PERSONAL: A Stepbrother Sports Romance (2 page)

“So what would you like to talk about today?”

Coach Lineheart felt it was best to visit a grief counselor after my dad passed away sophomore year. It was something I kept inside and didn’t really advertise, but the help was really, well, helpful. It was therapeutic to talk to someone and not have to screen what I was saying for fear of misrepresentation in the press.

Inside this office, I wasn’t a big shot quarterback whose very future depended on what happened on the field. I wasn’t an orphan. I wasn’t alone. I was heard by someone and I could speak without feeling like a little girl. Jocks had feelings too. 

I lived with Coach during the summers and became one hundred percent focused on the game. Football was my new family. Football was my future. Football was everything.

I didn’t have time to focus on women when my desire was to be a legend. It’s what J.J. Watt does. My professional football player role model kept a tight schedule training wise. All he does is eat, breathe, train, lift, watch film, play football, and sleep twelve hours. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Women would come later.

But ever since I saw that shot of Cat… Hell, I didn’t know she became a model. I didn’t even know it was her. I had to blink twice at the full name. And then during that interview she confirmed it. Fat Cat. That’s what they called her. That’s what I had called her. Guilt hit my chest like a pound of bricks.

“You… seem uptight today. Distracted, maybe? Is it because of what’s hanging around the corner for you? Perhaps you wish he could be there to see you in your special moment?”

The NFL draft was two months away. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Everyone was asking me that. I mean, everyone. It started making me wonder if I should start freaking out because everyone else was freaking out. But that wasn’t my temperament. I didn’t let worry consume me. I knew how to channel my energy and buffer my focus. But this was different.

She was different.

“Something’s bothering me.”

“Oh?”

“It has to do with my former stepsister.”

She folded her hands and patiently waited for my next words.

“I… I, um, haven’t seen her since my dad died. Well, before actually.”

“I see, Ramon. May I ask you something?”

I nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable, but willing to have this discussion if it would help me with my feelings, help me forget about her, and let me get back to focusing on the game. If that’s what it’d take, then I’d share. Anything.

“This is the first mention of your former stepsister. You’ve spoken in great detail before of your feelings about your father marrying Rebecca for his last year of life.”

“It was sudden then. But, as you know, looking back on everything now, and knowing what I know now, I get it. At the time I had no idea that he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and refusing treatment. But-” I stopped to clear my throat. It was an opportunity to push back the familiar grief that arose when I thought of him.

“I’m glad he had someone so dear and close to take care of him in his final months. Especially someone who could legally have medical say and make decisions on behalf of him.”

Even though he embarrassed the heck out of me at times, I still missed him. It was because of his sacrifices that I was who I was today as an athlete. I still couldn’t believe he was gone. And I still couldn’t believe he didn’t tell me he had cancer until one month of his passing. He had kept his secret from me all for one purpose: so I would perform the best that I could at my game. My dad was selfless and self-sacrificial like that; a true hero.

“Yes, that is something nice to have while you’re going through something as tragic as he went through. Was Rebecca’s daughter quite younger than you? Or, out of the picture for some reason?”

“She left the country for a special program.”

“Like drugs and alcohol?”

“No, like… diet rehabilitation.”

“I see. Did she have an eating disorder that she was treating?”

“No, she… went away to lose weight at some health resort. She didn’t come back for the funeral,” I explained quietly.

My therapist nodded in deep introspection.

“I see, and does that make you angry? Is the unresolved anger that resurfaced today something you’d like to address in today’s session?”

It didn’t make me angry that she didn’t come to the funeral. She barely knew the man after all. I had a feeling it had to do with funerals in general and what they meant to her.

How could I explain to my therapist our complicated past?

The only way to do so was to tell her.

Everything.

Four years ago….

CAT

“Between you and me, I’d die if I’d forever be known as the ‘fat funny girl.’ Sure it worked well for Jenny—that actress from Gilmore Girls- but she’s an actress. Cat being an actress would never happen in a million years.”

Makeup shuffling in a cosmetic bag filled the silence as I held my breath in the bathroom stall. My entire being froze. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice over my head. How dare this bitch!

I had waltzed in feeling on top of the world: I had been voted class funniest, which meant people saw more than just my big body. They heard me. And I liked making people laugh.

“Yeah, I mean. It’s not that hard to be funny, right? You can eat anything you want and make people laugh, ha, ha. But looking hot? Now, that takes a lot of work. I mean
hours
. But this is perfect, you know? It’s just what I need.”

That fucking bitch!

My blood boiled. I wanted to swing open the bathroom stall and stand up for myself.

“Well, I’m just happy to that my hands and I have Ramon all to ourselves. I’ve been enjoying rubbing them all over Ramon’s body. I’ve been eyeing him all Junior year but he was taken by that slutty freshman that moved away. God, he’s hot! They’re taking our yearbook photo by that oak tree near the school sign.”

The voice sighed wistfully before continuing. “I’m just happy that my future kids will see these photos and remember how hot their mother was. I want him to get the idea in his head that we should be together, ‘cause that’s what good-looking people do. We totally belong together. Hell, we look fucking hot together. We should go to prom together. Maybe I should show him a bit of my leg? Or my cleavage? Get him thinking about my body.” The princess sighed. “It’s hard work looking like this every day.”

Um, hello? Shallow?

On that note I kicked the door open, dramatically. It swung open like a wild animal.

Her heavily colored eye shadow made her blue eyes pop open wide. To my surprise the bitch was talking to herself like a crazed lunatic. By herself.

“Who talks to herself?” I crossed my arms. Oh yeah, we were in a square-off.

