Pretend You're Mine: A Small Town Love Story (38 page)

While everyone went back for seconds — and, in James’ and Ty’s cases, thirds — Harper pushed turkey and mashed potatoes around her plate. It all tasted like gravy-covered packing peanuts to her.

Luke didn’t touch much on his plate, either, preferring to refill his wine glass instead.

Conversation flew around them.

Gloria and Aldo teased each other with forkfuls of stuffing while Mrs. Moretta and Sophie argued good-naturedly about organic vegetables.

“When Aldo was growing up, he ate all the pesticide-laden broccoli I put in front of him and turned out just fine,” Mrs. Moretta, in her best turkey sweater, snickered.

Charlie and James took turns sneaking into the living room to check the score of the game.

As the action around the table died down, Joni, on Claire’s left, cleared her throat. “I just wanted to thank Harper and Luke for inviting me today. It’s been a hard few years, and it means so much that you still treat me like family. It’s good to be reminded of what’s really important in life, and you all have done that for me. So thank you for that. And Happy Thanksgiving!” She raised her wine glass.

Everyone raised their wine glasses. “To family,” Charlie said, winking at Harper.

“To family,” everyone echoed.

Aldo patted Harper on the back and winked at her. “Nice job, Harp,” he whispered.

She snuck a glance at Luke who was frowning into his empty glass.

T
hey decided to leave the dishes for later and run off some of the food with a friendly football game. As with all Garrison games, the friendly pick-up fun quickly turned into a skirmish.

Harper, Luke, Aldo, and Gloria squared off in the backyard against Ty, Sophie, and James while everyone else hunkered down in front of the TV to watch football or fall asleep.

After a few leisurely jogs down the “field,” Harper felt her spirits lift.

Safely out of Claire’s earshot, the siblings trash-talked playfully. James scored an early touchdown, and Luke criticized Harper’s defense. So on the next long bomb Ty threw, Harper was ready. She jumped on James’ back and hung on for dear life as he caught the ball.

With his free hand, James spun her around to his front and tossed her over his shoulder. He took off, unhindered by the extra weight, and didn’t stop until he was in the end zone next to Harper’s garden.

He spun her around in circles as she laughed.

“Oh my God, put me down or I’m going to barf on you,” she gasped.

Her feet no sooner hit the ground then Luke slammed into James like a runaway school bus. He shoved his younger brother back a pace.

“What the hell, man?” James shoved back. In the span of a second, they were on the ground wrestling.

“Luke!” Harper’s sharp tone did nothing to break it up.

Sophie smacked Ty in the chest. “What are you waiting for, Mr. Law and Order?” Get in there and break it up.”

“Soph, I just ate three plates of turkey. I can’t bend over.”

“For the love of —” Aldo charged into the fray and dragged Luke off of James. “Knock it off,” he ordered pushing Luke over to the patio. “Cool off before you make a bigger ass of yourself.”

“What’s your problem?” James looked more confused than pissed off.

Harper crossed her arms against the November chill. “He’s been drinking. A lot,” she said. “I don’t know what’s going on with him.”

Sophie shook her head. “You better find out before Mom catches wind of this. She’ll want to hook him up with a therapist next.”

“That’s way worse than a spanking,” Aldo said.

Harper sighed and crossed the yard to Luke. He was sitting on the picnic table examining a cut on the back of his right hand. He stared as a trickle of blood rolled off his hand onto the brick of the patio.

“Come on inside. I’ll clean that up for you,” she said, reaching for him.

He pulled back. “I can take care of it.”

Harper leaned in. “Don’t be an asshole. You’ve got two choices. You either go upstairs with me now to get this cleaned up, or I let Sophie tell your mom you just tried to tear your brother’s head off at Thanksgiving because his team was beating yours.”

“He had his hands all over you.”

“That’s bullshit and it’s not going to go over any better with Claire. Let’s go.”

The muscle in his jaw ticked, but he got up and followed her inside.

