Players (Lessons by Loki) (11 page)

“How’s your
knee?”

“It’s fine. It was
never a big deal.”

“Did you have fun at the party or was it awkward and boring?”

It wasn’t a complete reversion to small talk, but it was close. She seriously doubted Josiah cared one way or the other. He was easing his way back around to the real subject. Sex. “It was a little of everything. Endless introductions to people I’ll likely never see again. Dancing with a man who couldn’t keep his eyes off another woman and—”

“I don’t know why they don’t get back together. It’s obvious neither of them is ready to move on. Vanessa calls me at least once a day to
find out if Chase’s okay.”

“Have you told
Chase?”

“Repeatedly.
He needs to drive over to her apartment and fuck her into next week. I’m tired of all the drama.”

His voice had been a menacing rumble, but Katie still blushed. “How do you really feel about it?”

“I hate seeing him this miserable, especially when he doesn’t need to be.”

“I’m sure she wasn’t at her best last night, but I can’t help wondering what
Chase
ever
saw in her.”

He bristled
then laughed. “Are you expecting me to defend Vanessa? The woman detests me.”

“Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

He reached across the table and covered her hand. “I didn’t mean to snap. Chase dragged you into the middle of the mess. I guess you deserve the basics.” He returned his hand to his side of the table and began with a sigh. “You saw her last night, so you know she’s beautiful, but there really is more to her than her looks. Vanessa can be warm and charming. I’ve witnessed that side of her personality, but always from a distance. As soon as I enter her orbit, she turns into the woman you met last night.”

“
You were a part of his life long before she was. Why did Chase put up with her abusiveness?”

“
That’s a loaded question, sweetheart. I’m not sure how much of his past Chase is ready to share.”

She
cocked her eyebrow in silent challenge. “He didn’t seem to have a problem sharing last night.”

He shook his head. “It’s really not my story to tell.”

“Fair enough. You said you weren’t the primary reason for the breakup. Can you tell me what was?” It was obvious Josiah cared about Chase. It offered her a rare glimpse behind Josiah’s emotional defenses. As long as Josiah was capable of loving someone there was still hope for his redemption.

“She didn’t trust him and mistrust makes people paranoid. The harder
Chase tried to convince her nothing was going on behind her back, the more suspicious she became.”

“
Chase couldn’t have been completely blameless. These things don’t work that way.”

“I wasn’t saying he was. He’d give her the silent treatment instead of trying to talk things out.” Their drinks arrived so it took Josiah a moment to finish his explanation. “
Chase knew she wasn’t comfortable with there being anything sexual between us, so Chase cut me off. In fact he didn’t touch anyone else while he was with Vanessa. Unfortunately, Vanessa didn’t believe him.”

“Did that make you resent Vanessa
or Chase or both?” She lifted her mimosa to her lips and took a sip. The fresh tartness awakened her taste buds and encouraged her to take another sip.

“My relationship with
Chase has always been fluid. It wasn’t the first time Chase told me ‘never again’.”

He sounded so nonchalant that she didn’t believe him.
“And you were okay with being cut off? It didn’t make you angry or jealous?”

He smiled at her then looked away. “My friendship with
Chase is the constant. Our physical relationship comes and goes. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted a ‘normal’ life, wife and kids, dog out back, the whole nine yards. He could have had that with Vanessa. There was no way I was going to stand in the way.”

“What about you? What do you want out of life?”

“At the moment?” His gaze snapped back to hers and his lips twisted into a salacious grin. “I want to corrupt my angelic neighbor.”

She cringed at the evasion. He was avoiding the fact that
Chase’s priorities hurt him. “I’ll admit to being less experienced than you, but I’m hardly angelic.”

“So how inexperienced are you? Let’s start with the basics. How many lovers have you
had and have they all been men?”

She set down her drink and leaned in. “I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.”

“Go for it. I have nothing to hide.”

“Were you
Chase’s first man?”

“Yes.” He motioned toward the buffet. “Should we grab our food before we continue?”

She was far more interested in his answers than in the food, but she nodded. He stood and pulled back her chair, a gesture she found endearingly old-fashioned. The buffet held a wide variety of selections, yet her curiosity overshadowed her appetite. She took small portions of several dishes, suspecting that most of the food would remain on her plate.

He escorted her back to their table and resumed as if there hadn’t been an interruption. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Nineteen.” She poked some scrambled eggs with her fork and stuffed them in her mouth.

“You made it through high school without giving in to some football player?”

“I dated a musician in high school and my reluctance to ‘go all the way’ was the reason he dumped me. But I’m stubborn. Instead of making me feel like I was missing out on something important, it made me all the more determined to enter the sexual arena on my own terms.”

That earned her a thoughtful nod before he asked,
“How many have there been since?”

She shook her head. “It’s my turn, and technically you asked me two questions. But I’ll only
charge you for one.”

“The second question was a qualification
of the first.”

“I agree.
Have you had more male or female lovers?” He looked off into the distance. Was he counting them up? They’d be here for hours. The realization sent a shiver down her spine. “Estimate.”

“I think it’s about even, perhaps a few more women.
Your turn.” He focused on his food as he waited for her to ask the next question.

“Have you ever been in love?”
Thanks to Loki, she knew the answer, but she wanted to see if Josiah would be honest with her.

