Pregnant Pause (16 page)

Anyway, the ILs made sure Lam and I got the same day off this time so that we can spend quality time together. It's like the MIL finally gets it; if she really wants the baby, then she has to be nice to me, not jump all over me because she's mad I married her precious son, and if we decide to keep the baby, then it's better for the baby if Lam and I are actually happy together, so now she's so sweet to me it makes me want to barf. It feels so fake. Still, I guess it's better than getting blamed for everything that goes wrong at this camp.

So today, Lam, Ziggy, and I all have our day off at the same time, and I'm looking forward to the three of us having a good time. And yeah, okay, I know how much of a threat Ziggy could be to our marriage, but I'm not going to let anything happen. We can all just be friends. It can work, can't it?

The MIL surprised me this morning by handing me an envelope with fifty dollars in it. She said, "Go buy yourself a new dress today; my treat." That was pretty nice, but I don't want to buy a dress. I'm three and a half weeks away from my due date, and I feel like I ought to fix up our cabin better and get all the junk off the floor and put it in some drawers or something. I want to buy a chest with the money. I don't wear dresses normally; it's just that they're the only things comfortable right now. Everything else is too binding, including my underpants and the straps of my sandals. I can't wait to be rid of this baby inside me. It's really dragging me down. I want to sleep all the time now, but when I do lie down, I can't ever get comfortable.

I've been looking forward to my day off just so I could take it easy, maybe go into town for a bit, then get a bite to eat and take a long nap.

"So I was thinking," I say to Lam and Ziggy as we're heading down to the parking lot by the lake, "I want to go to this secondhand furniture store they've got in Rumford and see if I can pick up some kind of chest for my clothes. Then we can all go get pizza or something."

"Or you and me could go to the Adventure Center in Bethel, and then get some pizza," Lam says, taking my hand and helping me over the rocks, which I can barely see 'cause my stomach's in the way.

"No pizza," Ziggy says. "Remember, Elly, how dizzy you got when they served pizza here last week? You went chalk white like you were going to faint."

"Oh, yeah, and I felt all clammy. Yeah, that was bad, but maybe it was because it was fake cheese. It was that low-fat soy cheese crap."

Lam looks mad about something.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask.

Lam shrugs. "Nothing. I just thought we should have some time alone. No offense, Zig, but three's a crowd."

"But I've spent my days off at the library all alone every week. I'm ready for some fun. Come on. Let's have some fun—the three of us," I say.

"I wouldn't mind looking at that secondhand furniture place. I need a new chair for my desk in my apartment at school," Ziggy says.

"Since when is looking at other people's garbage considered fun?" Lam says. His voice sounds snarly.

We're at the cars now, and Lam opens the door to the passenger side of his Jeep for me. Ziggy stands aside and looks like he doesn't know if he's supposed to get in, too, or not.

"Come on, Ziggy," I say, then to Lam I add, "We can do the Adventure Center, but Ziggy's coming."

"Fine," Lam says, "but when our whole marriage falls apart because we have no time together, don't blame me."

Ziggy steps back from the car. "Okay, look guys. I don't want to cause any friction. You two go on and have fun. I'll be fine on my own. Just tell me where that furniture store is. I think I'll have a look around." I give Ziggy directions while Lam taps his fingers on the soft top of his Jeep. And I always thought Lam was a patient person.

The whole way into Bethel, Lam and I argue over Ziggy. Lam says we're too close and that it's worse than him and Gren because there was nothing really between them, but Ziggy and I clearly have a relationship going on.

"Yeah, nothing but sex with you and Gren," I say. "How much more intimate can you get?"

"Lots," Lam says, and I realize, thinking of Ziggy and some of our conversations and how I'd much rather be shopping at a used furniture store with him than going to the center with Lam, that maybe he's right, so I shut up about it and try to change the subject. Lam won't have it.

"What gives him the right to know that pizza makes you sick? Why didn't I know that? Why didn't you tell me that?"

We're riding down a long, steep, twisty hill, and Lam keeps looking over at me, and he's staring too long instead of keeping his eyes on the road. It makes me edgy. "Hey!" I shout. "First of all, I didn't even remember about the pizza, because I didn't consider the crap we ate real pizza. Then, second of all, you weren't there because you were busy screwing Gren, so don't give me this hurt-little-boy act like I'm whispering secrets to Ziggy. Third, aren't we supposed to be having fun? Is this the fun part? Because I'm not smiling."

