Prick Tease (Tangled Desires Book 1) (21 page)

Mace crosses the room to pick me up in a bear hug. “I’m not sure. I haven’t seen him. Sorry, Little Bit.”

“Well that’s that then.” I pick up my bags, and the three of us walk to my car. I find myself glancing around, drawing out my steps. Anything to give Razer a little longer, holding onto the belief that when he told me we’d never go back to being completely out of each other’s lives even if we aren’t together, he’d meant it. I don’t want to leave without telling him that I didn’t mean what I said last night, that it wasn’t just about losing my virginity. That when he said he was leaving it broke me inside, because it felt like everything Mace had said was true. That it felt like the end, and I couldn’t go home hoping there was more than we’ve had. Not if it already hurts like this. I don’t want to prolong that for either of us. But I guess it’s clear how he feels about me. I don’t want to admit it, even in my head, but Mace is right. And all I’ve managed to do is destroy our family and fall so much harder.

With one last hug for the two of them, I get in my Bug and head home. The tears come as they did on the ride out to Reverence, but this time they mean something. They aren’t built of shock or worry, but the deep down agony that accompanies the knowledge that I’ll always love a man I shouldn’t.

Razer

Tom and I sit at the bar, watching a fight on the overhead TVs while we wait for Mace to come out from his meeting with Robert Long. He seems pretty serious about this security gig.

“So what are you going to do?” Tom asks, not taking his gaze from the TV.

It’s a good question. One I don’t know the answer to. Before I came back to Reverence, I had it all figured out, but that was before Claire blew through my life. I pick up a coaster and study it. Apparently the word Gambrinous means being full of beer. Who the hell would want to know that? “Think I’ll head to Lanston and see about that job. Not much point in sticking around here.”

Mace returns from his meeting and places a round of beers in front of us. “Well, it looks like I’m staying.”

“You came to an arrangement then?” Tom asks.

“Yeah, and I was thinking about what you said about those self-defence classes, too.” He turns to me. “I think you should consider sticking around.”

It took him a few days to settle down over the worst of it, then Tom told him to suck it up for the sake of family and ask me to move back in. He’s still working on getting over it completely. Too bad it doesn’t matter now.

“After you kicked my ass? You should probably be the one teaching people how to defend themselves.”

“Yeah, but you let me beat the shit out of you. Didn’t even bother to throw a punch.”

“I was in the wrong and I knew it.”

“I didn’t mean half the shit I said.” He tosses back his beer. “You know we’re still brothers.”

“Because I’m not seeing your sister anymore.”

“No.” He laughs loudly. “I was shocked you finally had the guts to try something, but I’m not an idiot. You’ve still got her letters in the bottom of your duffel, I bet. Carry them everywhere still?”

“You knew about that?”

“So how many letters did you write back and never send?”

Hundreds. More than I should have. More than I wanted to.

“‘Dearest Claire,” Mace mocks me in a singsong tone. “I wish I could write you and tell you why I don’t respond anymore. That I shipped my heart home to you long ago, and didn’t even realize it until I saw you again. The way I feel about you…’” He laughs. “It kind of makes me want to puke.”

“You read my fucking letters?” He’d known all along how I felt about his sister and never said anything? If I could go back to our fight, I’d knock him on his ass.

“She’s my little sister and you’re my best fucking friend.” He shrugs, leaning back on his stool. “She’d write me and beg me for news of you since you weren’t writing her anymore. Only you were. So I was going to send her your letters, until I saw what was in them. I figured you’d gotten over it at some point. Then I saw you together. And I was pissed, thinking you’d knocked her up. I took it too far.”

“You don’t say. My face still feels like chopped liver.”

“Anyway, the point is... I don’t know why you’re sitting around here moping.”

“Go fuck yourself.” I toss the coaster at him. 

“Nah. You two have done a fine job of screwing things up. I think I’m just going to enjoy my beer and watch how this show plays out.”

“It’s over, Mace,” I say. She was only ever after one thing. It’s funny, thinking that. Reminds me of how we guys always used to tell her to be careful around boys. That they were only ever after one thing. That they’d break a girls’ heart for an easy lay. I should have seen it coming.

