Phantom Scars (14 page)

Chapter 28 – Pushing It

I woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast. That wasn't unusual. As housewives went, Emma was awesome in that aspect. It was rare that I didn't wake up to breakfast. When I didn't, it usually meant something was wrong. Breakfast being ready was her way of signaling me that she was having a good day. I heard the washer going and knew she had been up for a while, because it was on spin cycle. I stumbled toward the bathroom, only to collide with Paige. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said and waved for her to go by. She hurried into the bathroom quickly. I guess she really had to go.

I went to the kitchen and found Emma. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and kiss her neck. She saw me watching her intently and made her way over to me. She pushed into my arms, and I hugged her tightly and nuzzled her hair, leaving a light kiss on her neck. "You must be a mind reader," I whispered.

She looked up at me amused. "Why, you wanted eggs for breakfast?" she asked teasingly.

"No, I wanted to hold you in my arms and kiss your neck, but I don't want to push you."

Her face flushed, and then her eyes darkened. Her fingers made their way up into my hair, and she pulled me down to her lips, kissing me softly and then a little more firmly. "Maybe you were reading
my
mind. Ever think of that?" she said and went back to the counter, where she was working on some toast.

Paige came out of the bathroom looking worse for wear, and Emma gave her some toast. "I think I'm going to just catch up on some rest today," she said weakly. She looked a little green.

Emma looked at her momma worriedly. "Okay," she said and gave her a kiss on the top of the head, reversing their roles.

When I came out of the bathroom, Emma was waiting for me, looking nervous. "What's wrong?" I asked and pulled her into my arms out of habit, wanting to soothe her. Luckily for me, she didn't protest, resting her head on my chest.

"I'm worried about my mom. I think she's sick."

"That's not uncommon. Lots of people get sick after they fly. She needs to adjust to the time difference as well, honey."

"I'm scared. I don't want to lose her. What if it's bad? I just got her back," she squeaked at me.

"Oh, honey." I picked her up, cradling her in my lap, as I sat on our bed. "I don't think you're going to lose her. She's just stressed and tired. Just give her a day or two, and she'll perk right up. If she isn't feeling better by the end of the week, we'll take her to the doctor."

She took a shaky breath. "Promise?"

"I promise. You're my girl, have I ever let you down?"

She shook her head no with a trace of a smile on her face.

I left her with her momma and went downstairs to help my momma in the restaurant. Without Emma distracting me, I noticed that Dr. Greyson was checking out my momma's butt. That was all kinds of wrong! "Hey, man, that's my momma. Don't be looking at her like that!" I complained. He and my momma both blushed.

"Devin, I'm a grown woman. I don't mind a little attention, especially from a fine gentleman like Warren."

"Gentlemen don't..."

"Devin, I consider you a gentleman, but do I not often have to remind you to lift your eyes to Emma's face?" she scolded.

She had me there. I pouted at them. "Don't be touching my momma," I growled at
Warren
and stormed out.

I forgot myself and slammed my door, causing Emma to jump and panic. I felt like such a jerk after that. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just upset, but not with you."

"What is it?" she asked me worried. I realized she probably thought it was something having to do with the villains who were trying to steal her from me.

I groaned a little. "Dr. Greyson was looking at my momma."

She looked at me confused. "What?"

"He was, you know,
looking
at her," I said again.

"I don't understand," she said.

"He was checking her out, honey. Abby's a hottie. I don't blame Dr. Greyson. I'd hit that, but I don't swing that way," Paige said.

I stood there slack-jawed for a moment.

Paige and Emma burst out laughing, and I pulled myself together. "That's my momma!"

"Yes, your momma, not a nun, Devin, you have to figure she was doing something to get you and your brother," she added.

"Oh, my…NO!" I covered my ears. "No, no, no!" I started loudly saying la-la-la to keep from hearing anything else she said and ran and hid in the bedroom, sticking my head under the pillow. I didn't know how this day had ended up turning out so bad, when it had started so good.