“Um, she who is snapchatting? Like duh. So on top of funny, you’re also weird?” She tossed her lipgloss into her makeup bag and eyed me up and down with a bitchy expression, as if to say “Whatever. I’m still hot.”

After calming down, willing myself not to cry, and trying to stay happy about finding out I was class funniest, I opened the bathroom stall determined to ignore the jab. But once I walked out of the bathroom to see everyone talking about McKenzie’s SnapChat story – and how they saw me bursting open the stall door to confront her. Forget the shallow talk she just had.

People weren’t laughing with me. They were laughing at me.

TWO WEEKS LATER

January 16
th

Dear Diary,

Two words. Ashley Peterson.

Plus size model – and beautiful. My icon. #icandoit

Our senior trip is in five months. I’m determined to do whatever it takes to not wear Spanx under my swimsuit.

And when I take my senior photos in April? Well, let’s just say: look out world! I’m not just the funny girl anymore.

Today begins my new life.

Today begins my new bod.

Today I have my first session at the elite gym everyone raves about.

McKenzie, eat my fucking curves for breakfast. ‘Cause there’s about to be a new girl in town and Momma’s got a brand new attitude: Fabulousness.

RAMON

“Dude, what’s with the attitude?” Brent asked as I finished my last chin up. I had been a prick all day, moody and shit, but for good reason.

“I fucking just failed my test again. If I don’t pass this test and keep my grades up, USC won’t take me and I won’t get my scholarship.”

“Just get some tutoring. It will be alright.” He reassured me with certainty; he knew I was meant for this.

“Why does school have to be so fucking hard?”

“It’s really not. You just don’t pay attention.”

“Dude, I do!”

I bit my lip to quell frustration. I blamed my ADD and my learning disability on my hippy, pot-smoking parents. They lived in a time where Google didn’t alert mothers-to-be against smoking weed. But come on, everyone knows not to smoke weed when you’re pregnant! Everyone but my mother.

Why does anyone need to know stupid math skills when they can just hire someone to do their taxes and bookkeeping? I groaned at the stupidity, but I knew I needed to kick ass. I had to get out of this town.

“Dude, look who it is. It’s Cat Johnson over there. She’s signing in.”

“Huh…?”

I studied her from afar. Her long locks were pulled into a high ponytail, giving her high cheekbones the shine they deserved. I always thought she had such a beautiful face.

“Even fat girls want a piece of you.”

He slapped my chest. I cringed hearing him make that comment. I was hard on the outside, but sensitive to making fun of others from my own learning disabilities on the inside.

“Oh, this is going to be a good day,” he snickered.

Uh oh, I didn’t like the tone of Brent’s voice not at all. I smelled trouble.

Bad. Very bad.

The Next Morning

“Hi.”

“Oh. You. Just leave me alone, okay? I don’t need y’alls help.” She slammed her locker shut and brushed her shoulder against mine, her expression saying
“Watch it”
with just a glance. Every ounce of her attitude let me know she wasn’t in the mood.

“Look, it wasn’t me.” I reached for her smooth wrist. “Brent is stupid, okay? He’s not all there. His elevator doesn’t go all the way up to the tenth floor. I didn’t laugh at you, I promise. Look, can I just make it up to you? I feel bad about it all.”

Her exotic, cat-like green eyes filled with tears, making me feel even crappier. “I just…I don’t think I can go back there. I feel like everyone’s laughing at me.”

She had warmed up on the treadmill and fallen off. Brent said something stupid, and in seconds he had the whole gym staring at her so hard she sprinted out of the gym. I felt so bad for her.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” I gently placed a hand on her shoulder and she gasped. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked up at me with, like she couldn’t believe I touched her in public.

“You’ve gotta focus on what you want and ignore the haters. That’s the only way to get where you want to get in life.” That’s what I did.

“Is that what you do?”

“That’s exactly what I do.”

People passed us in the hallway with curious eyes. Aside from this, she and I had never been seen talking in public. Hell, I’d only actually met her a few weeks ago in person when we took yearbook photos for class favorites.

“Look, don’t give up after the first day.”

“I just can’t train there, Ramon.”

I loved the way her sweet voice said my name. I had to turn my head away from her plump lips. They were covered in that shimmery pink lip-gloss she always wore. God, besides tasting like strawberries, I bet they gave great head.

I felt bad for her. I could tell she really wanted this but felt embarrassed.

I knew that feeling.

“Look, I normally don’t do this. I’ve never done this actually. But I can train you at our property,” I offered.

“Your property?” She cocked an eyebrow at my statement.

“Listen, you’re funny, Cat. But are you a trustworthy person?”

“Yeah?” Her eyes narrowed in on me waiting for me to reveal a secret to her. Dozens of people continued to stare at us like aliens conspiring against humans. It was weird. I didn’t like the stares.

“Do you have a car?”

“Of course.”

I shuffled my weight. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering doing this. I’d never brought anyone back to our property but there was something different about her.

“I’m going to text you my address, but you have to
promise
me you won’t give it out to anyone.” I looked her in those gorgeous eyes to let her know I was serious. This couldn’t get out.

She smirked and her light laugh crackled into pure laughter, like a firecracker had exploded. “What are you hiding, Mr.? Some sort of government stuff?”

“Don’t push it, C? Okay? I want to help you.”

It was a habit of mine I had. Being team captain made it natural for me to make people around me comfortable. I gave everyone a nickname. I just gave Cat hers.

“C, huh? I guess I’ll
see
ya later then. Thanks.” Her smirk wouldn’t leave her face and I turned around quickly so I wouldn’t change my mind.

Fuck.

Being a soft teddy bear on the inside would get me in trouble.