PIGGS - A Novel with Bonus Screenplay (39 page)

We are at the mercy of nature's little follies, Jack.

JACK

Put her on at Closing, everybody's swacked.

MAGGIE

Bye, have fun, Jack.

Jack goes out the front door. Big smiles on Maggie and Minnie fade. Jack has turned into a nag.

EXT – PIGGS – REVERSE ANGLE

The sign now reads WIGGS.
 
Wrong letter size, of course. It's an Oriental-style W from WAN'S. Some of the neon pigs still work, but they jerk and sizzle erratically.

Jack turns, looks back, smiles.

POV JACK

A lot of smaller signs with pictures of strippers. One BIG SIGN with a topless dancer on it. In glitter it reads:

SHE'S HERE! JOANN SEBASTIAN BOXX

Jack turns, pauses on the curb, waiting.
 
Rhino calls out.

RHINO

Hey, Jack!

Rhino appears,slaps him on the back. He's now dressed like a high-class Cajun chef. Behind him, the sign over the former Wan's reads AN'S. A sign below reads TEXAS CREOLE COOKIN'.

JACK

Rhino, man!

RHINO

Hey, sport. You are looking fine, boy. Biiig night, huh?

JACK

You gotta come, Rhino. You're not busting your balls, place isn't going to blow away.

RHINO

You ever watch a Jap cook Ett-too-fay? Christ.

(winks, nods down the road)

Go, boy!

JACK

Oh
yeah.

Rhino laughs as big Lincoln pulls up into FRAME. There's a stuffed baby gator on the hood. Jack gets in the passenger side.

INT. CAR

JACK

Where you been, huh? I am standing out here.

LONG LEGS - That's all we can see; can't see her face. It's JOANN SEBASTIAN BOXX.

JOANN (O.S.)

Well I cannot drive naked, Jack. They don't allow that.

They drive off.

EXT. CAR

MOVING SHOT

JACK (O.S.)

You don't know till you try.

JOANN (O.S.)

Stop
that, I'm driving.

They pass lines of moving cars.

JOANN (O.S.)

Jaaaack!

Car roars off into the night.

SOUND: They both laugh.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. THE BATTLE OF BRITUN FAMILY FUN PARK - NIGHT

ESTABLISHING SHOTS

CAMERA ROAMS over a packed parking lot, SWEEPS down over the park itself. This is not the dark, abandoned theme park we've seen before. It is blazing with lights; people are crowding to get in. CAMERA ROAMS past where a rusty sign hung before, to the enormous, flashing display that reads:

LOS BATTLE OF BRITUN FAMILIA FUN PARK.

And, under the sign, it reads:

OPENING NIGHT!

SERIES OF SHOTS

CAMERA SWEEPS OVER the park...the LOOPIN' STUKA RIDE...THE HOWLIN' HURRICANES....DOGFIGHTERS, the works.

ON ENTRY

Jack and JoAnn go through the gate without paying; everyone knows Jack.

INSIDE PARK

MOVING SHOT

We FOLLOW Jack and Joann past noise, crowd, rides. We still can't clearly see JoAnn's face. Jack calls out as he approaches a gathering.

GATHERING

And there's Ricky, looking grand in his Luftwaffe officer's uniform and cowboy boots, his arm around Gloria, who is about as pregnant as she can get. She's wearing a 1942 dress and a cute hat. Standing to the side is Gerrard, looking cool, his three guys, Leo, Frank and Willie Bee a few yards behind him.

RICKY

Hey, Jack. Guten Nacht, amigo!

JACK

Ricky! Hey, man!

(pause)

You are looking fine, Gloria.
 
Really fine.

Jack pulls a rather wilted rose out of his jacket, hands it to her. Everyone hugs.

GLORIA

Thank you, Jack, that is so nice.

JACK

I don't think you've met our, ah-- new headliner.
 
Everyone, this is--

JoAnn steps forward, her absolutely gorgeous face and body visible for the first time. She looks REMARKABLY LIKE ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS STARLETS. Great casting.

JOANN

Hi, I'm JoAnn.
 
JoAnn Sebastian Boxx?

GLORIA

JoAnn...

JOANN

Well, actually, that's my professional name.

RICKY

Senorita...

JOANN

Well, not senor
ita
for long, I hope.

She holds up her ring finger, shows ring.

GLORIA

(polite smile)

Oh? How nice.

JoAnn speaks, but the noise of the nearby ROLLER COASTER nearly drowns out her voice.

JACK AND GERRARD

Jack has turned to speak to Gerrard.

JACK

It's real fine you could make it up here, sir. We'll look forward to seeing you over at the place.

GERRARD

Would not miss it, Jack. Rhino says you're doing fine. Speaks well of you.

JACK

--speak well of him, too. I mean, him and me go back.

Jack looks past Gerrard at his three guys, gives them a friendly wave.

THREE GUYS - They don't wave back.

BACK TO SCENE

GERRARD

Yes, indeed.
 
Need some gators, anything? You just let me know.

JACK

I appreciate that.

GERRARD

Mr. Ambrose Junior sends his best. Says he might like to expand sometime. Lubbock, Fort Worth...

JACK

Yeah?
 
No kidding?

Gerrard looks past Jack, his eyes on JoAnn

GERRARD

A lovely lady there.

JACK

Well,
I
think so. Crowd loves her too.
 
Got a great act. Plays the piano, starts off with this terrific fugue...

GERRARD

One of my favorites.

Jack tries to speak but the roller coaster roars overhead.

CUT TO:

Gloria and JoAnn, as the noise fades away.

GLORIA

---I don't think I ever knew anyone from Salt Lake. It must be...lovely out there.

JOANN

It is. And it's not all that Mormon thing. You can have fun there too.

GLORIA

You like it okay?
 
At Piggs?

JOANN

Wiggs
.

GLORIA

Yes
.

JOANN

It is
so
much nicer than Houston.
 
I mean, honestly. It is the difference in night and day. You the one lives in a tree?

Gloria, not happy at the reference.

GLORIA

Actually, we have a townhouse in San Antone.

JOANN

How very nice.

GLORIA

I expect you like pie.

JOANN

Oh, yes.

GLORIA

Hot?

JOANN

Hot as you can get it, hon...

They turn, at laughter from Gerrard and Jack.
 
Ricky has joined the two.

THE GUYS

RICKY

---I would not disagree, senor, but I would take the Redskins. I would give you the points, and take the Skins over the Cowboys any Sunday that they play.

GERRARD

What kind of points we talking here?

RICKY

That is depend upon the field.
 
The home field or the road.

Gerrard's cool vanishes for a second.

GERRARD

You said any Sunday, man.

CUT TO:

Two kids on their bikes. It is the same two kids who harassed Cecil at the convenience store. Now they wear souvenir aviator caps. We can still hear
some
of the continuing conversation, but it is lost, for the most part, in the noise of the crowd and the ride.

CUT TO:

A wheeled cart, like a hotdog cart. Little awning.
 
Sign says:

SCHNITZEL UND KIDNEY PIE

GRAPE AND CECIL

Grape is dressed in a TONTO-LIKE outfit. He still has a bad, swollen bump on his head where Ricky clubbed him in the woods.

GRAPE

Get 'em here, got you vee-ner snitz-el, got your quiche, got your pie..

The two bikers scream by and

CECIL

Here's Cecil, in a Lone Ranger-type outfit, a costume like a little kid would wear. He is clearly OUT OF IT as a result of his treatment by Gerrard, and whatever may have happened on his "visit" to Baton Rouge. He twitches a lot, whines, is confused by the bikers going by him.