Primal Heat (23 page)

A low, helpless moan broke from her. He felt her resistance thrum along their link, a spurt of rebellion, of anger, and a memory she quelled before he could see it. “I won't!”

“You will,” he growled. He hated that she hid from him—it only spurred him on. He swiveled his fingers inside her, curling them until he rubbed over the spot he knew would make her squeal.

The effect was electric, a scream sounding above him as she jerked and danced between his body and the wall. “P-please, Kyber. Let me come. Please, please,
please
.”

No.
He grinned against her sex, letting a cool breath blow over her hot, wet pussy.
He
wanted to be in control as he hadn't been of anything in months. If he couldn't control the beast, he could control this. He needed it, and she would give it to him.

She choked on a sob when he pulled away to shove his pants down his thighs. A hot rush of her anger whipped through their connection, but he dragged her down to his level and put her on her hands and knees facing away from him. The beast liked her in this position, purred as he mounted her from behind. He was beyond wild, driven only by the need to fuck, to brand her with his scent, his essence.

He plunged into her pussy, seating himself to the hilt. Another sob tore from her, but her back bowed and she slammed her hips back into his, taking him as deep as she could. The feel of her tight, sleek channel wrapping around his cock made his jaw lock, made him hiss through gritted teeth. His belly slapped against her ass as he drove them both hard and fast, gripping her waist between his hands. He was relentless, didn't want to think, to feel with anything but his body. This was fucking, not lovemaking. It would never be perfect like it had been before, never be
fine
as she insisted. Ever.

She was not his One, not truly, not anymore.

The beast snarled at the reminder, thrusting deeper inside her. Punishing them both for him craving her so much he couldn't breathe. His muscles burned from the hard use, his lungs heaving as he panted for breath. Her sex clamped around his cock, so hot and wet and welcoming he thought he'd die of the pleasure after so long of knowing only pain.

“Kyber!” He could hear her nails scrabble against the metal floor as she rocked herself into him. He felt the grip and release of her inner muscles around his thrusting cock. She held off her orgasm, not coming until he allowed it, just as he'd ordered.

A rush so hot and sweet it terrified him rocketed through his body, his mind. The carnal scent of sex, of her, of him, of them mingled in the room. He ground out the words that would send them both flying. “Come for me. Now.”

Her long, thin scream echoed in the chamber as she obeyed him and let go of control. Her pussy flexed around his cock, her internal muscles milking him hard. It had been so long since he'd felt her completion ripple through their bodies and their link at once, calling to him like a siren's erotic song. Even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't have stopped himself from coming with her.

Orgasm ripped through him and he released all the pent-up frustration, rage, need, and longing into her. He jetted into her wet slit, filling her with his cum. Shudders wracked his body, over and over, until he slumped against her. Spent.

A deeper peace than he'd known in months flooded him and he closed his eyes to savor it. It wouldn't last. Nothing this untamed ever did. It shouldn't. He needed to get a handle on the beast inside him, lock it away as he had before, and leave only the psychic behind, the rational ruler. Hadn't his childhood taught him that lesson?

None of that answered the question of what to do now. About Arthur and Earth. About Jana and the One bond. All of it tangled together in his mind, the animal instincts and reactions muddying any logic Kyber might put to it. What should he do? What was the right thing? Who was he if he couldn't contain the animal? Who would trust an emperor who was more beast than man?

His One hadn't trusted him. Maybe being in his mind had shown her something he couldn't admit. Maybe she was the only one who could understand—if they could reach each other again, if they could
know
each other.

T
he days ground by into more than a week, and all they did was fight and fuck. Kyber wanted to delve into what had happened with them, with Arthur, and Jana was just as determined not to. It didn't help. Soon she doubted they would be able to stand being in the same room together…except for the times they couldn't control the animalistic craving that cycled between them, betraying them both. Together even when they were apart, it was their curse, their burden.

