Playing Doctor (11 page)

The unfairness of it drove his anger up. He could handle the anger, welcomed it even. It was mild compared to the other emotion roiling through him that threatened to lay him low. That she would compare him to the man who had abused her, judge and sentence him for a crime imposed on her by another man wounded him to the bone.

“I’m not him, Beth. I would never intentionally cause you harm.” If he felt some small token of satisfaction at the shame that lit her lovely face, then so be it.

Gabe rose from the bed and dressed. She sat cross-legged, her fingers plucking at the sheet pulled over her breasts. Her eyes followed him as he crossed to her, bent down, and took her chin in his hand. He took her mouth again, roughly at first, surprised at how badly he wanted,
needed
that one last taste of her. He lingered there, rested his forehead against hers. “Thank you for last night—for everything.”

Her eyes filled. “Thank
you
.”

He took a breath, blew it out. “So, there’s nothing I can say to change your mind?”

Beth’s eyes drifted shut. A small, shaky breath passed her lips. For a moment Gabe thought,
hoped
, she was having second thoughts, but then she looked up and shook her head. “No.”

Seconds ticked by, then he nodded, turned from the bed, from her, and walked to the desk. Beth’s paperwork lay there, waiting for her attention. He reached down, ran his finger over the letterhead on the staffing schedule, and glanced at the résumés as bits of their earlier conversation played back in his head.

“This is my cell.” He picked up the pen lying beside her laptop, scribbled the number on a Post-it note and stuck it to her laptop. “If you change your mind.” He went to the door, turned the knob, and glanced over his shoulder. “Beth…change your mind.”

The door closed behind him with a quiet
click
. The weight of a new burden settled across Gabe’s shoulders as he made his way down the corridor to the elevator. He knew without a doubt he was walking away from the best thing that had happened to him in a long time, and he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. Knowing it was irrelevant—he’d done all he could. It was up to Beth now.

…

Clutching the sheet to her chest, Beth watched Gabe walk out the door. The soft
snick
as it closed behind him echoed in the room like a cannon blast. The fragile hold she’d managed to maintain on her control slipped and she fell back on the pillows, staring up at the ceiling as Gabe’s scent rose from the bed and surrounded her.

What have I done?

The right thing—the only thing I could do.

Swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, Beth rolled onto her side. She pulled the covers around her and breathed in his scent, wrapping herself in a cocoon of uncertainty. She had been close, so very close, to saying yes, but she needed time. It was all so new, so fresh, too soon after their night together, while her defenses were down and her body thrummed from his loving, to commit to seeing him again. She needed some distance to gather her thoughts, get back on an even keel.

She had hurt him with that comment about Jamie. She hadn’t meant it to be a comparison, but the flicker of anguish in Gabe’s eyes…she may as well have dealt him a physical blow. How could she have caused such a gentle man pain? That wasn’t supposed to happen. One night, then go their separate ways—that had been the plan.

Proof enough that she had nothing to give.

Will I ever be able to give myself completely to any man?

You’ll never know unless you try,
the annoying voice of reason taunted.

A knock sounded at the door and a faceless voice called out, “Room service!” Beth’s stomach roiled at the thought of eating. She let him knock again and then heard him walk away. Maybe someone would stop him, take it to their room and enjoy it. She lay there, in the drowsy warmth of the bed she had shared with Gabe, and clutched his pillow to her chest. Despite the fact that the sheets still held the warmth of his body, a cold shiver spread through her and she felt an extraordinary void at his absence. Loneliness pulled at her like a steel weight.

If she had done the right thing, why did she feel like she’d just let the most unexpectedly magical opportunity slip through her fingers?

Chapter Eleven

“So, how was the trip to Lexington?” Connie snapped the lid on a plastic container of leftover sausage biscuits and set it on top of the microwave in the employee’s break room.

Beth wasn’t above bribing the staff with food to get them to attend monthly departmental meetings. It was a sure way of baiting night shift to linger, and day shift to come in early. Buffalo wings and loaded potato skins were on order to ensure a good turnout for the meeting at shift change this evening.

