Pierced: Pierced Trilogy Boxed Set (108 page)

She leaves the room then and I watch as Sam strips out of her skirt and shoes. She folds the skirt neatly and places it on the chair beside me, and then steps out of her panties, placing them on top of the skirt. She climbs onto the exam table and covers herself up with the paper blanket and lays back, waiting for the doctor to return.

We say nothing as we wait and I begin to feel anxious and really out of place.
Maybe I should just wait outside in the waiting room.
There’s a light knock on the door then and the doctor comes back in.

“Everyone ready?” she smiles as she walks over to the ultrasound machine and turns it on. “Do either of you have any questions for me while we wait for this contraption to warm up?”

“I just don’t understand how this happened,” Sam says quietly. “I haven’t missed a single day of my pill.”

“Well, as we discussed when I prescribed it, no birth control is one hundred percent, although some forms have slightly higher percentages then others. Sometimes these things just happen. All right, if you’re ready, we’ll get started. Feet up into the stirrups.”

Sam complies and then looks over at me anxiously, and I can read the silent plea in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, I stand and walk over to her, taking her hand. I watch as Dr. Lake puts what looks like a long thin condom over the wand of the ultrasound.

“You might feel just a little bit of discomfort,” she warns as she slowly inserts the wand, and Sam’s hand tightens around mine. She closes her eyes tightly and I frown at the thought that she might be in any pain. With my free hand, I lightly run my thumb over her forehead, carefully avoiding her stitches, and she opens her eyes and looks up at me.

“Hmm,” Dr. Lake mumbles, studying the screen on the machine. “Do either of you have twins in your family?”

“Yes. My father was a twin,” Sam answers. “And Josh’s mom is a twin.”

“Really? Both sides, huh?” She smiles as she continues to study the screen. “Well, I’d like to introduce you both to the newest set in your family.”

What!

“Are you joking?” I hear Samantha say, and she sounds as horrified as I feel.

“Nope. I’m not joking,” the doctor says. “I’m seeing two gestational sacs, right here.” She points to the screen and I see a cloudy, black and gray image with two darker, sort of tear-shaped holes in the middle. “Floating inside each one of those sacs,” Dr. Lake continues, “is a tiny little dot, you might have trouble seeing … right here, and right here. Those little dots are smaller than a pea right now. And they’re your babies.”

She smiles at Sam and then up at me. Only I can’t return her smile. I’m too stunned to do anything but stand here and stare at that strange image. Two babies.
Fuck!
I swallow anxiously, and I can feel myself starting to panic. My heart is pounding and my breathing shallows and I can feel the sweat on my brow. I run my free hand through my hair and turn away from the image on the little screen.

Dr. Lake removes the wand and disposes of the protective condom. Then she punches a few buttons on her machine and turns it off. “Here. A screen capture for you,” she says, handing Samantha a small picture of the image we just saw on the screen. “Why don’t you get dressed and then we’ll talk.”

She leaves the room again, and Samantha and I are silent once more as she dresses. I think we’re both just trying to process everything. I can’t believe this is happening. I try to pull myself out of my own head and focus on Sam. What is she thinking right now? How is she feeling? I look into her eyes as we both sit back down and wait for the doctor to return. And I open my mouth to say something but, there’s that light knock on the door again, and Dr. Lake comes in and takes a seat.

“Okay,” she says opening up a calendar and looking up at Sam. “Let’s pinpoint a conception date, shall we?”

“How far along am I?” Sam asks quietly.

“Well, that’s the reason I wanted to do this test,” Dr. Lake responds. “The ER doctor assumed you were farther along than you actually are because your HCG levels were unusually high. HCG is a hormone we use to determine pregnancy. It’s what most of the over-the-counter urine tests are searching for, but a blood test can tell us so much more than a urine test can. The levels in the blood tend to peak toward the end of the first trimester so, when he saw your numbers he just assumed your pregnancy was more advanced than it is. But HCG levels also tend to be unusually high with the presence of multiples. And judging by the size of the fetuses, I would say you’re actually only about four weeks along.”