Tom turns away from the TV. It’s the first time since we all took a seat around the table that he’s given us his full attention. “You’re kidding, right? Does she know you’re building her a fucking house?”

“A house? You?” Mace’s mouth drops open. “Do you even know what a house looks like?”

“Sure I do. We’re staying in one, aren’t we? At some point I do want to settle in one place.”

“With our sister,” Tom interjects. “I saw the floor plans. The nook in the living area, like the one our parents had. The spot Claire used to always curl up in when she was reading. You may as well have drawn fucking hearts with your initials in them, you bloody girl.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I glare at him. “At least I’m not searching for some woman I knocked up, like some modern day Cinderella bullshit.”

“Fine,” he says, lifting his beer to drain it. “But I’m just saying she wouldn’t have left if you had told her.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I push off the stool and slam a couple notes on the table. “For my shout.”

“He’s right,” says Mace. “Hell, I’m the last person who wants to admit it, but the girl loves you. I don’t know why. You’re getting crotchety in your old age, that’s for sure. But she does. Practically told us she was going to marry you while you were unconscious.”

“She what?” I’m stunned. Maybe I am fucking old because it feels like I’m having some kind of heart attack with the way my pulse slows to nothing, trying to pump sludge through my veins.

“Do you need me to quote her or something? She isn’t fucking Shakespeare,” Mace grumbles. “You’re building her a house, bro. You took one hell of a beating for her. So do you have the guts to tell her how you really feel?” Getting up, he snatches the bills in front of me. “Either way I’m sick of this conversation. I’m going to get another beer.”

“But she told me this was a fling for her. That there wasn’t any point in continuing what we had.”

“Right,” Tom says. “And you believed that?”

“She said it was just about losing her virginity,” I mumble under my breath. It broke my fucking heart when she told me that. The pain in my chest far worse than my face. “She won’t answer my calls, texts, or hell, I’ve even sent emails.”

“Bloody hell.” Tom glares at me. “I never want to hear about you taking my sister’s virginity again. But, come on. Don’t you think maybe she lied to you?”

“Damn it.” Maybe she did. I did tell her I was leaving, that I didn’t stick around, but I hadn’t been talking about us. I’d been talking about every woman who had come before her. And the whole reason I hadn’t stayed with anyone was her. But I hadn’t told her that, hadn’t thought to after what she’d said.

“Besides, she doesn’t know Mace took your bike and left you stranded out of town. She was pretty devastated, thinking you left without saying goodbye.”

“Your brother’s an asshole.”

Tom rests his hands on his head and roars with laughter. “He’s your best friend.”

Mace drops another round between us. “I wanted to see how far you would go for my sister.” He shrugs. “But you’re still fucking here.”

Chapter Seventeen

Claire

"You look gorgeous tonight, Claire," Henley says from behind me. It's been five weeks since the last time I saw him. Funny how much a person can change in that time. Where I once saw a good man, upright and moral, now it's easy to see it was just a mask. He offers me a flute of champagne. "I've missed you."

That must be why even now his gaze darts around the room, crawling over the bodies of other women. I drain the champagne, wondering why I came back to this world. The charity. That's important, but nothing else here means anything to me. These people, they pretend to be my friends, but they're just like Henley. "I told you we were done, Henley.”

"You didn’t mean it. You just needed time to cool down." He leans in to kiss my cheek, and my stomach twists. "Please forgive me. I adore you, Claire. We're perfect for each other."

Turning my face away, his lips manage to catch my ear before I step away. "Perfect?"

"You're so sweet and innocent. The face of House to Haven. With you by my side, we'll capture the media's attention in a way I haven't been able to on my own. Imagine the money we can bring in for House to Haven, the volunteers you'll get."

"Not to mention keeping your image squeaky clean." I grab another glass of champagne as a server passes close by. "No one would believe you're running around screwing wannabe porn stars if you married me."

"I wouldn’t need to if I was married to you." He smirks, lifting his glass to his lips. “I’m sure you would be more than satisfying.”

