Playing with Fire (Skulduggery Pleasant, Book 2)

Playing with Fire (Skulduggery Pleasant #2)

Derek Landy

This book is dedicated to my family
--
because otherwise I'd never hear the end of it. . .

Nadine
--
Warm, kind, and considerate, I am all of these

things.

Audrey
--
The greatest thrill of your life is probably the fact that I'm your brother.

Ivan
--
Meaningless words such as "brilliant," "amazing,"
and "inspirational" have been used to describe me, but not

nearly enough.

If any of you thought that there'd be something sincere or
heartfelt in your dedications, allow me a moment to quietly

laugh at you.
...

Because the heartfelt sincerity is reserved for my nana.

Chic, this book is also dedicated to you, for all the love and
support you've shown me over the years. I love you much

more than any of your other grandchildren do, I swear.

iv

CONTENTS

v

Twenty-two
Blood and Shadows 211

Twenty-three
Elephants and Bunnies 225

Twenty-four
Argus 232

Twenty-five
A Smattering of Slaughtering 238

Twenty-six
Murder in the New Morgue 245

Twenty-seven
Rise of the Grotesquery 250

Twenty-eight
Good Guys Convene 263

Twenty-nine
Picking Up a Tail 265

Thirty
Fight 282

Thirty-one
The Edgley Family Reunion

Thing 286

Thirty-two
Shadow Shards 298

Thirty-three
The Calm Before the Storm 305

Thirty-four
Unfinished Business 314

Thirty-five
Attack of the Vampires 320

Thirty-six
Giant Spider Madness 326

Thirty-seven
Tooth and Claw 331

Thirty-eight
Those About to Die ... 340

Thirty-nine
Facing Vengeous 353

Forty
Fight to the Death 363

Forty-one
Billy-Ray Sanguine's Erstwhile

Employer 382

Forty-two
Bad Things 385

vi

[Page Blank]

1

Chapter
One

Hanging Around

VALKYRIE CAIN hit the parapet and tumbled, unable to stop herself, and with a panicked gasp she disappeared off the edge. The church tower stood high and proud, looking out over Dublin City. The night breeze was brisk and carried snatches of laughter from the street below. It was a long way down. A man in a tattered coat walked up to the edge and peered over. He smirked.

"This is insulting," he said. "Don't they know how dangerous I am? I am very, very dangerous. I'm a killer. I'm a trained killing
machine.
And still, they
send you. A child."

2

Valkyrie felt her grip on the ledge loosen. She ignored the goading of the man standing above her and looked around for something else to grab on to. She looked everywhere but down. Down was where the street was, where the long drop and the sudden stop was. She didn't want to look down. She didn't want anything to do with
down
right now.

"What age are you?" the man continued. "Thirteen? What kind of responsible adult sends a thirteen-year-old child to stop me? What kind of thinking is that?"

Valkyrie swung herself gently toward the tower, planting her feet against a small buttress. The fear started to work through her, and she felt herself freeze up. She closed her eyes against the oncoming wave of paralysis.

The man was Vaurien Scapegrace, currently wanted in five countries for various counts of attempted murder. He hunkered down at the edge and smiled happily.

"I am turning murder into an art form. When I-- When I
kill,
I'm actually painting a big, big picture, using blood and, and ... messiness. You know?"

Below Valkyrie, the city twinkled.

3

"I'm an artist," Scapegrace continued. "Some people don't appreciate that. Some people don't recognize true talent when they see it. And that's fine. I'm not bitter. My time will come."

"Serpine tried to bring the Faceless Ones back," Valkyrie managed to say. Her fingers were burning, and the muscles in her legs were screaming at her. "We stopped him. We'll stop you, too."

He laughed. "What, you think I want the old gods to walk the Earth once again? Is that it? You think Nefarian Serpine was my leader? I'm not one of those nut-bag disciples, all right? I'm my own man."

Valkyrie had one chance, but she needed to be calm to take advantage of it. Her powers, limited though they were, were Elemental-- the manipulation of earth, air, fire, and water. But at this stage of her training they didn't work when she was panicking.

"So if you don't want the Faceless Ones to return," she said, "what do you want? Why are you doing this?"

He shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. It's grown-up stuff. I just want a little appreciation for who I am, that's all. That's not much to ask, is

4

it? But of course, you wouldn't know. You're just a kid." He shrugged. "Oh well. Time to die."

He reached down to shove her.

"Have you killed anyone?" she asked quickly.

"What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?"

"But you haven't actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file."

He glowered. "Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven't, but tonight's the night. You're going to be my first."

She readied herself, controlled her breathing. "Find the space where everything connects," she murmured.

Scapegrace frowned. "What?"

Valkyrie kicked upward, taking her right hand from the outcrop and feeling the air against her palm. She pushed at it the way she'd been taught, and it shimmered and hit Scapegrace, throwing him off his feet. Valkyrie clutched at the edge of the parapet, her legs swinging in open air. She grunted and pulled herself up, then flung her left arm across the edge and hauled herself the rest of the way.

Valkyrie got to her feet, her arms and legs trembling after the strain, and moved away from the

5

edge. The wind whipped her dark hair across her face.

Scapegrace was already getting up, and she saw anger seep into his features. She clicked her fingers, generating a spark that she caught in her hand. She tried to focus, tried to build it into a flame, but Scapegrace was coming at her like a freight train.

She jumped and thrust out both feet. Her boots slammed into his chest, and he hit the ground again and went sprawling.

He turned to her just as she lashed a kick into his jaw. His body twisted and he tumbled back, came up to his feet, then lost his balance, fell again. He spat blood and glared.

"You little brat," he snarled. "You uppity, sneaky little
brat.
You don't know who you're messing with, do you? I am going to be the greatest killer the world has ever known." He stood up slowly, wiping his sleeve across his burst lip. "When I'm finished with you, I'm going to deliver your mutilated, bloody corpse to your masters, as a warning. They sent you up against me, alone. Next time they're going to have to send a battalion."

Valkyrie smiled, and Scapegrace's anger flared.
"What the hell is so funny?"

6

"First of all," she said, her confidence growing, "they're not my
masters.
I don't have a
master.
Second, they don't need a battalion to take you down. And third-- and this really is the most important point-- whoever said I came alone?"

Scapegrace frowned, turned, saw someone walking up behind him-- a skeleton in a black suit-- and he tried to attack, but a gloved fist hit his face, a foot hit his shin, and an elbow slammed into his chest. He fell in an awkward heap.

Skulduggery Pleasant turned to Valkyrie. "You all right?"

"I'll kill you both!" Scapegrace howled.

"Hush," Skulduggery said.

Scapegrace launched himself forward and Skulduggery moved in to him, grabbed his outstretched arm, and spun him around, then abruptly cut him off by slamming a forearm into his throat. Scapegrace flipped in midair, landed painfully.

Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie again.

"I'm okay," she said. "Really."

Scapegrace had his hands to his face. "I think you broke my nose!"

They ignored him.

"He talks a lot," Valkyrie said, "but I don't think

7

he knows what all the words mean."

Scapegrace leaped up. "I am the Killer Supreme! I make murder into an art form!"

Skulduggery hit him again, and Scapegrace did a little twirl before falling.

"Vaurien Scapegrace," he said, "by the power endowed unto me under the Sanctuary Rule of Justice, I am placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of Alexander Remit and Sofia Toil in Oregon, Cothurnus Ode and Armiger Fop in Sydney, Gregory Castallan and Bartholomew-- "

Scapegrace tried one last desperate attack, which Skulduggery cut short by punching him very hard on the nose. The Killer Supreme wobbled, and he collapsed and started crying.