PreHeat (Fire & Ice) (4 page)

I hesitated, realizing my night of possibly getting lucky wasn't going to happen. “Of course.” Really, she knew she didn't have to ask.

“Thanks. So what's been up with you?”

I had just talked to her on the phone this afternoon and nothing exciting had happened since then. “Nothing much. I was just going to take a shower and check my website stats.” While I was talking I heard my phone's text tone and rushed to my purse.

Is Cheryl there?

Yes

Damn. I'll call you tomorrow.

OK

“Secret boyfriend?” Cheryl's question had me looking up guiltily.

“No. Why would you say that?”

“Because it's almost midnight?” she questioned.

“I wish. Nah, it was work. Jerry was feeling sick earlier and he's not coming in tomorrow. He's just giving me a heads up.” I felt bad having to lie to my best friend. This was exactly the kind of situation I was trying to avoid. “So tell me about this duplicator.”

She started talking about Paulo's wedding fund raid, but all I could focus on was what might have happened if she'd arrived twenty minutes later. There was no reasonable explanation that I could give her as to why her brother would have been here. It was like a sign telling me what I already knew; things with Carter couldn't work. I decided to turn my letdown into anger on Cheryl’s behalf (and a bit of my own). Goddamn Paulo and his stupid duplicator.

I woke up feeling grouchy. I hadn't been able to get to sleep for hours after my thwarted midnight rendezvous. I didn't blame Cheryl, she'd just done what we'd always done—shown up without warning. It wasn't like she knew she would be breaking up my good time. What it did drive home was why a relationship with Carter was doomed. I would be lying to myself if I said that I wasn't disappointed, I was. I enjoyed his company and I'd discovered we had a lot in common.

He was a prolific reader, not of romance novels, though, and he liked to cook. He also enjoyed hitting the Springs in the summer, one of my favorite things to do when I had the opportunity. I had even imagined hiking down to my favorite spot with Carter. Not happening. I picked up a pillow and put it over my face before letting out a frustrated scream. It made me feel slightly better, so I got up to make coffee and feed Lucy. Cheryl was already gone. She was an early riser and not only had she folded up the sheet and blanket that she'd used on the couch, she'd made a pot of coffee. There was a sticky note on top of the machine that said “8:30” so I knew it was still drinkable.

I poured some kibble into Lucy's bowl and made myself a cup of super sugary coffee while she ate, wondering how I was going to tell Carter that lunch and anything else was off. Finally, I sent him a text telling him I was busy and couldn't meet. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable, but I didn't feel like dealing with it this morning.

I tried to ignore the buzzing coming from my purse. It had to be Carter. Again. He'd been calling and texting me for the last two hours. I knew I was being stupid by not answering, but the more time went by, the less sure of my decision I felt. I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen.

I'm not going to stop calling until you talk to me. I'm going to become that weirdo stalker guy you've heard of. Don't make me be that guy. :)

I smiled in spite of myself. He was entertaining, even when I was trying to avoid him. I shouldn't avoid him, though. He had a right to know that I had second thoughts and that I wasn't comfortable with the way things were going anymore. I was acting like I was in high school, and that wasn't the way to handle things. I decided to be a grown up and call him.

“Justine?”

“Hey Carter.”

There was a slight pause before he spoke. “I wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

“Everything is fine. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier.” I took a deep breath for courage and quickly said my piece. “I’ve been thinking and realized that things would be better if we just stayed friends.” I felt a stabbing sensation in my chest as I said the words. He had become
significant.
In fact, I could hardly believe how fast things had gotten serious, at least for me. I wasn’t ready to drop the “L” word, but I’d definitely thought about it. More than was wise, probably.

He let a few seconds go by before he answered me. “Hmm. Well, I don't agree with that.”

“What?”

“I think you
do
want more from me. I also think Cheryl showing up last night freaked you out.”

“No, Cheryl coming by only reinforced what I had been thinking.” I was such a liar that I didn't even sound convincing to myself.

