PRIVATE: A Military Romance Novel (Military Men Book 2) (9 page)

Maybe that snitch was Private Simon?

Relationships between soldiers were discouraged, relationships between soldiers in the same troop was forbidden. Too much could go wrong when there were too many emotions involved out in the field.

If someone told my Uncle Arthur about what just happened between Rafter and I, there would be serious consequences. And it wouldn’t be Rafter going home, it would be me. I was the least useful of us.

The major would also have issues with someone touching his dear niece. All the men in my family liked to think I was the innocent virginal type of girl. It didn’t matter that I was twenty-two years old with my cherry popped a few years ago.

I stood from the couch and smoothed my uniform, trying to ensure my appearance would reveal nothing about what had happened in the room. There was no sign of Rafter or Simon in the corridors on the way back to my dorm.

My emotions went back and forth between anger and heated desire. I had wanted Rafter and everything that had occurred between us in those stolen moments.

But I was stupid and naïve for thinking things could be that simple. He was my superior, he’d already made it crystal clear he didn’t want me to be in Afghanistan, and we were in a communal place. Anyone could have walked in on us – even my uncle.

Not only did I blame myself for the blunder, but Rafter too. He shouldn’t have let it go that far if his heart wasn’t in it. While he was kissing me, he was probably working out a way to get me sent home. Maybe the whole thing was just part of his plan? The way he’d left so quickly spoke volumes.

I felt used and embarrassed. How I was going to be able to look Simon in the eyes again was beyond me. He’d always think of me as the slut who made out with her boss. That definitely wasn’t what I wanted for my career or reputation.

A few other women were in the dorm when I arrived. A couple were sleeping while the others were reading a book or writing notes. I really wanted to vent about what just happened, get a second opinion, but I didn’t know them very well. I certainly didn’t know them well enough to talk about my sex life.

Or, almost-sex life.

The worst thing was that I was still completely turned on. My nipples burned for Rafter’s tongue to swirl around them, my pussy was wet and wanting, and my lips were still swollen from the workout.

Rafter had left me cold, yet burning hot at the same time. Being so horny and left to hang was like torture. It was like watching a movie without getting to see the climactic ending.

I wanted to scream with frustration but there was nowhere to be completely alone here. It was communal living at its worst, determined to keep us from doing anything without a dozen people knowing about it.

If I was at home I would have taken care of the situation myself. A few pulses from my vibrator and the orgasm would tear through me like there was no tomorrow. Here, I didn’t want to get caught rubbing one out by myself. I would never be able to look at anyone again.

I laid down on my bunk and closed my eyes, trying to calm down and process what happened. Yes, I had made out with Rafter. Yes, we had been caught by someone who could report our conduct. And yes, I was as horny as hell.

Images of Rafter naked infiltrated my mind. While I hadn’t seen what his uniform was hiding, I could picture his hard, rippled body underneath. He would be fit and toned, not an ounce of fat on him.

He would be strong too. I’d seen him lift equipment twice the weight of me. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to picture him throwing me over his shoulder and then having his way with me.

It was dreams like that which made my pussy pulse with sweet anticipation. If only I could switch it off, maybe then I could calm down.

Trying to think of anything else was nearly impossible. I needed to know what Rafter was thinking, I needed him to tell me what had happened in the rec room. And if he was using me, I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought about him.

Over an hour had passed since he’d run away from me so I wasn’t sure where I would find Rafter. I tried the mess hall first but it only contained a few tired soldiers and he wasn’t one of them.

I had to pass by the rec room on the way to his dorm block. It was still empty, nobody choosing to watch the grainy television with spotty sound. The dents from our weight were still imprinted on the cushions, a telltale heart betraying our secret.

Going into the men’s dorms was not exactly pleasant. The unmistakable stench of sweat and general
man
smell was everywhere. Normally it wouldn’t have worried me, but with my heightened state of arousal it only made my problem worse.

