PHENOMENAL GIRL 5 (26 page)

“Then stay with me forever.”

He looked sad. “I would if I could.”

I pulled him back for a kiss. “I’ll always love you, Robert.”

I woke up the next morning in a sweat. Breathing deep, I wiped a strand of hair from my face with shaking hands. My dream had left every nerve ending in my body on fire. I needed to see Wesley, to find out what he knew about the prophecy and whether there was anything we could do to prevent it. If not, I’d have to leave.

But not before I told him the truth about Robert’s and my relationship. And to see if our relationship could change as well.

Wesley was where I figured he’d be: in his lair. But instead of typing away on the computer to some sort of music or paging through some dusty volume, he was sitting on one of the chairs, staring off into space.

“So, what did you find out from your trip to the astral planes?” Uncomfortable silence settled when he didn’t respond. “Wes? Are you okay?”

“I remember,” he said, forcing his eyes to mine, his gaze so hard it felt like he was looking through me.

I was frozen to the spot. He couldn’t possibly mean what I thought he did. “What? You remember what?”

“I remember everything,” he said in a voice that was worn and frayed. “No, that’s an exaggeration. What I mean is, I remember everything about my last life with you.
Everything
.”

“Oh, my God.” I sank down in the chair across from him, my legs weak. “That’s what I was going to tell you yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” His voice was so soft I almost couldn’t hear it. “I asked you point-blank if we were lovers and you said no. Why did you lie to me? I told you it was likely I’d forget and you said you’d remember for the both of us. That you’d make me remember.”

It was freaky hearing my words to Robert spoken back by Wes.

“And then you turned right around and lied about it,” he continued. “I thought I was crazy, I was having these dreams…”

“D-dreams?”
No freaking way.

“But they turn out not to be dreams but memories of our night together. I just don’t understand why you’d lie about us to me.”

“You don’t, huh?” I said, my hackles raised. “You remember everything else so clearly now, do you remember how you asked me? You said, ‘Oh, God, we’re not lovers, are we?’ Like I was some repulsive troll you’d found. Like you just wanted me to agree with you. So I did.” I stood up, turning away so he wouldn’t see me cry. “And then the damned thing was, I started to care for you, Wesley.
This
you. Robert may have been my first love, but it’s you I want to be with now—everything you are. Don’t you dare go thinking I kissed you yesterday out of misplaced nostalgia.” And with that last shot, I fled the lair, not stopping until I was outside the mansion with the keys to the Mustang in my hand.

Things were so messed up. Wesley had suddenly remembered
Robert’s and my past that, out of anger and hurt feelings, I had left out. We had been on the cusp of something special between us, and now he was angry and hurt that I had lied.

And we had a potential apocalypse breathing down our necks, that, according to some dusty old book, if we weren’t careful, we could start. Personal drama between the two of us was the last thing needed.

I knew now what I had to do.

Rath looked up as I walked into his plush office. “Hello there, Miss Livingston. This is a pleasant surprise. I was just getting ready to make the trip down to discuss the latest intel with the old man.”

I took the seat across from him. “I know my training’s just begun, but I think we can agree I’ve experienced more in my short time than most people do in two years.”

He nodded.

“Sir, with all due respect, I request a promotion to full member status in light of these events.” I met his eyes without blinking.

He studied me. “What does Wesley think of this?”

“I’m sure he’ll agree, sir.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Rath got up and circled around the desk to perch in front of me. “He’s quite fond of you, Lainey. I’ve worked around the both of you long enough to know that it is reciprocated as well.”

I looked away. “I can’t work with him anymore, sir.”

“Did something happen to bring this on? I must say I expected this reaction when Robert died, but when you and Wesley seemed to be getting along, I didn’t think there was going to be any fallout. It’s hard to be partnered up with him after he…changes, and I know how close you and Robert were.”

“I don’t think you do, sir,” I said, looking down.

I felt his eyes on me. “Let’s just say I had my suspicions.
And Wesley did as well, obviously, as many times as he has tried to poke around to figure out what I knew.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” I said, keeping my eyes on my lap. “It was very inappropriate, I know, and it won’t happen again.”

