Pick-me-up (11 page)

“Is that so?” Katelyn tried to calculate
which bit of information Emily knew first, the iPod truth or the
disinterest of the latest boy.

“Yeah, she’s something else.” And just like
that, the topic was over. Emily pulled into Katelyn’s driveway and
changed focus. “Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night? Jake,
JT, and Collin Sawyer are throwing a big end of the year party,
bonfire and everything out at Rollins Dam. You don’t know Jake, but
he’s a junior like JT and Collin—oh, I guess their seniors after
tomorrow,” she exclaimed with a high pitch laugh.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe we’re going to be
Sophomores.” Emily was already off topic. “We should come up with
some mean things to do to freshman.

“Anyway, it’s not until nine or ten and
there’s going to be a lot of people there.” Emily was finally
silent.

“Um,” Katelyn considered. Katelyn glowed
inside from having her friend back, like being fed after a hunger
strike. And, Emily was choosing her to come with her to a party.
Katelyn could meet so many other people there and could set things
right after the rumors of the past two weeks.

But, Katelyn was hoping to spend the evening
with Tim. Maybe he could go, she thought. “Can I bring my
boyfriend?”

“Katelyn, you’ve been holding back on me,”
she said in mock offense. “Tell me all about him.”

Katelyn told a brief version of meeting him
and that they’d spent the better part of two weeks together. Emily
was all questions, but Katelyn stayed brief, aware of both the time
left before he’d show up and the caution she couldn’t help feel in
talking to Emily again.

“Have you done it with him?” Emily boldly
asked with a sly grin on her face.

Katelyn blushed and laughed. “No,” she
protested. “Not yet. Geez, Em.”

“What did you say his last name is? Where
does he go to school?”

Katelyn hadn’t, but she figured there was
nothing to hide here. “Felske, and he doesn’t go to Northrup. He
goes to some alternative school in Ames.”

“No shit. Why?”

“I dunno,” Katelyn grunted her reply,
dismissing the topic. “Listen, I have to go. What do you
think?”

“Well,” Emily considered, “we’d already be
kinda crashing Collin’s party. He didn’t really invite me
personally, but he kind of smiled at me in the hall this morning. I
guess if Tim showed up out there, then it wasn’t necessarily us who
brought him. Does he have a car?”

“No, but his friend does. I’ll ask him
tonight and let you know, okay?”

Emily looked slightly put off, sitting
expectantly in the driver’s side. She obviously expected Katelyn to
jump on the chance. “Oh,” she blinked hard. “Okay, um, text me
tonight.” Emily gave one last plea. “It’ll be fun, plus you need to
help me with Collin. I think he really likes me. Come on,
Katelyn.”

Katelyn hated to say no or to leave her
without an answer. Emily seemed to actually need her. But, things
were different. It hit her then. She was now part of a couple. She
didn’t want to make a plan without Tim. She wanted him to be there
with her. She was used to him being a daily part of her life
now.

“I’ll text ya later, Em,” Katelyn said more
solidly, and closed her door. She leaned back in through the open
window. “Thanks a lot for the ride.”

Katelyn dropped her books off and ran over to
get the kids from her grandma’s house. She gave them a snack and
looked over her math study guide. No worries, she thought. She
could pass this one. She tucked it back into her bag and checked
the time. Tim should have been there by now. He only had to go to
school in the afternoons and they weren’t forced to take finals at
the alternative school, just finish their work.

She was excited to see him, though. After
thinking about how accustomed she’d become to him being in her
life, she felt happy about it. He was a new, welcome part of her
life. She thought back to just a month ago and how she seemed like
a different person—young, alone, her parents’ daughter. Now, she
felt different, more in control, like more of her life belonged to
her. Was that because of him? Yes, she thought. I’m becoming
someone new with him.

She had flipped open her science packet, a
12-page manual more than a study guide. Katelyn sighed. Besides the
directions, the first page contained words she couldn’t pronounce
let alone define. She looked the first term up on the Internet.
“Homogeneous: composed of parts of elements of the same kind.” She
sighed and gave up on terminology. Who cares?

“Kate'n, let’s go to the park,” Kayla was
behind her.

