Plain Proposal (5 page)

“No. We start our day early. The cows have to be milked, which
Daed
and the boys take care of. I usually go to the henhouse and collect eggs while
Mamm
gets breakfast started. Tomorrow is church service, so we will travel to the Dienner farm for that. We don’t work on Sundays, but during the week,
Mamm
and I start the day by weeding the garden before the heat of the day is on us. Then we do our baking, and. . .” Miriam didn’t want to overwhelm her cousin, so she trailed off with a sigh.

“I guess that’s why everyone is already in bed, then.” Shelby glanced at the battery-operated clock on the nightstand. “At eight thirty.”

“
Ya
. Early to bed, early to rise.” Miriam smiled, then turned the small fan on the nightstand toward Shelby. “Batteries. Sure saves us from the summer heat.”

“It’s not so bad.”

Miriam chuckled. “Wait until August.”

They were quiet again for a while, then Miriam reached over to extinguish the lantern. “Guess we’d best sleep. Morning will be here soon enough.”

Shelby sat up in the bed. “Do you mind if we leave that on for just a little while longer? Will it bother you, keep you from sleeping?”

Miriam pulled back her hand. “No, I’ll just face toward the window. Just turn the knob to the left when you’re ready for sleep.”

“Okay. Thanks. I like to write in my journal before I go to bed.” Shelby reached for the pen on the nightstand.

“Do you do that every day?”

“Most days.”

Miriam noticed the tiny lock dangling from the side of the small book, and she wondered if Shelby locked it when she was done writing in it. Would Shelby ever share the contents with her like she assumed sisters would?

“Good night, Shelby.”

“Good night.”

Miriam closed her eyes and said her nightly prayers. She wondered if Shelby prayed before sleep. Just in case she didn’t. . .
Dear Lord, I sense sadness inside my cousin. Please wrap Your loving arms around her and guide her toward true peacefulness, the kind of peace and harmony that only comes from a true relationship with You. May her time here help to heal her heart
. Aamen.

Shelby stared at the page for a long while. Her cousin was snoring before Shelby wrote the first word. She sat thinking about her parents, images she wished she could erase from her mind. So much screaming. Especially when Shelby’s mother found out that her father had cheated on her. Shelby recalled that night with more detail than the other fights she’d seen her parents have. Her mother called her father names that she’d never heard spoken in her house. And from that moment, things went from bad to worse. And no one seemed to care how it was affecting her. It was as if the ground dropped from beneath her and she just kept falling, with no one to save her. She’d always relied on her father to protect her, to keep her safe—but he was the one who had pushed her into this dark place she couldn’t seem to escape. Her mother was too distraught to notice and focused much of her energy on how to get even with Shelby’s father. Then Tommy chose to break her heart in the midst of everything. “You’re sad all the time, Shelby,” he’d said. “I just can’t be around you like this anymore.”

Shelby glanced around at her new accommodations for the next three months. She could run away, she supposed. But she didn’t have much money, so she wouldn’t get far. And she didn’t want to take up with the kind of people that she had in Texas, other lost souls like herself who eased their pain with alcohol and drugs. But what did she want?

She put the pen to paper.

Dear Diary,

I’ve been shipped to Pennsylvania to live with my Amish cousins— people I don’t even know, who dress funny, don’t have electricity, and who get up at four thirty to start their day. They seem nice enough, but I don’t want to be here. The only family I have ever known sent me here against my will. If my parents love me, why don’t they want me with them? They only care about themselves. They have destroyed my life with their stupid decisions, and I’m the one who has to suffer along with them. If Tommy loved me, why did he break up with me? I know I’ve made some mistakes in my life, but I don’t think I deserve this.

Or maybe I do. Maybe I’m being punished. I don’t know. I just know that I feel bad all the time. I want to be loved, but my heart is so empty, and my faith in life, in God, is gone. I don’t have anything to live for.

3

M
IRIAM GENTLY NUDGED THE HUDDLED MASS UNDER
the covers. “Shelby, breakfast is ready.” It was already after five o’clock, but her cousin probably felt like she’d just gone to sleep.

“Already?” Shelby pulled the covers over her head. “It’s not even daylight.”

“It will be worth it when you see the feast
Mamm
and I have made for breakfast.
Mamm
always makes overnight blueberry French toast on Sunday, and we cook bacon and sausage.”

Shelby poked her head from beneath the covers. “Blueberry French toast?” Then she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. “I love French toast.”

“
Ya
, well. . . this is probably different from what you’re used to, but it’s a favorite around here.” Miriam started to make her bed as she spoke. “
Mamm
makes the toast the night before in a casserole. It’s got cream cheese, fresh blueberries, and all kinds of
gut
stuff. Then she refrigerates it so that on Sunday morning, she can just put it in the oven.”

