Pony Dreams (11 page)

“Andy will watch over Peter and Paul while
they do it.” She hurried out with the bedding dragging behind
her.

The Ma I knew now was very different from the
one in my recently restored memories. Then she had laughed and
spent hours teaching me to read and sew. Now, it felt like she
wanted nothing to do with me. The pain of her rejection hurt far
worse than anything else I had ever experienced.

She hates me. I know it. I should have kept
on running and never come back.

My tears spotted the floor. I scrubbed them
away and tried to harden my heart, but nothing worked. When several
people walked into the room, I peeked over my shoulder.

“Aw, look.” Peter nudged his twin. “The
runt's crying.”

“Guess Ma spanked her for running off.” Paul
grinned.

Their gleeful expressions faded when Uncle
Andy smacked the back of their heads.

“I'll light up your backsides if you tease
your sister ever again,” he said. “Take that ticking outside and
empty it into a neat pile behind the barn. Then ask your ma what
she wants you to do with it.”

“Yes, sir.”

Their surly responses earned them another
scolding. But their antics no longer amused me. They got to have
all the fun in the world, and I was sentenced to Ma hating me and
having awful chores from sunup to sundown every day.

I never slowed as I scrubbed the floorboards
with more energy than needed. After Peter and Paul wrestled the
mattress outside, Uncle Andy knelt beside me.

“What's bothering you?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I started on the last patch of
floor, scrubbing even harder and making my fingers ache.
“Absolutely nothing.”

When I finished, he pulled me to my feet.

“I have to put the carpet down and move the
furniture back into place,” I said. “Ma will want to make sure
everything's perfect before she lets Pa come in here.”

“Peter and Paul will help me do it.” He
dragged me outside, stopping in front of the wash shed. “Don't move
an inch.”

I'd learned long ago never to disobey an
adult. Even though I wanted to take off, I stood still. It really
wasn't all that hard. My whole body felt limp, as if I expended any
more energy, I'd crumple up and float away.

He walked over to where Ma rubbed a sheet
against the washboard so hard I thought she would tear it to
shreds.

“Don't shut out Abby,” he said. “She's alive
and in so much pain that she cried.”

“I know how to take care of my daughter.” She
dumped the sheet into the rinse bucket and picked up another. “I
have to finish this.” Ma used her arm to shove a strand of hair out
of her face. “Michael will want a clean bed when we move him.”

“Look at her, Louisa.” Uncle Andy held her
hands. “Abby blames herself. She hasn't said a word, but I can see
her withdrawing a little more every day.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Abby
understands.”

Her words confused me. How could I understand
when no one would explain more than they already had? Why had she
called me Abby when she had always used Abigail in the past?

“Does she?” He gripped her hands tightly.
“Why does she still cry herself to sleep at night? Why did Abby
refuse a horse when she lives and breathes for them? Hold her. Tell
her that you don't blame her for David, Grace, and Mattie dying.
Abby needs to hear you say it.”

Tears rolled out of my eyes when Ma looked at
me. She dropped the sheet to run over and hug me.

“I don't blame you,” she whispered. “Oh,
Abby. I couldn't ever do that.”

“I thought you hated me,” I cried. “You
wouldn't talk to me.”

“Well.” She glanced back at the wash shed.
“There's plenty of time to talk now.”

As we sat on the top step, I caught sight of
Uncle Andy washing the sheets. I smiled at his antics.

“Ten years on my own taught me a few things,”
he said.

Ma slid an arm around my waist. I leaned
against her and remembered doing the very same thing before the
accident.

“I was never so frightened as I was the day
Andy carried you out of the corral,” she said. “He told me he'd
save you even though I saw his grief for Mattie and Grace, but he
never cried.” Ma sniffled. “Until he had to lance your wound to
clean out the infection, and then he sobbed like a baby when you
screamed.”

“I thought you didn't want me around,” I
said.

“No, never.” She hugged me closer.

It felt so good, just sitting beside Ma. We
stayed that way, our hands clasped tight, for a good long time.

“I've been thinking. Maybe it's time to stop
grieving and spend time with our neighbors.”

