Pledging to Die (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 11) (17 page)

Her brain and heart warred for control. One told her to send him away, and the other told her to let him in.

“You know you matter. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now,” she stated.

He waited for the words, but she never said them. He longed to hear her whisper that she loved him. When they weren’t offered, he tried to stay strong.

“Brody, I missed you, and every day without you has been nothing short of hell.”

It was a start.

He’d take it. He was so desperate to have her in his life that he’d take the tiny little scraps she offered up. Love had made him desperate, and Broderick Seaton knew she’d be a hard fought battle.

He’d already decided he’d take it on.

Leaning in, he stopped halfway, waiting for her to meet him in the middle. It was symbolic.

It was important.

She didn't hesitate. When he closed his eyes, he felt her warm lips against his. The kiss was sweet.

Gentle.

Loving.

This was the Joey he remembered. This was the woman who woke beside him in the morning and went to bed next to him at night. This was what he missed.

When he pulled away, he could taste the lipstick on his lips, and he prayed it would never wear off. “Joey.”

She ran her fingers over his cheek, remembering the texture of his face. “I missed kissing you.”

He wanted to weep with just those words, but Broderick knew there was so much more to discuss.

“I need you to tell me everything,” he stated, his hand holding her head in place as she tried to sit back. Instead, he stared into her eyes, imploring her to trust him with this. “And I don’t mean the case. I mean with you. It’s time to come clean.”

Johanna looked like a scared animal waiting to bolt. Brody realized it wasn’t that she’d overcome something so horrible health wise, but someone had to have damaged her.

“Please, honey. Trust in us.”

He’d need that if they were to recover and rebuild what was destined to be theirs.

“Brody, you don’t understand.”

“Make me then,” he stated, setting her free. “Trust me, Joey. When we were partners, I had your back. We had walked into some scary things, and I never let you down. I won’t let you get hurt if you trust me. I’ll protect you with my life.”

She couldn’t breathe.

She had to get some air. Getting out of the car, she stood in the dark with the stars overhead and tried to figure out what to do. Immediately, he was at her side, like he’d always been. Broderick had been right. He’d always had her back.

It was time to give him her trust.

“It was my first year of college. I wasn’t feeling well. I had no energy and felt like shit all the time.”

He couldn’t believe he’d gotten through to her. Johanna was the most stubborn person he’d ever known, and she was opening up for him.

It was a miracle.

“I went to the doctor and they found cancer. I was eighteen and had ovarian cancer.”

He read it in her file, but to hear her say it shook him to his core. Brody hated the idea that she’d suffered. His Joey was precious, and he wanted to surround her in bubble wrap to keep her safe.

“Why didn't you just tell me?”

“I got sick, Brody, and the man I was in love with bailed on me. He told me I was a risk. That he wanted kids, a wife, and a future, and I was a gamble that he couldn’t take. He didn't want to start out his life with someone who was broken inside.”

“I hope you punched him in the face,” he stated, furious that someone had hurt her like that. He couldn’t believe an asshole would abandon a woman the he supposedly loved when she was already down.

“He left it in a note after I had my surgery. I never heard it from him personally. I got flowers and in the card, he’d dumped me.”

He was pissed and happy at the same time.

That man’s mistake was his miracle.

“I’m not whole. You’ve said a few times that you couldn’t wait to have kids and settle down. I can’t ever give that to you. I don’t know if I’ll ever get sick again. That’s bad enough, but men don’t want to date, or marry, a woman who’s broken. I’m in pieces,” she stated.

“So you can’t have kids?” he reiterated.

“Yes, and that’s why I did it. I wanted to save you the pain. You’re a sweet wonderful man, and I want you to have everything in life you deserve. You’re a catch. You should have some sweet girl to go home to at night who can give you a son or daughter. You can’t saddle yourself with someone who can’t fulfill your wildest dreams.”

He stared at her. “That’s why you left? Because you thought that I’d pick kids over you? You’re an idiot, Joey. Really. A big idiot.”

She opened her mouth and stared at him.

“You broke my heart over kids we didn't even plan on having. First off, we’re Feds. Kids are a pipe dream for us. If I fell in love with a teacher or nurse, that would be one thing. Then my children would have stability, but I didn't fall in love with some average woman. I fell in love with my FBI partner, and I wouldn’t want kids in our situation.”

She didn't know what to say.

“I think that two Feds having kids is a gamble,” he stated. “We’re in the field for weeks at a time, and we don’t know what tomorrow brings. One or both of us could die. We’re risk takers, Joey. That goes along with the badge. You know that. Honestly, I never thought I’d even find someone to love, let alone having a family with her. You jumped the gun on this one.”

She couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“I mean it. Fate picked you for me, and even if you could have kids, I wouldn’t want to bring them into the world. Children deserve Disneyland and amusement parks, not badges and guns. That’s not our path, so you ran for no damn reason.”

“I didn't want to put you, or us, in this position.”

He laughed sardonically. “Oh, would that be the position where I tell you that I’m madly in love with you, and then you slam the door in my face? Yeah, that’s a much better one for me. Good choice. That didn't hurt at all.”

