Pretend (80 page)

"No!" I screamed angrily as the paramedic dared to utter those words.

             
"Don't," I whispered as the tears began to burn my cheeks. I could feel all of the pairs of eyes on me but I didn't care.

             
"Please hone
y, you have to move back now," a female paramedic said in a gentle voice.

             
"No, you're not giving up on him, I won't let you!" I screamed down at them.

             
"Please, I am sorry but there is nothing more that we can do," she said in a sympathetic tone.

             
"You can try! He can't be gone. Try again, please, I'm begging you," I almost whispered as I looked down at Kyle's lifeless frame on the ground.
This couldn't be it. I won't let it be.

             
"April
,
don't do this," I heard Aiden whisper as he gently grabbed my arm.

             
"Get off of me!
" I screamed as I ripped my arm
free from his grasp.

             
"Do it again, now!" I screamed down at them.

             
"We can-"

             
"Yes you can! Either way there's nothing to lose. Just do it again or I will do it myself," I said in a stern voice as I pleaded with my eyes.

             
As I watched the female paramedic's eyes shift from me to the man who appeared to be in charge
, he gave a soft nod
indicating that she could do as I asked.

             
"Thank you," I whispered as I watched them take up the machinery again.

             
It was as if my body took in an automatic breath as I watched them get ready to shock him again. I couldn't lose him, not now. I couldn't let Mimi lose him or his mom or dad, it wasn't right. I watched as the plates rested on his chest as they prepared to shock him again. As the machinery caused his body to rise up and down
,
I gasped in anticipation. I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks as I watched her shake her head.

             
"I'm sorry," she said as she avoided my gaze.

             
"One more time," I growled through my tears.

             
"But-"

             
"One more time!"

             
"April, don't do this to yourself," I heard Crystal whisper, sympathetically. I didn't want her sympathy, I didn't need it. She didn't under
stand. N
one of them did.

             
"Again," I pleaded as the tears fell faster.

             
"One more time," the paramedic that was in charge said as he looked at me sympathetically.

             
As I watched
their failed attempt leave
Kyle's lifeless body, lying there
,
I felt my whole world end in that split second.
I had just lost a best friend. I couldn’t even put into words the pain that I felt. Nothing could prepare you for a moment like this. Nothing could make you understand this level of pain, nothing.
It was
over, he was gone. I was angry as I thought about what Jake had done. He wanted to hurt me and he had but that had cost Kyle his life and it wasn't fair. I slowly turned around, ignoring all of the whispers and gentle touches on my arm as I prepared to escape the pain. It was as if I was floating just above the ground and that nothing about the world was real anymore. As I began to walk away in a daze I suddenly heard one of the
paramedic
’
s
voices.

             
"There's a pulse."

             
I
froze
in utter disbelief as I tried to process the words. Please God, tell me that this isn't a dream. Tell me that this is real. Please say that when I turn around it will be real I pleaded and it was. I turned around and watched as the paramedics ran around his body frantically, moving quickly to get him in the back of the ambulance.

             
"You did it, he's ok. Come on
,
I'll drive to the hospital," Aiden said as he tried to bring me back to reality.

             
"No, stay away from me," I uttered as I looked into his shocked face.

"April?" He muttered, sounding more broken hearted than ever before.

             
"I can't," I said as I turned to where Anthony was stood in shock.

             
"Can you take me to the hospital?" I begged.

             
I
w
atched as he gave
Aiden a look that said 'I'm not betraying you' before he answered.

             
"Yeah, come on kiddo," he said in a gentle voice. I
t wasn't his usual playful tone. N
o one was th
eir usual self. How could we be?

             
I loved Aiden, I really did but knowing what it felt like to nearly lose him almost killed me and I needed a clear head for a minute, away from him. I needed to deal with Kyle first, I needed to get my head together.

             
"April
,
the paramedic said that you need to be checked over, you fainted," Jess tried to reason as I slid into the passenger seat of Anthony's cousin's car.

             
"I don't care, I'm going to the hospital," I mumbled before closing the door and turning to a bewildered looking Anthony.

             
"Drive," were the last words that were spoken before we got to the hospital.

* * *

             
Everything seemed to be a blur once we finally got to the hospital.
 

             
I was finally forced to get checked over
,
much to my dismay. The doctor said that I was fine but
that I
just needed to get some rest, not that I was going to listen to that right now. After having to listen to the many questions that the doctors and police asked me I had no more energy left inside of me.
 