I listen in a daze as she questions Samantha about the dates of her last cycle and when she began taking the pill. And as they ramble on, their voices seem to fade into the background as the noise from my own childhood rises. It’s almost as if someone is turning up the volume control on a radio and all I can hear is all the yelling and the screaming and the fighting. I see images of my childhood flash in my mind’s eye. I can’t put a kid through that hell.
Two kids, Pierce.
Shit. Two kids. Two fucking kids! What the hell am I going to do?

Samantha stands slowly, bringing me abruptly back to the here and now, and I hear them making arrangements for another appointment in a few weeks. I stand as she gives Sam a prescription for prenatal vitamins and several pamphlets to look over. She reaches to shake my hand.

“It was nice to meet you, Detective,” she says, giving me a knowing smile. “Congratulations to you both.”

I shake her hand, and then wrap a protective arm around Samantha as I usher her out of the exam room. Once again, we are silent as we take the elevator down to the ground floor. We say nothing as we make our way through the hospital corridors and out the door to the cruiser. I open the door and help her inside, and then I slide behind the wheel and we get underway.

We don’t say much as I drive to the station; I need to return the cruiser and change cars. I pull into the back lot and park the cruiser in her designated spot. Then we get out and head over to my truck. I open the driver’s side door and help Sam climb in.

“I’m going inside to put the cruiser keys away and clock out. I’ll be back in two minutes,” I tell her quietly and she nods at me. I head inside the PD in a daze, my head a jumbled mess as I put the cruiser’s keys away and clock out for the day. And I’m grateful that I don’t see the Lieutenant or anyone else who might want me to stop and talk for a minute.

I wander back outside and over to the truck and climb in beside Samantha. Slipping the key into the ignition, I start her up and we get underway. Sam rests her head on my shoulder as I drive but, we still don’t say anything. And I wonder if her thoughts are as jumbled and erratic as mine are.

I take her hand in mine as I drive home, lightly rubbing my thumb over her knuckles and playing gently with her engagement ring. And I think about how happy we were just two days ago when I put this ring on her finger. How happy we were all weekend long. How happy she makes me every single day.

Once we get home, I sigh heavily as I pull the truck slowly into the garage, looking over at the space where her Maserati should be, and I can’t help but conjure up an image of Sam’s mangled car sitting on that highway. The memory of the gripping panic and fear make my stomach roll, and I take a couple of deep breaths to try and shrug it off.
You could have lost her today, Pierce. If things had played out differently on that highway today, she … and those babies … could all be gone right now.
The thought is sobering.

We get out of the truck and I take Samantha’s hand as we head inside the house, discarding our jackets in the mudroom before entering the kitchen. Sam turns and goes immediately up the back staircase, heading to our bedroom, but I need to calm my nerves first. I make a beeline for the refrigerator and pull out a Corona. Opening it up, I take a long, savored swig of the icy cold liquid as I walk over to the island.

Beer in one hand, I grip the island with the other as I stare unseeing out the window over the sink. Babies. Not just one kid, but two! How the fuck did this happen? I just got comfortable with telling Samantha how much I love her. I just asked her to be my wife, for fuck’s sake. Two days later, I’m gonna be a daddy! I take another swig of my beer as I try to wrap my head around it.

Daddy. What the fuck do I know about that? All I ever learned growing up was how not to be one. Or rather, how to be a really bad one. Shit. When I asked Sam to marry me, I honestly was not thinking about kids. I mean, I figured they would come, I guess … eventually. But I thought we’d have plenty of time to talk about it and get used to the idea first. Not be blindsided two damn days after I give her the ring!

I am wallowing in self-pity when I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I look up to see Sam coming back down the stairs. She’s gotten out of her clothes and she’s wearing her robe. She stops in front of the sink, facing me as she looks into my eyes. She looks worn out.

“How are you feeling?” I ask her.

She takes a deep breath and sighs. “Well, if you’re talking about the accident,” she says quietly and shrugs, “I feel fine. But if you’re talking about the other thing, I feel … shocked.” She looks at me with those big green eyes so full of worry and doubt. And I realize then that I’m not the only one reeling from today’s news. She really didn’t do this on purpose. “Guess you’re still in shock too,” she says, motioning to my beer.

