Privilege 5 - Pure Sin (14 page)

"Lexa!" Ariana shouted.

The girl continued to cry, rocking forward and back, forward and back. Ariana's pulse raced so fast she thought she was going to black out. Instead, she gripped the door handle with everything she had in her and forced herself to focus.

"Lexa!" she shouted, slamming both palms flat against the thick window glass. "Lexa! Open the door! Lexa, honey you've gotta unlock the door!" She began to beat the pane with the heels of her hands, making so much noise she couldn't possibly be ignored.

Lexa looked up then, her hair sticking to the snot under her nose. Her eyelashes were thick with tears, and her eyes were shot through with red lines.

"I can't get it out, Ana," she said, her words muffled by the thick glass. "I can't get it out."

Slowly, Ariana's gaze fell to Lexa's hands. She was wringing them together as if she was trying to wash them.

"I can't get it out, Ana. I can't get it out."

Ariana flashed back to tenth-grade English and Macbeth. Lexa was channeling Lady Macbeth in her breakdown scene. Ariana remembered Leanne Shore reading the soliloquy in class like it was yesterday. "`Out, damn'd spot. Out, I say!'"

She's crazy. She's really and truly crazy, Ariana thought, her heart sinking like a stone. She had a sudden vivid memory of Crazy Cathy back at the Brenda T. One afternoon the inmates had been enjoying their outdoor time when suddenly Cathy had started screaming. She'd jumped up from her table and fallen to the grass, writhing and shouting that there were ants on her skin. That she was covered in them. That they were crawling up her nose and into her ears and over her brain. She'd had to be locked down in solitary for over a week, where she'd screamed herself so hoarse her voice had never been the same.

Lexa had that same look in her eye that Cathy had that day. Like she wasn't really there. Not there at all. Ariana had counted on the fact that Conrad's presence would keep her calm, but if she could have a breakdown like this even when she was alone with him, then Ariana was in serious trouble. Because she couldn't keep watch over Lexa 24-7 for the rest of her life. It simply could not be done.

Don't think about that. Not yet. Right now all you have to do is bring her back. And you can bring her back, Ariana told herself. You have to bring her back.

"Lexa, please," Ariana said calmly. "Just hit the button with the little open lock on it, right there. Right there on the door. Hit it so I can open the door and get you out of there."

Lexa sniffled and looked down. "I can't get it out."

Ariana swallowed hard. Lexa didn't even understand her.

And then, suddenly, a click. Ariana's head popped up. She reached for the door handle and tried it again. The door swung open. Lexa looked at her, her back bent, her shoulders curled.

"I can't get it out," she said.

"I know," Ariana said soothingly, reaching for her. "I know, Lex. I'm gonna help you."

Carefully, she tugged Lexa out of the huge SUV. The moment Lexa's high heels met the ground, her ankles went out, and she almost hit the asphalt. Cursing under her breath, Ariana braced her arm under Lexa's and held her up. She was heavier than she looked. Ariana looked up at the glowing windows of Privilege House, wondering where the hell Conrad had gone--why he hadn't come back out to check on Lexa. Did he even realize she was still out here?

"Come on. Let's get you inside," Ariana said patiently.

"I can't get it out, Ana," Lexa said, holding her shaking hands out flat as she loped along. Her fingers were all dry and cracked from so much washing, and her palms were red and raw. But there was nothing staining her hands. Nothing to be gotten out. "I can't. I just can't get it out. No matter what I do, I can't get it out."

"I understand," Ariana assured her, holding Lexa close to her side. "I understand."

Lexa caught a few curious and appalled looks from a group of sophomore girls as Ariana helped her to the elevator. It was all Ariana could do to keep from lashing out at them. This could just as easily have been them. No one around here knew how close they all teetered to the abyss. They all thought they were so secure, so wealthy, so privileged that nothing could ever touch them.

But they didn't know. They had no idea. No one was safe. Bad things could happen to anyone at any time.

"I can't get it out, Ana. I just can't get it out," Lexa whimpered as the elevator whisked them to the top floor.

"I know, Lexa," Ariana replied, stroking her hair. "I understand."

Tiptoeing as best she could so as not to arouse the attention of their other friends, who would undoubtedly pepper her with questions, Ariana escorted Lexa to her room. She helped her lie down on her bed and removed her shoes, placing them carefully on the floor. Then she fished out her almost full bottle of Valium and stood next to the bed.