Jana lay in the huge bed they didn't really share, the gelpad cupping her like a lover as she stared up through the skylight at an endless panorama of stars. She missed him. She had missed him while he'd been gone, missed him when they were apart now. That was the most damnable part of the entire thing. Even as their infinitesimal connection remained withered and almost dead, as it seethed with all the things she couldn't acknowledge lest they break her, she hated every single moment without him. Yet she was desperate to keep Kyber out, to never let him into her mind again, to keep him from seeing she wasn't as together as she pretended. She'd had her chance with him, her moment of perfection, and it was over.

Everything they'd had, everything they'd ever been to each other was ruined.

Even the sex, as hot as it was, was a mockery of what they'd once shared. It was empty, broken, like they were.

Like she was. She stomped down on that thought, denying it. She was fine. She could forget all the bad things, put them all behind her, if she just kept going. If she just outran the memories that hounded her.

Closing her eyes against tears she wouldn't let fall, she swallowed and dragged in a deep lungful of air. She shouldn't allow herself to think about it. It wouldn't help. She knew that by now. It didn't change anything. She threw aside the silken
rishaami
bedcovers and jerked to her feet. Time to get up, get dressed, and get on with her day.

Restless energy vibrated through her, and she couldn't get her mind to settle as she walked toward her office. Since Kyber's return, she'd found herself at loose ends. She no longer needed to plan or train for his rescue, and the Sueni no longer needed her to make decisions that were once made by the emperor. It had been overwhelming at first, so many advisors, so much to learn, but she'd dedicated every waking moment to it, driven to right all her wrongs, to make certain no one else suffered for her mistakes.

But the emperor was here now, and he was determined to do it all himself, to be the perfect ruler, sliding back into place as though he'd never been gone. A bitter smile curved her lips. It sounded like something she would do.

But the difference between Kyber and her was that Kyber expected himself to be perfect and allowed no room for human fallibility, for failure. She put on the mask of perfection, but she knew she never was. It was a sham, a lie she told the world. It had started when her older brother died, and her parents needed so desperately for her to be healthy and happy. They'd lost Craig, and they'd clung to Jana. Their only child, their baby. She'd learned to be what they needed her to be, just as she'd done for the Sueni when Kyber was gone. A harsh laugh bubbled out of her, echoing down a long corridor.

Circular lights brightened overhead as she walked, gleaming off the metal ship that wasn't
quite
the color of any metal on Earth. It was silver, but not. Darker, richer. Her steps were a dull thud against the floor, and the deeper into the spacecraft she went, the higher the level, the more people she passed. She forced the smile onto her face that she'd used as a flight attendant. Odd that her experience there—and her experience with her parents—would come in handy as an empress, but she hid her tension behind a pleasant facade.

“Your Majesty,” they called her. They issued slight bows, stepping aside to give her the right-of-way. It felt so wrong, so false. This wasn't her life. The unreality expanded inside her until she thought she'd scream, so she made a sharp right turn where she should have gone left to her office.

“
Vishra
?”

The ship's mellifluous voice responded, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Please send a message to Lady Brenna Arjun and ask if she's available to meet me for a sparring lesson. Do
not
make it an order.”

“As you wish, Your Majesty.” A glass panel to her left flickered to acknowledge the command, and there might have been a hint of disapproval in the ship's calm tone.

Jana had learned the first week she was here that if she wanted to enter a doorway, it opened for her, regardless of whether the people on the other side had locked it. Being the empress overrode all but emergency lockdowns and made every word that came out of her mouth a royal edict.

She'd accidentally walked in on Farid and Brenna as well as Tylara and Johar on different occasions doing things that were downright indecent. Then again, Kyber had done all that and more to Jana in the week and a half he'd been back, expanding her definition of physical pleasure by the day. A shiver ran down her spine, utter want throbbing within her sex. She gritted her teeth and shoved the longing aside. The ecstasy of Kyber's touch was empty without that perfect bond between them.

