Pieces of Perfect (15 page)

The corners of his mouth
rose slightly to reveal a subtle smile. “Then don’t say
anything
.” He let the door close behind him as he stepped to me, his bright eyes fixed as his soft thumb stroked my cheek. “I told you how it
shouldn’t
be. Now let me show you how it
should
.”

Dear God, just when I thought I couldn’t get any wetter.

Of all the sexually obscene comments that I had heard recently, I never would have guessed that hearing something so innocent, something so true, could have such an immediate effect on me. My legs weakened. But this time it was not from a sexual need. It was as if my chest suddenly filled with the presence of something I wasn’t sure had ever existed in me before now.

Adam expressed true feeling without the vulgarity that I had become so used to. Emotionally, he had a hold on me that I couldn’t escape, even if I’d wanted to. And I definitely didn’t want to. Something told me that his physical grasp on me would be no less powerful. I was torn between whether to grab the back of his neck with both my hands and pull him in to kiss me or to just keep staring into his eyes until I was completely lost in him.

Lightly, he slid a hand up my back that sent chills undulating down my spine, and pulled me slowly, effortlessly toward him. My head leaned back as he supported it with his other hand and kissed me softly, letting his tongue linger in my mouth before he’d pull out teasingly to nibble on my bottom lip. My back arched as he towered over me, consuming me fully.

He lay me back onto the bed and leaned over me, his weight supported by his forearms as he licked down the front of my neck and chest. I closed my eyes to let myself take in every
touch. I concentrated on feeling his erection pressing into me as he slowly moved his hips back and forth on top of me, causing a muffled moan to escape my mouth into his neck.

But my need for this man went beyond a physical one. I wanted to stay like this, in this moment of anticipation. This moment of the unknown and the new. A moment I would never be able to get back after it passed.

Adam stood up in front of me and parted my legs just enough so he could position himself between them. I studied him closely as he loosened his tie, pulled it over his head and let it drop to the floor a few feet away. He slipped his jacket down his arms slowly and tossed it to the chair in the corner without looking behind him.
Then, one by one, he began to undo each button on his shirt.

Holy shit! He's going to strip for me.

Revealing more and more of his tanned, chiseled chest, he finally removed his shirt completely and tossed it on the bed. As it landed, the scent of him wafted up, and I inhaled it deeply.

He grabbed ahold of his belt as he bit his bottom lip, seemingly unaware of how captivating he was to watch.

I savored him standing before me, slowly removing each piece of clothing. He was putting on a private show: an intimate strip tease for only me to enjoy.
Well, me and whoever else could see in the window since the curtains were still open.
With one swift motion, he pulled off his belt, creating a cracking sound as it went through the last loop.

I was so turned on. Adam had only kissed me, had barely even spoken, and wasn’t even undressed. Yet I found it nearly impossible to hold myself back. I wanted him to touch me. Hell, I wanted to touch myself. I needed some kind of physical contact to complement this visual stimulation. I moved my hand along the inside of my thigh and felt a rush against my skin.

With his eyes cast upon me, Adam unbuttoned his pants, and I wanted him to keep going. To unzip them and finally let me see what I had been imagining for the past few weeks. But he didn’t grant me that pleasure yet. Instead, he turned away from me, bending down, as he offered me a glimpse of his muscular back and flexed shoulders. Only Adam could make removing shoes and socks look sexy.

With his back toward me, I let my hand move up my thigh to stroke myself. I wondered why it had been so difficult for me to think of this man while I did this after our first date. Though I had always been clearly attracted to him, he hadn’t been my fantasy. Until now.

Thank the Lord for "now."

He turned back around to look at me, and I moved my hand away, not wanting him to see how needy I was.

Moving to the edge of the bed, he squeezed the outside of my thighs and dragged me closer to him. Without speaking, he told me what he wanted, and I was eager to comply. I sat up to unzip his pants, pulling them down so he could step out of them. I gave myself time to admire the bulge pressing on the fabric of his black boxer briefs and ran my hands up his chest and down his abs to the soft light hair below his navel as he stood, powerfully, over me.

I couldn’t wait any longer. With one aggressive motion, I pulled his boxers down, grabbing his firm ass on the way. I kissed his pelvis, licking my way down to his shaft. I was glad to see that what I had been envisioning was even more impressive in person. He groaned as I placed his balls in my hand and rubbed them gently. His cock swelled even more, turning a deeper red, and pulsing slightly at my touch when I caressed its slick tip.