"I can't get it out, Ana. I can't get it out."

Ariana stared at the dozens of tiny pills inside the bottle. It would be so easy. Lexa was completely out of it. All she had to do was feed her the pills. Surely an entire bottle of Valium could take care of one tiny person like Lexa. She would simply swallow them, go to sleep, and never wake up. It would be like putting a dog out of its misery. Look at the girl. She was a disgusting, sad, sorry mess. She wasn't in her right mind. Probably never would be again. And when they found her in the morning, Ariana could just say that Lexa must have taken the pills herself while Ariana slept. It would be so . . . very . . . easy.

Slowly, Ariana uncapped the bottle. She tilted it over her palm and shook out two of the small, white pills. "Here. Take these," she told Lexa, holding out her palm.

Lexa looked at the pills, focusing for the first time all night. "They'll help me sleep," she said robotically.

"Yes. They'll help you sleep," Ariana replied.

Obediently, Lexa swallowed the pills dry, then curled up on her side on Ariana's bed, facing the wall. Ariana placed the cap back on the bottle and shoved it as far back in her drawer as it would go. Then she closed the drawer slowly and moved her chair over to block it from opening. To remind her that it was not to be touched.

"I can't get it out, Ana. No matter what I do. I can't get it out."

Ariana lifted the chenille blanket from the foot of her bed. She laid it over Lexa, then crawled into bed behind her, looping her arm around Lexa's waist.

"I can't get it out Ana. I can't get it out."

"I know, Lexa. I understand. Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to take care of you."

And Ariana held Lexa close, until the Valium finally did its job and she drifted off to sleep. The next morning, Conrad was sitting at one of the indoor tables at the Privilege House caf�, sipping a coffee and staring down at a novel that he had open across one thigh. Ariana watched him for a couple of minutes. Every once in a while he shook his head, as if irritated, and refocused on the book, gritting his teeth. Ariana knew exactly what he was doing--reading the same line over and over again because he couldn't concentrate. Because he was thinking about Lexa.

You shouldn't have bailed on her, she thought, clenching her jaw. If you were going to feel so guilty about it, you shouldn't have deserted her, locked in your car.

Stealing herself, Ariana walked through the lobby and over to his table. She had to keep reminding herself that Conrad was not a villain in all of this. He didn't know how to handle the new Lexa any better than anyone else. All he needed was a little help. A little guidance. Maybe, in fact, a bit of guilt. And Ariana was going to be the one to help him feel it.

"Hey," she said, pausing behind the wire-backed chair across from his. "How's it going?"

Conrad's eyes flicked over her face. "It's going." He returned his attention to the page.

"Mind if I sit?" Ariana asked. She didn't wait for a reply. "So much for being a stand-up guy," she said.

Conrad sighed and closed his book, dog-earring his page as he laid it flat on the table.

"I guess you talked to Lexa," he said derisively. "Oh wait, you couldn't have, because she's frickin' out of her skull."

"Conrad," Ariana said, gripping the marble tabletop with both hands as she glanced around at the other occupied tables. "Please."

"Why keep my voice down? Everyone knows it, Ana," Conrad said, lowering his voice nonetheless as he leaned forward. "The girl is in need of some serious drugs."

Which she's already getting, Ariana thought.

"No, she's not. She's just going through a tough time," Ariana said.

Conrad sighed. He leaned back heavily in his chair and shook his head, as if Ariana was saying exactly what he didn't want to hear. Ariana's blood started to boil with impatience. Maybe he was the villain.

"What, exactly, happened last night?" she asked.

"We went out to this restaurant that I knew would serve us wine. Y know, because of all that stuff the other night about her becoming a red wine

ou girl and all that?" he said. Ariana nodded and he leaned forward again, resting his forearms against the edge of the table like a well-mannered gentleman. "So I picked out a great bottle, and we ordered our food, and everything was fine. But ten minutes into the meal I knocked over her wine glass by mistake, and she went completely off the reservation."

Ariana swallowed hard. Spilled wine. Like spilled blood. That's what had done it. It wasn't much of a leap to make when one knew the whole story.

