘Did you hear what I said about baths tonight, Daniel?’ she called out.

He nodded, not looking up.

Somewhere in the distance there was a clap of thunder. The storm was a long way off but it was approaching, like some monster.

‘What’s that noise?’ Lily asked.

‘It’s the clouds bumping into each other.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘I don’t suppose so. Clouds are full of rain so it’s only water.’

By the time both children were tucked up and stories exhausted, the rain was beginning to hammer the windows. Lightning flashed across the sky in jagged peaks, followed by the rolling crashes of thunder. Daniel, with his intolerance to loud noise, hated the thunder and put his hands over his ears. But as long as they children were dry and warm and Jessica was with them, they were not frightened.

‘Only silly old clouds bumping into each other,’ said Lily, yawning, her eyes drooping. She was asleep in moments.

Daniel had elected to go to bed, to put the pillow over his ears. All that swimming had tired him out. Jessica put on one of his CDs of soft sounds, bird song or waves. They always lulled him to sleep.

‘You must have done at least twenty lengths today,’ said Jessica.

‘Twenty,’ he mumbled.

‘Pretty good. Would you like to go again?’

The pillow nodded.

‘No noise, no crowds, no bright lights. It was perfect for us all, wasn’t it? That’s what you like, isn’t it, Daniel? It was a
beautiful pool and so near the sea. Almost like swimming in the sea. Goodnight, then. Sleep tight.’

He nodded again, more sleepily. In moments he was asleep. He looked so like his father. It was like seeing Lucas as a child.

At least she had done something right today, even if everything else had gone wrong. Surely Fraser didn’t think he could come marching back into her life as if nothing had happened? That humiliation had not been in her imagination and she still remembered the red dress to prove it.

She took some hot milk and two digestive biscuits up to Lady Grace. Her ladyship was as usual, sitting up in bed, reading, wrapped in a lace bedjacket. She actually looked a little more human than usual, her hair braided into two pigtails like a schoolgirl. It was normally rigidly stuffed inside a hairnet. Relic of the Sixties.

‘I hope you are not feeling too tired after your swim,’ said Jessica, putting the tray on the bedside table.

‘I actually feel very well,’ said Lady Grace. ‘It was a nice surprise, thank you,’ she added, as graciously as her name. ‘Even if I strongly disapprove of the method.’

‘How else would it have happened? I could hardly go round knocking on people’s doors, asking if they had an unused pool.’

‘Quite. Quite. However, don’t do it again, without my permission.’

‘It’s not likely to happen. I shall probably be leaving soon. Not sure when, probably tomorrow. I think Lucas has changed his mind about employing me. He is going to sack me.’

Lady Grace’s hand stopped halfway to her cup of hot milk. ‘Oh no, definitely not. He can’t do that. I won’t allow it. I like arguing with you and having you here. You give me as good as you get. It’s more stimulating than all those silly little ninnies we’ve had in the house these last years. And you’re not scared of me.’

‘No, I’m not scared of you, Lady Grace.’

‘Everyone has always been scared of me. Can’t understand it, really.’

Jessica paused, drawing the curtains. It was the first time that Lady Grace had spoken to her in a normal, pleasant way. A bit late for civility now. Jessica smiled as she drew the curtains together against the storm lashing outside. A zigzag of blinding light split the sky, lighting up the forked branches of trees. In a flash it was gone and in a few moments there came the rumble of thunder, louder and louder. The storm seemed to be right overhead.

‘Are you all right with storms?’ Jessica asked. ‘Would you like some music on? We could find some late night music on Radio 2.’

‘There was a terrible storm the night that Sir Bernard, my husband, died,’ said Lady Grace, her face changing again, after a moment of silence. ‘It was one of the worst storms of the year. He collapsed at the hospital, you know. Quite suddenly. They couldn’t save him. He was always working too hard and took no notice of anything I said. I told him to slow down. The storm gave me the most terrible migraine. They brought him home to Upton Hall and I couldn’t even look at him. My head was splitting in half. I was in bed with an ice pack on my head. Mrs Harris saw to him. She was wonderful, looking after us. I don’t know what I would have done without her.’

Jessica listened to the other half of the story. There were always two halves of any story. If only Lucas would listen to the other half of her story. Fraser was a liar and a cheat. He had lied to her. Now he was lying to Lucas.

‘How sad and what a shock for you that your husband should die so suddenly. I’m really sorry. It must have been a dreadful time,’ said Jessica. ‘But now that you have met one of your old swimming club friends and gone swimming, and your hip is getter better, perhaps lots of things will improve and good things will start happening.’

‘Arthur has already asked me if I’d like a game of bridge sometime. Nice old chap. Would you be able to drive me over? You don’t play bridge, do you?’

‘Never got the hang of the bidding.’

‘It does take a lot of concentration. I could teach you.’

It was the first time that Jessica had detected a chink in Lady Grace’s iron-clad armour. She smiled again. ‘I’d like that, thank you. But if I’m getting the sack …’

‘What nonsense. Of course you are not getting the sack. I won’t allow it. Lucas is overtired. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.’

Jessica went downstairs with a lighter step. Lady Grace was actually on her side. It was amazing. But it didn’t change the
situation
. Lucas would get rid of her because she was not available as wife material. Fraser had said she was spoken for. She was no longer in the meat market. She had been surgically removed.

Jessica had not eaten. Nor had Lucas. She put a variety of cheeses and biscuits, celery, olives and chutney, on a tray and carried it through to the library. Lucas was sprawled in an armchair, eyes closed, the television twitching with goodies and baddies chasing each other, but no one was watching. She turned it off. He didn’t move. Dead to the world.