“Do you mean the Johnsons?” I couldn't keep
the horror out of my voice.

“Our other neighbors.” She smiled. “The
Hadley's will put up a new barn next month. You and I can go over
there for the dance with Adam and Mark.”

“What about the others?” I asked.

“They'll have to stay with your pa,” she
said. “He's still ill, but I know he'll want you to meet more
folks, to get to know young men who might interest you.”

“Ma!” Embarrassed heat bathed my cheeks.

“You'll be sixteen in October,” she said.
“Girls your age make up their hope chests and look for the man
they'll pick for their husband.”

“I don't want a husband.” I buried my face
against her chest. “I want to stay here forever.”

“You'll change your mind one day.” She pried
me loose. “I put on some peaches to sweeten this morning. Would you
like to help me with a new cake recipe my ma sent me?”

“What is it?” I asked.

“An upside down cake.” She giggled as we
stood. “Can you imagine that? You put the fruit on the bottom and
turn it out after it bakes.”

I had never imagined anything so silly in my
life. Ma and I went into the kitchen and had more fun than I ever
remembered the rest of the day. We talked, giggled, and laughed
through what I had always thought of as dull, boring work. After we
finished the dishes, I approached a subject she had declared
closed.

“Can I work with the horses again?”

“I'm sorry,” she said. “I know how much you
love it, but it's not right.”

I have to find a way to change her mind.
I'll just die if I can't ever ride a horse again—especially Blaze.
He's leaving as soon as Adam makes up his mind they have enough
ponies ready.

* * * *

A few days later, I watched the corral from
the porch. No matter how much I begged, Ma wouldn't let me break
horses.

“Watch what you're doing, Mark,” Adam
shouted. “That horse will toss you faster than it did Abby if you
don't tighten up on those reins.”

As I bit my lip to keep from telling him what
they were doing wrong, Uncle Andy leaned against the railing.

“Louisa tells me you inherited Grandfather's
gift,” he commented.

I turned a little so I didn't have to look at
him. He might have helped Ma and me past our troubles, but he still
had a lot to explain.

“Still a might upset?” he asked.

“You could have said something.”

“I promised your ma I wouldn't until I got my
life together. I hope you'll forgive me.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “Maybe not. Don't know
right now.”

As if I would ever tell him anything, he was
the most mysterious person I had ever come across. His actions
since Pa, Peter, and Paul fell sick only made things worse.

I'll never let him help me. Never! Not even
if he gets me back on a horse.

The last bit of my vow hurt. I yearned to
feel warm horseflesh beneath me so much that my teeth ached.

Well ... I could maybe ... no! I'll never
trust him.

Uncle Andy put an arm around my shoulder. I
shifted away from him.

“Those bruises still paining you?” he
asked.

“Nope.”

“All healed, are they?”

I wouldn't tell. Not for a chance to break
the horses, not even if he offered me a place with The Pony
Express. No way would I say anything about how my back still hurt
on occasion. Like right now, turning quick as I had brought out a
painful twitch. It almost felt like a bee sting.

“I won't tell your ma. I just want to know if
you need my help.”

Hoping he would forget about pestering me, I
pointed at the corral.

“They're gonna spoil that horse for riding.
Adam's good, but he doesn't know how to settle a mustang so it's
only half-broke.”

Uncle Andy focused the corral.

“Explain how you do it,” he coaxed.

“You have to whisper in his ear for a good
long time,” I said. “Then you let him tell you when it's time to
crawl on his back.”

I lost myself in the explanation of how I
worked with the ponies. Soon, I whispered like I did with the
horses. While watching the animal Adam was currently trying to
mount, I directed my magic in that direction. It would do us no
good if he got hurt.

“Do you want to help?”

Uncle Andy's question startled me. I nodded
before remembering I was mad at him.

“I'll take care of it,” he said. “Go on
inside, you can't wear a dress.”

Keeping an eye on the corral, I went inside.
What did Uncle Andy mean when he said I couldn't wear a dress?
Girls always wore dresses. Pants were for men. That's what Ma told
me on my last birthday, when she said I had to act like a lady.

I ran into the kitchen, where she rolled
piecrust into a perfect circle. Dried peaches and pears bubbled in
the same pan on the stove.

