Praetorian Series [4] All Roads Lead to Rome (11 page)

I didn’t know.  How could I know?  I wasn’t her.  Was it possible I could kill someone when a friend’s life was at stake?  Maybe.  But I couldn’t just say yes.  But I also couldn’t just say no.

So I squeezed her shoulder and lied.

“Yes.”

***

Alex and TJ arrived with their cart about fifty minutes after Helena ended her radio call with them.  By that time she and I had already gathered our five deer carcasses into two small groups.

Before I’d fired my first shot, Helena had killed three in a row when explaining the basics of sharpshooting to me, and the act had been so effortless that once she’d shot the second deer, I’d thought she was showing off.  But then she’d killed the third deer, and then I’d wondered if she’d been trying to intimidate me.

Whatever she’d been doing, it had been an effective lesson, and it had left me quite impressed.  I never imagined I’d ever reach her level of proficiency, but it had left me with a nice goal to strive for, and, as it turned out, I wasn’t that bad of a shot myself.

But that still left us the disgusting task of gathering the carcasses so that we could more easily load them and take them back to camp.  With thousands of legionnaires calling the area home, five deer certainly wouldn’t go to waste, and I only wished we’d found more so that we could have fed everyone – although, I guess we’d need more than even
fifty
deer to accomplish such a feat.

Once Helena and I had silently gathered up our gear and packed away our equipment, a task that seemed so mundane to me but was one Helena still took seriously, the two of us marched through the lightly wooded area to the clearing near the river.  When we’d arrived, I’d wondered how the two of us were going to lift the enormous second deer I’d shot, but Helena had simply taken hold of the great beast by its rump, and I its head, and we somehow managed to manhandle it a few dozen meters to where the first deer had fallen.  I was struggling after the first few steps, and when we finally arrived, I could feel my shoulders burning from the work and I was out of breath.  Meanwhile, Helena had carried her heavier end of the burden easily, as though it had weighed nothing at all, and breathed easily.  I marveled at her strength and stamina, wondering again if she was even human anymore, but quickly dismissed the idea as I sat on the grass near the stream to recuperate and await our friends’ arrival.

We’d had to wait ten minutes, a time the two of us spent mostly in silence, and when Alex and TJ finally arrived, that silence mostly continued, save for identifying where the remaining three carcasses were and to question whether there were any recent developments back in town, of which there were none.

So the four of us loaded the animals onto the cart and started our silent walk back to camp, which was also spent in complete silence.  It was a lonely hour and a half walk, made worse by the few occasions when our cart found itself stuck in a rut or deep puddle of mud.  All the snow was gone, and while the temperature was still very cool, it wasn’t freezing anymore, and the latter part of our march back to Camulodunum had been much like those first few weeks when we’d set out from the city last year.

And the city of Camulodunum and nearby legion forts didn’t appear any different either, although the fort itself had been altered considerably since last we were here.  It was far larger now, able to accommodate three whole legions and a dozen time travelers with nowhere else to go.  Its walls seemed higher now, although I hadn’t been paying much attention the first time, so it could have just been a trick of my senses, but its entire façade was intimidating, and I didn’t know why anyone would ever want to go to war with these Romans.

No one really knew much about the Romans back home, just tidbits of history and literature, but since arriving here, I’d learned just how impressive their empire had actually been.  Culturally and militarily, there had been few other dominant factions throughout history quite like it, and I still found it difficult to believe that nearly all records of this time period were lost in my timeline – or kept from western nations by reticent Islamic nations who guarded their secrets closely.

But I didn’t want to think of home right now.  One of the last things Jacob had told us was that our home was unable to be changed, that his timeline, my own, and the one we were in now coexisted alongside one another, along with an infinite amount of other ones, and that there was nothing he could do to change anything about any timeline.  The pronouncement had left a sour taste in my mouth and had enraged Archer to the point where I had feared he would do something stupid, but besides accosting Jacob after he’d fallen to the orb’s influence, I hadn’t yet seen any evidence that suggested Archer had gone out of his way to take matters into his own hands – except for what he’d done to Jacob months ago while we were still at sea.

I was still the only one to know the full story, although Helena apparently knew that the second orb was still intact and in his possession.  I hadn’t had the heart to tell the others about his duplicitous actions, although I didn’t know why.  He’d been the sole reason for Jacob’s madness, and there were times when I wanted to sneak into his tent at night and stab him in the chest with one of John’s numerous combat knives.

I shook my head as my companions and I drew near the gate that would allow us access to the camp.  Over the past month, I’d had to constantly remind myself that it wasn’t fair to judge Archer so harshly.  Whether I’d ever understand or accept it, the fact remained that he was under the impression that what he’d done was for some greater good, under the command of someone he couldn’t just ignore.  It was the soldier’s life for him, and he’d always taken it seriously, always, even back when I thought I’d loved him and he…

I sighed and reached up a hand to massage my forehead.

Such thoughts weren’t going to get me anywhere.

“All right, Diana?”

The voice was Alex Cuyler’s, a man of few words but not because he lacked the thoughts needed to formulate them.

I turned to look over my shoulder at him.  “Fine, Alex.  Just thinking.”

He nodded and didn’t say anything, not that I expected him to, but then another voice cut through the silence, and I welcomed it wholeheartedly, not caring what it said.

“I can’t wait to get these things on the spit,” TJ said.  “It’s been months since I’ve had some protein.”

I turned around and saw the man practically salivating at the thought.  A few months ago, he’d been a burly fellow with a wide chest and large arms, but he’d leaned down considerably, as had the rest of us, after an entire winter eating a low fat and minimal protein diet.  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten a bit of meat. While I tried to stay away from it as much as I could, after the routine, uninspired, and forced diet I’d been on since leaving Camulodunum the first time, I couldn’t agree with TJ more.

