Pretending Hearts (18 page)

“I didn’t say that—”

“Because if you don’t want him, there are plenty of girls that do,” Cole said.

“Yes, the Caldwell cock is legendary in these parts,” Evan added. “And Levi will even date you after! He’ll take you to the movies, buy you dinner and shit.”

“He’s a good kid. You’d be crazy not to give him a chance,” Cole said.

“Come on, what’s the problem? You gotta give us something. Is he not rich enough? Is it because he’s not one of those prepster college boys from Cook?” Evan demanded.

Cole broke in. “You’re not shallow, right? Are you ashamed to be seen dating the school janitor?”

“Because our bro is going places. You’ll be kicking yourself in five years when Levi is on tour and you see him in concert. You’ll think about how you passed on him because you didn’t think he was good enough for you,” Evan said.

Cole smiled and revealed a set of dimples. “Dude, you totally stole that story from the song 'Sk8er Boi.'”

Evan and Cole’s joined laughter pushed me over the edge. “Will the two of you please shut the fuck up?” I demanded.

A cough from the doorway froze me in place. If I could dissolve into nothingness at the second, I would’ve gladly seized the opportunity. My head spun around on its own accord. A short plump woman with dark eyes and an olive complexion was observing me from the doorway of the kitchen. She grimaced as I made eye contact.

“Hi Mom,” Evan chirped, as he and Cole bowled over in laughter. I was glad to see my humiliation had added to their hilarity.

Levi glided past his mother and placed a grocery bag on the counter. “You two are assholes,” he said to his brothers.

“Language, Levi,” his mom hissed.

I stood up and tried not to fall over as my knees threatened to give out. I held out my hand. “So nice to meet you, Mrs. Caldwell. I’m Delia.”

“Sorry about my boys. They forget their manners from time to time,” she said and shook my hand. I was starting to believe Cole and Evan never had any manners in the first place. Mrs. Caldwell continued, “I made macaroni with gravy. I have some sausage to fry up too.”

Since my diet had consisted of Lean Cuisine frozen food entrees, I was excited to have a home-cooked meal. But Levi’s brothers had twisted my stomach into knots. Although his mom was being nice, I was sure I hadn’t endeared myself to her by dropping the f-bomb before even being properly introduced.

“Hopefully you’ll actually eat more than that chick Cole brought over last month,” Evan said. “My mom made this big spread since Cole never brings girls home.”

Cole blurted, “At least never through the front door.”

“And the girl says she hasn’t eaten carbs in three years. I think the only thing on the table without carbs was lettuce,” Evan continued.

Levi’s brothers and mom were staring at me, obviously waiting for my reaction. I had a feeling I’d be burned at the stake if I didn’t say I was pro-carb. “I love pasta,” I declared enthusiastically.

Mrs. Caldwell gave me her first genuine smile. “Wonderful. Why don’t you and Levi set the table while I finish up in the kitchen?”

I nodded, grateful for a reprieve from his brothers. Handing me a pile of silverware, Levi then grabbed a pile of dishes already set on the counter. He whispered in my ear, “Sorry about my brothers. I hope they didn’t scare you off.”

I almost laughed at the absurdity of the statement. “I’m tough. I have a feeling they’re testing me.”

“They are. When I became friends with Rain and brought her to dinner, they kept at it until Rain shoved her heel into Evan’s foot and promised Cole that his crotch was next,” he said, smiling at the memory.

I felt the smile fall off my face. Hearing Rain had come by for dinner before was a little disappointing. I didn’t want him to share the same platonic feelings with me and have him assume I was fine with being friend-zoned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, picking up on my sudden quiet.

“We talked about being friends and I like having you as a friend. You’re kind and funny and you’ve come into my life at the exact time I needed someone like you,” I said with a blush heating my cheeks.

“But?”

“But I like you,” I whispered, glancing over my shoulder to ensure his family was still out of hearing distance. “I like you in a very non-friend way.”

His lips quirked in surprise. “I like you too.”

“Okay,” I said with uncertainty coating my voice. “How exactly do you like me? Do you like me in a way where you’ll willingly hold back my hair after too many shots of tequila? Or in a way where you want to discover if I’m hiding any secret birthmarks on my body?”

Levi blushed. “I like getting to know you and I don’t want to be your rebound guy. I probably should be more vocal about how I feel about you, but that’s not me. I’m the drummer… the one who goes unnoticed in the background.”

I let out a surprised guffaw. “Are you serious? You most definitely do not fade into the background.”

Levi was a wonder. He had no idea how most of the women at his shows weren’t aiming for his brothers when they were tossing their thongs on stage. Levi was the complete package: gorgeous, smart and talented.

“Well… thanks,” he murmured. He started to say more, but stopped when his mom called out from the other room.

After a beat, he brushed back my hair and set his hand against my cheek. His touch was gentle and the way his thumb grazed across my skin made me feel like Levi was starting to care for me in a way I’d never been cared for before.

“Do you want to go to dinner Friday? Just the two of us?” he asked.

“Don’t you have a show on Friday? I was going to come and invite Casey.”

“I forgot,” he said. “How about Saturday? I know we haven’t had the chance to spend a lot of time alone.”

“I’d love to,” I said, hearing the smile in my voice.

I kept smiling as I leaned into him. I began to fully appreciate how tall he really was. The fact that he towered over me made me feel feminine in a way I never had before. Kissing was always awkward because of my stature. But with Levi, he’d have to pull me into his arms to give me a proper kiss.

Levi seemed to read my thoughts and leaned down until his mouth was positioned over my ear. My thighs clenched as I felt his breath tickle my skin.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to kiss you—to taste you.” His voice was thick with desire. “I’ve had to draw on every ounce of self-control to not have my mouth on you.”

