Phoenix Falling (50 page)

She gulped for breath. "Your sense of responsibility does you credit, but you said yourself that the thought of having a child was painful beyond description. Sticking around from duty won't benefit either the baby or me."

He began massaging her back, his large hand rubbing around her neck and between her shoulder blades. "You're right, the idea of having children terrifies me. I should have had a vasectomy, but doctors, especially those with knives, also terrify me. The price of cowardice is that I have to take responsibility for the consequences."

"Me wanting kids and you horrified by the idea is a really basic difference, and not likely to change." She'd thought enough about this so that she was clear on what was right. It was just her stupid hormones that were making her want to collapse into his arms and hold onto him at any price.

"Why put ourselves through more torture until we get to the place where we have to admit that staying together for the sake of the child isn't working?" she said in as calm a voice as she could manage. "You are what you are, and I am what I am, and ne'er the twain shall meet. Your turn to file for the divorce."

He slid his arms under her and pulled her onto his lap, leaning back against the wall as he cradled her shivering body. "A lot has changed in the last few months, including a rearrangement of my brain. The one thing that hasn't changed is that I like being married to you, Rainey. I like it a lot."

He rested one hand on her belly. "We made this baby together, and unless you've changed your mind, you also want to stay married. Your desire to avoid trapping me is admirable, but how can we not at least try to do this right?"

She rested her head on his shoulder tiredly. "Maybe it's my lifetime theme song playing here: 'I don't trust you to stay, so I might as well push you out the door now.'"

"Could be. Lord knows we both still have issues to sort out, but at least we have a pretty good idea of what they are. Now we have another incentive to get it right." He kissed her brow. "Oddly enough, I'm terrified, but... not sorry. Now I can stop being noble and just
be
with you, which is what I've wanted all along. Not a bad compensation for terror."

She gave a shaky laugh. "That's kind of romantic, actually."

He got to his feet while holding her, a tribute to the fitness advantages of chopping wood and building labyrinths. "I'll try to be more romantic when you aren't on the verge of being sick. Is it a deal then? We're married, we're staying married, and we'll both do our damnedest to raise this child better than we were raised."

She caught his gaze. "If we're going to give marriage and parenthood our best shot, we can't spend so much time apart, Kenzie. Separation
hurts
."

"Agreed." His mouth twisted. "One reason I was always working was to stay too busy to think. No more of that in the future, I promise."

"Then it's a deal." She put her arms around her neck and kissed him. "I love you, Kenzie. Always have. Always will."

He smiled down at her, weary but tranquil. "I must love you, too, Rainbow, because no one else can tie and untie knots in my soul the way you do."

As a declaration of love it needed work, she thought. But not bad for a first time. Not bad at all.

* * *

Gently he laid her on the bed, then pulled the covers over her. She felt warm and cared for as maybe never before. He asked, "Shall I call Alma to ask what you might be able to eat when you feel better?"

"Dry crackers and soda are traditional." Her stomach turned queasily. "But... not just yet."

"Let me know when you can face something. Hang on, I'll be back soon." He left her room, which immediately felt colder. She supposed that he was going to get some clothes on, and hoped it wouldn't take long.

He returned after taking the world's quickest shower and pulling on jeans and a t-shirt. "There's something we need to do, Rainbow." He perched beside her on the bed and opened his hand. Two gold rings lay on his palm.

She gasped, instantly recognizing the delicate tracery around the gold bands. "You saved my wedding ring?"

"I needed to have something of you." He lifted the smaller of the rings. "The rings have been together even though we weren't. This time forever, Rainey." He lifted her left hand and slid the ring onto her third finger. It settled into place as if it had never gone away.

"Marriage is supposed to be for better and worse." Her gaze holding his, she took the larger ring and returned it to his left hand. "We've already had the worst. From now on, everything will be better."

His marvelous, expressive eyes sparked with laughter. "Nuthin' but good times ahead, Rainbow."

He leaned in for a kiss. As their lips met, she knew he was right. There might be problems in the future, but nothing like what they'd already survived.

Nuthin' but good times ahead.

Chapter 40

There was nothing like recommitting to one's marriage to settle life down. For the first time ever, Rainey felt that she and Kenzie were truly moving in tandem. She loved it when she had time to think, which wasn't often. Most of her waking hours were spent editing like crazy.

While she worked, Kenzie took care of general life. He'd come out of his shell enough to leave Cibola to buy food and supplies, and haul her off to the nearest obstetrician for checkups and vitamins. He no longer minded business calls from his manager and assistant. Compared to his mood when they'd first returned to New Mexico, he was calm and in control.

Nonetheless, in spare moments she worried a little, suspecting that he was suffering low-grade depression—which would make sense, given that he spent his evenings writing down his childhood memories and burning the results. Journaling was every bit as difficult as Tom Corsi had said it would be. She just hoped that when he finished processing his past, he'd lighten up again.

Rainey fulfilled her promise and phoned Pamela Lake in London with the exclusive scoop that she and Kenzie had reconciled. Keeping to an edited version of the truth, she explained that working on
The Centurion
had made them recognize that their marital problems stemmed from being apart too much.