In their bathroom upstairs, she gently cleaned the cut with soap and water. “I can do this myself,” he grumbled.

Harper ignored him and taped a piece of gauze over the wound.

“What? So now you’re pissed at me?”

“Now? More like still,” she said coolly.

“What the hell do you have to be pissed about? You got everything you wanted.”

He stood up, towering over her. Hands on hips, Harper went toe to toe with him.

“I don’t know what is going on in that head of yours, but I’m guessing the beer and wine didn’t help. I’m pissed because once again you can’t be bothered to talk to me. What is going on with you? Is it coming home? Joni? Me? I’m not a freaking mind reader.” She poked him in the chest.

“You’re upset about something and it’s probably valid. But instead of talking to me about it, you just want to wallow in it and lash out.
That’s
what I’m pissed off about.”

She wiped her hands on the towel and threw it back on the counter. “So either go find someone to talk to or find some way to deal with it. Don’t take it out on everyone else.”

Harper made a move to brush past him but found herself caged against the vanity and between Luke’s arms.

She lifted her chin and stared him in the eye. For a second, she caught a glimpse of something beyond sadness. And then it was gone and he was crushing his mouth to hers with a need so intense it stole her breath.

“Goddamnit. Why do you do this to me?” Luke asked as his lips roamed her face. His hands streaked under her sweater. Busy fingers cruised to the front closure of her bra and flicked it open.

He filled his hands with her breasts and brought his mouth to hers.

They moaned together.

He slid a hand into the waistband of her yoga pants, fingers sliding over her slick folds and into her heat.

“I hate how much I want you.” His fingers drove into her tight center and she gasped at the invasion. His erection begged to be released.

He drove into her again and again, spreading her thighs further apart with his knee. She wanted to stay angry, but her body didn’t care. When Luke’s hands were on her, nothing else mattered.

“Luke!” Her breathy moan brought him back and he pulled his fingers out of her. Dropping his forehead to hers, he tried to catch his breath.

“Why do you let me use you like this?”

And with that, he pushed back and left the room.

Harper’s knees shook and she leaned against the sink for support. Use her? Is that what he thought he was doing?

***

I
t was hours before everyone left. But not before every plate, dish, and bowl were spotless and put back in their rightful places. Lola and Max took care of any floor cleanup and helped themselves to the secret plate of turkey that Charlie put under the dining room table for them.

Night had fallen, and Harper sat down with a cup of coffee in the kitchen to fight the exhaustion of an early rising and a full day of chaos. She was physically and mentally exhausted.

Luke had stopped drinking after their encounter upstairs. He had withdrawn to the living room where he remained, still watching TV.

How long could he live like this before he broke down and talked to her about what was going on in his head?

A stack of mail shoved against the backsplash caught her eye. Judging from the height of the pile, it was several days’ worth of mail. Luke’s disinterest in opening mail was one thing that hadn’t changed during his deployment or since his return.

She flipped through the stack, sorting as she went.

Harper’s fingers paused on the envelope with handwriting as familiar as her own. She held the letter gingerly between her fingers. Was it her imagination or could she actually feel the hate through the paper?

She had read each and every one of the letters in the past few years. Sometimes she boosted her bravery with a large glass of wine. Sometimes she waited until she was good and mad about something else before opening one. Sometimes, if things were good, she put it away for a few weeks before opening.

Anything to help build a wall between her and the violence simmering within the ink. However, the luxury of waiting days or weeks to read had passed. Now there was an urgency as time ticked down. Someday, she promised herself, she would feel nothing but pity when she opened these letters. And someday they would stop.

Taking a deep breath, she tore open the envelope. It was the usual single piece of lined notebook paper. The handwriting was a scrawling script that slanted and slashed across the page.

––––––––

M
y dear Harper,

It’s been too many years since our time together. Why haven’t you come to see me? Are you afraid? I think of you often. There is never a shortage of time here to think and to plan. I have so many plans for you and me. How will I ever choose where to begin? How will I impress upon you the price for these last twelve years? Because there will be a price to pay for taking so much of a man’s life. What have you done with these years? Whatever it is, it won’t be enough to cover the cost of what you took from me. I suppose we will both find out soon enough. Until December.

