Pravda (45 page)

And the day did not relent. At one, still feeling helpless, anxious, and now hungry, Isabella stood alone in the cream-colored bedroom that her brother had shared with Lina for the past four years, packing a torn English translation of
War and Peace
into the final box of this trip and wondering if she would make it down to the car with all the remaining plastic bags and the holdall in one go. She did not want to come back up. Gabriel had set off again in the van. Adam was in the car waiting for her. He had been roped in (by Susan) to help. Poor, poor Lina was at her mother's.

Staring at the book, she allowed herself to access the secret cargo of guilt she had been carrying since Gabriel's call for help: perhaps
...perhaps indirectly she had been the cause. Had she not in some way prompted him to this decision in the pub? Had she been too forthright about leaving Sasha? By showing off about her decisiveness (and that, she knew, was what she had been doing), had she not thrown his indecision into relief, made him feel his inaction as a fault? And now he had gone and done this. Taken a cheap room in a shared house in Chalk Farm on what looked like the rashest impulse of his life.

She opened the book, knowing well that the inscription would be in her mother's hand.

Dear Gabriel, I hope one day you will read this book and find in it all the life that I do! Life is all there is—it seems obvious enough, but you will be amazed at how many people forget. And for Tolstoy, as for his Pierre Bezukhov, the only duty is to life itself: "Life is everything. Life is God." Even in the fever of our wars and the squandering of our peace. Happy Birthday! Again!

Love,
Mum

Isabella had the same edition herself, also a birthday present from her mother. Though, as she recalled, her inscription was to do with Tolstoy saying that "the one thing necessary, in life as in art, is to tell the truth."

Oh Mum, Mum, Mum.

The doorbell rang, startling her. Or rather, the doorbell chimed. She put the book in the holdall with the rest, swung it over her shoulder, and then bent to pick up the box and various plastic bags. She remembered (with a bite of her lip) that it had once been one of those nerve-shredding London buzzers, before Lina took action. Now it was a Serenity Chime.

And Isabella had to let it chime serenely all the way to the final chord as she struggled into the hall, the holdall creeping forward and refusing to stay properly over her shoulder, the plastic bags straining at her fingers, the box weighing her down.

Jesus. I'm coming. Persistent bastard. Surely not Gabriel? No, he would come straight up. For a horrible moment she thought that maybe it was Lina, returning impromptu from her mother's, and that there would now be more tears and that terrible slow-motion anguish. And what in Christ's name was she, Isabella, going to say? But then she realized with relief that Lina, of course, had keys to her
own flat. And Lina would not come back now the decision had been made, however unconvincingly, however madly. Because in her own way, Lina was far stronger than Gabriel knew. And though he was the emotional vandal now, in the long run it would be her brother whose suffering was greater. Dear God. Ten percent more or less of a bastard and Gabs would have been fine.

The chime built toward its final chord again. She managed to put down the box on Lina's little telephone table without everything underneath sliding to the floor. It must be Adam. He had been waiting with his car and partially blocking the narrow road—maybe there was a warden. Desperate to prevent the whole cycle from beginning again, Isabella grabbed the entryphone, one hand still balancing the box, fingers now white and taut from the heavy handles of the bags.

"Hello. I'm just coming down."

But it wasn't Adam. The accent was East European. "Hello—this is Gabriel Glover?"

"Nope."

"This is Gabriel Glover's house?"

"Yes ... No. Yes. For about another two minutes, anyway."

"I am sorry. May I speak with Gabriel Glover, please?"

"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment." Some strange friend of her brother's, she guessed. "But I'm coming out. Hang on a second."

For heaven's
sake.
She hung the thing back on the wall, placed the key in her teeth, hoisted box, bags, and holdall, pulled the door shut behind her with her trailing foot. Probably some Sunday thing her brother had forgotten about. Not surprisingly. She put everything down on the stairs, locked the door, jiggling the key against the stiffness, picked everything up again, cursed her brother, and set off for the front door.