“Come on. You know that's not true. I was on my way over last night on
your
invitation. You weren't luring me over to kick me to the curb were you?”

“Of course not.” Crap. I may as well spill it. “Her coming over made me see that it was probably a good idea to cool it. I don't like hiding things from her.” That was the crux of my problem, and I wasn’t ready to make waves when it felt like so many things in my life were changing.

“Then don't hide it.” He made it sound so simple, but it wasn't, not to me.

“I think I need more time.” I heard him sigh. “Will you come over tonight?”

“I’ll be there, but don’t spend the day trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t.”

“I won’t. I promise,” I said that more for myself than for him. Luckily, he was pretty good at making me forget everything but how nice it was to be with him.

***

The past few weeks had been fabulous. I hadn't realized how much I would enjoy being with a man who “got” me. The real me, my slightly nerdy, introverted self. Carter was interested in what I had to say. He also made me feel pretty. Not that I thought that I was ugly, but spending so much time in a hot kitchen took its toll on my face and hair, so I usually didn't bother with makeup or doing more than pulling my hair into a bun at the back of my head, a necessary fashion statement due to the health code if I didn't want to wear a hat or hair net.

Anyway, I'd been looking forward to my Monday evenings with increasing excitement. I’d never felt this much this soon for anyone, but maybe all of the years that I’d known him had built up a foundation that I hadn’t been paying attention to.

I still felt a little guilty for not sharing this new development with Cheryl, but I was so nervous of her reaction that it seemed easier to put it off until I was
sure
that my budding relationship with Carter was going to become more serious. Of course, my reluctance to acknowledge him, even to Cheryl, was a bit of a sore subject between us. He felt that I was making him into a dirty secret, but that wasn't true, at least not entirely.

The reality was that I was scared. I didn't have a close relationship with my mother, and since I never knew my father and had no siblings, I had a tendency to feel lonely. Meeting Cheryl had been a blessing. Not only had she become closer to me than anyone ever, her parents had taken me under their wing and gave me a sense of family that I had longed for most of my life. That was probably the biggest issue I had with coming “out” to Cheryl. If things went bad with Carter, and let’s face it, they would if my track record was anything to go by, Sharon and Robert, and possibly even Cheryl, would take Carter's side. That would leave me back where I started—alone. I wasn't ready to chance it. That didn't stop me from thinking more and more that what I felt for Carter was special and had the potential to be something important to me. He
was
important to me.

I did a quick sweep of the living room to make sure everything looked nice. He was on his way over, and since we had taken our relationship to the sexual level, we had had sex both times we had seen each other since. I was pretty sure that genie wasn't getting stuffed back into the bottle and I didn't want it to be. I was a normal woman and I enjoyed sex as much as anyone. It just so happened that I enjoyed sex with Carter more than I usually did. It wasn't even that we were doing anything out of the realm of regular sexual activity, but it seemed better somehow,
more.
Or maybe I was just being silly.

I had been in a sexual drought for months, so it was possible that I had forgotten what good sex felt like. That was more than probable, really, because even while I was dating my last boyfriend, John, the sex was nothing to brag about. That could have been one of the reasons he had cheated on me, and although I was pissed at being the stupid cheatee, I was more upset about the “who” than anything else.

John was no prize, and not much of a loss, but my line cook, Laura, was another matter entirely. It had been awkward to have to go into work and see her smug face every day when I wasn't even missing him. He was an afternoon DJ at the local classic rock station, and we'd met when he was doing a remote at the restaurant—giving away tickets to a show and other freebies in a cross-promotion that Gina had set up. He'd been cuter than I'd imagined from his voice, and I had been flattered with the attention. He'd become more of a habit than a great love, and with my schedule it was a lot easier to let things ride and have the occasional date than be alone.