Daddy

––––––––

D
ecember. The years had finally ticked down to a handful of weeks and days. She went upstairs and pulled the box out of the back of the closet. She kicked the lid off and tucked the letter into the folder with the rest.

She would copy it and send it on its way tomorrow. Melissa would add it to her own file, but there was nothing either of them could do now. No more stays. Not this time.

She needed to tell Luke. It wasn’t just her anymore. Her past would now affect others. There was no way to keep this from him without putting him in danger. She wanted him to know. It was time to stop running, hiding.

Harper put the lid on the box and slid it back into its spot on the closet floor. She went downstairs and hovered just inside the living room door.

L
uke pretended not to see her standing in the doorway and stared blankly at the screen. He just wanted this day to be over.

“Luke, can I talk to you about something? It’s kind of important.”

He glanced in her direction and she took it as an okay.

“Something happened and I’m a little worried —”

He flicked a button on the remote, muting the TV. “I need to talk to you about something, too.”

“Okay. You go first.” She waited where she was.

“This isn’t working,” he said, his tone short.

“What isn’t?”

“You being here. Us.”

She stayed silent, eyes wide.

He stood up, pressed on.

“‘It’s just a night. It’s just a month. We’re just fostering.’
You came here and just took over. You keep thinking if you tell me everything is just temporary that I’ll let it slide. And maybe you were right. But it’s not going to work anymore.”

Harper flinched. “Luke, I’m so sorry. I never intended —”

“You built an entire life around a relationship that doesn’t exist.”

He saw the shock, the hurt.

“You know it exists. This isn’t something I made up in my head. I love you.”

“I don’t love you.”

She took a step back as if the words physically hurt her.

“We’re done here,” he turned to stalk out of the room, but Harper grabbed his arm.

“Is this because of Karen? I know you blame yourself. But it’s not your fault.”

“We’re not discussing this. You don’t know.” He tried to shrug her off.

“Luke, I know about the baby.”

He froze under her grip before he rounded on her.

“I let you into my home, into my life, and this is how you repay me? Invading my privacy?” It was boiling over. There was no keeping the lid on it now.

“I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m so sorry that you lost your family. I’m sorry that you feel responsible.” Her gray eyes welled with tears and he hated himself for it.

“I don’t
feel
responsible. I
am
responsible.”

“You can’t live the rest of your life blaming yourself for an accident that had nothing to do with you.”

“She was coming to bring me home.” He turned and paced. “We were going to tell everyone about the baby. Do you know how that feels? To anticipate the happiest moment of your life, to live for it for weeks, only to have it destroyed in front of you. I got off that bus and she was dying in mangled metal. Our baby died while I walked across that asphalt to where my family should have been. They died because I wasn’t there. They died because I came back.”

The tears were coursing down her cheeks now. He looked at her, with her sunny golden hair, her angel face.

She wasn’t for him. No one was. He had had his chance and blew it.

“You’re only here because she’s gone.” He whispered the words, which somehow made them sharper. “And you can’t take her place. Not with Joni and not with me.”

She nodded slowly. “I know that. I’m not trying to do that.”

“You shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this, Harper. I need you to go.”

She stood there, watching him. Hope and hurt in her eyes. “I can’t look at you without wishing she was here.”

The hope died.

She dropped her gaze to her feet. “I’ll pack a bag and come back for the rest of my things later.”

He didn’t say a word as she left the living room, just held on to the doorframe for dear life.

“I’m the one who shouldn’t be here,” he whispered to the dark.

***

U
pstairs Harper did what she had done dozens of times before. She packed a bag.

Numbness had swallowed her and she was grateful. She knew when the pain broke through it would be too much to bear. Keep moving. Don’t think. Just get it done. Get somewhere safe and then ... and then.