“Miss Livingston, we have a policy of no fraternizing between team members because when the affair ends, one way or another, the parties involved no longer want to work together and we have a mess on our hands.” He gave me a kind smile. “We have this policy, but I can’t count the number of times it gets broken. You’re working in close proximity with the same people day in and day out…Things happen. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell all of them: you just have to find a way to work with each other and forget about the past.” He cleared his throat. “However, I know from personal experience how painful it is to be forgotten by him.”

I was floored. “Huh?”

“The man that Robert replaced was my father,” Rath said, his lined face somber. “I could do no wrong in his eyes. He was happily married to my mother for over fifty years before she died, and I thought her death would kill him. He died one year later. And Robert didn’t remember her or me.”

“That’s horrible,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

“I hated him for it, and even when he read about us in his diaries and tried to come to me to make amends, I wouldn’t have any of it. It took years for me to become friends with him, but our relationship was never the same.
He
wasn’t the same, which I’m sure you understand. Strange that Wesley, who is now young enough to be my grandson, acts more like my father than Robert ever did. Robert was always so guarded and closed off. Wesley’s more relaxed and open, and not so serious. I’m astounded that you somehow were able to get through the barriers Robert kept up. But I know what it is to live so close to someone you love, who looks on you like a stranger.”

I cleared my throat. “The weird thing is now Wesley remembers about me and Robert.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. Odd bits about me have been coming back to him for a while now. And today he said he’d been having these dreams that turned out to be memories.” I blushed, remembering the type of memory dreams I’d been having, myself. “I’ve been having dreams too.”

Rath studied me. “Your soul, that piece of his that you have, it links you. It may be linking your subconscious minds. And since it’s something you both experienced…” He trailed off. “I don’t understand why you’re here then. You should be happy.” Was it my imagination, or did he sound slightly bitter?

“It’s too much,” I said, feeling fresh tears clog the back of my throat. “He’s upset with me for lying, and I know he’s just going to be suspicious of my motivations. And with the apocalypse prophecy and the Dragon out there somewhere, he doesn’t need that distraction right now. With everything the prophecy said…”

“Wesley told you about that?” Rath seemed surprised.

“I happened across it. I don’t want to bring on the end of the world. I think it’d be best if there was some space between us. And this was inevitable, unless you weren’t going to accept me into full membership after all that’s happened….”

Rath nodded. “Well, to be frank, Lainey, I thought about promoting you early, but wasn’t sure you’d want that anymore.”

I wiped my eyes. “It’s what I’ve been working for my whole life. Why wouldn’t I want it?”

Rath cleared his throat. “Well, it’s just, you and he…”

I knew what he was getting at, and it was something I hadn’t quite thought through yet. Did I want to be paired with Wesley alone, instead of in a bigger group? Even without the threat of potential apocalypse hanging over my head or Wesley being angry with me, did I really want to throw away my whole individual career for the guy? This was a guy
who had already left me once before, though it wasn’t exactly his fault. Did I want to be only the Reincarnist’s sidekick—or worse yet, his girlfriend? The very thought made me shudder.

But did I want to be alone for the rest of my life, instead? I’d had a brief taste of what it was like to be loved by Robert, who filled that void in my heart. Did I want to walk out on a chance for that again? Was that why I’d come here—to escape that chance of happiness and hurt?

“Well, if you’re sure you want to do this, I’m fine with it,” Rath said. “You can start tomorrow evening. I can send a car to pick up your things if you don’t want to go back for them.”

It was settled then. I breathed a sigh of relief. “No, no. I want to go say good-bye. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to get settled in.”

“Alright.” He patted my shoulder. “If you change your mind…”

“I won’t. I’ll see you tomorrow, sir.” I got up and left without a backward glance.

I didn’t go straight back to the mansion. I drove around aimlessly for a while, and then knew my destination.

I ended up at my parents’ gravesite. I sat between the two tombstones, resting a hand on either one. I let my tears flow in the safety of my parents’ metaphorical arms.