Shaking her head, she slammed her way into the large sparring room she used. She pulled on a set of exercise clothing from a storage container hidden behind a wall panel. A harder version of the gelpads that lay on Sueni beds covered the wide floor and she moved to it to stretch her tense muscles.

The ship's imagers could provide a hologram to instruct her on sparring, but nothing replaced pitting her mind and body against another person. She needed to burn off the frustration and strain, to bury the self-loathing and doubt. To make the ugliness go away so it could be okay again the way she needed it to be. Kyber's sense of failure filtered through their link, and it made her feel horrible, guilty.

She
was the one who'd failed. It was her job to make it all right for people. Her parents, the Sueni, Kyber. She had done that, and she still couldn't make the memories stop. Why couldn't she forget? Why couldn't she put the memories aside the way she always had when things went badly? She did her best, but there were days like today when the darkness filled her until looking at herself in the mirror made her sick to her stomach. All she ever saw was Arthur. His hands biting into her skin, ripping at her clothes, pinning her down. She hadn't even fought back, let him do whatever he wanted to her, needing her One to be free so badly she'd believed the general's lies.

Her stomach heaved and she bent to brace her hands on her knees. Swallowing the rising gorge, she choked and scrubbed her palm over her eyes. The door to the room swished open and she forced herself to straighten.

She smiled but couldn't meet the older woman's gaze. “Bren, I'm glad you could squeeze me in.”

“Of course. It's no problem.” Bren was already dressed in a loose exercise outfit.

“There's no ‘of course.' Thank you.” There were very few humans on board, and only Bren had ever treated Jana like she was the same as everyone else, had never once bowed to the empress while giving her the surreptitious glances that said they knew what she'd done with Arthur. It was something she valued more than she could ever say.

“You're welcome.” Bren swung her arms, linking her fingers together to bend and stretch. “How are things with Kyber?”

The laugh Jana managed sounded more like a sob, so she cleared her throat and pinned her gaze to the floor. “Everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be? We're so happy he's back.”

She startled when the other woman touched her arm, finally meeting her gaze. “It's okay if everything isn't all right, Jana. No one expects what happened to just disappear. People make mistakes.”

“No, Bren, they don't. Not like I did.” Jana twisted out of the gentle hold, blinking back tears at even that slight show of kindness. She could not lose it, she
would not
. “We both know you would never make the same choices I made.”

“No, I've made other mistakes that cost lives.” Bren's gaze hardened with tough sympathy. “I was involved in the preemptive strike that killed thousands of innocent Sueni people. You think I don't feel guilty now? You think it doesn't haunt me? We
all
do things we wish we could take back.”

Jana swallowed and nodded, stepping back. “Thank you.”

“Don't thank me for the truth.” She sighed and moved to the middle of the mat. “It isn't kindness, it just is.”

“Yeah, so I hope you're feeling energetic today.” Desperate for a change of subject, Jana grinned and knew it was more a baring of teeth. “I need a sparring lesson bad.”

Bren huffed a little laugh and danced on her toes. “No, you want a sparring partner to help you blow off steam because you're having a shit day and want to beat the crap out of someone.”

“Kin can't read minds.” Jana rolled her eyes and lunged for the other woman.

Bren feinted left and brought her arm around to backhand Jana across the face. “It doesn't take a psychic to tell that one. Been there and done that. More than once.”

The hit sent Jana stumbling back a few steps and left her ears ringing, but she dropped down to sweep her leg out to knock the other woman off her feet. Bren went down hard, grunting as she hit the ground. Both women rolled away, leaping to their feet to circle each other. Jana shook her head to get the buzzing out of her ears, balancing on the balls of her feet.

Her heart pounded, adrenaline sharpening her senses. God, it felt good to be able to channel the bottled up
feelings
somewhere. She let it rip through her, welcomed the rush. The emotions tripped over each other, tangled and twisted. Her focus snapped on Bren, who watched her like a hawk, waiting for an opening. Jana's patience snapped. She wanted a fight, was spoiling for it, and charged in with a sharp uppercut.