He shook his head and took a drink of coffee before he answered. “
Chase is probably as close as I’ve ever come. I love Chase, but I don’t think I’m
in love
with him.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Is that your next question?” His smile turned playful again.

“A clarification.”

“You can love a puppy and love your sister, but you aren’t
in love
with them. Unless you’re seriously twisted.” She chuckled, which seemed to make him bolder. “How many people have shared your bed?”

She swallowed hard. He was going to have a field day with this.
“One. His name was Dillon.”

His coffee mug hit the table with a hollow
thunk
. “You’ve only had one lover. Ever?”

“Unless you count last night.”
She looked back out the window, torn between embarrassment and frustration. Why should she be ashamed of the fact that she’d poured her heart and soul into one relationship instead of screwing everything that crossed her path?

He touched her chin, guiding her head back around. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Tell me about him. How did you meet? How long did it last?
Why did it end?”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, letting her annoyance burn through her awkwardness. “
The past can’t be changed. I try to stay focused on the present.”

“Our pasts shape us, make us who we are. The events can’t be changed, but we
’re either encumbered with or empowered by the events that we survive.”

“Which are you? Do you draw strength from your past or have you been crippled by it?” Loki hadn’t shown her anything she didn’t already know. Living across the street from Josiah had revealed his lack of commitment to any lover. Still, the utter lack of emotion he offered his partners made her wonder why.

“Tell me about Dillon and I’ll tell you about Chase.”

Trepidation tingled down her spine and she hesitated.
Was this another way for him to avoid any meaningful exchange? “Only if you promise to answer my questions as thoroughly as I answer yours. No half-truths or evasions. You tell me everything I want to know.”

He stilled and his gaze locked with hers. “Why are you so interested in me and
Chase?”

“You said it yourself. He’s as close as you’ve ever come to a serious relationship. I want to understand how it developed and the challenges you’ve faced along the way.”

“No evasions and no half-truths. I won’t stop until you beg me to.”

The double entendre brought the night before scrolling back through her memory.
His lips and tongue. His fingers. She could still feel the demand in each caress and the obvious pleasure he’d gained from watching her come apart at the seams. Loki was right. It was pointless to pretend she didn’t want more. Josiah would know she was being dishonest with herself and pursue her all the harder.

A server stopped by to refill Josiah’s coffee mug and he told the young man to bring Katie another
mimosa. As usual, he controlled his environment with confidence and a subtle expectance that Katie found admirable and intimidating.

She waited until
after the server returned with her drink before she began her explanation. “I was a sophomore when I met Dillon. He was four years older.”

“A sophomore in coll
ege or high school?”

“College.
We met at UC Denver. The Anschutz Campus hadn’t opened yet. We were still downtown.”

“
Chase and I met in college too, but we attended CU in Boulder.”

She nodded, not willing to admit how much time she’d spent digging into their past
s on the internet. Between public records and social network sites, it was relatively easy to assemble an accurate picture of almost anyone’s past.

“Dillon
was a second year med student and I was still deciding on a career path. I knew I wanted something in the medical field, but I didn’t have the money, or the focus, to go the distance.”

“Do you regret not becoming a doctor?”

“Not at all. I enjoy what I do, but…”

“He made you feel like you were selling yourself short?”

She pushed her plate aside and pulled her glass in front of her. Thoughts of Dillon always left her feeling empty and inferior. She’d dedicated so much of herself to the relationship. Even six years after the breakup, part of her mourned the future she’d imagined at his side. “Dillon was a perfectionist and he required perfection in every area of his life. I tried to live up to his expectations, but I’m not perfect.”

“Maybe you just weren’t perfect for him.” He shook his head and something cold and
distant hardened his expression. “If your partner can’t accept you the way you are, he’s not a worthy partner.”

“You
’d never try to improve yourself to please someone else?”

“Depends on the improvement.
Compromise is vital to any relationship, but lasting change has to be self-motivated.” The waitress cleared their plates and asked if they needed anything else. Josiah thanked her without shifting his gaze from Katie. “How long were you together before it became intimate?” he asked once the waitress left.

“Six weeks.”

His smile was incredulous. “A man in his early twenties, he must have been going out of his mind. Did he know you were a virgin?”

“Yes. I told him and he agreed to take things slowly.”

“Did you do more than kiss before that first time?”

Feeling as if every person in the room had to be listening in, she looked around again.
As before, everyone was engrossed in their own conversations. Still, she scooted closer to the table and lowered her voice. “We came really close to having sex about two weeks after we started dating. That’s when I told him I’d never done it before. He assured me he was willing to wait until I was ready.”

“And he never pressured you after that, never tried to convince you to change your mind?”

“He was affectionate. He held my hand and put his arm around me, but we never did more than kiss until our first night together.”

“Tell me about that. Was it planned or spontaneous?”

“Spontaneous?” She laughed. “Dillon didn’t know the meaning of the word. His entire life was regimented and meticulously organized.”

“Did he decide it was time to have sex or did you?”

She’d never really thought about it, but Dillon had made the vast majority of all decisions in their relationship. “I guess he did. It was New Year’s Eve and he wanted me to spend the night. When I agreed, I knew he expected me to sleep with him.”