Pride's Prejudice (8 page)

INFORMALITY

"Is
not general incivility the very essence of love?"

~Elizabeth Bennet,
Pride & Prejudice

A
million slivers of glass pierced Beth all over, pricking each of her nerve
endings.  The bone-coldness spread through her as if the shards of glass
were embedding in her skin.  She had just gone completely under the water
when two arms grasped her shoulders, drawing her out.  William set her on
the river bank and peeled off his sweatshirt, then put it around her shoulders.

"Do
you have a death wish or something?"  He chided accusingly, though
his voice was thick with alarm.

"Excuse
m-me?  W-w-what were you d-doing out here? S-s-spying on me?  You
prac-practically pushed me in-n!  And it's
my
f-f-fault?"

William
scowled.  "Well, you just shouldn't be out here alone, that's
all.  That's the bottom line.  And who walks next to a river in the
dark anyway?"

"Oh,
g-give it a rest-t-t Will-will-iam."  She wanted to say,
'I'm not
interested in another one of your lectures on personal safety,'
but she
couldn't get the stuttering under control.  Wrapping her arms around
herself to control the shaking, she said, "C-c-could ask what
you
w-w-were doing by the r-r-river in th-the d-dark!"

When
she looked at him expectantly through her seizing, he just glared back in
silence.  Another gust of wind rushed through her already chilled body,
turning her shuddering into convulsions.  William's hard expression broke,
and he draped a guiding arm around her back, cupping her shoulder as they made
their way back through the cold night.

By the
time William and Beth hobbled into camp, the wind was howling through the trees
and the fire had gone out.  The tents may have blown away had it not been
for the weight of their occupants.  As all was dark and quiet, Beth
guessed that everyone had fallen asleep.  She still shivered violently
from the walk back, but she knew that without William's warmth it would have
been much worse.  Suddenly, she wondered what she would wear to sleep in -
the jeans and t-shirt she had worn into camp?  She wasn't even sure where
they were anymore; probably still hanging on the tree and soaking wet. 
Beth tried to articulate her thoughts to William, but her convulsions were
worse now, and she could not get the words out.

William
unzipped the tent and guided her inside.  She felt her clothes being
peeled off, and tried to protest, but only bit her tongue in the attempt. 
Once her t-shirt and sweats were off, she was colder for a moment.  Then a
familiar-smelling shirt was pulled over her head, followed up with a flannel
blanket being wrapped tightly around her.  Deftly, William deposited her
in the sleeping bag and zipped it up.

The
cold hadn't melted away completely.  It reached underneath Beth's skin,
freezing her veins with its ruthless fingers.  Her teeth chattered, and
though she knew William could hear it, she couldn't stop.

The
zzzzzttttt
of a zipper broke the silence and a moment later, William slid in next to her.

"I'm
f-f-fine."  The stuttering wouldn't do much to support her argument,
but she couldn't help it.

"You
need body heat.  Unless your extremities aren't that dear to you?"

Beth
didn't answer.

"Quit
making such a big deal out of it, Beth.  I am completely oblivious to the
fact that you are lying here in your underwear.  And my
t-shirt….again."

Beth
noted the sardonic tone of his voice.  She tried to say "I hate
you" but it came out as a garbled "I---you" and she gave up.

William
peeled the blanket down to Beth's waist and pressed his hands into the small of
her back.  When he drew her into the circle of his arms, she pressed her
cheek to his chest and tried to stop shaking.  She could feel the heat
through his t-shirt against her face and chest.  A strong sense of déjà-vu
washed over her, but (as with most déjà-vu's) she couldn't pinpoint its origin.

Half
an hour later, Beth had finally stopped shivering, and her teeth had stopped
clanging together.  Her hair was still damp, but this was as thawed-out as
she would get tonight.  The wind's tantrum raged on outside, and Beth
wondered if their tent would be in the same place by morning.

William
brought her hands up and sandwiched them between his chest and his free
hand.  Now that she was a little more coherent, she realized that he
actually
wasn't
wearing a shirt at all.  She considered how this
would look if Les or Jenna happened to wake up and look over.  Beth,
garbed in William's t-shirt and blanket and William, nude from the waist up
with his arms around her; and the two of them zipped tightly together in a
sleeping bag.

Beth
freed one of her hands to move a clump of wet hair off of her neck, and William
lifted his head slightly to look at her.

"Are
you warm enough?"  His voice was gentle, almost a whisper.

"I'm
fine."  Beth paused, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that
he was half naked, but still being unable to help herself.  "Aren't
you
cold
?"

He
chuckled softly.  "No.  I'm always warm."  After a
pause where he seemed to be considering saying more, he added, "My sister
says I'm a heater."