Bren blocked the swing, driving her fingers under Jana's ribs. “Get your head in the game, girl.”

She choked, spinning away from the hit to minimize the impact. Snapping her fingers around Bren's wrist, she slammed the butt of her other hand against the older woman's diaphragm. “My head is fine, thanks.”

Flushing bright red, Bren gagged on a breath, but a muscle in her jaw twitched as she gritted her teeth. Her foot shot out to make hard impact with Jana's thigh. The leg crumpled out from under her, and Jana rolled into a somersault to keep from going face-first into the mat.

Sweat ran down her face and she swiped it away from her eyes. Her muscles burned from the exertion, her leg already throbbing from a forming bruise. Hauling herself up off the floor, Jana panted for breath. Anger sizzled through her at the mistakes she knew she was making. More failure. She squelched the thought, the feeling, locking it away. Pretend the darkness, the suffering, the grief wasn't there, and don't let it own her. It was how she'd been living for so long. She crushed that thought, too, shook out her hands, and faced Bren, ready for anything.

A feral smile curved Bren's lips, the expression more suited to a Kith than a human woman, but she pulled it off. Terrifyingly so. Jana narrowed her gaze, settled into a half-crouch, and powered herself forward to catch the smaller woman around the waist and drag her to the ground. They wrestled for the top position, elbows and knees flying as they thrust sharp jabs into each other's bodies. The only sound in the room was their harsh breathing and the crack of flesh hitting flesh.

Jana flipped Bren onto her back, drawing her fist back for a hard strike. Bren brought her feet up, planted them on Jana's stomach and sent her tumbling into a wall. She wheezed on impact, easy prey, but Bren stayed where she was, sprawled across the mat. “Okay, Empress, you're going to have to take that shit out on the imagers. I've got plans with Farid tonight that don't include me being so sore I can't move.”

A chuckle rippled out of Jana. She dropped her head back, sweat sliding down her temples. “At least not for a starting point, huh?”

“Exactly.” Bren rolled her head on the mat, offering up a wink. “If all goes well, we'll both be limping tomorrow.”

Settling more comfortably against the wall, Jana drew up her knee and draped her forearm over it. She ached from the inside out, but not from the fight. Closing her eyes, she sighed. “If you've been here and done this, who do you usually spar with at times like that?”

“Tylara.” The older woman groaned, and Jana opened her eyes to watch her sit up. “She needs someone who's willing to kick her ass, and as an admiral and fleet commander, she scares most of the other people too much to give her good sport.”

Jana flicked her fingers. “Ah, not a good career move to beat the leader of your military's ass. Even if she wants it.”

“Exactly.” Flopping over onto her hands and knees, Bren crawled to her feet.

“She's lucky you don't suffer those little qualms.”

A wicked smile curved her lips and she dusted off her knees. “Damn straight.”

A snort sounded from the door and Tylara's voice entered the fray. “Don't make me laugh, little Kinswoman. You
try
to kick my ass, which others are too terrified to do, you don't actually
succeed
.”

“Oh, reeeeally?” Bren stretched her arms over her head, giving a long, bored yawn. “Is that why you were scraping yourself off the floor last time, running to cry to Johar about how the big, bad Earthan gave you a booboo?”

Tylara smirked, her dark eyes sparkling with both power and amusement. She ran a hand over her short hair, the cut perfect for her angular features. “You're assuming I don't like that sort of thing. Perhaps I go to Johar to get a
booboo
when you aren't up to scratch.”

Jana cracked up at the byplay between the two older women. The laughter felt like it struggled past the huge weight resting on her chest, a weight she never escaped. If she ignored it, it would
have
to go away. It only had power if she let it. She clenched her jaw, stood, and brushed off her hands. “Oh, them's fightin' words right there.”