Katelyn looked back once, but turned back to
the study guide. “Sorry, kiddo, I have to do homework.”

“I’ll help,” Kayla cheered and tried to come
around to sit on her lap.

“No, Kayla, go watch your movie, alright,”
and Katelyn gently pushed her back from her leg. Katelyn checked
the time. Tim was officially late now.

Kayla had gone back to the cartoon movie
without much trouble. Katelyn switched browser windows to check her
Web page. Nothing from Tim. She sent a text on her phone and then
checked his page. He had added a couple new song links since last
night, but there was no reported activity today, except a wall post
from someone named Christian. “In town for awhile—hook me up.”

She linked to Christian’s site, but it was
limited access. She could see Christian had a lot of Des Moines
friends and his profile picture was a crossbone. Tim never talked
much about his former city. She never pushed it either, scared to
have him close off or see her as snoopy. It didn’t matter, really.
What mattered was who he is now, but she wanted more of him, wanted
to expand the identity she already had of him.

Katelyn browsed through Tim’s friend's links.
There were mostly girls. She couldn’t help feeling a little
jealous. How many of them were friends and how many were girls who
wanted more from him. She posted a note of her own on his wall.
“Save me from studying!”

She kept clicking through Tim’s pages, his
groups—mostly bands and nonsense clubs. She noted a “Legalize
Cannabis” group he had joined earlier in the year, but so many boys
seemed to be bandwagon followers. She had put up with enough Bob
Marley for a lifetime when Emily dated a junior a couple months
ago. They hung out in his basement, decked out with reggae posters,
and listened to the same tracks shuffle from his docked mp3 player.
They’d smoked a couple joints, but mostly he and his friends would
drink cheap beer and complain that they couldn’t get any dope.

Jacob was crying. She went over to his jump
up seat and picked him up. His diaper was heavy and the promise of
a mess overwhelmed her nose. Resentment crawled at her conscience.
Why am I the one to change his diapers instead of his own mom? She
hadn’t talked to Jenny in two weeks, but her mom said Jenny was
supposed to come over on Saturday for a visit. Katelyn had
overheard a phone conversation her mom had with her dad about it.
Her mom actually thought Jenny was cleaning up her act.

After Jacob was cleaned up, she realized the
time. She had to feed him and get Kayla some dinner. She grabbed a
couple baby food jars—peaches and green beans. He’d hate the green
beans, but she’d alternate them to get him to eat. She went to mix
a bottle of formula, but found the can empty. She looked in the
cupboards, but there wasn’t any more. He could drink some juice
now, but he’d need his bottle before bed.

“I want to go to the park.” Kayla was beside
the high chair now. Her voice was a full whine.

“We can’t, KK,” Katelyn said with little
patience.

“Why not?” she pouted.

“I’m feeding Jacob, right? I have to get you
something to eat, right?” Katelyn followed up, “I can’t do
everything.”

“I want to go to the park!” Kayla was on the
brink of a tantrum, her fists by her side and bottom lip pushed out
under her crumpled eyebrows.

Without another response, she automatically
referred to one of her mom’s comebacks, “Sometimes you don’t get
what you want.”

Kayla let loose. She started in a long,
rising wail that sounded like an approaching siren. Her eyes
squinted closed and she noisily sucked in more air. She put more
power into the next cry, and the sound pierced through Katelyn’s
head.

Katelyn closed her own eyes and lowered her
head, trying to shut out the noise. Then Jacob started to cry,
too.

Katelyn dropped the baby spoon and jar on the
table, picked Kayla up. Holding her away from her as Kayla
continued to wail, Katelyn walked her down the hall, into Brianna’s
room, set her down in the center of the floor, and walked out.
Kayla continued to wail. Katelyn turned just before she shut the
door. “You can come out when you stop crying. If you come out still
crying, there’s no movie tonight.”

Kayla just sucked in another breath and let
it loose. Katelyn shut the door and leaned against it, but Jacob’s
cry called from the kitchen table.

Three hours later, after a couple more
episodes of crying and complaining from the kids, Brianna came
home.

“Where have you been?” The tone in Katelyn’s
voice couldn’t disguise her impatience and frustration. Her younger
sister led a carefree life compared to hers.

