Poisonous Desires (14 page)

“True, but I’ve always wanted more with you; you always shut me down. You can’t run from me now. And yes, I do have to earn that right to make love to and with you. And I will.” He shrugged. “Before we leave this house in the morning, we’ll have knocked down some of those walls of yours.”

She snorted and said, “Confident, are you? This is my house, and I could ask you to leave.” But she wouldn’t. Now that he was here, she wasn’t sure she wanted him to leave even she felt he would totally abandon her.

Silence fell between them. As it stretched out like a rubber band, she waited for it to snap back and hit her square in the face. Rather than go on, she got up and turned on the stereo. Classical music spilled out into the space, filling in every crevice, nook, and cranny. She allowed the wordless composition to calm her down. Nadia took her seat next to Urban. She didn’t move away from him; she remained sitting at his side, eating her pizza.

“This is nice; we need to light some candles, make this romantic,” Urban suggested.

“No. Pizza isn’t romantic,” she pointed out.

He chuckled, a rich throaty sound that entranced her. Warmth cascaded through her body, and her lips tugged up into a smile that she couldn’t resist. She wanted to hear more of that sound. Nadia wondered if he was ticklish anywhere and made a vow to find out.

“Says you, but it can be.
Especially if you paint your lover with the sauce.”
He dragged his index finger through a bit of marinara sauce and traced a line down the column of her throat before licking it off. “Think of what I can do with my fingers and a bottle of red sauce,” he whispered against the side of her neck.

“Why not use ice cream toppings?” she suggested. They’d never tried foodstuff in bed, too messy, but now she was curious to see how that would go.

“Tell you what; let’s play Twenty Questions. You answer, and I reward you for it, hmm?” He pressed a kiss over her pulse point and drew away, but not far enough that he wasn’t out of reach.

She thought about it. “What about giving you answers willingly?”

Again that sexy laugh returned, only now with a darker edge. “You agree, no issue, and we get to play. You remember your safe word?”

“Of course,” she said. Nadia was curious to see where this would go, hopefully to bed.

Urban gave her a wicked grin. “Good. Again, these are the rules: You answer my questions honestly and truthfully, and you get rewarded. You don’t, no pleasure, no sex. You try to
stall,
you get no pleasure unless you answer me. Do you understand?”

Nadia let the words sink in before she answered. “Yes.”

“Now, what is your safe word?”

“Crepe.”

“Good.” Urban reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear. He took a dark brown spiral and tugged on it. “I love your hair like this.”

He reached up and tugged on her ponytail holder. Her hair slipped out of the holder and fell to her shoulders in a damp mass of curls. He threaded his fingers into her hair, grabbed a handful, and tugged her toward him. “You will wear your hair like this until the end of my trip, do you understand?”

Nadia blinked. She opened her mouth to say something,
then
shut it. Normally, if she was on a job she did her hair and pulled it back so it wouldn’t get in the way. If she was on a long-term assignment, she cut it short. She stared into
Urban’s
eyes and took in the look of pure pleasure and adoration in the green depths. “It’s only a few days, so okay.”

Urban’s
thick brown eyebrows rose, but he didn’t question her. “Good. Now, question one: Do you think I’ll walk away from you without warning or leave after an argument and never come back?”

Talk about light questioning. “You don’t ask so much, do you?”

Urban pulled her head back by her hair. “Stalling?”

She couldn’t shake her head properly without it hurting so she said, “No.” She paused and licked her lips. With a deep breath, she answered him in a rush before she could think about it. “Yes, I am.” There it was, out in the open.

He didn’t reply; instead, he reached for her glass, held it out to her, and tipped it so she could take a sip. Once she’d taken a drink, he put the cup back and leaned forward. He cupped her cheek with his free hand and took her lips, holding her head to control her. His fingers massaged her scalp. Warm tendrils wove through her body. She moaned into his mouth. His tongue slipped past her lips to tangle with hers, tasting and taunting her. As the air thinned and her lungs burned, she struggled to keep the kiss going. When she thought she couldn’t take it anymore he pulled back, pressing butterfly kisses on the tip of her nose, forehead, cheeks, and chin.

“Beautiful, so beautiful,” he murmured with each kiss.

She took in slow, deep breaths. Nadia basked in the warmth and affection she felt from each touch, sinking slowly into the heat of his closeness.

“No more wine.” He got up, grabbed her cup and empty plate, and headed into the kitchen. Urban returned with a glass of ice water. He placed it near her.
“Drink.
I don’t want you drunk for all of this.”

“You forget that I’m a shifter; wine can only get me buzzed, and even that’s only for a short time,” she pointed out.

“Still no wine.
Now take off your shirt,” he ordered.

Nadia didn’t hesitate. Her clothing had begun to become tight and scratchy. She hadn’t wanted to start undressing until he’d said so. She folded her top and handed it to him. He accepted it and put it on the empty chair next to him before he settled down. “Turn around.”

She swiveled in her seat and waited to see what he would do. Her leg jiggled up and down in impatience. Normally they’d be up to some oral sex, or she’d be tied to the bed and teased with sensations. This was new and scary but also exciting. She looked forward to seeing what he did, so long as he moved faster.

