Play Maker (19 page)

I
was tired of crying
. Two days, four boxes of Kleenex and seventy-eight ignored calls from James later, I was ready to face the world again. At least that’s what I told myself. The truth was that I felt like crap. Not just heartbroken, but embarrassed. Humiliated. And I was mad. At James, of course, but at myself as well. I knew better.

It turned out I was just a dumb girl who had fallen for James’ charm, ignoring the warning signs for a taste of luxury and pampering and what I thought had been love. But guys like James didn’t fall in love. When you could have any woman you wanted, why would you ever settle down? And why, if you were James, would you choose someone like me? He was a world-class athlete with money to burn. I was a bartender with college loans to pay.

We never would have worked, I kept telling myself. Better that it ended now before I really fell for him. Though, I couldn’t imagine being any more in love with him than I was. And that was the worst part. Still loving him after all this.

I felt tears burning my eyes, but I grit my teeth and refused to let them fall. I was done crying over him. I needed to get back to my life. Back to Mikey. It had been days since I had spent time with him. Days since we had done the list. This had to stop now. I had to get over James.

There was a knock at my bedroom door and I quickly swiped at my tear-swollen face. I might not win any beauty awards at the moment, but I could at least look presentable. I could at least look like I was keeping it together.

But when the door opened and it was Maya on the other side, I lost it and the tears started flowing anew.

“Oh, honey.” She rushed over and climbed into my bed, wrapping me up in a hug. For someone as tiny as she was, she gave amazing hugs. I sank into her, feeling safe. “It’s ok,” she told me, rocking me in her arms, much like my mom had done. Despite everything, I felt pretty lucky to have these amazing women in my life.

It was the first time I had seen Maya since I heard the news. We had texted a few times and she had saved my life by covering my shift at the bar, but she hadn’t been able to come over until now. I was so grateful to see her. If anyone understood how I felt, it would be her. We had seen each other through a lot of shitty men over the years. That was the main reason we had created the slut code. How I wished I had followed it this time.

“I’m such a moron,” I sniffed into her shoulder.

“Stop it,” she ordered, pulling back. “You are not a moron. You are someone who fell in love. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Unless you fall in love with the wrong person.” I wiped my eyes.

She didn’t say anything, pressing her lips together. That was very unlike her. Usually she was the first to jump on the ‘men are scum’ ranting that always came after a break-up. Instead, she dug through the bag she had brought with her.

“I got you something,” she told me before pulling out a water bottle filled with what looked like liquid beets. Which was probably exactly what it was.

I wrinkled my nose at her. “No offense,” I said. “But I’m not in the mood for juice right now.”

“This is anti-heartbreak juice. I put extra paprika in it. And artichoke hearts. You know, for your heart,” she argued. “It’s really good. It will help.”

I didn’t think it would, but she looked so sincere that I figured there was no harm in trying it. Of course, I changed my mind the minute the concoction touched my lips. It was incredibly bitter and slightly off, as if the vegetables used were on the cusp of going bad.

I coughed. “Maya, this is gross. This is probably the worst thing you’ve ever made.”

She grinned at me. “I know,” she said.

“Then why did you give it to me?”

“Because, doesn’t it make everything else seem a little less bad? By comparison?”

I couldn’t help a small smile. “Nice try,” I said, handing her back the bottle. “But the drink is not
that
bad.”

Maya reached over and gave me a one-armed hug. “I know,” she tucked my head beneath her chin. “But it did make you smile. If only for a moment.”

She was right, but still, that drink had been vile. “Next time just tickle me, ok?”

“Ok.” She poked me playfully in the side. “Now, come on, there’s something I want you to see.”

“I don’t feel like going out,” I told her. I was perfectly content staying in my room in my pajamas with my hair unwashed and my curtains drawn. At least for another day. Or maybe a week. Or maybe forever. I was still deciding the best course of action.

“We’re not going out.” She pulled at my arm. “We’re going to the living room. Come on, Mikey and your mom are waiting.”

