Playing the Field (6 page)

“How about the way I batted?” Tony asked.

“You were more like Randy Johnson,” she
said.

Jenna may not have realized Randy Johnson was
a pitcher and a lousy batter, but Tony glared at her anyway. Adam,
however laughed heartily and patted Tony on the shoulder again.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say you were that bad.”

“Thanks,” Tony said. “Thanks a lot.”

“Of course that stance of yours could use
some work,” Adam said.

Jenna nodded at Adam in agreement. “I tell
him that all the time.”

“Hey Jenna,” Tony said slowly. “Who’s your
favorite shortstop?”

Jenna smiled in a strained sort of way. “You
are, of course.”

“I’m not a shortstop. I play third base.”

“True, but you’re still shorter than I am,
and I’m always telling you to stop.”

Tony said, “Uh huh,” and I could tell he was
deciding how badly he wanted that five dollars.

I guess Jenna could tell too because she
reached over and took Adam’s hand. “Do you want to get something to
eat now?”

“Sure,” he said, and then to us, “See you
guys later.”

As they walked off, Jenna said, “Thanks for
watching my little brother play and giving him advice. I know the
kids really appreciate help from a pro.”

I elbowed Tony and whispered, “Oh yeah. We
really appreciate help from a pro.”

“What an idiot,” Tony said back to me. “It’s
hard to even feel sorry for him. I hope she’s so convincing that he
wills his entire baseball card collection to her.”

I put the bat bag into the truck then turned
and watched Jenna get into Adam’s car.

“Hey Tony, do you think a girl will ever
pretend to like baseball to impress us?”

“We can always hope.”

“Naw, I wouldn’t like that. When I start
dating, I’ll want to know what a girl is really like, not just what
she’s pretending to be like.”

Tony just shrugged so I pressed the point. “I
mean, how would you feel if you thought you knew a girl, and then
found out everything you thought about her was a lie?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “How cute is this
girl we’re talking about?”

I tossed the bases into the truck and then
shut the tailgate. “I don’t know why I even asked you. You’re the
guy who’s going to fake being honest so girls will think he’s Mr.
Right.”

“And it’s working too. I called Rachel last
night, and she was completely interested when I told her about the
Boy Scouts law.” He held up his fingers into the Boy Scout sign. “A
scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind,
obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.”

“Of course,” I said. “Why didn’t I see it
before? The whole purpose of Boy Scouts is to turn you into someone
a girl would like.”

“On Monday I’m going to be funny and
attractive.”

“Try being brilliant, fascinating, and humble
while you’re at it.”

We walked away from the truck and toward the
bleachers where a lot of the parents were still talking to each
other. Tony grinned over at me. “Just watch, on Monday I’m going to
be such a Mr. Right that pretty soon people will think there were
three Wright brothers—Orville, Wilbur and Tony.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t try to leave the ground
just yet.”

My parents had been talking with some of the
other parents. Now they came over and asked if I was ready to go. I
told Tony I’d see him later and walked with my parents to our car.
All the way there I thought about Tony’s plans and wondered if
they’d work. Maybe he’d fool everyone, just like Jenna was fooling
Adam, and he’d become wildly popular. But no matter how I turned it
around in my mind, I still didn’t like it. I knew I could never be
all phony just to get a girl to like me.

* * *

On Sunday I told Kirk over and over again how
neat his new room would be. It didn’t matter. Kirk refused to
adjust. It didn’t matter that I’d bribed him with decorations of
trains, dinosaurs, or his own baseball players. He wanted his
closet, his window, and his posters, which unfortunately also
happened to be my closet, my window, and my posters.

I guess I could have given in and volunteered
to move, but it just seemed so unfair. After all, it had been my
room first. I had picked out the baseball border that matched the
curtains, which matched my bedspread. I had bought those posters of
Cal Ripkin, Mark McGwire, and Sammy Sosa with my own money. And
besides, the office was smaller. Since Kirk was a smaller person
with smaller stuff, he should have the smaller room.

Mom and Dad said they’d try to reason with
Kirk about it. Since when has reason solved anything in the world?
Look at the United Nations. They’ve been trying to work problems
out with reason for decades, and we’re no closer to world peace
than we ever were.