             
"Oh April," Kyle's mom said as she saw me walk back into the waiting area. She threw her arms around me and let me cry into her beautiful white shirt.

             
"Is he..." I trailed off, feeling sick.

             
"He's fine, they're just waiting for him to come around," she said. I knew from her face that there was something that she was hiding from me but I didn't push any further.

             
"I'm so sorry," I whispered as she pulled me back to look into my face.

             
"This is not your fault," she said as she shook her head.

             
"But if it hadn't been for me then Jake wouldn't have-"

             
"No, what that boy did, he did because he is sick. They've taken him to get all the help that he needs and that's not for you to worry about anymore. You saved Kyle's life April, had you not have been so persistent I'd be sitting in a
morgue
this very minute," she said as she allowed the tears to run freely down her cheeks.

             
I couldn't say anything else.
I just stared into space
,
thinking about the one thing that I needed right now...Aiden.

             
I told him to leave me alone but the truth was that I needed him more than ever right now. I wanted him to be the one comforting me and telling me that everything was ok, the one who was holding me in his arms but I was scared. When I thought that it was Aiden who had been hit by Jake's truck I literally felt the air leave my body, I felt like I couldn't function anymore. I didn't feel like someone had died but as though a part of me had died and it scared the life out of me. I realised that the love that I felt for Aiden absolutely
terrified
me. As I pictured him lying there, dead, I literally couldn't imagine a world where he no longer existed, I didn't see how it could be possible for me to survive in a world like that and I couldn't take it. I pushed him
away because I came too close to realising that if he ever left me then that's how I would feel and I simply couldn't bare it. I not only wanted Aiden but I needed him. I realised in that moment that the love that I had for Aiden far exceeded the love that I had for myself. When I saw Kyle
lying
there I felt heartbroken and I prayed that he could be given another chance, that time could go back and things would change. When I thought that Aiden was lying there
,
I prayed that I could switch places with him...

             
As Kyle's mom and I parted, I took a seat on one of the grey chairs and slipped my phone out of my pocket and opened up a new text.

             
I need you

             
It was the only words that I wrote before clicking on Aiden's name. It wasn't even a minute before I received my reply.

             
I'm already here
 

             
As I felt my phone vibrate and read those words, I looked up to see Aiden stood behind the double doors, staring at me through the glass panel. I slowly stood to my feet as I felt my stomach drop. His face looked so sad and hurt. I could see how red and puffy his eyes were and all that I wanted to do was to take away his pain.

             
"Do you mind if I just," I said as I pointed towards Aiden.

             
"Of course not sweetheart. Look
,
it's been a long day, why don't you go home and get some rest," Mrs Edwards said as she stood up to face me.

             
"I can't, what if he wakes up-"

             
"Then I will be here, don't worry. I have your number, if there are any changes I will let you know," she said as she gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

             
"Are you sure?" I asked.

             
"Of course
,
now go and sort things out," she said as she used her head to gesture towards Aiden.

             
"Thank you," I said as I threw my arms around her again.

             
"No, thank you," she said as she squeezed me a little tighter.

             
As I walked towards the double doors that currently parted me and Aiden, I could feel my heart beat increasing every step of the way. I hesitated slightly before pushing the door open.

             
"Hey," he said as I finally stood in front of him.

             
As he stared into my eyes with so many different emotions on his face I did the one thing that I had needed to do all day. I ran into his arms and I kissed him. I kissed him like my life depended on it and I didn't want to stop. As he gently pulled away to look into my eyes, still holding my face in his hands I watched as the tears began to roll down his cheeks.

             
"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I held his gaze.

             
"This wasn't your fault April," he said as he kept staring at me.

             
As I felt his touch on me, I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds so that I could bottle up this moment. I never wanted to forget it, the feel of him so close
after I thought that I would never feel him again
. I wanted to remember feeling that way forever.

             
"I didn't mean to push you
awa
-"

             
"
Ssshh
.
You don't need to explain, I understand," he whispered.

             
"You do?"

             
"Yes. When Kyle pushed me, it was all so fast that I thought that I had actually been hit by Jake's truck..." he began as I could see him struggling with the memory of it all.

             
"When I hit the ground, I thought, I thought that it was over, I thought I was..." He trailed off as he fought with the tears.

             
"I thought that I was going to die April and I
was so scared. I was terrified."

             
"It's
ok,
I would have been too-"

             
"No
,
it wasn't that. I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared because the
only thing that I could think wa
s that I may never see you again and it
terrified
me," he said as the shock filled my body.