Perfection Is Just an Illusion (Swimming Upstream #1) (18 page)

***

Anna

Anna led James back to the table where they sat quietly and enjoyed their meal. James couldn’t help but keep checking his watch, waiting anxiously for the surprise Anna had alluded to. After their meal, Anna told Diana that she and James were going to take a walk, and she would find her own way back to Chesterfield. James shot Anna a bewildered look. Anna just smiled mischievously and offered a slight nod as she reached down and took his hand.

The temperature had dropped noticeably since their arrival and it was snowing lightly. Anna’s dark brown spirals were collecting the soft snowflakes. They landed in her hair, on her nose, and on the ends of her eyelashes. Anna dropped James’s hand and stood with her arms high above her head, spinning around. She looked like an innocent child who’d never before seen snow.

“Where are we going? You realise I have to work tomorrow,” James’s voice was thick with sarcasm.

“What do you mean you have to work? You haven’t done an honest day’s work in your charmed life,” Anna teased. “And of course I know where we’re going. But if you don’t want to come…” Anna mocked.

“I didn’t say that now, did I?” James scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing at all. Anna squealed with delight as James slapped her playfully, earning him another squawk.

***

James

Something inside James stirred. The same something that had stirred last night and almost ruined everything. As much as James loved being with Anna right now he knew that they needed some space. He didn’t trust himself to keep his hands off her. If he didn’t put some distance between them, they would inevitably get themselves into something they couldn’t take back.

James’s voice was filled with fear and sadness as he stammered, “L-Look, Anna.” He began sliding her down his body until her feet touched the ground. Anna couldn’t conceal the shock in her eyes as she felt his arousal through her dress. “I really have to get going. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. Will you be all right to get home?” James was staring directly at the ground, he couldn’t even bear to look at her. He couldn’t risk seeing the pain and rejection on her face. He obviously wanted her but now he was pushing her away.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” She gulped, unable to hide her disappointment. Without another word James dropped a chaste kiss on her cheek and disappeared into the night, leaving her standing cold and alone.

***

Anna

Anna wasn’t ready to go home. She needed time to digest what just happened. She couldn’t bear the thought of anyone knowing she’d been rejected. Again. Cast aside. Forcing the hurt aside, Anna determined to savour every moment of it. The ground was steadily being covered in a dusting of soft white snow. It was a clear night with a light breeze blowing at her back. Wrapping her arms around her chest like armour against the cold, Anna continued to walk down the road, often stopping to admire the window displays. Despite being completely bewitched by her surroundings Anna was confused and hurt by what had happened. Maybe it was what hadn’t happened? She didn’t know what she had done wrong nor could she understand why he had left in such a hurry. With her heart pounding in her chest, Anna lost interest in the romance of her surroundings and caught a taxi back to the hotel.

As Anna wandered thoughtlessly through the front door she was nearly bowled over by Diana, who came flying down the stairs to greet her. “Where have you been? We’ve been so worried,” Diana was babbling, barely forming actual words.

“I went for a walk. I was with James, you knew that. I don’t understand.” Anna was bewildered as to why all the panic.

“James got back to his hotel over an hour ago. He rang to make sure you got home safely. What happened? Where did you get to? Are you all right? Anna, talk to me. Please,” Diana interrogated, demanding an explanation.

“Well, after James left I just kept walking. I needed a chance to breathe. Get my head together. I had a lot on my mind,” Anna tried desperately to explain, but she was inconsolable as the dam burst and large, fat tears swallowed her. Something inside her snapped and she was consumed by feelings of guilt and frustration. She wanted to scream and throw things and kick her legs, but she knew none of it would help. She wanted desperately to understand why James had walked away, and so damn easily. Then the sad realisation crept in that maybe this was a sign that things weren’t going to work out for them after all.

For some strange reason Grant appeared in Anna’s mind. She remembered his hurtful words. She recalled what Justin had tried to tell her, and then unconsciously her mind drifted to the car accident which had almost ended her life prematurely. Maybe this was it. How it was supposed to be. Had Grant been right when he told her that James deserved better? Or had Justin been right suggesting James didn’t want anything more than Anna could give him? She was more confused than ever before.

“Anna, what the hell happened? What did that idiot son of mine do this time?” Michael asked firmly. The directness of his words made Anna do a double take. Michael couldn’t help but grin with satisfaction when he saw a smile creep out from underneath Anna’s tears.

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything wrong. I think I did,” Anna sobbed, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand and sniffing loudly.

“I don’t understand,” Michael admitted, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

“Nobody knew it, but when James and I got together we agreed that we wouldn’t sleep together until we were married. It wasn’t a big deal. It was something that I believed in and James just accepted it. No questions asked. He never once pushed. Our entire relationship he’s been nothing but a perfect gentleman. You raised a great guy, Michael, you really did.” Anna forced a sad smile. “But last night we got carried away, and now, I feel like he blames me. Nothing happened, but James won’t even look at me. I can’t help but think that this is his way of ending things.” Anna collapsed into Michael’s arms. She was more exhausted than she realised. Her whole body shook violently with sobs and without Michael’s support she would have slumped to the floor in a puddle.