In the future, they would spend most of their time together like normal married couples. That was why Kenzie had decided to bow out of the next movie he'd planned, and why the two of them were living quietly, enjoying their time outside the media spotlight.

Pamela had been delighted with the scoop. She'd also, to her credit, been happy to hear of the reconciliation and wished them the best for the future.

Rainey worked on her journal as well, but less productively. She had a tendency to fall asleep by the time she got to it. Editing, gestating, and journaling were too much to do all at once. She promised herself, and Kenzie, that she'd work harder on the journal after
The Centurion
was finished.

Alma Grady proved to be as reliable a resource for impending motherhood as she was for cooking, gardening, and New Mexico. From the gleam in her dark eyes, the baby was going to become an honorary Grady grandchild about ten seconds after it was born.

The dedicated skills of Eva Yañez, the sound editors, and other postproduction specialists meant
The Centurion
was almost finished in record time. With the deadline only a week away, she appealed to Kenzie over dinner. "Can you stand to watch the movie? Mostly it's done, but something about the pacing isn't quite right, and Eva and Marcus and I can't figure out what. Maybe you can."

His face tightened, but he nodded. "I suppose I'll have to see
The Centurion
sooner or later, so it might as well be now."

Hoping the movie wouldn't trigger more emotional upheavals, she led the way into her workroom, turned off the lights, and began to run the current cut on her giant computer monitor.

The opening credits rolled over the scene of Sarah darting across the green gardens of her home with Randall in pursuit so he could propose to her. "The look is lush and very English, but the resolution isn't great," Kenzie observed. "Is that a limitation of the computer monitor?"

"Yes. Marcus has promised to fly out here with a film version when we think we've got the final cut." She made a face. "I'm hoping that film won't show me a zillion bad things that pixels disguised."

"Eva wouldn't let that happen."

They both fell silent as the movie continued. Rainey, who'd watched till she was sick of it and no longer knew if it was any good, kept one eye on Kenzie. His face was unreadable, but he occasionally jotted a note on the tablet he'd brought along.

The movie ended with Sarah and Randall setting sail for Australia. As they stood side by side on the deck of the ship, her wistful regret showed how much she was giving up for the sake of her marriage.

Then her husband took her arm and she turned toward him with a smile that proved Sarah Randall believed she'd gained far more than she'd lost. The last image of the movie showed the ship sailing into the sun.

"What did you think?" Nervous as a cat on a hot griddle, Rainey asked Kenzie. "I don't expect you to like it, but in your professional judgment, is it at least okay?"

He smiled at her as if she were a toddler impatient for Christmas presents. "It's a lot more than okay, Rainey. You really are a born director. Amazingly enough, I even like it."

He frowned. "It was hell to make this movie, as you know, and that was in my mind as I watched. But seeing the finished product on a screen is rather like journaling. It puts the experience at a safer distance. Now I can look at
The Centurion
and see John Randall, not me."

She exhaled with relief. "Thank God for that. I think it's the best performance you've ever given. I promised you a shot at an Oscar, and here it is."

He shrugged. "An Oscar means less to me than it used to, but this movie will certainly open doors for you. It's going to do solid box office, and there's a chance it will be one of those surprise hits that exceed everyone's expectations."

"You think it's cut right?"

"I didn't say that." He glanced down at his notes. "I think you've cut it a little too tightly. You've got a lot of wonderful, powerful moments. Too many. The viewer needs time to recover in several places. Here's a list of the spots where I thought you could add a little more time. I know the footage was shot, so it shouldn't be difficult if you decide to try it."

She scanned his carefully printed notes, nodding as she saw which scenes he'd flagged and the suggestions he'd made for augmenting them. "I think you've hit it, Kenzie. Damn, you're good."

He put an arm around her shoulders. "If you're not too tired, I'll prove it later."

"That kind of good has been well proven already," she said with a laugh. He really did have a wonderful understanding of moviemaking, that mysterious blend of story, character, and medium. Watching from one corner of her eye, she said, "I keep thinking what great partners we could be—making movies together like Marcus and Naomi Gordon."

She felt him subtly withdraw. "I don't know if I want to be involved in any aspect of moviemaking again."

"Not even acting?"

He smiled without humor. "At the moment, acting has no appeal whatsoever. I rather like the idea of living on my investments and playing househusband."

Rainey rested her head on his shoulder. She had trouble imagining that Kenzie could be happy without using his tremendous talent and energy. She'd pray that when he finished rearranging his mind, he'd be ready for new challenges.

* * *

Rainey was dozing in her recliner when Val called. "Hi, girlfriend," Val said. "Good time or bad?"

"It's a fine time. The movie's basically done, and we all think it's pretty damned good. The sound guy flew out so Kenzie and I could loop dialogue for places where it wasn't clear. Any minute now, Marcus Gordon will be arriving from Los Angeles with a film version for us to go over one last time." Rainey suppressed a yawn. "After he leaves, I'm going to sleep for a week, minimum. How are you doing? I can't wait for you to see the final version of the movie!"

"I'm fine." Val hesitated. "I'm calling at the request of Mooney, your private detective. He asked me to break some news you might find a little... surprising."