I smiled at him.  “Just make sure you cook it first, all right?”

He rolled his eyes but smiled.  “Yes, mom…”

I blushed and turned away, but then realized he had just been joking.  I was still getting used to the military people and their endless jokes and wise cracks, as innocuous as that particular jest had been.  I had no idea how they all didn’t hate each other, and it blew my mind that they even
liked
each other after all the mean-spirited banter they threw around at each other, but they were all friends. 

Well, all except TJ and Georgia, for reasons that still remained elusive.  Although, after everything we’d been through, even the two of them had buddied up recently, and at least didn’t seem to outwardly hate each other anymore.

I didn’t understand any of it, but at least I was growing more comfortable around these people and learning not take anything personally.

Although, sometimes I forgot.

Luckily, I wouldn’t have time to dwell on it for long as the great gates of the legion fort parted before us, and we were allowed entrance.  No one stopped or accosted us as we entered, although I was also still getting used to all the looks these Roman men kept offering me.  Helena had always been the target of attention for most the them, at least until lately, leaving me as a more prominent target as they grew to realize, or remember, that Helena wasn’t one to be trifled with and that she certainly wasn’t in the mood for their chauvinistic attitude now.

And neither was I, but I didn’t have the intensity about me that swirled around her like a hurricane, nor the hunched-shouldered and charging gait that Helena had recently adopted.  She never seemed to go anywhere anymore without a purpose, and I didn’t need to ask where she was going now.  Whenever she could, she sought out Galba, eager for news or hoping to sway his mind in regard to our pace.  I didn’t think she was ever very successful, but it kept her focused; I only hoped she didn’t giver herself a stroke in the process.

Then again, after everything I’d seen about the woman, I wasn’t sure a stroke would slow her down

I let her rush off on her own while TJ and Alex pushed the cart deeper into the fort. As they continued on toward the center of the camp where the cook stations could be found, I turned in another direction, wandering toward nowhere in particular, with nowhere to go and nowhere to be.  The longer we stayed here, the less relevant I felt.  I was terrified of the orb we had hidden away and I didn’t have a place in a soldier’s world – my newfound ability to shoot notwithstanding.  I may have told Helena I could shoot a person should the need arise, but I didn’t believe it.  She’d given a passionate speech, and agreeing with her was the only thing I could think to do, but I didn’t feel it.

I wasn’t sure if I ever would.

I didn’t want to kill anyone.  I didn’t even want to hurt anyone.  All I wanted was to find Jacob and go home, even to the home I’d come here to change.  I now understood why Jacob hated it here so much, why he’d often lamented their captivity in antiquity, and why he’d felt so responsible for bringing others here – even if it hadn’t been his fault at all.  But it had been
my
fault I was here, and Archer, and Alex, and the others.  Our arrival here had been purposeful, and Patricia Martin had died because I’d brought her here.  But responsibility wasn’t something I felt at her death, as Jacob often did about their own lives here.  I guess that was the difference between us, or perhaps just because he felt like he’d made a mistake, whereas I had come here under the direction of military and civilian leaders hoping to change the past.

Poor Jacob.

As I directed myself to a part of the camp that was often left empty, I tried not to think about my brother, or anything at all.  I found a small patch of grass near the inner wall of the fort that seemed dry, sat down, crossed my legs, and poked at the ground with a twig, ignoring the world as best I could, allowing the tides of destiny to flow around and without me.

That sounded like something Jacob might have said…

I really had to stop thinking about him.  It wasn’t that I didn’t care.  I cared
too
much.  He was the only Jacob I had left, and seemingly no different than the brother I’d grown up with.  I couldn’t stand the thought of him turning into a megalomaniacal monster at the helm of a powerful empire, with the foreknowledge of thousands of years of history at his disposal, but I also didn’t want to turn into Helena either.  She was heading down her own dark path at this point, and I wasn’t sure what I could do to help her.

I…

“This seat taken?”

I looked up to see a man whose face was obscured by the sunlight behind him, but I knew that voice well before it had finished its sentence.  I smiled at him, even though I couldn’t see his own reaction, and glanced at the ground beside me.

“It’s wet,” I said, feeling the damp ground beneath my own butt.

He tilted his head.  “Do you really think I’m the kind of guy who cares about a little swamp-ass?”

I belted out a laugh, having never heard that term before but immediately understanding what he meant by it, and finding it extraordinarily funny.

“No, I guess not,” I said, letting my laughter subside, but then I pointed at him, “but that doesn’t excuse the fact that you should still be in bed resting.”

He held a hand against his chest in a dainty, innocent gesture.  “Who me?  Come on, Artie, don’t you know anything about me by now?  Do you really think I’m the kind of guy who takes sound medical advice to heart?”

“
Definitely
not,” I said, my mood completely lifted by now.

“That’s better,” he said as he finally turned around, making a show of sticking out his butt at me as he slowly plopped himself down beside me with a thud.  The impact caused a little bit of mud to fly up toward my leg, but I managed to block most of it before it impacted.

He looked at me apologetically, and shrugged, but I knew he wasn’t sorry.

“Jerk,” I joked as I wiped the mud off my arm.

“You know it,” he replied helpfully, turning his head to look at me.  “Feel all right?”

“Me?”  I asked, amazed he was even out of bed at all.  “You’re the one who was just stabbed in the stomach!”

“Like a month ago,” he said, waving at me offhandedly.  “No big deal.  I’ve had worse.”

“Really?”

“Well, no,” he replied honestly, “but it was barely a flesh wound.  Didn’t even hit anything important.”