"She starts wringing her hands together and talking about how it's never gonna come out," Conrad said, speaking more rapidly as the story tumbled forth. "So I'm telling her it's just a tablecloth and who cares and they'll get us a new one, but that just seems to rile her up until she's screaming. `I can't get it out! I can't get it out!' It was a total scene. We got thrown out of the damn place."

"God, Conrad. I'm so sorry. That must have been awful," Ariana said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. He had no idea how much worse it could have been. No idea the level of crap she had endured for the past two years--the sort of awful, humiliating episodes she'd had to live through thanks to Reed and Thomas and Kaitlynn.

Her fingers clenched under the table as the photo of Reed from the paper, happy, athletic Reed--the only one of the three who was still alive-- flashed through her mind. She shoved it away. It was not about Reed right now.

"Yeah! It was!" he replied indignantly.

"Now how about you think for two seconds about how Lexa felt?" Ariana shot back.

Conrad stared at her. He picked at his linen napkin on the table absently. "What do you mean?"

"Obviously she's going through something, Conrad. Otherwise she never would have acted that way," Ariana said, leaning back and crossing her slim arms over her chest. "You know Lexa. She's the most polite, well-spoken, self-aware person we know. Obviously something has to be seriously wrong for her to do something like that. But instead of trying to understand, instead of trying to talk to her and take care of her like a boyfriend should, you left her locked in your car in the parking lot."

Ariana's hands curled together in her lap again. Her fingernails cut into her fleshy palms.

"Wait, she was locked in?" Conrad said, a smidgen of concern crossing his face for the first time. "I didn't know. I must've hit the button by mistake."

"Either way. Do you really think that was the right thing to do? To just leave her there like that?" Ariana asked him.

Conrad blinked. He looked down at his cooling coffee. "No. I guess not. But still. You didn't see her. I--"

"I did see her," Ariana interrupted. "I'm the one who got her out of the car. I'm the one who helped her inside and up to bed and made sure she was all right--all things you should have been doing if you had a single chivalrous bone in your body."

"Wow. Tell me how you really feel," Conrad said, trying for a light tone, but looking stricken.

"I think I have," Ariana replied, rising from her chair. "I suggest you stick by your girlfriend. Give her a second chance. Otherwise I'm not sure your conscience will ever forgive you."

Then she turned her back on Conrad's dumbfounded face. Shaking her head as she walked away, it was all she could do not to hurl a string of curses back at him. She'd always thought that Conrad was such a good guy, but apparently she was wrong. Still, he'd have to do for now. He was all Lexa had. Once she got back on an even keel she could break up with him and find a real man. A good man. Someone who would stand by her, no matter what. In the meantime, Ariana would take that role. She'd be there for Lexa. Someone had to be.

Ariana whipped out her cell phone in the lobby. She hit a speed dial button, lifted the phone to her ear, and shoved open the door, stepping into the frigid November morning.

"Beaura Day Spa," a woman answered in a clipped tone.

"Yes. I'd like to make a reservation for this Saturday for a full spa day for five people."

There was a condescending laugh on the other end of the line. "Miss, I'm not sure if you're aware, but we're always booked months in advance, and Saturday is obviously our busiest day." "Oh, I'm aware," Ariana replied, tossing her hair off her cheek. "Now let me make you aware of exactly how much money I'm prepared to spend." Ariana leaned back in the heavenly leather pedicure chair at the day spa, a cooling cucumber mask slathered over her face, while her hands were massaged by her manicurist, a diminutive woman named Shelly, while her feet soaked in bubbly rose water, prepping her for her pedicure. Surrounding her in four identical chairs, enjoying four identical treatments, were Lexa, Maria, Soomie, and Tahira. They were all wrapped snugly into deep red terry-cloth robes, and Ariana felt gooey and relaxed after the most intense full-body massage she'd ever experienced. It turned out that once the Beaura Day Spa heard exactly what Ariana had in mind for today, they'd had a miraculous number of appointments open up.

It was good to be Briana Leigh Covington.

"So, Soomie, whatever happened with Jasper?" Lexa asked, resting her head back against her neck cushion.

Instantly, Ariana tensed up. Her manicurist paused, noticing it. Ariana cleared her throat and forced herself to relax, embarrassed over the idea that this stranger might be able to read her body language. She shot Shelly a relaxed smile and told herself that the important development here was that Lexa was engaging with her friends. That she was interested, alert, and aware.