“Mom,” I whispered. “Am I doing the right thing? If I stay with Wesley, even if we can find a way to work through this, we could bring down the whole world. Even I’m not
that
selfish. Should I just give up on being with him? I think I could be happy at the EHJ. It’s what I’ve been working for ever since I got these powers. It’s what I’ve wanted since he showed me what a real hero was. But I’m in love with Wesley. He’s a lot like Robert, but he’s so much more. He’s warm and open, and frankly it scares me sometimes, caring for him like this. I don’t want to be hurt again by him dying and leaving me, so am I just conducting a preemptive strike?

“I want the EHJ, and I want him, but he won’t go to them. If I choose him, I’ll be in that mansion for the rest of my life and will always be defined as his—his girlfriend or his sidekick. I won’t be known for myself. And if I go to the EHJ, I’ll be a part of the team, but I’ll be me. And I’ll be alone like I’ve always been. It isn’t fair.”

I patted the stone with my hand, shaking my head. What was the use of complaining? If my life so far had taught me anything, it was that it wasn’t fair.

“Give me the strength to do what I need to do. For everyone,” I prayed.

It was late by the time I pulled back into the driveway of the house that wouldn’t be my home much longer.

“Where have you been?” Mayhew greeted me with a hiss. “He’s been going crazy trying to find you!”

“He should have called his son, then,” I said, surprised at the hostility Mayhew was showing. “He knew where I was.”

Mayhew’s mouth hung open. “You know about Ben?”

“I know about Ben. And he’s sending a car over for me in the morning, so call me when it gets here.”

“What do you…? Are you leaving?”

“First thing in the morning. Send up the boxes from when I first moved in, so I can start packing.” I started toward the library. “Where is he?”

“Upstairs in his room, I believe.”

I headed up the stairs, my heart pounding. I didn’t want to confront him, but I knew I had to. I couldn’t break apart at seeing him and back down. I had to remember why I originally came here: as a step on the path Robert had put me on all those years ago: joining the Elite Hands of Justice and becoming a real hero. Maybe Wesley would still be angry with me. That would make it easier.

I paused outside of his room. I couldn’t do it. My heart was beating too fast, my palms sweating, and I was shaking. I needed to get a hold of myself first.

I turned and opened the door to my room. And about had a heart attack.

Wesley was there, sitting on my bed, flipping through my book of his poetry, his hands caressing the well-worn pages. I thought of his hands elsewhere and almost gasped.

“What are you doing in here?” I managed.

“Why did you go see Ben today?”

I swallowed and ran my tongue across dry lips. “He told you I was there?”

“After I searched all around town for you, I finally called him. He said you’d been there earlier, but he wouldn’t tell me the reason. He said it was something I needed to hear from you.”

“He’s over sixty and still afraid his father will ground him.”

“He told you?” Wesley asked in surprise.

“Yeah, we had a real bonding experience.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve been promoted. I’m joining the EHJ as a full member. I start tomorrow evening.”

Wesley sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t do this, Lainey.”

“Are you really asking me to give up on fulfilling the goal I’ve been working toward my whole life?”

“Don’t run away from me.”

“Why not?” I snapped, a bit irritated he didn’t deny that he wanted me to give up on the EHJ. I dealt a low blow: “Now you can forget about what happened again.”

He reacted as if I’d hit him. “I didn’t want to forget in the first place—you know that. You know how much I wanted to remember. It’s not like I did it on purpose.”

“But you meant to sound disgusted by the thought of it.”

“No! I never was. I was horrified that I could forget I was in a relationship with someone as hot as you. What else might I have forgotten? I was scared I had come back as a void, with no memories of anything.”

“Oh,” I said. That interpretation made sense. I’d been stupid.

He sighed. “Maybe it’s better if you do go. Knowing what I do, I don’t think I could live with you every day and still remain friends.” He started to walk toward the door.

Ouch. Maybe I hadn’t been stupid. “Why’s that?” I asked, praying he’d say something that would make it easier to go.

He gave me a sad smile. “I could read between the lines in the diaries to know Robert had feelings for you. And from the way you reacted when I first came here, I knew you had feelings for him as well. I assumed they were never acted on. And the more we were around each other, the more I started to love you myself. With the added strain of remembering what we once had, well, I don’t think I could live day in and day out with you and not
be
with you.”