That night I tried my own methods to convince
Kirk to move.

“Kirk,” I said as we got ready for bed, “I
haven’t told you this before, but there’s buried treasure somewhere
in the office.”

Kirk pulled on his pajama bottoms and
surveyed me skeptically. “What kind of treasure?”

“Gold and silver,” I whispered in awed tones.
When he didn’t look impressed with this treasure, I added, “And Hot
Wheels and flashlights and swords. If you move into the office, I
bet you’ll be able to find it.”

Kirk’s eyes had grown wide when I’d mentioned
the Hot Wheels, flashlights, and swords. They narrowed when I’d
mentioned moving.

“How come Mom and Dad have never told me
about the treasure?”

“They don’t know about it. It was left there
by the people who owned the house before we did. They were
pirates.” Actually, they were retired schoolteachers, but that’s
the beauty of being the oldest. Kirk wasn’t around, so he couldn’t
argue the point. I continued slowly, “I discovered a map for the
treasure. I was going to find it myself, but if you agree to move
to the office, I’ll give you the map.”

Kirk pulled on the top to his pajamas
carefully. I knew he was thinking it over.

“And I’ll tell you another secret.” I looked
under the bed quickly as I said this. “I’ve also discovered a bunch
of monsters have moved into this room. I think I’d better stay here
and fight them off so they don’t eat anyone.”

Kirk put his hands on his hips.
“Uh-uuuhh.”

“Yes-huh.” I flung the closet door open
quickly and jabbed my hand in the clothes a few times. “And they’re
the kind of monsters that eat five-year-old boys.”

Kirk stuck out his chin defiantly. “You’re
just trying to scare me so I’ll move out.”

I put my arm against the back wall of the
closet and acted like I was being sucked in. “Oh no!” I yelled.
“One’s got me now!”

Kirk let out a scream and ran down the
hallway to our parents’ room. Which just goes to show you that if I
ever was attacked by something, Kirk wouldn’t help me, so I
shouldn’t feel bad about occasionally teasing him.

After a few minutes, Dad came into the room
holding Kirk’s hand. He gave me a stern lecture about putting ideas
into my brother’s head. I don’t know what Dad was worried about. If
I could really put ideas in Kirk’s head, somewhere along the line
the idea that he should move into the office would have stuck. But
no dice. Kirk is more stubborn than all the United Nations put
together.

* * *

On Monday morning Tony showed up at my locker
with a list scribbled on his notebook. “I think Mr. Right needs an
exciting hobby to make him more attractive. Which do you think
sounds better—mountain climbing or scuba diving?”

“How about wrestling wild animals with your
bare hands?”

“Yeah, that would be cool. Too bad I don’t
have any big scars.” We had some time before school started so we
walked toward the library. Tony kept looking at his notebook.
“Maybe I should pretend I’ve done both. That would make me twice as
attractive, right?”

I shifted my books from one hand to the
other. “You’re not really going to tell people you’ve been mountain
climbing and scuba diving, are you?”

“I hike. I swim. It’s technically not even a
lie. Besides I researched both sports on the internet, so I’ll know
what I’m talking about.”

We walked through the library doors and saw
Serena, Rachel, and their friend Anna sitting at one of the tables.
Brian Vanders was also there. He was a linebacker on the football
team and a decent player at that, but I bet he couldn’t hit a home
run to save his life. Still, all the girls sat listening to him
talk, and from the looks on their faces it seemed he was doing a
pretty good Mr. Right impersonation himself.

Tony was not daunted. Using his cool walk, he
strolled up to the table and sat down. I followed, but not quite as
smoothly. When I pulled my chair back, I rammed it into my shin. I
sat down anyway and tried not to wince.

“Hi guys,” Tony said.

Everyone returned his greeting except for
Brian. He just scowled in a smiling sort of way.

“We’ve been talking about concerts,” Rachel
told us. “Do your parents let you go?”

“Maybe if it were a Pavarotti concert,” I
said. The girls all looked at me blankly so I said, “My parents
don’t like rock music. They listen to classical.”

Anna wrinkled her nose. “You don’t get to
listen to rock?” Apparently this was a Mr. Wrong thing to do.