She did not regret offering to help Gabriel move, of course—she would gladly have offered to fetch his things from hell itself—but she was conscious that innocent Adam had been volunteered as a supplementary driver without being present at the discussion. And having carried out the best part of a trunk's worth himself, he was no doubt anxious to return to his own (much better) life. She reached the front door in a hurry, therefore, as well as a fluster.

A tall, gaunt-looking man in a dreadful dark brown suit was waiting just outside as she stepped into the colorless light with the box underneath her chin, threatening to spill. She was aware of Adam double-parked and leaning across so he could see out of the passenger window. And the books were heavy.

Before she could say anything, though, and just as the main door swung shut behind her, the man spoke.

"Hello. I am here to see Gabriel Glover, please. He said to me to meet him here at one. Is he inside this house?"

She tried to nod over the box as she paused in her stride. She recognized the accent now—Russian. Of course. But it was hard to tell if the formality of his manner was a function of his speaking English or the purpose of his visit. Obviously her brother had some strange friends—either that or gambling debts.

"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment. Now is not a good time. What is it about? I'll tell him that you ca—oh, shitting hell." The holdall had swung around again, off her shoulder, and she was in danger of losing some books from beneath her chin.

The man stepped forward, and before she had time to wonder what he was going to do, or for that matter to be afraid, he had taken the box.

"Thanks. Thanks..."He remained motionless while she sorted out all the bags. She looked up and met his eyes—sunken, turquoise, arresting. "Thank you."

"Are you Isabella?"

The question took her completely aback. They stood on the doorstep facing each other for a second.

"Yeah—yes. I'm Gabriel's sister." The books clearly weren't half so heavy for him, though he held the box oddly, she noticed, resting it on his arms, which he stretched out in front of him as if he were a forklift, hands free at the end. The guy must know her brother quite well after all. She relaxed a few fractions.

"Sorry." She indicated the car. "We're in a rush. You're lucky you came today. Gabriel is moving out. This is all his stuff. Or unlucky, I suppose. There's been a bit of an upheaval. You're—"

"My name is Arkady Artamenkov. I am here from St. Petersburg. Your brother told me to come to this house to talk to him ... to talk to both of you. This is how I know your name."

And only now it occurred to her that it was something to do with her mother. Her curiosity sparked. The bags were murdering her fingers again.

"Hang on." She started toward the car. Adam reached over his shoulder and opened the back door, and she placed the bags and holdall on the floor.

"Sorry," she said to Adam, "just one sec "

The man was now standing behind her, holding the box. She turned, took it from him, and dumped it flat on the back seat.

"Thank God for that." She stood up straight as he took a step back. "Is it something to do with the flat?"

"No, no." The other's face changed, as if he realized that she was mistaking him completely. "No, I am sorry. I am a friend of your mother from Petersburg. I know your mother very well. Today I was going to speak with your brother about this, about her. He said you would both be here."

"Oh. Oh God, sorry." She wanted to send Adam home alone. She considered a second. No, it simply wasn't fair. Her curiosity was burning her up now, though, and she felt her neck going red. She must get his number and organize another time. Gabriel should be there too. The guy's English was better than she had first thought. She softened her tone. "Oh, I
see
...Sorry. What a balls-up." She put her hand through her hair. "It's just a very bad day today. My brother is—
Gabriel
is—moving out because he and his girlfriend, Lina, are splitting up. For a while."

"I used to practice on your mother's piano at her apartment on the Griboedova in St. Petersburg."

"You are a musician?" Why hadn't Gabriel told her anything about this?

"Yes. I play the piano. She ... she said to me many things about you. We were supposed to talk together today."

"Right, right, right. Oh, well, we have to arrange another time." She glanced at the car. A scaffolding truck was turning into the road. It would not be able to get past. "I—we—would love to meet up. We really would. Is there a number I can call you on? I'm so sorry about this."

"No. I—I—I do not have a phone."

"Okay. Is there a way of getting in touch with you?"

His head fell and he seemed to be looking at his feet.

"How about ... how about this Friday?" Give Gabriel some time, she thought; yes, he would want to be there. "Erm ... whereabouts are you based?"

"I do not understand." He looked up again.

"Where are you staying?"

"Oh, near Harrow Road."