“There you are,” she said. “Wash up, I need
help.”

“Michael won't be ready to work with the
mustangs for a long time, if ever.” Uncle Andy lounged against the
wall. “Adam's not getting the job done because he doesn't have
Abby's magic. Let her ride, Louisa.”

“She'll get hurt. I never should have agreed
to that crazy plan,” she said.

After washing my hands, I stirred the fruit.
When she talked like that, no one had a chance of changing her
mind.

Holy heck! If Uncle Andy truly is Ma's
brother, he'd know that.

“You're wasting her gift, and making it
impossible for Adam to fulfill his father's promise. You once told
me that I had to get over losing Matilda and Grace,” he said. “Now
I'm telling you to let Abby back onto a horse. She's pining away
for it.”

“Andy,” Ma said.

Her protest sounded weak, almost like she was
about to change her mind.

“Give her a pair of one of the boys' outgrown
pants and let her go,” Uncle Andy suggested. “I'll help with the
pies and supper. Let Abby have some fun before she grows up.”

“Adam had to carry her back to the
house.”

“Ah now, sis, Adam's treated Abby like a
china doll since he peeked into her cradle. And he only got worse
after the accident. He'll never stop being protective of her. None
of you will.” He grasped Ma's hands. “It's a wonder she came out so
feisty, what with all of you protecting her better than a puma
protects her cubs.”

Pulling free, she paced around the kitchen.
“She scared us something terrible.”

Happiness wiggled through me. She sounded
like she had to find a reason to object.

“For crying out loud,” he said. “You've
always sent the boys right back out to climb on a horse. Do you
want Abby afraid of the animals?”

She looked at me and bit her lip. Ma glanced
from Uncle Andy to me, and then back again.

“You're right.” She hugged me. “You won't
daydream again?”

“No, ma'am,” I whispered, hardly daring to
hope she'd changed her mind.

“There's a pair of pants Peter outgrew in my
bedroom, at the top of the wardrobe.”

I raced for the door, scared beyond scared
that Ma would change her mind if I waited too long.

“Grab those old boots of Paul's just inside
the bunkhouse,” she shouted. “Yours won't work for riding.”

Ten minutes later, my dress and petticoats
lay on my bedroom floor. The boots were a little big, but I solved
that by stuffing several handkerchiefs into the toes. I ran outside
before the dreaded words stopped me. Tuning out any noise from the
house, I skidded to a stop at the astonished expressions on my
brothers faces.

“Who told you to come out here?” Adam
struggled to keep from laughing.

“Ma and Uncle Andy,” I said. “You'll ruin
that horse if you keep forcing him to accept you. Let me show
you.”

“Ma will skin me alive if I let you back on a
horse. You near about scared her to death.”

“She said it was okay. Let me ride.” I cocked
my head to one side and smiled. “Please?”

“Adam, your ma said to let Abby ride,” Uncle
Andy shouted from the porch. “But she wants you to keep a careful
eye on her.”

“I guess it's okay,” Adam grumbled. “If I
even think you're daydreaming, off you come, and you'll never get
back inside this corral again. Understand?”

Bursting with happiness, I reached for the
mustang. The animal reared back, but I showed no fear as I stroked
his mane.

“You'll be doing a great thing when we take
you to The Pony Express Station,” I whispered. “There are a lot of
horses already there, but I bet you'll be the best. Can I get up on
your back, and we'll trot around the corral so I can tell if you're
right for the job?”

Stepping back, I stared into the horse's
eyes. After a very long time, the animal nodded. Adam helped me up,
and I guided the mustang around the corral several times. Finally,
he cinched a saddle into place, and I scrambled up. A bit of fear
snuck in on my elation, but I shoved it away.

I soon had my brothers using the same method
to talk the horses into letting someone onto their backs. By the
time Adam called a halt for the day, we had half-broken almost all
the mustangs.

“Bart and I will hunt down another group
tomorrow,” he announced as we wiped down our mounts and settled
saddles on the corral fence. “Abby, if you promise not to get into
trouble, I'll leave Charles in charge of watching you.”