Of course, when Laura let it “slip” that she and John had been seeing each other I'd felt betrayed, but the hurt was mostly from my ego. I hadn't harbored any dreams about John being “the One” so it hadn't been hard to cut my losses. When Laura had quit last month, I had only felt relief that the reminder of my wasted year with John wasn't staring me in the face every day.

The only downside of her departure had been that she'd told Frank that I had created a hostile work environment, and he'd made it clear that he was going to keep a sharper eye on how I ran the kitchen. It was just another reason that I had been feeling anxious about trying something different, ala Just Add Heat. It was nice to be able to focus on something that was actually mine.

But things were different with Carter. I didn't think about Heavenly Vegetables or even my past dating failures. I spent my time with him thinking about good things, my favorite things, and learning more about Carter. I had discovered that he was a huge fan of Star Wars, not really my cup of tea, but it was interesting to see him talk about it. His art was another part of him I hadn't known much about. He had wanted to major in fine arts, but his parents had (wisely, I thought) steered him in a direction that he had a hope of actually earning a living with. These days most of his creativity was funneled through a computer, but since I was on the receiving end of some of that talent, I thought he had made a pretty good choice.

It was nice to be able to talk with someone that had creative leanings since I did too, although mine were predominantly food related. In so many ways he reminded me of Cheryl, which was probably why I felt such an affinity towards him from the beginning, and that brought me right back to my original problem. Unfortunately, I was having some trouble getting over it.

***

“Oops, sorry. Aiigh!”

Cheryl had opened the living room door while my eyes were closed and her scream had jolted me from my concentration on achieving my orgasm. When I opened my eyes and turned my head to the noise, I let out a piercing scream of my own. “Aaiiigh!”

“Oh my god! What is going on?”

“Fuck Cheryl, can't you knock?” Carter yelled while gallantly getting off of me and sitting in front of my body on the couch.

“Carter, what the fuck?”

“Cheryl turn around,” I pleaded while trying to sit upright. She just stood there staring until Carter spoke.

“Damn Cheryl, take a picture.”

“How long has this been going on?” She was looking directly at me and I couldn't do anything but cover my face with my hand.

“Oh my god.”

“Cheryl, would you please give us a minute here?” She finally walked towards the kitchen.

I grabbed for my bra. Cheryl had just come upon me having sex with Carter and her reaction was more extreme than I had imagined. Of course, I had never dreamed that she would walk in on me having sex with
anyone
, so the scream was understandable.

 “I knew this was a bad idea.” I pulled the straps over my arms as I shook my head. “I'm sorry, Carter, but we can't be together this way. I told you this wouldn't work.” It didn't make me feel any better to know that I had been spot on in my assessment of how Cheryl would react. It sucked.

“Don't say that. This was just a surprise for us all.”

“No Carter. Cheryl wasn't merely surprised, she was horrified.”

“Please Justine; give me a minute with Cheryl, okay?” He was already dressed, and I nodded as I pulled my tee shirt over my head and picked up my panties off of the coffee table.

What the hell had I been thinking?
I had to end things with Carter now and hope that Cheryl wouldn't hold it against me. Wasn't the saying “Bro's before Ho's” or something? It didn't apply directly to this situation, but it was possible she would take the saying literally, choosing her brother over me. Not that there was any choice to be made, not by her, anyway. She might be angry that I was keeping secrets from her, which I was, but there was no either/or situation at this point.  I could still play it off as a one-off lapse of judgment. Heck, she'd been telling me that I needed a man for months now.

My ears were beginning to buzz and my heart was pounding. I hated confrontation, and even if Cheryl wasn't mad I was going to have to explain myself somehow. Then I had to make Carter see that I had been right all along. This evening had turned to crap, and it had started off so well.

I had just stepped into my yellow capri pants when Cheryl walked back into the living room. I couldn't stop the blush that swamped me, but with this level of embarrassment I would expect no less.

“You couldn't do better than Carter?”

I was taken aback by her words. There was nothing wrong with him and I had done a whole lot worse—many times.