"Are
the two of you pretty close?"

"Yeah." 
Beth sensed something brooding behind the word.  He was definitely
protective; but there was something more.  Something that saddened
him.  When he didn't elaborate, Beth decided it was also something he
didn't want to talk about.

"So…….where'd
you learn to sing like……that?"  It sounded awkward, as if William
were asking Beth where she bought her underwear - which, by the way, he had now
seen with his own eyes.

"Like
what?"  Given his reaction after the song, she wasn't sure what he
meant by  'that.'

"I
mean……" he struggled to articulate.  "Who taught you how to
sing?"

"Oh. 
I don't know.  I haven't had voice lessons or anything, if that's what you
mean.  My dad used to sing to me - he used to play that song and read me a
book that went along with it.  I don't really remember
when
I
started singing."  She still wasn't sure she had answered his
question.

"What
about guitar?"

"I've
been taking lessons for almost two years.  I'm still a beginner, but I'm
sure you already came to that conclusion."

"Why
do you say that?"  The awkwardness had drained out of his voice,
leaving only raw curiosity.

"The
fact that you ran away as fast as your hiking boots could carry you speaks for
itself."

He
paused for a moment and then asked quietly, "Did I hurt your feelings,
Beth?"

Almost
a minute passed before she answered.

"No,
just my pride."  There couldn't be any harm in admitting this, when
she was already as abased as possible in her present circumstances.  She
took her hands off of his chest and curled them against herself.

William
sat up on one elbow and looked down at her.  She couldn't exactly see his
face, but she could make out the slope of his shoulders against the fabric of
the tent, adequately muscled.  Fiercely glad that he couldn't see her
blush in the dark, Beth turned her face away, embarrassed.  The wind had
stopped, and a light, steady rain began falling.  William drew breath and
exhaled slowly before laying his hand on her cheek and turning her face to his.

"I'm
not very good at expressing myself.  But, I liked your song." 
He paused and added, "A lot."

His
hand was still on her face, and it felt as though her cheek were catching fire
under his touch.  Removing his hand with hers, she sat up and tucked wet
hair behind her ear.

"Then
why did you walk away like that?"  She tried to keep the accusation
out of her whisper, but it came out more like a hiss.

"Come
on, Beth.  You've got more brains than the average co-ed.  Can't you
guess?"  There was a vague allusion to humor in his voice.

Had he
just called her smart?  "Not really.  I'm tired of trying to
figure you out."

William
sat up and rested one muscular arm on his jean-clad knee, pivoting his upper
torso toward her.  "You've been trying to figure me out?" 
He sounded like a kid who had just been told that his Christmas presents were
purchased and safely hidden close by.

Beth's
breath puffed out in frustration.  "Everything is just a game to you,
isn't it?  The whole world is at your disposal.  The whole human race
exists for your amusement.  THE WHOLE -"

Her
escalation was cut short when William took her face in his hands and planted
his mouth on hers in a firm, lingering kiss.  His mouth was soft and warm
on her frozen lips, and it reminded her of drinking hot chocolate after a snow
day.

When
he pulled away, their faces were close enough that she could see his dark eyes
against the lighter palate of his skin.  His hands still clutched the
sides of her face.

"Shut
up," he murmured, his voice ever so slightly unsteady.  "You'll
wake the whole camp.  And where would that get us?"

He
kissed her again, just once.  Then he pulled away reluctantly, his hands
skimming down her arms as they fell away from her face.

Beth
scowled in the darkness, dropping her eyes.  Her heart hammered stubbornly
and she shuddered - an external display of her inner tumult.

"You're
shivering again," William observed, applying gentle pressure to her
shoulders and sliding her back into her bag.  He wordlessly pulled it up
around her chin and zipped her in securely.  Then, to her increased
confusion, he rolled over onto his own blanket sandwich and pulled on his shirt. 
His silhouette scooted down into his blankets, then fell quiet.

"Are
you warm enough?" he asked again, and Beth wondered if she had imagined
everything in the interim.  He sounded as if he were miles away now, cold
and detached.

"Fine,"
she answered quietly, feeling baffled.  Whatever she might have expected
after he kissed her like that, it wasn't this.  Why had he kissed her
anyway?  It wasn't the same as the sympathy cheek-brush she had
administered to him the other day.  Maybe he just wanted to one-up her
again.

Beth
twisted onto her side, as if turning away from him would punish him somehow for
his insufferable unpredictability.  She felt a slight headache coming on
as she replayed the night's events in her mind.  A trail of fire blazed
obstinately across her lips, all traces of ice melted away with his kiss. 
So, it couldn't have been a hallucination.

