Plain Proposal (18 page)

Everyone in the room looked toward the door when it eased open. Lucy Turner walked in, her ivory skin streaked with tears, and Miriam didn’t think she’d ever seen her look so plain. Barely any makeup, and she was wearing gray sweat pants and a gray T-shirt.

“I’m—I’m sorry to interrupt. I just didn’t know what to do, or where to go, and—and I just wanted to make sure that everything— I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”

She turned to leave, but it was Miriam’s mother who spoke up. “Lucy, you may stay.”

Lucy faced the group, dabbed at her eyes, and took a couple of steps forward, finally settling into a chair that was set apart from the rest of the group. Mr. Roberts waited, then finished things up by asking if anyone had any questions. When no one did, he excused himself. “I’ll let you have some time alone,” he said quietly.

It seemed strange for Lucy to be among the family. They’d all been fairly certain that Lucy had lured Ivan away from Katie Ann, even though
Mamm
had said repeatedly that Ivan was a grown man making his own choices. Even though Miriam knew it was wrong in the eyes of God, she didn’t care for Lucy Turner. But seeing Lucy so upset made Miriam realize that—right or wrong—Lucy obviously cared about Uncle Ivan a lot. She felt sorry for Lucy’s loss too.

9

M
IRIAM WASN’T HOME FOR TEN MINUTES BEFORE
S
HELBY
pulled her upstairs. “Saul was here earlier,” she said.

“I forgot to call him!” Miriam slapped herself on the forehead and sat down on the bed. “I better go try now, or at least leave a message for him.”

“Miriam. . .”

“Ya?”

Shelby bit her bottom lip for a moment. “Saul’s not planning to be baptized here, Miriam. He’s going to leave this place.” Shelby waved her arm around the room.

Miriam was sad and exhausted. This was the last thing she needed at the moment. She let out a heavy sigh. “Shelby, what would make you say that?”

“He told me.”

Miriam wrapped her arms around herself, more despair weighing on her. She didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry, Miriam.” Shelby leaned her head down into her hands for a moment, then looked back up. “I just thought you’d want to know.”

“I guess that’s why he avoided the question when I asked him about it.” She blinked a few times and told herself that she’d cried enough today.

“Because men are jerks. That’s why. That’s what they do. They get close to you, then leave you.” Shelby nodded strongly as she pinched her lips together.

“I can’t think about this right now.” Miriam shook her head, and despite how sad she was about her uncle’s passing, she knew that she would be thinking about Saul too. “But. . . why did he come by earlier?”

“He said he came to check on you and to see if he could do anything for your family.”

Miriam smiled. “That was nice of him.”

“Be careful, Miriam. Now that you know he’s leaving, guard your heart.”

“I have to go downstairs and help
Mamm
.”

“I’ll come too.”

Miriam walked out the door and down the stairs, Shelby following close behind. Everything was going to be all right. It saddened her that Saul was going to leave the community, but almost instantly her mind began to scramble with what-ifs. She’d always pictured her and Saul in the community—married and raising a family together. But what if only
part
of that picture became a reality?

Saul had no doubt that Shelby told Miriam that he would be leaving the community, and he knew in his head that it was for the best. He’d had the best time with Miriam last night, and he longed to spend even more time with her. It was as if years of silent infatuation had risen to the surface and overtaken them both, and it felt wonderful. He’d always loved Miriam from afar. She was the kind of woman he hoped to marry someday, but her life was here. And Saul had known since he was fourteen that his wasn’t. The world had too much to offer, and he got his first glimpse when his father took him to an auction, an
Englisch
auction in Lancaster.
Daed
needed a new plow and some other farm equipment, and his father spent all day surveying what he planned to bid on, then did so at the auction. While his father was preoccupied, Saul met Ted Stark, a sixteen-year-old
Englisch
boy—with a car. Saul wasn’t old enough to be in his
rumschpringe
yet, but it didn’t stop him from seeing the world beyond his district with Ted for the next several months. Saul’s favorite part of his adventures—going to restaurants and critiquing the food. He’d worked part-time that summer, saved his money, and eaten at some mighty fine places. His favorite restaurant back then was one that used odd combinations of seasonings, and he could remember the taste long after he’d left.

One evening he’d worked up enough courage to speak to the chef, an
Englisch
fellow with no hair and a limp. After Saul questioned the man about a certain Italian dish, the chef—Claude— invited Saul to the back and actually showed him how to prepare the chestnut pasta with creamy porcini mushroom sauce. He decided that night that he would prepare fancy meals in a fancy restaurant if he was ever given the opportunity. Now, with a job offer in hand, it was time to act on his plans.
Best that Miriam knows now
, he supposed. And she’d surely not want to spend any more time with him.