Lam calms down after that and pretty much keeps his eyes on the road, at least for a little while.

We do have fun together, and it almost feels like old times except I'm not high—just Lam is, and what I want to know is, did he always act so stupid when he was high and I just didn't notice, or is he just now acting stupid for some reason? He's driving like a maniac on purpose, speeding up and over Paradise Road like he thinks we're on a roller coaster. My baby doesn't like this one bit, but does Lam listen? No!

We spend a couple of hours at the arcade in the Adventure Center, and Lam gets into the zone, kind of like he's hypnotized, then we rent a canoe, which is crazy, I know, because we can paddle one anytime for free back at the camp, but it's not private and romantic like it is paddling alone on the Androscoggin River. It's such a gas, too, because I need Lam and two men to help me in and out of the canoe, and my end sinks down almost as far as Lam's does. Speaking of gas, man, do I have it. I read about getting gas in the "having a baby" books, but I didn't really get how bad the gas could be when you're pregnant. Still, Lam thinks it's a riot, and so we have a good time. We stay up where the river is lazy and just paddle along and talk, and Lam tells me he's thinking about opening a cigar store some day.

"A cigar store? Lam, you don't even smoke cigars."

"Yeah, but I'm planning on starting up. Lots of cool guys smoke cigars."

"But they stink."

"So does pot, and that never bothered you," Lam says.

We're in a really still spot on the river and we're not even paddling, just letting the canoe drift along. The sun is high and there's a breeze, and it's a perfect day.

"Still, it's a dumb idea," I say.

Lam flicks his paddle so water splashes on me. "No, it's not."

I laugh and flick my paddle back at him and he gets wet. "Is, too."

Then he strikes back, and then I do, and then it's war, and before long, Lam is standing in the canoe so he can really dump the water on me, and I'm screaming and laughing at the same time because he's rocking the boat. I know he's going to fall overboard. I shift just slightly to get in a better position to soak him back, and the canoe flips, and we both fall in.

"Pregnant lady overboard!" Lam hollers, but there isn't a soul on the river to hear him.

We have a time flipping the canoe back over, even though it's one of the first lessons he teaches the campers, mainly because I'm not helping any. The water feels so good and cool on my body. I'm just floating on my back. It's the most comfortable I've felt all summer.

"Hey, why don't you just leave me here until after the baby comes? This feels really good. Now I know why some women have babies in the water."

"Forget about it. You're going to the hospital."

That's when I decide that I really ought to call that doctor I saw three or so months ago and let him know that I'm still pregnant and due in a few weeks. Hopefully he'll still deliver the baby even if I haven't been seeing him. Maybe I can lie and say I've been out of town. I don't know. I've been lying to everyone about seeing the doctor, and I feel guilty about it because everyone, including the MIL, has believed me.

Since we're soaked, after we return the canoe, we order stuff from McDonald's and eat it in the car, then when Lam goes into the gas station to buy a pack of Camels, I hook up my cell phone charger to his cigarette lighter, dig through my purse for the number of the doctor, and speak to someone called a nurse practitioner. I tell her that I'm still pregnant and stuff. I lie and say I've been in Kenya and that's why I haven't been to see the doctor, but I'm back now. She suggests I come in so they can make sure everything's okay, and I say how I only have this one day off this week, so wouldn't you know she tells me I should come right now.

Lam comes out with his Camels, and I figure he's going to be mad that we've got to go to the doctor's, but he isn't. He says he's proud of me for thinking of it. We head to the doctor's office, and I'm shaking, half because I'm scared and half because I'm still wet and they have the air conditioner on high. People are staring and making snarky faces at me and Lam because we're wet, and Lam and I are having fun with that. He holds my hand, and like old times, it's us against the world, and screw them.

The doctor doesn't do much except listen to the baby's heartbeat, check my pelvis and uterus, weigh me, take my blood pressure, and ask me a bunch of questions. He gets me good with, "When did you get back from Kenya?" because I tell him I only just got back, and he says with alarm in his voice, "You mean you flew eight months pregnant all the way from Kenya?"