In the
end she decided he must be a very talented actor, and that his personal quest
was to get under her skin, just to prove that he could.  If he thought
that he'd accomplished this, he was wrong.

Dead
wrong.

When
Beth finally fell asleep, it was to the sound of her own voice in her head -
reassuring herself of that very fact.

FRUITLESS

"He
is so very much preoccupied by the idea of not being in love with her, that I
should not wonder if it were to end in his being so at last."

~Jane
Austen's Juvenilia

William
opened his eyes briefly and then burrowed into his pillow to block out the
light.  In the cool pouch of darkness created between the pillow and his
eyelids he could see only one thing; Beth's dark eyes, Beth's dark hair, Beth
lying in his arms in the darkness, Beth's soft-frozen lips under his.  He
had wanted so badly to pull her back into his arms and keep her there all
night.  If he hadn't slipped up and kissed her, it might have been
possible.  But he knew that after losing that particular bit of control he
would spend the rest of the night scolding himself into making sure it didn't
happen again, while wanting nothing else.  Or worse - taking it too far.

There
was no valid excuse for his behavior - other than not being able to hold back
any longer.  And he had badly wanted to prove himself wrong - prove that
he could unsettle her and remain unaffected himself, that she had no power over
him, and that it was all in his head.  But his brilliant plan had
backfired.  He had been infatuated before.  This was something else
entirely.

He
blinked his eyes open again and trained them on Beth, sleeping soundly, twisted
halfway on her back and halfway on her side.  One arm was thrown up
carelessly by her face, the other lay loosely at her side.  Her dark hair
tangled across the pillow, and her breathing was slow and even.  The dark
green of his t-shirt threw her pale skin into sharp relief.  Whatever make
up she may have been wearing days ago had long since gone, but her dark,
feathery lashes lay innocently against her creamy skin.

Could
she possibly be ignorant of the effect she had on him?

William
decided that an early-morning swim in ice water might just do him some good,
and he left the tent without delay.

~:~

Beth
woke slowly, an uneasy feeling chasing her into consciousness.  She'd had
this sensation enough in the past few weeks to know its source.  Of
course, she had dreamt about William last night.  She couldn't remember
the precise circumstances - mostly the tenor of the dream.  His eyes had
been gentle yet intense, and his touch had been fiery on her bare skin. 
During the dream he had smiled and teased her, and she hadn't minded so
much.  But then she watched his fiery eyes cool to a flat black.  He
dropped her in the river, watching with morbid delight as she was pulled under
and icy black water filled her lungs.

Reliving
the dream in consciousness made her feel nauseous.  Her head throbbed, and
she decided she had been lying down too long.  She reached down toward the
foot of her sleeping bag and thankfully found the dry jeans and t-shirt she had
worn the first day.  Disentangling herself from William's t-shirt and
tossing it on his bedroll, she dressed in her own rain-stiffened
clothing.  Then she smoothed her hair into the best ponytail she could
manage, wishing for a mirror and amusing herself with images of a pop-up vanity
in Kara and Lucy's palace-tent.

As she
stepped out of the tent, the sounds of bustling met her.  Camp was being
packed up.  She heard an unfamiliar voice and looked up to see Les
standing next to someone in jeans and a navy blue fleece zip-up.  Bright
yellow lettering boldly spelled out
RESCUE SQUAD
across his chest. 
Beth was surprised that she recognized the face belonging to the voice.
 Her younger sister Lindy had gone out with him a couple of times back
home.

"Denny?"

"Beth
Pride?  No freaking way!"

Denny
picked Beth up in an enthusiastic hug.

"Isn't
it
illegal
to impersonate an authority figure?"  Beth smiled
at him as he set her back on her feet.  "What are you doing
here?"

 
Beth vaguely noticed Les excusing himself to finish packing.

"Well,
believe it or not, I'm on the Rescue Squad."  He grinned proudly but
his voice held a trace of defiance, like a boy trying to reason with his older
brother that he should be admitted into the clubhouse.

"I'm
starting at Hartford next semester, but I'll be doing this on the side to help
pay tuition."

"Good
for you!"  Beth smiled at him.  He'd always been a good
guy.  What he ever saw in her sister was a conundrum.

Denny
glanced at the ground.  "So, how's Lindy?  Isn't she a senior
this year?"

"Yeah,
she graduates in June."

"Well,
say hi for me when you see her next."

"You
can tell her yourself.  She's coming to stay in December for a couple
weeks to check out the campus."  It was clear from his change in
expression that he still had unresolved feelings for her sister.

Kara
and Lucy slunk over and stood next to Beth, a pair of hungry lionesses out for
fresh man meat.

