Pin (18 page)

“Maybe,” he said. “It depends on how seriously you were hurt.”

I looked at the doctor, busy at his desk. If he could do these things, I thought, I wanted to be like him.

I
WENT TO THE FUNERAL WITH
U
RSULA
. I
F
I
HADN'T, SHE
would have been greatly disappointed. There were few people there because Stan's mother hadn't had the opportunity to make many friends. Most of the people were really his aunt's friends. At least, that's what he told us later on. There was a short service. The rabbi appeared almost bored, definitely indifferent to the whole affair, I thought. I was amazed that Ursula wanted to go out to the cemetery too, but I guess she felt she owed it to Stan. She squeezed my hand hard when they lowered the coffin. Before we left, Stan came over and told Ursula he would be at the house late.

“I've got to stay home with my aunt and greet people,” he said, and he limped back to her. We
watched him and then we drove off. Ursula was very quiet all the way back to the village. Snow flurries began to fall. It had gotten much colder too. I was glad to get home. I couldn't stand winter weather. I never could. When they built the ski hill further up the road from us, I thought I might take up skiing, but I never really developed enough interest to try it. Winter was never a wonderland for me, even as a young kid. I guess that's why I spent so much time indoors with Pin.

Anyway, when we got home, Ursula went right into the living room and poured herself a drink. I watched her drink it down quickly and pour herself another. She hadn't even taken off her coat yet. I thought that was funny.

“Miss Spartacus should see you now.”

“I don't run my life according to what Miss Spartacus thinks.”

“My, my, so touchy,” I said. I went upstairs to think about how I would rearrange my room if I did move Pin upstairs. I wasn't going to tell Ursula about it. I didn't want to get into an argument with her over it. I knew how she felt. She was especially feeling guilty about the night before. What I would do is simply start moving some of his stuff up gradually, so that she would get the idea. While she was making supper, I went into Pin's room and discussed it with him. He was quite pleased with the plan.

“I always wanted to return to that arrangement someday,” he said, “but I never wanted to force my desires on you and Ursula.”

“You should have said something. In any case it was definitely a big mistake to separate the three of us that way.”

“Yes, I think so.”

I asked him not to discuss it at dinner. He didn't care because he wanted to hear all about the funeral. I did all of the talking. It was obvious that Ursula couldn't stand the conversation. She ate quickly and made a lot of noise with the dishes and silverware. But I didn't let it discourage me. I figured that she had to learn that things were not always going to go her way. We watched some television after dinner and then Pin and I went into his room to figure out what things would have to be moved up. She was still out there watching television, so I took an armful of Pin's clothing and walked through the living room. I didn't say a word, but I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She was shocked. She was about to speak up, but stopped herself. A little after eleven, Stan arrived. I heard him come in. Pin and I were in his room, waiting. I went to the door and opened it slightly so we could hear their conversation.

“How's your aunt?” Ursula asked. He said she was all right and then they were both quiet for a few moments.

“I've been doing a lot of thinking all day. In fact, that's about all I've been doing.”

“I can imagine.”

“I've got to get hold of my life again, build something out of it.”

“What are your plans?”

“I want to go back to school, maybe law school. I always had a secret desire for that.”

“So you'll be leaving then?” she said. I couldn't wait for his answer myself. To be rid of him so easily—it was too much to hope for.

“Well, that's another thing I've been thinking about. You know I've grown quite fond of you,
Ursula. From the moment we talked in the library, well… I've always felt good in your company. It's not easy for me to relax anymore, but with you … I don't know, I feel kind of settled and at ease. Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so.” Her voice was very soft and very low. I had to strain to hear her. Pin kept saying, “What'd she say, what'd she say?”

“And I have the impression that you care quite a bit for me. Correct me if I'm wrong.”

“You're not wrong, Stan,” she said. I opened the door a bit more.

“So I thought, well… it wouldn't be much of a life in the beginning. I'm still trying to reorient myself to my body, this leg, and I've got years of school ahead …”

“You're asking me to marry you, aren't you?”

“That's it. What'dya say?”

“I don't know what to say. I mean, it comes as a surprise at this particular time.”

“You didn't plan to spend the rest of your life in that library, did you?”

“I've never really thought about it.”

“Listen,” he said, “I wouldn't feel so damn urgent about all this if it wasn't for your brother and his Pin and all that. I don't think it's healthy for you to go on this way. Frankly, I don't think you'll be all there if it continues.”

I was ready to rush into the living room and attack him, kill him right there on the spot, but Pin held me back. I expected Ursula to tell him off now anyway. She had come back to us. She wouldn't want to have anything further to do with him. This relationship would end right then and there, I thought. I held my breath in anticipation. After she told him off, I was
prepared to walk in and throw him out, wooden leg and all. But she surprised me.

“I know. He's worse. He's planning on bringing Pin upstairs to sleep in his room.”

“Upstairs? Ursula, you've got to take action now.”