"Well, to be honest, the simplest thing to do is say ... seven-thirty on Friday evening ... at Kentish Town tube. I will
definitely
be there.
Hang on a sec." She opened the passenger door, reached pen and paper out of her bag, apologized to Adam again, and scribbled down her cell phone number on a piece of paper. The scaffolding truck pulled up behind the car. "This is my number. Call me anytime to confirm. I promise I will be there. Friday, Kentish Town at seven-thirty. What's your e-mail?"

He told her an address.

"Write it down." She handed him the pen.

The driver leaned out of the window of the truck. "Oy, love, how long you gonna be? We've got houses to rob."

"Okay. See you ... on Friday." She met the Russian's eyes a second time, hoping to convey her sincerity. A car was coming in behind the truck.

"Yes, okay." He seemed to be about to say something but then stopped.

"Friday at Kentish Town. I promise. I am so sorry about this."

"I will call you."

"Yes, call me whenever. I'd love to talk. I'll send you an e-mail to confirm." She turned to open the door and climb into the car. When, three seconds later, she looked back through the window to wave, he was already walking away.

The sickness passed toward the end of day four. He washed himself over and over in cold water on day five. Shaved. Face and head. Bin-bagged his bedclothes and as much of his filthy room as he could. Carried the bags out into the narrow hall. Left them by the hole. He ate a tin of beans, a biscuit, and some dried figs. As much as he could stomach. Then he took the last of the sleeping pills and moved into Arkady's room. He slept for ten hours in the cleanliness of his friend's bed.

On the sixth day, he thought he could appear almost normal again, though his knees ached and his stomach was still uneasy. He dressed in Arkady's oldest clothes—sweater sleeves and trouser legs rolled, the same gulag prisoner but liberated this very morning, emaciated and all but drowning in borrowed civvies. He lugged out the black sacks. Hauled out his mattress, kicked it down the stairs one flight at a time. Burned everything on the fires outside.

There was never any real daylight in the winter. A light snow began to fall.

He climbed the stairs one flight at a time, amazed at the simple functioning of his lungs. He found another sweater, put some socks on his hands, squeezed into his old raincoat, and walked slowly all the way to Sennayska market. He went straight to Tsoikin, the CD seller from whom he had bought so much of his beloved library. The darkness returned. He walked back. He sat waiting. (Had he known all along that he would sell the music? It now seemed so.) Tsoikin arrived at seven and offered him a derisory sum for everything. He accepted immediately and took the cash. He apologized for the hole in
the wall and the dust on all the cases. He explained that he was leaving. He asked to keep a single disk—Vivaldi's holy music. He left Tsoikin boxing up and went straight out to call Grisha from a pay phone.

He hung around Primorskaya station, scared that he would miss him, nursing tea that was forever cooling. Three hours later, at eleven, Grisha arrived in his car. They went for a ride. Henry agreed to meet with Leary the following day. He gave Grisha his money. And Grisha, all grins and goodwill, gave him a little extra in return.

He climbed out by the bank of the Neva. He waited while Grisha pulled cautiously away—mirror signal maneuver, fog lights on, a scrupulous and law-abiding driver. The wind had dropped, but snow was falling thickly again, flakes like crumbled Eucharist, sticking to everything. The river was frozen. He stuck his hand out and took the first car that came skidding in to the curb. At the lights the man offered him half a bottle of vodka—very special, he said. He gave the man the rest of his money. Just what he needed to make sure.

Tsoikin was gone. The room was empty now save for the dust, the stereo, and the tattered sofa. He found an unused syringe in his desk. (Had he been saving it there for this? It now seemed so.) He put on the only CD he had kept, seeking
Beatus vir, in memoria aeterna.
He knew his tolerance level would have dropped. But he prepared a bigger hit than his usual. He drank some of the vodka as he did so, wincing against the sting. Vivaldi's voices sang. He thanked God for his good veins, thanked God that he had taken care to rotate. He swigged another slug of vodka. He thought, I do not want to be here. He thought, This is my friend. He thought, This is coming home. He thought, Don't push it all in at once. Push and stop. Push and stop. Push and stop.