"Beth,
you've forgotten your manners!  Aren't you going to introduce us?"
Kara asked coyly, Lucy grinning stupidly next to her.

"Sorry,
Denny," Beth said dully.  "This is Kara Bradford and her
roommate, Lucy -?  Um, sorry, I don't know your last name."

"Hunter,"
came the giggled reply.

How
appropriate,
Beth thought.  "Denny,
please
tell me you're here with good news," she pleaded through clenched
teeth.  "Is the mouth of the canyon open finally?"

"That
is
why I came.  It's all clear - you guys should be able to get
back now."

"Denny,
you're the best!  Dinner on me, whenever you can come."

Beth
grasped his hands in hers, pulling him in for what was, to her, a brotherly
hug.

Apparently
certain bystanders didn't behold the exchange in quite the same light. 
William tromped up behind Beth a few seconds earlier and scowled at Denny.

Denny
extricated himself from Beth's hug, laughing.  "Well, here's my
number at the station; why don't you call me and we can set it up?  Maybe
in December, sometime." 

When
Denny held out his business card, William snatched it before Beth could take
it.

"Did
you come to tell us something relevant,
Ranger Man
, or just to get a
date?"

Beth
gaped at William with wide, disbelieving eyes.  When she continued to
scrutinize him, his eyes flicked to her face before blinking and looking away
again obstinately.  He took a few steps back and leaned against a tree
with his arms folded, glowering at the card.

Beth
couldn't conceal her chagrin, or her surprise.  William looked positively
angry, his jaw set stubbornly, his eyes fuming.  Beth scowled, thoroughly
confused, then shook her head and rolled her eyes, embarrassed.  She had
to say something; Denny was looking back and forth with a puzzled expression.

"Don't
worry about him, Denny.  I guess he just found out that the entire world
doesn't revolve around him."  She smiled at Denny and looked calmly
back to William.  She anticipated the look he would be wearing, a
deflated, diminutive expression, but his face held none of these
emotions.  He stepped closer to her, their faces inches apart.

William
held up the card and said quietly, "It's not the entire world I'm
after."

She
snatched the card from William, and he strode away soundlessly.  His words
hadn't reached her - only his tone - and it had bled out everything else.

"Nice
guy," Denny lied once William was gone.

"You
have no idea," Beth agreed darkly, turning to gather her things and help
Jenna.

After
collapsing and bagging the tents, Les and William drove the girls around the
long way to Beth's truck.  Kara and Lucy had very graciously volunteered
to stay and finish packing camp.  There would most likely be just as much
work for William and Les to do when they returned as there had been when they
set off.  As her little red truck came into view, Beth thought she'd never
seen such a welcome sight in her life.

For
Les and Jenna it was the beginning of the end, and Beth busied herself with
throwing backpacks in the truck to avoid their mushy goodbye.  Deciding on
warming up the truck, she reached for the door handle, but William got there
first.  He opened the door for her, closing the distance between them once
again.  They both looked at the open door for a moment and then at each
other.

After
an awkwardly long silence Beth pronounced, "Well, this is it.  Your
torture sentence is over."

William's
eyes combed her face slowly, then dropped to the ground.  He laughed,
unsmiling.  "I doubt that."  He met her eyes again and
cocked his head to one side slightly, studying her face.

Maybe
he thought that since their best friends would probably be spending all their
time together from now on, it wasn't likely.

"Looks
like they're doing just fine on their own," Beth reasoned.

William
scowled at Les and Jenna, locked in passionate embrace, before focusing on
something in the distance and shoving his hands in his pockets.  A muscle
tensed in his jaw, but he said nothing.  After what seemed like several
minutes he finally looked at Beth, his dark eyes holding a nameless expression. 
Vulnerability?  It had only surfaced for an instant before William's eyes
hardened.  He looked at Beth for a second longer, then pounded on the
truck's hood to get Les's attention.

"Break
it up," he commanded when Les looked over.  "See you around, Beth,"
he said before stalking off to Les's truck and jumping into the driver's
seat.  He revved the engine, a warning for Les to move it or lose it.

"Bye,
Beth!" Les called as he loped to his truck.  She waved, then watched
them drive away.

The
weight that had been pressing on Beth for the duration of their accidental
camping trip seemed to recede at once, keeping pace with the big white
truck.  But the relief was tinged with something else she couldn't
pin.  It bothered her all the way home, and when she finally discovered
why, she was mad at herself.  When he'd said goodbye, William hadn't
called her
sweetheart
in that derisive tone that set her teeth on
edge.  Instead, he'd said her name.  And the tone of his voice,
coupled with the set of his shoulders as he'd walked away, made her feel like
she'd just kicked a puppy.