I felt a hand on my back, but I wasn't going to risk it being Paige, trying to coax me out to tell me more horrible things I didn't want to know about my momma. I buried my face deeper into my bed under my pillow, whimpering a little. I couldn't get far enough away.

I thought I heard the front door open and close, but the hand was still on my back. Did Emma go to get my momma?

Then the back of my shirt started slipping up. What the hell? Please, Lord, let that be my wife and not her momma. I felt a soft kiss on my back, and I shivered. Now I really hoped it was Emma.

I peeked out from under the side of the pillow and saw Emma's blond hair draping down my side, and I let out a sigh. She really was beautiful. I felt a tug on the pillow I was hiding under, and I let her take it from me. She set it next to me and pushed me over, so I was on my back. She pushed my legs down from their curled up knot. Apparently, I had been cowering in the fetal position.

She straddling me and crossed her arms on my chest, like she had done last night.

"Is she gone?" I whispered.

Emma smiled. "Yes, Devin, and I told her not to talk about your momma anymore."

I let out a sigh of relief and hugged her. "Thanks, honey."

She just smiled and giggled.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"For once, I saved you," she said smiling.

"Ah, honey, you've saved me a ton of times, you just don't know it."

"Really, how?" she asked curious.

"Well, being married has all sorts of benefits, one of which is to keep the skank patrol off my back."

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course, since you said you wouldn't save me from Lottie's butt pinching, I don't know if I should dock you points for that."

She started laughing.

It sounded so beautiful, and my body reacted to it. She felt my body change under her. Her eyes darkened.

"Your laugh is beautiful. I love hearing it," I told her. "Your smile is amazing, I love seeing it on your face."

She leaned down, closing in on my lips and shifting her weight, so she rubbed against me. I fought the urge to push back, but let the groan escape. Her lips were warm, soft and gentle. Her hands were in my hair and mine were on her hips. I felt her shift again, causing me to groan, and I bucked on accident. Her lips popped off mine. I looked up at her, wide-eyed and embarrassed. "I'm so sorry."

She looked at me confused. "For what?"

"I, um, I, I…" I bit my lip and scrunched my eyes shut.

"Devin?" she said my name sweetly. "Look at me," she pleaded.

I could deny her nothing, so I opened my eyes and saw her worried face.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I…" I looked away, ashamed. "I pushed myself into you."

"What?"

"I pushed." I was losing it. "I pushed it against you, I'm sorry, honey, I never want to make you feel uncomfortable," I said.

She let out a sigh. "You pushed against me? That's why you're sorry? Because you think it'll make me uncomfortable?"

I nodded yes.

She leaned down and kissed my neck under my chin and then ground down against me hard. She continued to grind against me and kissed her way to my ear. "I pushed first," she said and sucked my earlobe into her mouth.

I was sporting an Eifel tower in my pants now, and she was making it worse. In fact, it seemed like she was doing it on purpose and liking it. Then I felt her hand on my butt, and she squeezed it, causing me to buck up against her again. "I like it when you push," she whispered in my ear, and it was all I could do not to flip us over on the bed and plow into her.

I buried my hand in her hair and brought her lips up to mine, letting myself get lost in her taste. I loved kissing her. I would do this until my lips fell off, and then I would get lip transplants and go back to doing it some more.

"Holy smoke, Bro, I thought you said you weren't hitting that!" my horrible brother yelled. I was going to kill him. Emma practically leaped across the room, and I pulled my shoe off my foot and threw it at the idiot's head.

He dodged it, laughing maniacally, and I went to check on my girl, wrapping her in my arms. "Are you okay?" I asked softly.

She was still blushing a deep red, but she nodded yes.

"I'm sorry my stupid brother interrupted us," I said and kissed her cheek.