“This better not be some sort of intervention,” I told her, grabbing my ratty old robe and wrapping it around my ratty old pajamas. Why was everything I owned so ratty and old? I stopped myself immediately. I had never found fault in my things until James started showering us with expensive gifts. What did I need a new robe for? I had everything I needed right now in this house. I didn’t need anything – or anyone – else.

“It’s not an intervention,” Maya promised.

“Good, because I think I have the right to wallow for a few days.”

Maya nodded, steering me out of the bedroom. “Of course you do.”

Mikey and my mom were in the living room. Immediately, Mikey ran over and gave me a hug so tight that it squeezed all the air out of my lungs. I squeezed him back, feeling bad that I had been ignoring him while I locked myself in my cave of self-pity. Even though this wasn’t an intervention, I knew that all this crying and withdrawing had to stop. I had a family that needed me. I couldn’t just check out.

“Hey, buddy,” I said to him, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

He wiped it away like he always did, but took my hand and pulled me to the couch.

“What’s going on?” I asked, looking around and noticing the tight look on my mom’s face. Whatever was happening, she did not seem ok with it.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” she confirmed, crossing her arms.

“I think Nicole needs to know,” Maya countered, picking up the remote.

“Know what?” I shifted my gaze back and forth between the two of them. I could tell they had a secret. It made me nervous. The last time my mom had looked like this was when we found out the truth about James. There was no way it could get worse. Could it? “What are you talking about?”

“James is giving a press conference,” Maya said, looking at her phone. I hated the way my heart jolted when she said his name. “In five minutes. He was at the bar yesterday and he made me promise that I’d make you watch it.”

“What?” I surged off the couch. Why was Maya doing this to me? I thought she was on my side. “Why?”

Maya put a hand on my shoulder, her eyes sympathetic. “Because there’s more to this than you think.”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe you.” I felt totally betrayed. “How can you possibly excuse his behavior?”

“I’m not excusing it. At all,” Maya insisted. “I just, look, I spoke to him the other day and he told me some things, ok?”

I laughed. The sound was bitter, but that’s how I felt. “So he sweet talked you.”

“No.” Maya was firm. “I just think you should watch the press conference.”

I glanced over at my mom, who still looked upset. “What do you think?” I was starting to depend more and more on her opinion. I realized that I trusted her with this. That she would be looking out for my best interests.

My mom’s face softened. “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“You love him, don’t you?” Maya interjected.

“That’s not the point,” I argued, trying to ignore how much that hurt. Because I didn’t want to feel anything towards him. Certainly not love.

“Isn’t it?”

“You want me to excuse his cheating just because I was stupid enough to fall in love with him?” I felt as if I was on the verge of tears. And I was so tired of crying over him.

“No,” Maya said, gently taking my hands. “I want you to listen to him. That’s all. I just want you to have all the information before you make a decision. Before you shut him out completely. Doesn’t he deserve that?”

“I don’t know.” I sank back down onto the couch. Mikey was silent at my side.

“Maybe Maya is right.”

My head shot up, surprised at my mother’s complete reversal. Quietly she came and sat down next to me.

“I know I haven’t been the best mom,” she said, her voice halting. “And if anyone didn’t deserve a second chance, it was me. I did some unforgivable things. But I know that I am grateful every single day that you have allowed me back into your life. So maybe…” She took my hand. “Maybe it’s worth listening to what James has to say. But that has to be your decision. Just know that I want the best for you.”

My heart ached. I had never felt closer to her, and my resentment over her leaving us had finally begun to lift. I believed what she was saying. And maybe she was right. I didn’t have to forgive James, but I could at least listen. My heart was already broken, he couldn’t do anymore damage.

But how I wanted to believe Maya. How I wanted there to be an explanation for all of this. Because I missed him. So very much.

I gave her a hug. “Thanks, Mom.”

Maya handed me the remote and I took a deep breath before turning on the TV. It took a few moments before we found one of the many seemingly unnecessary sports channels that our cable company gave us. For the first time I was grateful for them.