He eased me back softly onto the bed and as he slid my dress up past my mouth and nose, he paused, obstructing my vision momentarily and pinning my hands above my head with the taut fabric. In the dim lighting, I was exposed. Wearing no bra or panties,
every inch of me could be surveyed by him. But, in contrast, I could see nothing. I heard the champagne open and, within seconds, felt its cool bubbles run down my stomach, followed by an ice cube that he guided behind my ear and down my neck to my breasts. My flesh tingled, and my muscles tightened in shock. Then I felt his tongue glide across my skin, licking the champagne from me hungrily. His wet lips felt smooth, and I ached for him to go lower.

Then his hands were on me again, finally yanking my dress off completely. He lay next to me, his fingers tracing every inch of my body except the part I wanted him so desperately to find. My hips flexed to him, but he continued his slow seduction, armed with the self-control that I had never been able to possess. My nipples lengthened between his fingers and teeth as he pulled and bit them, playfully, teasingly. If he continued to focus his attention here, I thought I might orgasm from this alone. I didn’t know if that was even possible, but I was certainly willing to find out.

I was breathless and shaking: a mixture of wordless moans and unapologetic begging. I needed him inside me. To feel his fingers, that soft tongue, his hardness: I wanted all of him. Finally, his tongue wandered over every inch of my skin with increasing speed until it found its destination.

I tugged his hair between my fingers as I watched his face move back and forth between my legs, deliberately and carefully. He exuded a confidence that only served to highlight the vulnerability I felt surrendering myself physically and emotionally to this man.
My feet pressed into the mattress, and as he twisted three fingers inside me, he moved his lips to suck forcefully on my clit. Part of me wanted him to keep going so I could feel myself convulse around his tongue, allowing him to drink every drop of the wetness he’d created.

But, at the same time, another part of me wanted to tell him to stop so he could spread me wide with his thickness and I could take him deep inside me, feel him against my skin as I came undone. Thankfully, Adam made my decision for me. He kissed up my stomach slowly until he reached my mouth, fully devouring me. He tasted sweet: an intoxicating combination of champagne and me.

As his mouth made his way down my shoulder blades, he rolled me to my left side, positioning himself behind me. His erection rubbed between my legs, and I pushed back, craving him inside me, silently pleading with him to take what he wanted and give me the same in return. He paused to let his tip rest at my slippery opening as he took my heavy, aching breasts in his large hands.  He whispered into my ear, his breath warm, “Let me get a condom.”  As he began to push away from me, I grabbed his arm gently.  “You don’t need it,” I assured him.  

At last, he gave me what I needed: softly at first, and then, with steadily accelerating thrusts, he pushed into me. His hand moved to my throat, pulling my head back with a balance of tenderness and dominance that only Adam could elicit. I didn’t know how long we’d been lost in that ecstasy, our sweaty bodies intertwined until they seemed to become one. Heavily, he breathed into my neck, whispering how close he was, how he couldn’t wait much longer.

“Then don’t,” I breathed back. Just knowing that I could make him lose control was enough for me to do the same. With his arms pulling me even closer against him, I shook as the orgasm that had been building since the elevator ride rippled through me. Then Adam followed, filling me with every drop of pleasure he had, as he came in long bursts inside me.

Our only movement for what seemed like an eternity was our shallow breaths and pounding hearts. The feeling was foreign. I had become so used to hurrying. So used to focusing on a single goal with Max that it felt odd to want to prolong anything. But with Adam, I didn’t want any moment to end. I would kiss him until our tongues went numb and our arms tired from our embrace. I would hover on the brink of climax, in that sexual purgatory between pure frustration and fleeting bliss just to feel connected to him for a moment longer.
 

The night passed with endless cries of pleasure and gentle kisses on soft flesh as we attempted to
fulfill a need in each other that neither one of us could quite satiate.

Adam had been right. This was how it
should
be. And when I finally did rise the next morning, I felt as if I had found a part of me on that bed that I didn’t know I had until that night.

Twenty-Three
 

             
Two weeks passed and I didn’t talk to Max.  He stopped coming down to eat lunch with us, made no visits to my classroom and gave me a wide berth in the halls.  On the rare occasions we did cross paths, I kept my eyes averted away from him, refusing to even acknowledge his existence.
 

             
Though, the silence wore on me.  Despite my trying to shove the feelings deeply down inside myself, I couldn’t truly deny them.  I missed Max.  Of course, I missed the sex.  Who wouldn’t?  But, ultimately, I missed our friendship.  I still had Tina to help me pass the time, but that relationship wasn’t the same.  Or maybe
I
wasn’t the same. It was hard to tell anymore.
 

             
Thank God for Adam.  He kept me from slipping into sadness, always there like a bright light for me to find my way by.  Our relationship had grown steadily since our night at the Radnor Hotel.  Being with him made everything else slip away.  And it also convinced me that I had done the right thing by distancing myself from Max.  I couldn’t jeopardize what I had with Adam.  Max simply wasn’t worth it.
 