She gave me a soft smile.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, and she nodded that she was. I hated when my girl got startled to the point of silence. It made me want to punch the offender in the face. I gave her a soft smile, but as soon as I faced Clayton, I gave him my death glare. When I walked into the front room, Paige was sitting at the kitchen table. I guess she had come back with Clayton.

"At least oil the springs on that thing. I swear, the way you two were going at it, I thought you were hosting a mouse convention with all that squeaking," she teased.

"Dude, that was awesome!" Clayton added.

"Just shut up already," I growled at him.

"You really ought to see about getting a bigger bed, at least a queen. I've known a few men who fell off my full-sized one," Paige said, and I wanted to die. Please, Lord, don't make me listen to my momma-in-law's sexcapades. That was just all kinds of wrong.

"Hey, dude, you should see if you could get Faye's bed. I'm sure she’d give you a good deal on it. She isn't going to need it anymore, when she moves in with Eli. Well, she pretty much has moved in with Eli already," Clayton said.

Even though I was pissed at him, I had to admit he had a point. Maybe it was time we invested in another bed. I looked back at the bedroom door, where Emma was still in hiding, and smiled at the thought.

Chapter 29 – Windows

Clayton sat down at the table and snagged a piece of toast from the center plate. I looked at him, waiting. There had to be a reason he had decided to just show up with Paige. "Clayton, why are you here?" I asked.

"Oh, Ms. Paige said you were freaking out, because you just found out that Warren is after momma."

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"You didn't know? Dang, Bro, you must be blinded by Emma, because it's been going on for months," he said laughing.

I shook my head no. "Our therapist is…is…is…Momma?" I asked not wanting the answer.

I realized now there were so many hints I had missed. Momma frequently called Dr. Greyson by his first name of Warren, and when things started getting crazy with the kidnappers, she turned to him for help. Oh, my god! He’d said she could handle a gun! Was he making a sick joke?

"Bro, are you going to be alright? You're looking a little sick, man. You should be happy, Warren's really cool."

"You knew?" I asked.

He just shrugged. "It's really obvious, man. I didn't realize you didn't." Then something seemed to click in his head. "Oh, man! You're still a virgin!" he shouted.

I punched his shoulder. "What the heck does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, I didn't really catch the signs until after, you know, me and Jenny. I just thought they were dating," he explained. "But you can tell by the way he looks at momma that it's more than that."

"Just shut up, please. I don't want to hear about momma doing…that!" I shouted, trying to pull myself together. I couldn’t believe my momma, a good Christian woman, would even consider having premarital sex, when she had taught us against it.

"You're a virgin?" Paige asked sounding really amused. "Well, that explains a lot. No wonder you keep freaking out on me."

"Can we not discuss this?" I snapped.

"Dude, I just realized, I lost it before my older brother! I so rock!" Clayton said jumping up and doing a freaking victory dance.

"Get out of here!" I hissed, shoving him to the door and pushing him out. I didn't want to discuss this anymore.

Paige looked over at me, smiling widely, as if she'd just found out something amazing. I didn't like it. I didn't want to discuss my virginity with my momma-in-law. That was just wrong on so many levels. She grabbed a piece of toast and started down the hall. "I'm going to take a nap," she said, smiling too big for my liking still. "How old are you again, Devin?" she asked.

"Twenty-four," I grumbled.

"You know, honey, I don't think I could’ve picked a better man for Emma," she said, pulling on my arm to kiss my cheek. "You're a good guy. Thanks for loving my daughter."

I couldn't believe I actually blushed. I hadn't actually said I love you to Emma, but I did love her. I wondered if I was as obvious as Warren was.

I went into our bedroom and found Emma snuggled up in my sleeping bag.

"Hey, are you doing alright?" I asked, and she smiled at me and nodded yes.

She reached out a hand to me and pulled me into the bed. We wiggled around until we both squeezed in. "So, are you really a virgin?" she asked me.

I dropped my head to the pillow. Why was this so important to everyone? I shrugged. "Are you okay with that?" I asked.