I want to slam the glass into his perfect fucking teeth. See how he looks to the masses on TV if he's missing a couple. "That's all it ever was for you? Just part of your carefully constructed image?"

"I enjoy your company. You're a sweet girl, if a bit naive. But we work well together."

"That was the old me." I finish half the champagne in my glass.

"The old you?"

Olivia gestures at me from the side of the stage, and I set my glass down on the table behind me. "If you'll excuse me."

"Sure. We can talk more about this after the speeches."

I don't bother to respond as I walk away from him. My mind is racing as I take the stage, clasping my hands together to fight the shaking. Looking over the crowd, I glimpse Tom in one corner, his arms crossed over his chest. He looks great in his suit. I'd sent him tickets ages ago, but I hadn’t been certain he’d come.

He grins as Chelsea slides up beside him and links her arm through his. I’m so grateful for her. That’s she’s by Tommy’s side, helping him as he searches for the woman who sent him the pregnancy test. Neither Razer nor Mace are with them, but Tom tilts his head as if he knows I’m looking for them and I glance in that direction until I make eye contact with Mace. A tight smile on his face, he adjusts the tie hanging around his neck. He’s not altogether comfortable in the crowd, but he fakes it anyway. “Razer?” I mouth, and he shrugs, shaking his head.

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath before stepping up to the microphone to address the room. I’ve made speeches many times before, but this one will be my most important. Because tonight, I’m stepping down from running House to Haven. Nerves flutter in my belly, and I have to clear my throat, but I know I’m making the right decision.

I'm going home.

I’m not even sure why I came back. Only that being here made everything all so crystal clear. I don’t belong here. I’m not entirely certain I ever did. This isn’t the life I want any more. Home may not be perfect, but it’s where I can truly be me, and that’s what I want. I’m not as flawless as the people staring up at me believe, and I don’t want to try to be. I no longer want to pretend.

Maybe going home won’t fix everything. Razer’s still gone, and I have to find a way to get over that, but these rough and crazy men are my life. The rest will fall into place over time.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I want to thank you all for coming tonight and for supporting such an important cause. Your contributions will help House to Haven continue working toward housing homeless children for the next year.”

A round of applause bounces off the walls, and I sweep a glance over the entire room. These people have meant so much for House to Haven. I can only hope they’ll continue to support the cause without me.

I take a deep breath. This is normally where I would mention Henley Travis and the great work the CFN does, and how together we’re helping to build a better future for those less privileged. But I’m not sure that’s the truth anymore.

Henley makes his way toward the stage, adjusting his tie. I could out him for the fraud he is. Let everyone know he has the smallest penis in the world and that he tries to compensate for it by screwing flaky wannabe porn stars. But would it be worth it? I’m not really sure. The truth is there are so many people who believe in what he stands for because he makes them believe. Perhaps he isn’t a good man, but his charm and presence are a force for good in this world. Then again…

“It’s with some sadness that I regret to inform you tonight that I will no longer be the face of House to Haven. When I first started this organization, I only saw the good we could do. I’ve loved every minute I’ve spent working with such amazing volunteers. But it’s time for me to leave it in other, more capable hands. Olivia, can you come up here, please.”

Olivia clutches at her chest, her mouth hanging open. I guess I probably should have warned her I’d be handing it all over to her, but I hadn’t been certain. Until now. Not that she isn’t perfect for the role, and she’s virtually been running the show for the last month anyway. “This is Olivia Grayson. Most of you might know her voice. She’s spent a lot of time behind the scenes, especially for this event. Now she’ll be the face you all associate with House to Haven.”

A few people clap, and a quiet murmur runs through the crowd before the sound of applause amps up. I give Olivia a tight squeeze. “You’ve got this. You’re going to do much better than I did.”

“What are you going to do?” she asks, her eyes shining with emotion.

“I’m going home,” I say, feeling for the first time that I’m really truly the most me I can be. “I made this my life, but it isn’t what I want. I still want to make a difference, but as who I really am, and this girl isn’t her.”