“None of your business,” Brianna bit back and
went to the stove to see what the dirty pans may hold. She gave up
on finding food in them and then opened the refrigerator. She took
out a packaged meal bar and began to eat it, kicking off her shoes
in the direction of a pile of footwear by the door.

“Those are mom’s,” Katelyn shot at her.

“So,” Brianna said through another bite.
“There’s nothing else to eat.”

Jacob was still crying from his crib in her
mom’s room. Kayla heard Brianna’s voice and had come from the TV to
try get some attention. “Brianna,” she greeted her with excitement
and relief pouring from her voice.

Brianna over exaggerated her greeting to the
young girl. She gave her a big hug, and Kayla ate it up with smiles
and laughter. “What’s the matter?” Brianna said, looking up to
Katelyn in accusation, “Has Auntie Kate'n been mean?”

Kayla nodded, giving Katelyn her own glare of
injustice. “Will you play with me?”

Brianna stuffed the rest of the diet bar into
her mouth. “Sure, baby. Auntie Brianna loves you.”

Katelyn turned away and sat down at the
computer while Brianna dramatically made a show of caring for the
girl. Katelyn flipped through her web page once again, but no new
postings had been made. Tim hadn’t responded to any of her text
messages either. She didn’t know what was going on. Rather than
being worried something bad may have happened, Katelyn was now
overrun with feelings of rejection.

The phone rang and she got up to answer, but
Brianna beat her to the receiver.

“Dad,” Brianna shouted after she answered.
Katelyn stood behind her for a few moments, expecting her to turn
over the phone to her. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah, only one more day of
school. Yeah, that’d be great. Can we stay in a hotel.” Katelyn
listened to her sister’s side of the conversation and filled in the
questions and promises her dad was making on the other end of the
line. She turned into the kitchen and started cleaning up the
counter, trying to make Brianna believe she didn’t care if she got
to talk to him.

“No, she’s still at work. Really?” Now she
laughed her fake little laugh, “No, I wouldn’t do that. I’ve been
playing with Kayla,” she lied. “No, she’s been on the computer, but
she’s still grounded.” Here she turned around to shoot Katelyn a
snide glance. Katelyn caught the look, but turned away and ignored
it. “Okay, yeah, I love you too.

“Dad wants to talk to you,” Brianna said in a
snotty tone contrasting the pleasant little girl tone she had just
been using.

Katelyn grabbed the phone from her sister and
whispered, “You are such a little bitch.”

“Better than being a big one,” Brianna shot
back at her, and walked away.

“Hello,” Katelyn said without much patience.
She really wanted to talk to her dad. She missed him. Even though
he and her mother would fight when he was around, he always had a
way of making the house feel right. He always had big stories to
tell. Without him, the days were just about the kids, full of
Brianna drama, or, when her mom was around, kind of tense because
he wasn’t.

“Hey, Kate. How ya doing?” His voice was
cheerful. Despite the horrible night she was having, it made her
feel suddenly calmer.

“Hi, Dad. Okay,” she responded. “How’s
Utah?”

She listened to the few stories he offered
about the job and weather, trying to picture her dad filling his
nights playing cards or watching the brilliant sunsets he was
describing. He asked her about school and her final exams, stating
once again how important they were.

“I think I passed English, Dad.” And she
really felt like she did. She’d check tomorrow to see if grades
were posted. “I got an A on a poem.”

“You did? That doesn’t surprise me. Nope, not
at all. You’re a smart girl, Kate. You can do anything you put your
mind to.” She heard the words, but also dismissed them. It was what
a dad was supposed to say. After a few more topics, she could hear
his attention drifting.

“Dad, we’re out of formula. I had to put
Jacob to bed without a bottle tonight,” Katelyn hated to sound like
she was nagging.

“Well, have your mom get some on the way
home. Just give her a call,” he said as if the solution was too
simple for him to be bothered with it.

Katelyn didn’t want to call her mom about it
in case it was what she suspected—that she was out of money. “Are
you going to talk to her tonight?”

His voice took on an air of impatience.
“Listen, that’s why I’m calling right now. It’s an hour earlier
here, and there’s a side job we’re going to go do tonight. I won’t
be able to call your mom. You tell her for me, Kate, alright?”