And then, all of a sudden, there he was, standing at a podium, camera flashes going off, a room full of reporters muttering and taking notes. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was as handsome and perfect and infuriatingly sexy as always. My heart gave a jolt.

My mom took my hand. Maya stood next to us chewing on her bottom lip. All of us seemed to be holding our breath.

“He looks like Ten,” Mikey said, pointing.

“Thank you all for coming,” James began. He was wearing a suit – brown, just like David Tennant wore on Doctor Who. He looked professional and polished and nervous. I had never seen him nervous before, and it wasn’t obvious, but I could tell. Something about the way he cleared his throat and the way his hand kind of fumbled with the mic. I wasn’t sure why, but it made me feel a little better.

“Before I share my initial reason for calling this press conference, I want to address something that has been in the news and in the tabloids for a while now. And that is my reputation.”

He glanced off-screen to his left and I imagined he was looking at Ethan.

“Ever since I started playing football, or soccer as you Yanks like to call it.” He gave the press room a small wink and I could hear a wave of laughter. “Well, I’ve gotten a bit of a reputation for being a ladies’ man. I’ve even been given a charming nickname”

“The Play Maker!” someone shouted from the audience.

James pointed in their direction. “That’s the one.”

This whole thing was not making me feel better. I reached for the remote, thinking that I had made a mistake and that I should turn it off, but Mikey grabbed my hand before I could.

“Mikey!” I was surprised. No one had been more upset about the betrayal than Mikey.

“When people make mistakes they apologize,” he told me. I had told him that when our mom returned.

“Don’t give up yet,” Maya urged.

I put the remote down and tried not to think about the empty ache in my heart.

“The truth is,” James was saying on the screen, “that my reputation has not been honestly earned.”

A ripple of murmurs went through the crowd.

“Yes, I’ll admit that there are photos of me out there. Particularly recently. But most of them are not me.”

My mouth went dry. What was he saying?

“But your jersey number!” someone in the audience shouted.

“Who is in the pictures?” someone else asked.

James looked immensely guilty. “I allowed a teammate of mine to hide his indiscretions behind my number. It was wrong. Not only because it allowed him to lie to someone who trusted him, but because it destroyed the trust I had earned from someone I care deeply about.” He looked straight into the camera. “Someone I love. Someone who deserves better.”

My mom let out a gasp. Maya pumped a fist in the air. I just stared at the TV. My entire body felt numb. All of this felt like a dream.

“What happened?” Mikey asked, clearly confused.

“James just said he loved your sister,” Maya explained, a huge smile on her face.

“How do we know?” Mikey wanted to know. “He didn’t even say her name.”

Everyone went silent. I didn’t know what to say or feel. Because Mikey was right. Even though I knew James was talking about me, I didn’t feel relieved or even happy. Because it didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like he was speaking to me. It felt like he was talking to a room of reporters. And what did he mean when he said I deserved better? Was that it? Was that his way of ending this officially? I felt a little sick, actually.

“Afterwards, the teammate of mine will be making a statement and an apology,” James said and then cleared his throat again. “Because I have something else I want to say.”

He paused, looking back off-screen for a moment before facing the camera again.

“I’m retiring from football.”

My mom let out a squeak of surprise. I looked over at Maya, but it was pretty clear that this wasn’t news to her. I bet that Ethan had told her most of the details. Mikey was staring at the screen intently, his attention focused on James, who was waiting patiently for the flurry of activity through the press room to calm down. Camera flashes were going off all over the place. Suddenly a million people were shouting questions. James held up a hand to quiet them.

“I’m here to make a statement,” he clarified. “Any questions will have to go through my manager. I just wanted to take a chance to say how much I love football and how grateful I am that I was able to play professionally for so long. However, it is time for a change in my life. Which is why I am relocating to Los Angeles and dedicating my time and energy to helping a wonderful charity, called For Foster Kids. I will be working directly with the programs they have that focus on special needs children in foster care.”