Rafter was talking to Watson when I knocked on the door. They both spun around to face me, serious expressions making them frown.

“Can I talk to you for a moment, corporal?” I asked formally. I didn’t think he would be one to gossip about our hot and heavy session with his friends. Watson was cool, as far as I’d seen, but neither of them were the chatty kind.

They exchanged a glance before Watson made a move. “I’ll catch you later,” he said to both of us with a sweeping glance of the room.

A few men were still resting in their bunks so we still couldn’t speak freely. Rafter crossed the room before speaking to me. “Not here, follow me.”

He liked giving orders and my body responded to him. If he had tried to take me right there in the corridor, I would have let him. Which only made me angrier with both him and myself.

We passed room after room of soldiers, all trying to get some peace in the middle of the warzone. A part of me felt like I was waging an internal war with myself over the whole thing.

Rafter eventually led me to a small supply room. It smelled like bleach, hardly what you’d call romantic. He stood there, silent and waiting for me to say something. After the way he’d left me in the rec room,
he
should be the one talking.

But he wasn’t going to. A gave a resigned sigh and started. “What happened back there?”

“Something that shouldn’t have happened,” he said. My heart gave a painful thud as he crushed it with his words.

“You started it. If it was so terrible why did you do nothing to stop it?” My arms crossed over my chest without thought. There was no way he was ever going to lay his paws on my boobs again.

He stared at me as the seconds tick by. He licked his lips, perhaps remembering where those lips had been just an hour before? I hoped the memory was making him horny now, torturing him with what wasn’t going to happen. Not after those words.

Rafter finally found his voice. “We can’t do this, Kincaid. I’m your superior. If anyone found out, it would be bad. It’s terrible enough that Simon caught us. We could both lose our jobs.”

“So you have no feelings for me, then? Nothing at all?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“It does to me,” I said. I needed him to say something, tell me it wasn’t a big mistake and that he did feel something for me. It would make the whole thing less… wrong. I needed it to be less wrong.

His eyes roamed all over the boxes of supplies before they returned to meet my gaze. I couldn’t read what was going on behind his green emerald eyes. He was keeping his thoughts close to his chest.

“Okay, I get the hint,” I said, taking a step toward the door. All of a sudden I didn’t want to hear him say it was a mistake. I could live without that memory floating through my mind and haunting my dreams.

I almost reached the door before his arm shot out to stop me. I paused, barely daring to breathe in case he recoiled his arm and let me go again.

“My feelings are superfluous to what we have to do,” he started, every word spoken with regret. “My feelings could get us both in trouble. We have to stay away from each other.”

There was hope in that statement. He was answering my question if I read between the lines. Rafter had feelings for me, feelings that a corporal shouldn’t have for their private.

I swallowed down the little rays of happiness sparking within me. “It’s going to be pretty hard staying away when we are in the same troop.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be.”

“You still don’t want me here, do you?” I challenged, already knowing the answer.

“I want to protect you, and that’s the problem. Maybe you should—“

“Don’t say it.”

He continued anyway. “Just think about it. What happened today is how it’s going to be every day. People die,
good
people. It’s hard out there.”

He took his arm back, allowing me an exit now. I didn’t need to hear anything else. This time I didn’t hesitate in leaving.

I returned to my bunk.

The tears stubbornly pricked my eyes as I laid on my tiny mattress. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making me cry. I was supposed to be stronger than that.

But it did hurt and I was equal parts angry at him and myself. I shouldn’t have allowed him to break through the barriers I used to keep people away. They had worked for the past seventeen years since my mother died but Rafter had me take them down just so he could get in.

Perhaps he was right. If our feelings for each other got in the way of us doing our job then I shouldn’t be here. I was a distraction, a liability, and we couldn’t afford that in a warzone.

I would have to forget about the way his lips brushed against mine, the way his hands made my belly shiver, and the way I could get lost in his green eyes. I needed to wrap it all up in a tiny box in the recess of my mind and forget about it.