             
As the days passed and winter began to fall away, I started to think of all the great things Adam and I could do this summer.  We had both decided that it would be best to wait for the school year to end before telling Eva about our relationship.  All she knew was that her dad had met someone he liked very much.  I felt guilty for not telling her the full truth, but we felt it would be less awkward for Eva this way.  
I mean, who wanted their dad to be banging their teacher?
 

             
I sat at my desk during fifth period, replaying my and Adam’s recent dates in my mind.  We had gone to dinner a few times, a comedy show, rock climbing (
the image of Adam’s muscles rippling beneath his shirt was enough to make me wet on the spot),
as well as some quiet nights at my apartment, watching movies or making love.  It all screamed romantic comedy.  

Our most recent date filled my mind and I couldn’t help but smile.  Even though it was only mid March, we had experienced an unusual bout of warm weather last week.  Adam decided that we needed an adventure, and since his weekends were usually spent with Eva, we conspired to play hooky from work last Friday and take advantage of the mild weather.
 

He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, and since that had worked out so well for me the last time he had surprised me, I jumped at the chance to let him try it again.
 He told me to dress warmly, jeans and a sweatshirt were fine, and he’d pick me up after dropping Eva off at school.  
 

We sat in an easy silence for most of the ride to our destination.
 Adam and I often didn’t need words.  It was enough to just be in each other’s presence to feel content.  He reached over at one point and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly for the rest of the drive.  It was a sweet gesture, so like Adam.  
 

After we had driven for a little over an hour, Adam pulled his Yukon onto a dirt road.
 As we drove into the woods, I couldn’t help but get a little morbid.  
This would be a great place to dump a body.
 
I'd have to keep it in mind the next time Max pissed me off.

The dirt road was brought to an abrupt end after about 800 meters by a thick rope-chain barrier.  “Gonna have to walk from here,” Adam said quietly as he turned off the ignition and jumped out of the truck.  I followed suit and Adam grabbed my hand as we ducked under the barricade and continued down the road.  
 

It was beautiful.
 Trees surrounded us on both sides of the road.  Huge trees that had probably been growing for thousands of years.  If girls could be boy scouts, I may have been able to tell what kind of trees they were.  Instead, all I had ever learned to do was hustle an old lady out of her spare change so she could buy some cookies.  
 

We walked about three minutes down the road before coming to a clearing that overlooked a small lake.
 Five boarded up houses lined one side of the lake, while trees surrounded it on all others.  I instantly felt my imagination run away with me.  I could see myself as a child, running along the banks of this lake, splashing with other children, having the kind of carefree summer only experienced by those under the age of 12.  This had been a great place once.  I could feel it in the air.  

“Where are we?” I asked, nearly in a whisper, as if I were afraid to disturb the serenity of this place.

“My family’s old lake house,” he replied in a low tone, paying the same reverence to this place that I had.
 

I started forward, wanting to explore.
 As I approached the houses, I realized that they weren’t just boarded up.  They were dilapidated.  “Doesn’t anyone come up here anymore?” I questioned, disbelieving that no one would want to spend their summer here.

“Not that I know of.  There’s a bigger house up beyond that hill,” Adam responded as he pointed beyond the row of wooden houses.  “I think they own a good bit of this land now.  Though the lake is public property.”

“How long has it been since you were here last?” I inspected the houses closely, with their small decks and chipped paint.

“God, 17 years ago now.  We spent our last summer here when I was 15.  I loved coming here.  There was always something different to explore.  My brother and I would go out into the woods for hours and then come home and cool off in the lake.  Those were such great times.”
 

I was taken aback by how much there was to still learn about this man.
 I hadn’t even known he had a brother.  Adam had never mentioned him when we discussed our families.  I wondered why.
 

Adam took a deep breath.
 Something settled over him, a density that he hadn’t had a moment before.  “Why did you guys stop coming up here?”

Adam let out the breath he had evidently been holding.  He stared out into the lake, as if weighing his reply before he actually spoke it.  
 

“I haven’t been back here since our last summer in this house.”
 He turned toward me for a moment, before looking back to the lake.  “I wanted to bring you here because a huge part of me revolves around this place.  Some of my greatest memories took place here.  It’s almost as if those memories have a life all their own at this lake.  I feel such a thrill being back, like I’m a kid all over again.”  He smiled faintly, the kind of smile you would give to someone you haven’t seen in a long time and who lives only in the recesses of your memory.  

“But my worst memory lives here, too.  And it explains why I’m so protective of the people I love.  Why I’m so careful when it comes to Eva.  You can’t really understand me, Lily, without knowing what took place here.”

I grew anxious, not sure what to do or say in this moment.  So, I did and said nothing.  I just gave him space and time.  
 