She smiled really big. "Of course, I actually really like it. I don't feel so pressured."

"You felt pressured? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…"

She cut me off. "Not by you, Devin, but by me. I mean, we're married, and if you were experienced, you’d be well within your rights to want me to, you know..."

"Nothing is within my rights, Emma. You never have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Do you understand me?" I said, looking at her seriously in the eyes.

She blushed lightly, but nodded yes. "So, we're both virgins," she stated.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, not sure where this was going.

"So, um, have you ever messed around?" she asked.

"What?" I was confused.

"You know, like first, second and third base?" she asked.

"Oh, baseball, I played in little league for a while, but I didn't get into it in high school. It really wasn't my thing."

"Devin, that's not what I meant." She let out a huff then whispered, "Have you ever touched a girl's private areas?"

I was sure my face must have looked comical, because my eyes felt like they had widened and popped out of my head. Emma did giggle a little at me.

"I'm not asking you to touch me. I just wanted to know if you've ever touched anyone before."

"I…I…I…" I cleared my throat then just shook my head no.

She smiled at me. I wanted to ask her if she had ever touched someone, or did someone do the touching, but I knew that would be a delicate subject. It might have happened when she had been taken, and I didn't want to upset her.

"You're really sweet, you know that?" she said, smiling at me.

"Thanks, I…um, yeah…you, too," I fumbled. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to let her know I really liked her, but I knew you shouldn't tell your wife you just liked her. You should say you loved her, but I didn't want to scare her. I realized then our relationship was very complicated.

"Devin?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to have to take things really slow," she said nervously.

"I don't mind at all," I said smiling.

Our private moment was interrupted by vomiting, not mine or hers, but her momma's. Emma jumped up and ran to her momma's side, where she was waved off. Paige insisted that she was fine, but that didn't stop Emma from giving me a worried look, as she followed her momma into her room. I followed them to Paige's doorway and watched Emma trying to care for her momma, but she insisted she really was fine. She just thought the room was a little stuffy, and maybe if she opened a window, she would feel better.

I saw my girl freeze at her momma's words. As Paige moved toward the window, I saw my girl shutting down. I ran into the room and blocked Paige from the window. She looked at me as if I was nuts. "We can't open the window."

"Why, is it stuck?" Paige asked.

I looked at her with pleading eyes, willing her to understand and not make me say it. She looked at me confused, and then she glanced over at her daughter, most likely to ask what the heck was wrong with me, but then she saw Emma was a shaking mess. She looked back at me, as the realization dawned on her why I was telling her no. "It's painted shut, isn't it?" she said confusing me for a minute, but then she winked at me. "That's fine. I'll just step out on your balcony for a moment, and I'll be fine," she said and walked out.

As soon as she walked out of the room, I ran to my girl, sweeping her up in my arms and carrying her to our room, which I knew was her safe place. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded yes, but she didn't look okay.

"She isn't going to open it. No one is going to open any of them, okay?" I tried to comfort her, but she just buried her face in my chest and started to cry. I held her for a while, as she slowed to a whimper.

"I thought I was getting better," she sniffled.

"You are, sweetheart, you're doing great."

"The window…"

"Hey, you're fine, and you're doing so much better. Don't worry about the window. Dr. Greyson said we’d find triggers, and I suspected the windows would be one for a long time now."

"You did?"

"Yeah, you may not have noticed it, but you never walk by the windows, and you never open them. It's fine. I don't mind. It isn't a big deal. We'll work through it together," I promised her.

She let out a defeated sigh.

"You want to do some writing? It might help you feel a little better," I suggested.

She nodded yes, and I grabbed her notebook and pens for her. She lay on the bed and pulled me down with her, wrapping my arms around her. I was sure Paige would let my momma know I was busy with Emma, and I wasn't too worried about missing part of my shift. My momma would know it was important if I stayed, and Emma feeling safe was important to us all.