She gathered the leftover handouts from the morning staff meeting, tapped them smartly on the table and slid them into a folder. Although two weeks had passed since her trip to Lexington, today was the first time she’d seen Connie for more than a few moments at a time. She’d known Connie would ask, had thought about what she’d tell her and what she wouldn’t. Whatever she divulged, she only wanted to say it once, and then tuck the memories of that weekend away forever. Thinking about it only made her want things she couldn’t have, and she’d done little else
but
think about Gabe and their night together.

“The wedding was beautiful. Drew captured some great shots. He even got some of us doing CPR on one of the wedding guests. He sent some of them to my phone.” Beth took her cell from her pocket and handed it to Connie.

“You’re kidding me. You just can’t get away from the job, no matter what,” Connie complained. She pulled up the photos and flipped through the screens. “That’s the thing with being a nurse. If you were a grocer and one of the caterers shouted,
Hey, I’m out of bread
, you wouldn’t just jump up and start looking around for bread, would you? But no, be a nurse and see someone lose consciousness and you automatically fall on the guy’s chest and start pounding…
hello
.”

“What?”

“Holy stud in a tux, Batman! Is that Thor giving compressions?” Connie worked her fingers over the screen, enlarging the photograph for a better look.

Beth clutched the stack of handouts to her chest. She hadn’t gone through the photos. Hadn’t wanted to see Gabe’s face on the screen. Hadn’t wanted to be reminded of how good they’d been together…and that she’d sent him away.

“Um, let me see.” She glanced at the photo. Her heartbeat quickened. The rest of her flushed with heat. “Oh, that’s, um…Dr. North. He was a, ah…groomsman.”

“Love the hair,” Connie murmured. “Hell, love everything.” She flipped to another shot and tilted her head, squinting at the screen. “Beth, he’s looking at your ass.”

“What? Let me see that.” Beth snatched the phone out of Connie’s hand.

The focal point of the shot was of the paramedics loading Albert into the ambulance, while in the background, she, Beth, was on her knees, and yes, her ass was in the air while she stuffed the defibrillator back into his medical bag. Sure enough, there was Gabe, standing right behind her…looking squarely at her ass.

Beth closed her eyes, dropped her head. Oh, God, had Drew noticed this? Had he already sent copies to the bride and groom? If not, could she be lucky enough to find his computer on, get into his file and delete the damn things? Heat stung her cheeks.

Connie looked at the photo again and then back at Beth. Her green eyes narrowed. “You got laid…by Dr. Thor!”

If her face got any hotter, her skin would steam. Beth spun around and headed out of the break room, Connie hard on her heels. She rushed down the hall behind her and into her office.

Connie closed the door, leaned back against it, and crossed her arms. “Spill it, sister, and I want details.”

Knowing her friend wouldn’t leave her office until she gave up something—something juicy and intimate—Beth dumped her papers on the desk and opened the bottom drawer. She pulled out a large flat object covered in Cracker Barrel’s signature gift-wrapping paper and handed it to Connie, who immediately tore into it. With a squeal, she held up the five-pound Hershey’s chocolate bar.

“Lick-o-licious!”

Beth started at the beginning, with the conversation she’d overheard in the bridal chambers. She told her about the kiss at the wedding and the one at the lounge.

“So…on the ride up in the elevator, did you two…?” Connie waggled her brows.

Beth rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Sorry, no story there.”

Connie pouted for a second before flicking a hand in the air. “Doesn’t matter, as long as you finally get to the good stuff.” Her eyes narrowed into slits. “And you did get to the good stuff, right?”

Heat suffused Beth’s cheeks.

“Awesome! I haven’t seen you blush this much since I talked you into going to my sex toy party.” Connie laughed, then sobered and asked, “I only have one question…did he make you happy, hon?”

Beth closed her eyes, allowed the memories she’d been holding at bay to tumble out. “Many times.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

Beth…change your mind.
Gabe’s parting words rang inside her head.