His finger delved into her hair, and he began to massage her scalp again. She felt some of her tension and energy
slip
out of her body and dissipate. Once her shoulders sank down, her muscles loosened.

“Why did you get involved with BDSM? With the scene?” he asked as he began to work on her neck.

She let her head drop forward with a sigh and sank further into the warmth of his touch and ministrations. The answer slipped out of her mouth while thoughts floated away. “I wanted someone else to make the decisions, to take the burden. I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out how to hide, make myself smaller, quieter. I’ve tried to protect my sister. I couldn’t protect my mother from my father. I wanted to trust someone and feel safe in the most vulnerable aspect of life.”

“Understandable. Was I your first dominant?” The query was spoken low and deep, raising
goosebumps
on her skin at the tone.

“Yes; I couldn’t feel safe with anyone else. I watched from the fringes, and then you came along in that club in Paris. I knew you weren’t really there to play, but I wanted to be with you.” She allowed the confession to hang between them as the sensations of pleasure increased.

“I used to play in various clubs but never could settle on a submissive I wanted to be with full-time until you.” His fingers danced along her shoulders. Relaxation continued to wind its way through her body. “You made me want to commit to someone. You were so beautiful that night and so perfect. I wanted to spend every moment with you, but you disappeared during the night. Such a good girl, though
, giving
me your phone number.” He pressed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

Warmth and pride filled her at his words. She bowed her head shyly. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He pressed more kisses along her shoulder as his fingers still worked on it. “You’re mine, love. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I mean it. I will die before I let anyone hurt you.
Whether it’s your father or my brother.
I. Will. Not. Let.
Anyone.
Hurt.
You.
Ever.
Understand?”

She couldn’t stop the grin that curled on her lips. “Yes.”

“Good. Tell me, honey, how bad was it? Make me understand why you have such thick walls.” He worked his palms along her spine.

Tears caught her off-guard as they filled her eyes. “Bad,” she whispered. “Long sleeves in the summer, black eyes covered with pancake makeup, calling us names, horrible names, making us starve if he thought we were bad…and the silence, so loud.” Her heart hurt admitting some of the things she’d been through. Heaviness weighed on her chest as she tried to breathe in and out. A silent scream filled her head and throat. She tried to shove it back. Her snow leopard screamed within her, adding to her pain. The memories seeped around the seal she’d tried to place around them. They floated to the forefront of her mind. She batted at them, trying to make them go away. Shadows of her father’s voice filled her head. Nadia found herself uttering things she’d never even told her therapist. “He wouldn’t let us shift, even if there was a full moon. I didn’t have my first shift until I’d managed to leave home.” Humiliation burned in her cheeks at her confession. She and her sister had been denied the ability to shift, given shift-suppressing drugs in order to keep them tethered to home. For as long as she lived, she’d never seen her mother shift either.
Ephram
only shifted when it came time to deal with the
pard
, and that was it.

“My sweet girl, you are not any less because of when you shifted. You are all woman and pure shifter, baby. And you’re mine, all
mine
. I will never do that to you.” He dropped kisses on the top of her head. “You are so beautiful and strong, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

His words were like a salve to her old pains, soothing away some of her hurt. She allowed the tears to fall unimpeded. She wiped them away, sniffling as she did so. “Thank you,” she whispered. Something loosened inside of her, but her issues weren’t solved because he accepted what had happened.

“Do you trust me, honey?” Urban asked quietly.

Nadia blinked away the last of her tears and turned her head to stare at him. She opened her mouth to ask how he could question her when she realized what he was saying. “Not completely,” she admitted.

“Sexually, then?”
Urban pressed.

“Yes.” She let that single word hang between them.

“But with your heart, you’re still unsure?” he asked.

“I’m still working on that,” she confessed. Nadia realized in that moment that she still wasn’t sure of herself, not completely, and not with him. There were still so many things she had to deal with: her sister, her father, and her mother’s death.

“I need to go home and face my mother’s grave, maybe face my father alone,” she said.

“I understand. Just know that I’m proud of you, whatever you do.” He kissed a path down the side of her neck and over her shoulder. Fire tingled along her skin in his wake.

She tilted her head to the side to give him more room. Arousal grew with each press of his mouth to her skin. Fingers of need danced along her nerve endings as her desire increased, pushing away the sadness and heavy emotions weighing on her heart. She drew in a deep breath and sank into his attempt to comfort and distract her. “Thank you,” she whispered. Nadia reached up, hooked her arm around his neck, and slipped her fingers along the side of his head, feeling the prickles of the shorter hairs and the silken kiss from the longer strands.

“Grow out your hair,” she murmured. “I want to be able to clutch it when you’re eating me out.”

He gave her a husky chuckle. “Unless
it’s
mission approved, I can’t, honey. For now, enjoy it as is.”

She wanted to pout but understood. There was always a need to change her appearance, depending on the situation. “Okay.”

“One day, when I walk away.” He nipped the inside of her wrist before lapping away the sting. Urban placed soft kisses along her palm and on the tip of each finger.