"Oh, no," I say. "When I mean I just got back, I mean like a couple of months ago, only I haven't had time to connect with you."

I know my face is beet red, and suddenly I'm not freezing anymore—I'm drenched in sweat, but he doesn't go on about it. He probably knows I'm lying my ass off.

Finally he says, "Well, everything looks to be a go, young lady. The baby is in the right position—everything's good. Of course you know your pelvis is very narrow. We'll have to do a C-section. You'll need to prepare yourself for that, but otherwise, it's all going to go just fine, so you can wipe that worried look off your face."

Worried? More like panicked. C-section? A C-section!

"They can't cut me open—no way," I whisper to Lam on the way out of the doctor's office.

"They'll give you some awesome drugs, and you'll be totally out," Lam says. "Don't worry. You won't know anything until they put the baby in your arms."

"Yeah, I'd better not."

On the way out we actually schedule the delivery date for the last week of camp, on Tuesday, my day off. Can you believe it? How crazy is that? Scheduling it like it's a hair appointment. Then the nurse talks to us about insurance and stuff. My parents had set that up because they still claim me as a dependent, even though I just got married, so everything is ready, and I guess I'm glad I called and showed up this time for the exam.

Lam and I are feeling all lovey-dovey after the doctor's visit, and after we get back to camp, we talk in the car about how this baby inside is made from the two of us. "How amazing is that?" I say.

"Scary amazing," he says, nodding to himself.

"Yeah, 'cause no offense, but I wouldn't want either of us for a kid," I say.

"Exactly." He keeps nodding. "But neither one of us looks like chopped liver, either. It might turn out to be pretty good-looking."

"I hope it has your eyes," I say.

"I hope it has your mouth. You have the perfect mouth." He leans over and kisses me.

So we're kissing and whatnot in the parking lot by the lake. Lam parked in the shade and it's dark and hidden from any nosy campers there, but after a few minutes I see Ziggy's car pull up right next to ours.

I push Lam off of me. "Ziggy's here," I say.

"So what?" Lam says. "Let him watch." Lam grabs me, and I push him away again.

"Lam, come on, stop. That's not nice."

Lam scoots away and crosses his arms and scowls. "Your crush on Ziggy's what's not nice. He's a wuss."

I slap Lam's arm and laugh, even though I don't mean to. "Shut up!"

Ziggy is at my window, and he motions for me to roll it down. I glance at Lam, then open my window. "Hey," I say. "Did you have a good day off?"

"Yeah, great. I found a chest of drawers for you. I think you'll like it."

"What? Ziggy, you shouldn't have." I blush and glance at Lam again, and he's got this punk-like pout on his face. I don't know what to do, but then Ziggy opens my door and holds his hands out for me, so what can I do but take 'em and get out of the car?

Lam gets out on his side and slams the door and kicks it. He's pissed, and I think Ziggy wants him to be. I'm hoping the chest is really ugly, or too beat up, so Lam won't be so mad, but no, the chest is wicked cool.

Ziggy has the trunk of his car open and tied down with a piece of rope. The chest is sticking out about a third of the way, and as soon as I see it, I know I love it. It's old and it's painted a teal blue. I love teal.

Ziggy unties the rope and lifts the lid of his trunk, and I see a small bouquet of flowers painted in the center of each drawer, and each drawer has these old red glass knobs for drawer pulls. "Awesome!" I say, before I can catch myself. But really, it's too awesome. I'm so excited. It has to be the prettiest chest in the world.

"Wow! Ziggy, where did you find this? Thank you. It's so pretty. Lam, isn't it so beautiful?" I take Lam's arm in mine, hoping he'll see that even if it is pretty, I'm still on his side, but Lam just lets his arm hang limp. "Yeah, it's real girly," he says, and I know he's implying that Ziggy is real girly, and so does Ziggy.

"Anytime, anywhere," Ziggy says. He punches his fist into his other hand and glares at Lam.

Lam loves a good fight, and I'm pretty sure he'd crush Ziggy. They're both about the same height, but Lam is used to fighting, and I doubt Ziggy is. I've seen Lam's hands do some major damage. I find myself wishing Leo were there, just in case they really start to fight. I don't know why. Maybe he'd throw himself into the middle of the fight and get his head knocked off, but somehow I think everything would calm down if Leo were here.