"I can see what you're writing. Do you want to shift around so I can't?" I asked.

She smiled over her shoulder at me. "No, you can see it," she said, and I felt like I had been given a special gift.

I took a deep breath and read her elegant handwriting, trying to steel myself against any reactions. I didn't want her to ever think that she had upset me. Nothing she wrote was her fault, and she didn't need to see my anger, it would only scare her.

Windows are the bane of my existence. It was how I was taken. They were how I was teased. I could see the outside, but I couldn't go there. I was trapped, and the tiny hole that was my window offered no solace. It just proved people knew I was there and didn't care. It proved there was no hope for me.

Now I see these windows, and I see my bedroom window with those monsters climbing through it. I freeze, and I wonder if it really was the drugs that stopped me from fighting back or the fear. I feel guilty, never being sure which it was.

I pulled her tighter against me. "It wouldn't have mattered. They were bigger and stronger, and someone had betrayed you on the inside. You couldn't have stopped them. Don't ever think it was your fault," I said fiercely and hugged her tightly to me. I wanted her to know she was safe, and I wanted her to know that absolutely no one blamed her for what had happened. There was nothing she could have done. If she had called for help, her momma would have sent in Wayne, who would have probably helped the kidnappers get her out the window. No, she’d had no hope then, but she did now.

She fell asleep in my arms, and I lay there holding her, just looking at her sad face. I pulled her tighter to me and whispered she was safe in her ear, hoping my voice would soothe her. She snuggled deeper into me and sighed, smiling slightly. I loved that she felt safe with me. I would never do anything to compromise her safety, and she knew that.

Paige poked her head in our room. "How is she?" she asked worriedly.

"She'll be fine. She just needed some rest."

"Did she have to take another pill?" she asked.

"No, those are reserved for when she stops seeing reality and gets pulled back to her kidnappers."

Paige leaned against the door, closing her eyes. Her expression was pained. "This is all my fault. I was so stupid."

"Hey, hey, you didn't know. How were you supposed to know? Emma said he was a conman, so that just meant he made it his life's work to fool people. Don't blame yourself."

"You both are way too good to me. I can't believe she forgave me. How could I have been so stupid?" she fussed.

"Paige."

"And I don't know what they did to her," she started to cry.

"Hey." I was still pinned by my girl. I didn't know how to calm her momma.

"Her back, oh lord, Devin, what happened to her back?" she asked.

"I know, just settle down, and I'll tell you."

She sniffled a little, but I figured that was as settled as she was going to get.

"There was an explosion. I think Clark mentioned it to you. There were a couple of them, actually, and she was blown out a window. She wasn't tortured that I know of, but the marks weren't left by her captors, they were left by the explosion when she escaped."

She sniffled a little. "My baby girl is still so…"

"Hey, she's doing a lot better. We're working on it. She's fine, Paige. Your baby girl is going to be fine." She looked so small and upset over there all alone. "Do you want to come hold her while she sleeps?" I asked, thinking this might help her feel a little better.

She smiled sadly at me then nodded yes. As we shifted around on the bed, it squeaked like mad, and I wondered how we didn't wake my girl up. Once Paige was tucked in with Emma, I went to call Dr. Greyson. We were going to need sessions for both of them. My girls were messed up, but I would do everything in my power to fix them.

I glanced back at the pair curled around each other and wondered how that animal, Wayne, could have ever tried and sell either one of them. He had to have been a sick bastard, and I knew that had messed up my momma-in-law bad. She was the one who had led her daughter to the big bad wolf, and that was going to take some time to get over.

When I reached for my phone, I was surprised it rang. I picked it up, thinking it would be my momma or brother, because they were the only ones with this number.

"Devin," a gruff voice said.

My hackles raised in defense. I knew exactly who was calling me. I didn't know how the hell he’d gotten my number, but he was not getting my family.

My girl liked it when I pushed back.