Following family devotion, Saul noticed his father getting restless, pacing the room, and glancing out the window every few minutes.

“You waiting for someone?” Saul set down the Bible he was reading. Ruben and James were already upstairs, and Saul suspected Ruben was locked in his room reading a magazine
Daed
probably wouldn’t approve of. Ruben liked cars, and he took every opportunity to buy an automobile magazine and sneak it upstairs. His father shook his head and blew it out slowly. “No, just stretching my legs.”

Saul picked up the Bible and started reading again when he saw his father wipe sweat from his forehead, then reach for his hat on the rack.

“I’m going to go take a walk, get some fresh air.”

Saul’s stomach churned. He’d covered every square inch of the house, barn, and property looking for wine or other forms of alcohol, and he’d never found any—but when
Daed
went for a walk, he always came back drunk or with a bottle in his hand. It was hidden somewhere. Saul just didn’t know where. His heart started to beat out of his chest as he put the book down again and stood up. “I’ll go with you. I could use some fresh air too.”

As he could have predicted, his father shook his head. “No, you stay to your studies. I’d like to just clear my mind with a
gut
walk.”
Daed
pulled the door open and wasn’t even over the threshold when Saul called to him.

“Ya?”
He smiled, and Saul didn’t think there was a person on the planet whose eyes were kinder than his father’s. Saul just stared at him for a few moments. “What is it,
sohn
?”

“
Daed
.” Saul slowly stood up as he bit his lip and walked toward his father. “Maybe tonight isn’t really a
gut
night for a walk.”

Daed
lowered his head, a sad smile on his face when he looked up. “It’s as good as any other night, Saul.” And he left.

Tuesday morning Miriam gathered with the entire family at Mary Ellen’s home for the funeral. Her Uncle Samuel, Aunt Lillian, and cousin David had flown in with Aunt Katie Ann, whose pregnant belly was easy to see. They’d arrived just last night from Colorado. Miriam had never flown in a plane, and she hoped she didn’t ever have to. It was a last resort for travel and only in the case of emergencies.

She glanced around and her heart ached even more at seeing her Uncle Noah, Aunt Carley, and their daughter, Jenna; Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Abe and their children; Lillian’s mother, Sarah Jane; close family friends Lizzie, Sadie, and Kade; their
Englisch
friend Barbie Beiler; and so many more. She figured there were close to two hundred people inside Mary Ellen’s den, which was set up just like church service, backless benches for the men facing one way and more benches for the women facing toward the men.

Miriam was just taking her seat in between her mother and Shelby when she saw Saul walk in with his two brothers but without Zeb Fisher. Miriam wondered why Zeb wasn’t there and hoped he wasn’t ill. As she scanned the room, she saw Lucy Turner standing in the back, dressed in a knee-length black dress. When she located Aunt Katie Ann sitting three seats in front of Miriam, she wondered how it must feel for Katie Ann to know that Lucy was in the back of the room. She looked at Saul again and thought about what she would say to him later, when the time was appropriate.

Following the two-hour service, Miriam’s heart was still heavy with sadness but soothed by prayer. Amish folks went by buggy to the cemetery, followed by a few cars. Bishop Ebersol spoke briefly at the burial site about admonition for the living, then closed in prayer. As Miriam followed her family to their buggy, Saul walked up beside her.

“I’m sorry, Miriam.”

“Danki.”
Miriam glanced around to see where her parents were. They were quite a ways in front of her with Shelby. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. There was so much going on.”

Saul brushed his hand against hers. “It’s all right. I heard what happened, so I knew that’s why you weren’t able to call.”

He started moving toward the buggies again, so Miriam did too, the two of them walking in silence for a few moments. They almost walked right into Miriam’s mother and Shelby, who had turned around and seemed to be waiting on them.

Mamm
raised her chin a bit as she sniffled. “Hello, Saul.”

Saul removed his hat. “I’m sorry for your loss, Rebecca.”

Miriam’s mother nodded but quickly grabbed Miriam’s hand. “Your
Aenti
Lillian is looking for you.”

Saul nodded and didn’t move as
Mamm
dragged her forward. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Saul’s brothers walk up beside him, then they turned and walked the other way. She wondered if they would go to the meal at Mary Ellen’s.

As soon as she arrived at her aunt and uncle’s house, Miriam looked everywhere for Saul.

“I don’t think he’s here,” Shelby said, standing in the yard and holding a glass of meadow tea. She took a sip of the drink. “I’m assuming you’re looking for Saul?”