Reflexively, I set the bottle down on the counter and sigh. “Yeah, you could say that,” I mumble, running a hand through my hair as I lean back against the island. “I am freaking out here, Sam. I mean, you know my background, baby. I didn’t have very good examples of fatherhood growing up. What the hell do I know about how to be a dad?”

“That’s got nothing to do with your background, Josh,” Sam says quietly. “You think I have a clue about how to be a mom? Josh … I don’t even know if I
want
to be a mom! I don’t think about that sort of thing; I’ve never pined over it the way some girls do!”

And to my utter shock, she burst into tears in front of me, and I reach out and pull her to me. I had no idea that she was feeling this way. “Hush. It’s all right, baby,” I whisper, kissing the top of her head and inhaling deep the scent of her. “It’s going to be all right.”

“How? How is it going to be all right, Josh? I’m scared,” she sobs, holding onto me. “I don’t know if I want this. What are we going to do?”

I hold her tightly as I kiss her head once more. She is every bit as scared and unsure as I am, and somehow … I find that knowledge strangely comforting. We’ll get through this. Together.

“First, what we’re both going to do is calm down,” I tell her, taking charge of the situation. “Okay?” I lift her chin gently with my fingers so I can look into her eyes, and she nods at me. I swallow anxiously, trying to appear much more confident than I feel. “Then once we calm down, we have some decisions to make. We need to think about things. Decide if we think we’re ready for this or not. And if we’re not … well, then we have some options we need to think about.”

I frown to myself as I say the words. I’ve never really given it much thought … how I feel about this topic. It’s a thing most men don’t think about until they’re forced to, I suppose.

“Of course, that decision would have to be mostly yours,” I mumble, still weighing how I feel about it.

“Mine?”

“It is your body.”

Sam is silent for a moment and then she says quietly, “You’re talking about abortion.” I nod slowly, looking her in the eye once more, trying to read her and wondering what’s going on in her mind. And I can sense that she’s doing the same, her eyes locked on mine as if she’s trying to see inside me. We stare at each other intently for what seems like an eternity. Finally, she takes a breath and whispers tearfully, “I don’t think I want to do that!”

“Good,” I breathe, relieved. “Because I don’t want you to do that,” I answer, reaching out to caress her face.

“You don’t?”

“No.” I shake my head to emphasize my point, my eyes never wavering from hers. Her tears start to fall again and I take her into my arms once more, holding her close to me as I take a deep breath. We stand this way for several minutes, just holding onto one another for strength.

“So, I guess … we’re really doing this?” Sam asks quietly, and I swallow hard.

“Yeah. I guess we are. Ready or not.”

We stand holding one another for a while longer, until finally Sam pulls away. “I forgot, I’m running bath water upstairs; I should probably check on it.” I nod my head at her silently. “Will you take a bath with me?”

I reach out to caress her face once more. “Yeah. I’ll be up in a minute.” She gives me a small smile and turns toward the stairs, and I watch after her until she disappears. Then I pick up my half-empty bottle of beer and walk over to the sink to pour the rest out. I won’t let alcohol become my coping mechanism. I will not become Danny Pierce.

And with that thought rattling around in my brain, I turn and head upstairs to our bedroom, slipping off my shoulder holster as I go. I find Samantha in the bathroom pulling her hair up into a loose bun, and I start to get undressed as she slips out of her robe and hangs it on the hook beside the over-sized tub.

The en suite bathroom in our new place is palatial and spa-like. Even larger than the bathroom at Sam’s old apartment, and the tub is one of those sunken jobs that you have to step down into. It’s very state-of-the-art looking and sort of cool. But as Sam takes a step toward it, I am suddenly seized by dread and an unexpected wave of protectiveness.

“Be careful, baby,” I say with quiet urgency, reaching out to help her into the tub. She grasps my hand and steps down into the water and then turns to smile timidly at me, and I know what she’s thinking. I shrug and look away, embarrassed.
Okay, so I guess the irrational overprotectiveness has already kicked in.
She sits down and I continue to get out of my clothes, wondering where the heck that paternal surge came from just now.

I step out of my jeans and briefs and step down into the tub, sitting behind Samantha and pulling her gently into my arms, careful to avoid the bandage on her arm. She leans back against me and I lightly kiss her temple as I wrap my arms around her and sigh.