Shelby eased out of bed and also began straightening the covers on her bed. “Is there anything I should do while you are at church?”

Miriam stopped smoothing the quilt, stood straight up, and faced her. “You don’t want to go to church with us?”

Shelby turned to face her. “Should I?”

“There are usually one or two
Englisch
folks there, friends or family of others in the community, so I don’t think you would feel out of place.” Miriam watched her cousin’s expression sour. “Did—did you attend church in your hometown?”

“Not for. . . a while.”

Miriam knew it was none of her business, so she didn’t press. “We don’t worship in churches. The gathering is always at someone’s house, or if the house isn’t big enough, we have the service in the barn. Today it’s at the Dienners’ home, and they have a large farmhouse, so it will be inside.”

Shelby went back to making her bed and didn’t say anything, so Miriam did the same. When she was done, she turned to Shelby. “The church service is in High German, so you might not understand any of it, but other
Englisch
folks say they enjoy the sense of fellowship.”

Shelby grimaced. “I don’t really have anything to wear.” She opened the smaller of her suitcases on the floor by her bed and pulled out a brush. “And I’m not on good terms with God right now.”

Miriam watched her run the brush through her hair and knew it was not her place to minister to Shelby, but her cousin seemed so unhappy, and being in a place of worship with so many others might help. “There’s a wonderful offering of food following the church service.” She smiled teasingly at Shelby. “And we play volleyball and other games outside this time of year.”

Shelby slowed the brush through her long hair and seemed to be considering the idea.

“Better than staying here by yourself. You’ll meet lots of folks.” Miriam waited.

“I still don’t have anything to wear.”

“You can wear whatever you want. Did you bring a dress?”

Shelby twisted her mouth to one side. “Yes. But it’s a short dress.”

“How short?”

Her cousin unzipped the other suitcase on the floor by the bed. She pulled out a floral print dress with tiny straps, which was, indeed, short. “
Ya
, maybe too short.” Miriam edged closer to where Shelby was squatting beside her suitcase. “What else do you have?”

Shelby held up two pairs of pants. “Which ones?”

Miriam studied the choices, then pointed to the pair of darker blue jeans. They were shorter than regular breeches, but not as faded as the longer pants Shelby was also considering. “What about those shorter pants, with maybe a nice blouse?”

Shelby held up a short-sleeved yellow pullover shirt. There was no fancy lace or low neckline. A little bright, but conservative.

“That will be just fine. I’ll let you dress while I go help
Mamm
finish up breakfast.”

Her cousin nodded, and Miriam closed the bedroom door behind her. When she returned to the kitchen, everyone was seated but her mother, who was placing a pitcher of orange juice on the table.

“Is she coming down for breakfast?”
Mamm
wiped her hands on her apron.

Miriam nodded as John propped his elbows on the table. “I bet she ain’t used to gettin’ up this early.”

Mamm
cut her eyes at him. “Elbows off the table, please.”

They all turned when they heard footsteps coming through the den. Miriam thought Shelby was so beautiful. She didn’t wear makeup like most
Englisch
girls, although this morning there was a shine on her lips. Miriam didn’t long for makeup, nor had she experimented with it during her
rumschpringe
, but she was wishing for some of the gloss that Shelby was wearing. Especially for when she saw Saul this afternoon. Her cousin’s thick, long hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She slowed as she neared the kitchen, as if waiting to be invited to sit.

“I poured you some juice, Shelby.” Miriam smiled, then pushed back on the bench to make room for her cousin.

“
Guder mariye
, Shelby.”
Mamm
took her seat. “That’s good morning in Pennsylvania
Deitsch
.”

“Good morning to all of you.” Shelby lowered her head when everyone else did for prayer. Miriam wondered what Shelby was saying to God, since she’d mentioned that she wasn’t on good terms with Him.

Shelby enjoyed the buggy ride to the Amish farm where church service was being held. Miriam drove one buggy carrying Shelby, John, and Elam—a buggy with no top, which Miriam called a spring buggy. Aaron drove another buggy with a top on it, and he took Rebecca and Ben. Shelby was glad to be in the spring buggy, the wind in her face, on this early Sunday morning as the sun barely peeked above the horizon.

It was a short trip from her cousins’ farm to the Dienner farm, but Miriam told several jokes on the way. They were the cleanest jokes Shelby had ever heard, but still funny, and she’d found herself laughing out loud—something she hadn’t done in a long time. She liked Miriam, and she appreciated the way Miriam seemed to be trying hard to make her feel comfortable. But Miriam didn’t tell her that the church service was three hours long until she was parking the buggy. “You’re kidding, right?” was all she said. Miriam just smiled.