There was no other way. I would not have our feelings costing lives. I would be the best soldier I could be and forget about all the feelings Rafter evoked in me.

I would just have to.

Chapter 11

Matt

҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉

My troop all lined up in front of me, waiting on their first orders of the day. As usual, the ground was bleeding heat and the sun was determined to shine as bright as possible.

Work was the last thing I felt like doing but there were no days off in a war. We were here to do our jobs and we would work until we won. Then we could all go home. The image of handing the country back to its people, now a
safe
country, reminded me that it was all worth it.

I was working on little sleep and needed to concentrate on what I was doing in order to focus. Kincaid had been running through my mind all night long. It wasn’t only my cock that wanted her, but everything else in me too.

She had bewitched me, got me completely hooked, and then we had been found by Private Simon of all people. His mouth was known for flapping, I doubted it would be too long before more people knew about our hot and heavy session in the rec room.

When I’d caught up with him afterwards he swore he hadn’t seen anything and wouldn’t tell anyone even if he had. Words and promises weren’t worth shit if the person had a big mouth.

It had been a mistake getting carried away with her. I outranked her, it was my responsibility to make sure those kinds of actions didn’t happen. If I wasn’t such a weak bastard for falling for her, I would have remembered my training.

It wouldn’t fucking happen again.

Kincaid was lined up with the rest of the guys. She stood out like a ray of sunshine in a dark forest. Her uniform was the same as all the men but there was no way to hide her dangerous curves hiding beneath all her armor.

“We’re going to be working as a group today. There’s been intel about a Taliban stronghold on the outskirts of Gardez,” I started, forcing myself to focus on everyone but Kincaid. “We’re going in and taking it back. There have been rumors of women being kept as slaves by those scumbags. We need to be vigilant and only take out the enemy and not the innocents. Remember, they won’t hesitate in killing them so we need to get in there before they know what’s going on. Are there any questions?”

I stared at the men and their hardened expressions. I knew they were all picturing the kinds of horrors we’d find on the mission. Every one of them had done this kind of thing before, they knew what to expect.

I wished Kincaid didn’t have to see it. She was going to be traumatized when she saw what the inside of a Taliban stronghold looked like. The dead woman yesterday was only the start. What they did to the women they held captive was much, much worse.

No questions came so we headed out in the dirty, loud truck and rumbled our way through the town. We didn’t have to be quiet yet but we would soon enough. Adrenalin coursed through my veins the entire way.

We stopped the truck with about a mile to go. Climbing out and grabbing our guns, the smell of dirt lingered in the air as we kicked it up underfoot. Locals were going about their business around us, so used to our presence that they hardly paid attention. If this kind of thing went on in the middle of a US city, the people would run in fear.

“Everyone ready?” I asked the team. They each nodded their helmeted heads in turn, guns in hand and ready to roar. “Follow me then, single file until we reach point A.”

I led them along the street, trying to remain as incognito as possible in our uniforms. Any of the people could work for the Taliban and report back about our presence. As far as our intel went, they didn’t know we knew about their stronghold. Hopefully that meant we could maintain the element of surprise.

We reached the point and spread out to surround the building. As far as places went, it wasn’t impressive by any means. The medical clinic was much bigger the day before but we knew more about that building. This place was largely unknown but identified as a priority.

Watson hung back. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this place.”

“You say that about every building,” I replied.

“This place is different.”

I shrugged. “We have our orders. It’s not up to us to say we don’t go inside. Just try not to get killed, otherwise I’ll have to admit you were right.”

Watson managed a small smile before getting into place. I heard confirmation from everyone else through my radio and now they were only waiting for my word to move in.

Every time I was in this situation, my blood pounded in my ears, as if reminding me that we were all human and not invincible. Our hearts were fragile, if they stopped beating then our lives were over. I was responsible for twenty-four hearts in this mission.