The storm was still clashing with the universe outside, rain pouring down the windows, lightning and thunder in
dangerous
pursuit. Thunder still made her jump. She knew it was coming but never expected it.

No one had drawn the curtains and she stood watching the turmoil in the garden. Lady Grace’s roses were being flattened. Leaves were torn from trees and scattered to the four winds. Branches were strewn over the drive. She hoped Lucas had put his posh car away. The Austin was safely in a garage.

Fraser would not come out to Upon Hall in this weather. Thank goodness for a small mercy. He only liked driving when conditions were good. Once he had made her drive home from a dinner party when it was snowing heavily. He’d pretended he’d had too much to drink but Jessica knew that he hadn’t. It had been a nightmare journey, snow clogging the wipers, and one she would never wish to repeat.

‘The Porsche is OK,’ said a languorous voice from the armchair. Lucas was reading her thoughts again. ‘I put it away in
the stables. My first thought.’

‘Good, I was wondering if it was still outside. It’s a dreadful storm. I’ve brought you some cheese for supper,’ said Jessica. ‘I don’t suppose you have eaten.’

‘Is this the Last Supper before I am crucified?’ he asked, eyes still closed.

‘Don’t be silly,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m not a vindictive person. But I wish you’d let me explain before you jumped to conclusions.’

She sat down opposite Lucas, not looking at him. She could not bear to see that accusing look on his face again. There were biscuits to butter and top with cheese, as if he were another
helpless
child. She put chutney on the mild cheese, nothing on the strong Stilton. There were sticks to spear the olives and celery.

‘When do you want me to leave?’ she asked. ‘I can pack quite quickly. There won’t be any trains at this time of night, but I could leave first thing tomorrow morning, catch the first train. I won’t be any trouble. I’ll order a taxi.’

Lucas leaned forward and took her hands, removed the butter knife and laid it down. He looked down at her, his eyes smiling with some secret memory.

‘I don’t want you to leave, Jessica. I don’t want you to go. How are you ever going to forgive me? How am I ever going to explain my stupidity? I’ve done you a great injustice and you have behaved with the utmost dignity and carried on with your work. Anyone else would have flounced out in a rage and sued me in court.’

Jessica felt the warmth of his hands. She did not understand what was going on. This was another nightmare like stepping into Alice in Wonderland, she was shooting down chutes, changing size. Now she was very small, very small indeed.

Lucas was actually smiling, an apologetic smile of sorts, as if he had forgotten how to do it naturally.

‘I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘Fraser told you a pack of lies today and you believed him. You were furious. You didn’t give me a chance to explain. Now you are saying something totally different.’

‘I was mad with rage. I was consumed with jealousy. This man said you were engaged to him, promised long ago. How could I know what was true? He sounded so plausible. You had worked in the same hospital. You refused my offer of marriage. Perhaps it was because you were already engaged to him. How could I know what was the truth?’

‘Do you really want to know what happened with Fraser and me? I’ll tell you all about it. It’s something I’ve been trying to forget and since I have been here at Upton Hall, I have managed to forget because I have been happy.’

‘You’ve been happy at Upton Hall?’

‘Really happy. Even your mother and I have agreed to disagree. I love Lily and Daniel, they are super children.’ Jessica nearly said and I love you, but she held back. His name might be stitched to her heart but he need never know.

‘Tell me about this Fraser Burton person.’ Lucas took a cheese-topped biscuit and crunched on it. ‘This is good. There was only days’ old shepherds pie in the canteen today.’ He was not drinking malt whiskey but another bottle of New Zealand white from the vineyard called Oyster Bay. There was only one wine glass beside him. He held it to Jessica’s lips and she took a sip. It slipped down like silky nectar. ‘Tell me, Willdo, tell me all your secrets, please. I want to know everything. Don’t leave out a word.’

Jessica did not know where to start. She had tried so hard to forget.

‘It was when I started my nursing training. I was very young and inexperienced. I’d never had a proper home or family since my parents died, shunted around between relatives who didn’t really want me. So I became a student nurse who hadn’t been anywhere or done anything, or lived in London, let alone have a serious boyfriend. My future career was nursing and I was working hard. It is hard work and I was studious. There’s a lot to learn. But I loved it. I knew I had made the right choice. Then Fraser appeared, a young, handsome doctor who had been everywhere, done everything. He was so smooth, so charming.
He bowled me over and he liked that. I was a young and adoring slave, ready for the picking.’

‘And growing into a very beautiful woman,’ said Lucas.

‘We went out, on and off, for two years, mostly hospital parties and pubs. Not regular dating. Fraser was always going away to some conference or medical faculty. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for weeks. It was an endless round of
engagements
. He was important and climbing the medical ladder fast. I was totally out of my mind, bowled over by his attention. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I thought I was in heaven and he was the angel Gabriel.’

‘So what happened?’ Lucas asked, putting the wine glass to her lips again. She took another sip. She began to like New Zealand. ‘You must tell me everything, Jessica.’

‘We were going to the Balearics for a weekend in the sun. It was the first time that he’d asked me to go away with him. I was ecstatic, innocently thought that this was it; we were finally going to be a romantic item. I bought loads of holiday clothes. There was also a big party in a posh hotel for some top
consultant
who was retiring. Fraser had invited me to go with him. Wear something special, he said, it’s very important. You’ll meet lots of people. So I went out and bought this red dress.’