When he was ready, he continued, “My brother and I swam like fish.
 We grew up in this lake, played in it together every day.  But, when I hit 13, I decided that it wasn’t cool to hang around with my little brother.  See, there was a girl my age who lived in that house there.”  Adam pointed to the second house from the end.  “I wanted to hang out with her, so I told my brother to beat it.  He was only 10 and wasn’t interested in girls yet, so he didn’t understand why I would want to go into the woods with her instead of going swimming with him.”  
 

Adam smiled, broader this time, more sincere. He turned toward me again, “I got my first kiss in the woods that day.”
 As Adam turned back to face the lake, his smile faded.  “When she and I were walking back, we heard voices yelling.  So, we started to run.  When we reached the clearing, I scanned the crowd of people and saw my mother.  And as my knees hit the dirt, my mind registered what was happening.  She was sobbing, holding my brother in her arms.  But he wasn’t moving.”

At this, Adam squatted down, resting both forearms on his thighs.  “He got tangled in the weeds on the bottom of the lake.  He wasn’t even in water that deep.  Maybe four feet.  But he got tangled and trapped beneath the surface.  If I had been there, Lily, I could have . . .” The words dropped from him, unable to face the light of day.  I strode to him, hunched beside him, one arm resting on his strong, capable shoulders, and the other touching his forearm, giving balance to us both.  
 

“I should have been there, Lily.
 I should have been, but I wasn’t.  I swore to myself that, from that point on, I would always be there.  Others would be able to count on me, even though he couldn’t.”  As I gazed into his eyes that stared out over the serene water, I noticed the tears begin to well.  And as a single tear fell down his face, my heart broke for him.  
 

“We didn’t come back the next summer.
 It was too soon, the loss too fresh.  We returned for the last time the following year.  We lasted two weeks before we realized that it would always be too soon, the loss would always be too fresh.  The lake lost its magic.  We boarded up the house and never looked back.”
 

My hand moved from his shoulders to his back, circling it softly.
 “What was his name?” I asked.  I immediately regretted asking this question, not wanting to pull even more pain into this moment.  But as Adam looked at me, a smile returning to his face, I knew that it was all right.

“Seth,” he replied as he stood, putting his arm around me.  “His name was Seth.”
 

*
              *              *

Adam and I wandered around the lake for a while, taking in the calmness that we found ourselves in the midst of.  When we finally left, I felt a sudden, unexplainable welling of sadness.  It was as if I had also lost something out on the lake.  We walked in silence, Adam’s arm wrapped around my shoulders.  I climbed back into the Yukon as Adam settled in beside me.  

             
As he put the key in the ignition, he stopped short.  “Thanks for being here with me, Lily.”

              “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”  He smiled at this, turned the key and started for home.  

              We stopped at a diner on the way, eating sandwiches in between light, casual conversation.  There had been enough depth for one day.  Most of all, we just enjoyed the company the other supplied.  And what I had told Adam had been the truth.  There wasn’t a single other place on this planet I would have rather been than in that diner with him.  
 

             
And this was the memory I was wrapped in as I sat at my desk smiling.  Our relationship was what I had been waiting for.  This was the happily ever after of my dreams.  But, the problem with dreams was that they could quickly disappear once you woke up.   And this is exactly how I felt sometimes after my dates with Adam.  Once he left, and I was left alone with reality, the feelings I experienced while we were together started to fade.  I couldn’t even begin to sift through what this meant.  I didn’t even know where to start.

              “Ahem.”  I didn’t have to turn to know who was standing in my doorway.  So, I didn’t.  I stared straight ahead, my head resting on my palms, propped up by my elbows.  “Lily?  You have a minute?”
 

             
I dropped my arms to my desk and let out a heavy sigh, demonstrating annoyance I didn’t really feel.  “Sure.”

              “Listen, Lily, I . . . I don’t quite know what to say.”
 

             
“Then, why are you here?”  I didn’t say this out of anger; it was a genuine question and my face conveyed it.  
 

             
“I’m here because it’s driving me crazy not to be.  I was a dick, Lily.  I didn’t mean that shit I said.  I just felt like you were putting me down and I overreacted.  
Big
time overreacted.  I’m . . .” Max hesitated, lowering his voice, “I’m so sorry, Lily.”

              I took in his apology, trying to sort out the best course of action.  Should I let Max walk away?  Say that I didn’t forgive him and hope the sadness wore off soon?  Or did I jump back in, but on different terms this time?  A selfless person would have understood that Max wanted more than I could offer.  That I would only hurt him if I stepped back into his life.
 

             
“I’m sorry, too, Max.”  I couldn’t feign virtue where there was none.  I had been selfish since I first met Max and I didn't have it in me to change now.  “I was unnecessarily harsh.  I genuinely just wanted to help you, but I went about it all wrong.”