Oh, God, she wanted to. Wanted to see his smile, hear his voice, feel his touch.

“No.”

Connie’s mouth thinned. “You know, it would be a damn shame if Jamie Roberts was still pulling your strings.”

It might have been nerves, or the lack of sleep from the night before, but Connie’s comment pissed Beth off all the way down to her toes. That it hit a tad too close to home may have had a little to do with it, and
that
she would keep to herself. Because their friendship meant more to Beth than a pointless argument, she hid her annoyance by clearing a spot on her desk for her laptop.

“The only one pulling my strings is administration and the meeting I have in”—she checked her watch—“oh, shit, twenty minutes.”

“Hmm.” If Connie had more to say, she kept it to herself. “You up for pizza and a movie this weekend?”

“Sure. Give me a call later and we’ll set it up.” Grateful that Connie had taken the hint and let the subject drop, Beth reached for her laptop case. Connie shot her a thumbs-up, tucked the giant candy bar under her arm, and left.

Beth tipped her head from side to side, stretching muscles taut with tension. She could blame the tight bands cording her neck and shoulders on the job. Or she could admit the truth and be done with it. In spite of her busy schedule, thoughts of Gabe intruded into her days…as well as her nights. More than once she’d questioned her reasons for adhering to their agreement, and more than once, she asked herself,
Dammit
,
have
I made the biggest mistake of my life
?

It shouldn’t have been so difficult, letting Gabe walk out that door and out of her life. She had watched him pull on his clothes, covering the body that had given her pleasure far beyond anything she could have imagined. His smiling face haunted her. The memory of his touch tormented her. He had broken through her defenses and breathed life back into her.

And you sent him away,
that needling voice in her head mocked.

I want to see you again
. She clung to those words as she would to a life preserver in a stormy sea. For a moment, just a moment, she thought how wonderful it would feel to be with him again…then caught herself.

One night only. No romance. No complications. No relationship
.

Her stipulations.

So why did she have this hollow spot in her chest? Why, after spending one afternoon and one night in the arms of this magnificent man, did thinking about him cause so much angst?

She flipped the lid back on the computer case. A small square of yellow paper waved back at her, as it did each time she opened it. Twice she’d peeled it off and tossed it in the trash, only to snatch it out again and smooth it back onto the computer lid, as if having it there kept a part of him close.

She peeled it off now and ran her finger over the number. The hole in her chest deepened.

She missed him.

Beth fell back against her chair and her breath came out in a
woosh
. There. She admitted it, and the heaviness pressing down on her chest lightened just a little. How long since she’d missed a man? Not since Jamie…

Beth shot up in her chair. Goosebumps prickled her arms. Her fingers tightened around the little piece of yellow paper. Oh God, Connie was right. Jamie was still pulling her strings, controlling her life…even from the grave. Her heart rate kicked up a notch, her jaw tightened. No. She was
allowing
him control. Her stomach roiled at the injustice.

No more.

She took out her phone. Her fingers trembled as she entered Gabe’s number, and then she hesitated. What if he didn’t want to talk to her, let her call go to voicemail, and deleted it without hearing what she had to say? Or worse, what if he picked up, her nerves kicked in, and she rattled off some idiotic garble that made no sense and he hung up on her?

She could text him, but that was so impersonal. She wanted to hear his voice.

Her thumb hovered over the call tab as a terrifying thought occurred. What if
he’d
changed
his
mind? What if she’d hurt him with her thoughtless comparison to Jamie and he decided she wasn’t worth the trouble, told her to take her one night mantra to a proctologist for advice on the best place to stick it?

Then again, what if she
didn’t
contact him, and missed out on the chance of a lifetime? How would she know if she didn’t at least give it a try?

It was time to stop living in the world of
what ifs
.

And the first thing she needed to do was apologize for hurting him.

She took a fortifying breath and hit
Call
.
Please, please don’t go to voicemail.
The things she had to say, she didn’t want to leave on a machine. He picked up on the third ring.