I felt close to collapsing into a dead faint as the rush of his words hit me. “I thought you thought of me as a friend.”

“No,” he said. “Friends don’t imagine how your voice will sound with my name on your lips as you come.”

His brothers and mom walked into the room and I was forced into silence. Levi moved away and took a seat at the dinner table. I couldn’t picture surviving the normalcy of dinner—chewing and swallowing when all I’d be able to think about was how Levi looked when he admitted to wanting me.

Beneath his dark, straight eyebrows, Levi’s hazel eyes were probing. My cheeks flushed and I tried to bite back my smile. Across the table, Levi grinned at me and I could see the relief he had from my reaction. There would be no games anymore. Every move I made with him going forward would be deliberate. Because I wanted to prove I had just as an active imagination about him and what he would be like in bed. I found myself welcoming his infiltration—of both my body and heart.

I opened my eyes to a world that wouldn’t stop spinning. Bile coated the back of my throat and I had to stay very still to fight against the urge to vomit. I focused on a small spot in the center of the ceiling until the nausea and dizziness passed. I took a deep breath and once I felt like I wasn’t going to get sick, I ventured into a sitting position. With a glance at the clock, I groaned at the time. It was ten after nine and Casey was due at my apartment in twenty minutes to get ready for Levi’s concert.

After an exhausting day of classes, I had curled up in bed and taken a nap. I figured I’d only be asleep for twenty minutes or so, but two hours passed. I wasn’t overly surprised by my need for more sleep. Thoughts of Levi had me up for hours on end as my anticipation grew for our upcoming date. The need to start the physical part of our relationship was apparently taking a toll on my body.

I was beyond excited about our date. We hadn’t been able to talk much during the dinner at his house since his brothers hijacked the conversation. His mom had been kind, but I saw wariness in her face when our eyes met across the table. I wasn’t sure what about me made her nervous, but I was beginning to recognize how tightly she clung to her youngest son.

I resolved to not let my unsettled stomach get the best of me. I didn't feel like I had the flu, so I reasoned my nerves were taking over as my date with Levi neared. Jumping out of bed, I flung open my closet and began tossing out random dresses onto the mattress. I’d have to dress in record time and still hope the end result was enough to give Levi very naughty ideas about the two of us together. Taking things slow wasn’t in my nature. I jumped in blindly, being led by my desires. To be honest, I was scared by how non-superficial my relationship with Levi was. He was getting to know me in an intimate way without ever removing a stitch of clothing.

Settling on a simple black sleeveless dress, I stripped down and shimmied into the dress. My stomach continued to feel better as the lightweight fabric brushed against my skin, and I anticipated Levi's gentle fingertips touching me in all the same spots later. Hurrying into the bathroom, I groaned at how disastrous my hair appeared. I’d have to tie it back to avoid rocking bed head at the show. My phone chimed as I started to apply my makeup and I smiled when I saw a text from Levi.

Can’t wait to see you tonight. What do you think of the new lyrics I came up with today: Roses are red, violets are blue, buy me a drink and I’ll sleep with you.

I typed out a quick reply.
Is that an invitation? Here’s one for you: Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m using my hand when I think of you.

You will be the undoing of me, Delia!

I laughed as I set the phone down on the counter. Before my eyes, I was going places I never thought I would. Levi and I had our own inside jokes. Next up, we’d have cutesy nicknames for one another and his and hers matching t-shirts.

After a rocky start to college, the tide was turning. I was coming to terms with accepting the person I was. I may never truly escape the label of the sex predator’s daughter, but I could pretend to be made of Teflon in order to survive the hatred aimed my way. Amazingly enough, I seemed to have met someone who didn’t give a rat’s ass who my father was and liked me in spite of my family tree.

The doorbell rang and although I wasn’t completely ready, I rushed to let Casey inside. Autumn was visiting my brother in Baltimore for the weekend and I avoided the debate over whether to invite her or not.

Casey whistled as I opened the door. “Damn girl, didn’t you get my memo to dress down in order to make me look prettier?”

I laughed. “Good, then I must look somewhat presentable. I overslept and had to throw something together.”

“Why so tired? Have you finally been having some late nights in bed with Levi?”

“No, but we do have a date tomorrow!” I trilled.

“That’s great, Delia. You need to move on from that asshole Wyatt.” Casey set down her purse on the couch and gave me a concerned look. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I saw him last week groping your old roommate in a filthy corner of the Theta Chi house.”

I waved her off. “You could’ve told me. I already guessed they were probably together after I saw a picture of the two of them on her computer. I’m over him and I’m over being the version of myself who fell for him. I know it’s only been a month and a half since we broke up, but I feel like our relationship happened years ago…”

I bit down on my lip as my voice trailed off. An uneasy feeling settled deep into my stomach and began to course through the rest of my body. Casey observed me with a confused look. “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t answer because I suddenly felt like someone reached inside of me and planted a ticking time bomb. My mind began to flash back over the past few weeks and I realized I’d been encased inside a safe bubble with Levi. Time was irrelevant as Levi and I grew closer. But Thanksgiving was a week away and if my calculations were correct, I hadn’t gotten my period in close to two months.

I sunk down onto the arm of the couch. “My period is late.”

“Oh shit, how late?”

“The last time I got it was the middle of September.” The nausea from earlier returned. “I didn’t think anything of it, but I’ve been feeling off lately. What if?”

Casey shook her head. “Don’t freak yourself out for no reason. Did Wyatt use a condom every time?”

“Yes. He complained, but when he understood he wasn’t getting any without one, he didn’t force the issue,” I said.

“Well, then there’s probably another reason you’re late,” Casey said in an even tone. “You’ve been stressed about breaking up with Wyatt and dealing with your family’s problems. A lot of stuff can cause a late period. When I was a freshman, I gained ten pounds and my cycle went completely haywire.”