“I listen to it sometimes,” I said. I liked
country better, but I wasn’t about to say anything else until I was
sure it wouldn’t cause any more nose wrinkling.

Tony leaned back in his chair. “My parents
don’t worry about me at concerts. They’re more worried about the
other stuff I do, like mountain climbing.”

Brian looked skeptical. “You’ve been mountain
climbing? Where?”

Tony glanced at his notebook. “Oh, lots of
places. Like Mount McKinley.”

Serena’s eyes widened. “Wow, you’ve been to
Alaska?”

Tony glanced at his notebook again. “Yes I
have, because that’s where Mount McKinley is.”

“When did you go there?” Rachel asked.

“A couple of summers ago. My uncle took me.
He’s really into climbing.”

I said, “You’re talking about your uncle
Orville, right?”

“Right,” Tony said.

“Weren’t you really cold?” Anna asked.

“Sure, but it was worth it. Besides we had on
really thick coats and boots and a lot of other technical mountain
climbing stuff you’ve probably never heard of before.”

“Did you take many pictures?” Serena
asked.

“Tons,” Tony said. “I was so mad when that
bear ate my camera and ruined them all.”

Rachel gasped. “A bear ate your camera?”

Tony nodded solemnly. “You run into a lot of
wild animals in the mountains.”

“How scary,” Anna said.

“How exciting,” Serena added.

“How far did you get up the mountain?” Brian
asked.

Tony hesitated. I could tell he hadn’t
researched this question. Finally he said, “Further than most
people get.”

Brian leaned back in his chair and gave a
casual shrug. “Why do it the hard way? If you want to see the top
of the mountain why not just do what I’m going to do? Fly.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You’re sprouting
wings soon?”

“No, my dad has his own plane, a Beechcraft
Bonanza. He’s been giving me lessons. When I turn sixteen I’ll get
to fly solo.”

All three girls cooed and then asked him
things all at once. “What’s the plane like?” “How hard is it to
learn to fly?” “Where are you going to go?”

Brian happily answered their questions until
the bell rang. Then when everyone got up to go, he walked next to
Serena out of the library. He smiled over at her. “Who knows,” he
said, “maybe after I get my pilot’s license I’ll be able to take
someone up with me.”

She looked back at him admiringly. “That
would be so neat.”

“Remember to bring a parachute,” I said, but
only Tony heard me.

The two of us headed down a different hallway
than the others, but none of them told us good-bye.

As we walked, Tony shuffled his feet. “Dang.
I knew I should have gone with the scuba diving.”

“It isn’t fair,” I said. “I bet Brian doesn’t
even need an algebra tutor.”

Tony glanced over at me. “Brian did seem to
be zeroing in on Serena, didn’t he?”

I didn’t answer.

“Well, you’re just going to have to be cooler
than he is.”

“How could I possibly be cooler than flying
an airplane? You weren’t even cooler than Brian and your camera was
eaten by wild bears.”

“Yeah.”

We walked in silence for a few more moments,
and then Tony resumed his feet shuffling. “I’ll tell you one thing,
when I do tell the scuba diving story there are going to be sharks
in it, and lots of them.”

* * *

I figured that after being outperformed in
the library, Tony would give his Mr. Right routine a rest. But at
lunchtime when he sat down beside me, he leaned over and grinned.
“Guess who I talked to all last period?”

“The chairman of the scuba diving club?”

“Rachel.” His grin got bigger. “Don’t you
think she’s one of the hottest girls in our class?”

“Sure.” I hadn’t actually made a list or
anything, but I suppose if I had, Rachel would have been on it.

“Did you ever notice that she wears
eyeshadow?”

I ripped open my packet of potato chips and
popped a few into my mouth. “No, I’ve never paid that much
attention to Rachel’s eyelids.”

“Neither have I, but she said she just bought
some new makeup yesterday. Get this: She has four shades of
eyeshadow, and they’re all brown. Does that seem weird, or
what?”

“It seems weird that you were talking about
eyeshadow with her.”

“We talked about other things too. She loved
the shark stories.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think she
really likes me, because, you know, she always laughs at my jokes.
You can tell if a girl likes you by how much she laughs at your
jokes. Rachel even laughs when I say stupid stuff.”