“I guess I've lived under the hope that he would grow out of it and I've just never faced the facts.”

“That's exactly it. Now listen. As soon as my mourning period ends, I'll take you to see the right people and help make all the arrangements.”

“OK,” she said. I nearly screamed and pounded the walls. Instead, I closed the door and turned to Pin.

“It's no use,” he said. “That guy will destroy whatever good work we do. We've got to destroy him.”

“That's the only solution.”

“She's actually considering marrying him.”

“I don't think there's any doubt about it. It's just as we thought. He plans to marry her and then have some psychiatrist declare me sick. Then they'd get all of it, the whole estate—the investments, the property, all of it.”

“It'll never happen.”

“You bet your life it won't.”

“Don't let Ursula know what we've heard,” he said. He was planning already. What a guy. “And don't let her think you disapprove of the marriage, if she actually wants it, that is.”

“OK.”

Stan didn't stay long that night. After he left, Ursula went upstairs and went right to sleep. I left the door open a little between our rooms, but she
closed it. She got up the next morning and went to work without saying a word about her conversation with Stan.

“Maybe she just said those things to him, but didn't really mean it,” I told Pin. It was a thought, a hope, but Pin didn't buy it.

“No. She's probably having a hard time figuring out how to break the news to you, that's all. Expect it any day at any time, and remember, don't have an angry reaction. We don't want them to suspect a thing.”

“Right.”

That night and every night during the week of mourning, she went over to sit with Stan. When she came home each night, she went right to bed. I knew she was afraid to come walking into my room because she was afraid I would have moved Pin in. We decided it would help prolong the tension if we didn't do it right away. Every day, though, I did move some more of his stuff upstairs. She didn't say anything to Pin or to me about her plans with Stan. We didn't prod or act especially interested. Finally, around the breakfast table on Saturday morning, she broke the news. She spoke very quickly, looking down at the table most of the time.

“Stan's asked me to marry him and I think it would be good. Good for him and good for me. I hope that you'll approve, Leon. I think you like him. You know he likes you. He wants to go to school and perhaps go into law. I hope that things will work out, because I believe I'll be very happy.”

“Well, Pin, you were right,” I said, smiling. “Pin had those suspicions for some time.”

“Did he?” she said, half smiling.

“Yep. He said, ‘Leon, those two are headed for serious things.' Those were your exact words, weren't they?”

“Pretty near.”

“But what do you think, Leon?” she asked.

“If you're sure it's what you want.”

“Oh, it is. Yes.”

“Then, by all means, get married. When do you plan to do it?”

“In a couple of weeks. Do you really feel that way? Really?”

“Sure,” I said, laughing. Pin was very proud of my performance. I could see it in his face. “It'll be lonely here for us without you, but we always knew you'd be going someday, didn't we, Pin?”

“Always.”

“Oh, Leon. You make me feel so good. I was hoping you would feel this way.”

“Why shouldn't I?” I looked at Pin. He was almost smiling. “Pass me the butter, please.” She did, and she watched me smear my toast.

“Leon?”

“Yes.”

“You ought to think about moving on too, getting away from here, away from this place, away from the memories.”

“Why?”

“You just should, that's all. Think about it, will you?”

“I'm perfectly content here and so is Pin. This is a very comfortable house.”

“But you don't meet people. Neither of us have been meeting enough people. If I hadn't met Stan when I did …”

“Don't you worry about it, Ursula. Just do what you want. We'll be all right, won't we, Pin?”

“We have been up to now.”

“We sure have.”

“Just think about it, will you, Leon?”

“OK, I'll think about it. So, are you officially engaged?”

“I guess so. I didn't want him to go and spend money on a ring. He hasn't very much money now.”

“Well, you could buy your own. You've got a great deal of money, Ursula,” I said, and I winked at Pin. Ursula had no idea just how much money she did have.

“No, I don't think that will go over too big with Stan. Maybe later on.”

“Suit yourself. He certainly won't have to struggle through college.”

“Yes,” she said, but she looked away.

Stan and she went out to dinner that night. Pin and I were in the living room when he came to get her. She was upstairs, still getting dressed. I let him in and we sat on the couch. Pin was in his chair, glaring at him. I could tell it bothered him because he avoided looking at Pin the whole time. Even though it hurt to do it, I was cordial and pleasant.

“Well, brother,” I said. He laughed, but it was a nervous laugh.

“She told you all the news then, huh?”

“Yep. She also said you want to go into law.”

“I thought I'd give it a try.”

“Interesting.”

“You've had no ambitions that way, have you?”

“I once seriously considered becoming a mortician,” I said, looking over to Pin and smiling.

“A mortician? Why?”

“I don't know. It looked like creative work to me once—taking a body that's passed into rigor mortis, pale with death, and restoring it to a semblance of what it once was. That's creative, don't you think?”

“I suppose in a way it is, but I think you'd have to be a special kind of a person to want to do it.”