“Brody…”

“It gets worse. How about the position where you leave our team, running like a chicken? When you went to the Blackhawks, you dumped me into a situation I hate. I have a partner I can’t stand, don’t trust, and would rather not have. I had my other half in the field. Even while at work, we had chemistry. We worked well together. You threw that away too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am too. I’m sorry you didn't trust me, but I’m not that weasel who left you when you needed him most. I love you and always will. You can run, fight, push against me, or just accept it. I’m here. If you were to get sick again, I’d take a leave of absence, crawl into bed with you, and ride out the storm. I don’t leave my partner for anything. I’d die to protect you, Joey. That’s the definition of love.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

Broderick leaned against the side of the car and pulled her into his arms. She stood between his legs, pressed against him. “I love you, Joey. You’re meant to be mine. Maybe it doesn’t work in that brain of yours, but I know it has to work in your heart. I know you better than anyone.”

She couldn’t speak.

He accepted it. This was his stubborn Joey, and he’d wait her out. “Please just don’t run. You can have your space, but respect me enough that you’ll talk it out with me, not bail.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Okay,” she promised.

He kissed her, and while he wanted to do so much more, Broderick knew he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not until they’d fixed this mess. He wanted a strong foundation, because he was going to have Johanna as his, and as his partner.

He just didn't know how.

When they broke apart, she stared into his eyes as if searching for some answer.

“I’ll drive you back to the dorm. You’ll be safe now, but remember, Joey, this isn’t over—not between us—and not with the case.”

She nodded.

Broderick helped her into the car, holding her hand until she was safely seated. He then rounded the vehicle and got in himself. They both heard her cell phone going crazy.

“It’s my partner.”

It was hard to miss the pain when she said it. He looked like he’d been stabbed in the heart once more.

“Then you should take it. I wouldn’t want your partner thinking you were on the run.”

She put it on speaker when she answered. “Jason, I’m good.”

The tirade began.

“What the hell, Johanna? Your tracker is off, your com went dead, and I watch you leave with some man.”

She opened her mouth, but Brody cut her off.

“She didn't just leave with ‘some man’,” he stated. “I’m her old partner, and her backup undercover.”

There was silence.

“Oh. Well, she better get back in there and shake her moneymaker. We have work to do.”

If Brody could reach through the phone and grab the man by his dick, he’d twist it into all kinds of knots.

“She’s with me, Jason,” he stated, tension wracking his body. Johanna must have sensed it because her hand went to his leg, and she gently stroked it.

“Well, we’re working, Agent. So, whatever you’re doing here, you need to stay out of our way. We’re working for the Blackhawks.”

Brody laughed. “Yeah, call the director and get an update. Johanna is busy. She and I will be breaking this wide open, and then you’ll be getting reassigned. I’m getting my partner back.”

With that, he hung up.

Joey stared at him. “Are you insane? We can’t be partners, especially if we’re involved.”

He grinned ferally. At least she acknowledged that they were moving back to what they had. “Oh, I’m aware, honey, but you just leave that to me. I’ll take care of it.”

Joey went to interject, but he kissed her again. His mouth felt so good against hers that she couldn’t argue. She’d missed this in the worst way.

“Now, let’s get you back to the dorm. You’re done for the night.”

“I should go back.”

He stared at her. “I picked you out of that file of women. They’re focused on you right now. I’m going to have to go back and make up some story about how I couldn’t get in your panties. You’re supposedly a tough nut to crack, and I’m going to take the next week to score.”

She stared at him.

“Joey, you know what I mean.”

Where he thought she’d be pissed, she instead started to laugh. “This is a side of you that I’ve never seen before.”

He handed her a tissue. “Wipe off that ridiculous clown makeup. You’re far too beautiful to cover yourself with it. Those other women have to paint up. You’re stunning au natural.”

Her heart skipped.

As he started the car, she put her hand on his wrist before he could shift into gear. “Brody?”

He glanced over. “Yeah?”

“If you go all caveman on me, I’m going to have to kick your ass all the way back to FBI West, and I don’t care if the Blackhawks get mad.”

He started laughing. “There’s my girl. I’m glad you’re back, Johanna. You were missed.”

With that, he drove her back to the dorm. When they pulled into the parking lot, he glanced over. “We have to make this look good. I don’t know if someone’s watching you or not,” he stated.

She slipped her earpiece into her bra and fluffed her hair in the mirror. “You lead, I’ll follow,” she stated, trusting him with all she had.

Getting out, he walked around and opened the door for her. When she got out, Johanna started walking away. Brody grabbed her arm roughly, yanking her back. His mouth took hers hungrily, and it wasn’t an act. He wanted her in the worst way. When his hands wandered, gathering handfuls of ass, she pulled away.

And then she slapped him.

His head nearly spun as his hand touched his cheek.

“Really, honey?” he muttered. “I said make it
look
real. It didn't have to be real.”

She fought not to laugh. “Find me tomorrow, Brody. We’ll make it look like I’m playing hard to get.”

As she walked away in the stilted heels, he rubbed his cheek and watched her ass. Okay, maybe that skirt did have some redeeming quality.

Yeah, but only when they were alone. 

When she was safely inside, he waited until she looked out from her dorm room window. He took the closing blinds as his sign that she was good.

Getting back into the car, he grinned.

He’d actually managed to get her back.

Well, sort of. For now, he’d take what he could get. Johanna wasn’t going to run, and that was a first step. He’d have to go with that.

“I love you, Joey, even if you can’t say it. I won’t let you go ever again.”

And he wouldn’t.

Tonight was a start.

A pretty good one.

      
         
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