The shock etched on Michael’s face was evident. James and Anna had waited. They were so in love and so comfortable in other other’s arms that that to anyone looking they were one hundred percent together. “Anna, Princess. Come on, sweetheart. You know James better than that. And you know he wouldn’t do that to you. He loves you too much to ever hurt you. Deep down you know that.”

“I know he loves me. I do. I’m just not sure that he loves me enough anymore.” Anna’s smile almost broke Michael’s heart. Pulling her back from him, Michael planted his hands on her shoulders, waiting ’til he was sure she was stable enough on her feet to let her go. “Thank you, Michael. For everything.” Michael just nodded and vanished out the door.

***

James

Diana sat in the centre of her bed, trying to calm down her son, who was pacing around the room like a caged lion. When Anna had taken so long to get back to the hotel, James had been frantic with worry and rushed across town. “James, she’s fine. She just went for a walk. Why don’t you talk to her instead of snapping at me?” Diana suggested honestly.

James answered his mother coldly. “No!” with a simple, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night,” he stormed out.

Michael walked in and plastered his face with a fake smile. “Children are all fun and games, aren’t they?” he chuckled, flopping onto the bed next to his wife.

“What the hell is going on between those two? Three hours ago they couldn’t keep their eyes or hands off one another. Now one is crying her eyes out and the other is being a complete Neanderthal. What the hell happened?” Diana asked, laying her head down next to Michael’s.

“Actually,” Michael said, “I think it’s what’s not happening that’s hurting them.” Diana shot her husband a puzzled look. “It seems they have some old fashioned ideas.”

“What?”

“Anna believes in no sex before marriage.”

“What?” Diana gasped, shocked. She was there and helped to pick out the lingerie that James had bought her months ago. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“I swear! It’s the truth. Anna just told me. Last night everything that they knew and believed in almost came crashing down. And it seems like neither of them know how to deal with it. She’s scared he may want more. And I’m not quite sure what his problem is. But they need to sort this out now otherwise he won’t be focused on swimming tomorrow,” Michael stated bluntly. “They’re both just so damn stubborn.”

“I don’t think he’ll be able to put it behind him. He’s a complete mess at the moment,” Diana admitted, grabbing the phone. She put a call straight through to Joel, who she knew would still be awake.

Joel was pacing back and forth around his hotel suite. “I hate bloody waiting,” He muttered to himself. “Just get the damn thing over and done with. Celebrate me or crucify me, just get it over with.” Slumping forward, Joel poured himself a stiff brandy and watched as the snow fell to the ground. The phone rang and Joel nearly jumped through the roof.

“Hello?” Joel slurred after his standard two glasses of nerve calming bourbon.

“Joel? Is that you?” Diana questioned. She had known Joel since he first became James’s coach, many years ago. Now the two families were attached not only through swimming but they had become the very best of friends.

“Diana. What can I do for you?” Joel looked at his watch; it was much later than he had thought.

“Just wanted to give you the heads up that James and Anna have had a huge fight. It has threatened to end everything. We need your help to fix this before he swims tomorrow morning.” Diana had already formulated a plan, now she just needed Joel’s assistance to pull it off.

“Say no more. What do you need me to do?”

Diana explained the plan step by step before getting Joel’s word that he would make sure James was where he needed to be, when he needed to be. Diana thanked Joel for his help and hung up.

***

Anna

Anna had already begun packing. She’d already placed calls to the airline and taken the only available seat tomorrow afternoon on a flight to London. She’d then stay overnight in London before boarding a direct flight back to Sydney. Although she was almost blinded by tears, she was determined. If James didn’t want her here, then she wouldn’t be. As efficiently as possible she stuffed clothes back into her suitcase, collected her bathroom belongings, leaving out only what she would need in the morning. After running around madly for nearly an hour, an exhausted Anna fell into bed, wrapping her body around the pillow.

***

James

James couldn’t sleep that night either. His guilt was all consuming. James knew he had to be in the pool by six but at four in the morning he was still staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He couldn’t figure out why he had run out on Anna. She was trying to do something special for him, she looked absolutely edible, and he had left her walking the streets of Manchester in the snow. Alone.

James was furious with himself for not talking to Anna when he was at Chesterfield Castle. What had she been thinking to go walking the streets alone? Why hadn’t she gone straight back to the hotel? Why hadn’t he taken her back? He was the one who was supposed to keep her safe and instead he’d left her alone in the middle of a deserted park in the middle of the night. But the one question that threatened to burn a hole right through him was what would happen next? Nobody knew the answer. And sadly nobody could help him figure it out. That was something that he and Anna would have to face on their own.

***

Anna

Anna rose early that morning, determined to cram as much as she could into the little time she had left. She showered quickly and emerged wearing a pair of faded jeans and a baggy cream turtleneck jumper. Her hair was gathered under a black beret, which allowed a mass of long brown curls to flow down her back. It was a relatively simple outfit, but when combined with a discreet amount of natural coloured makeup she looked understated but classy. Her first stop would be to the brook at the bottom of the gardens. In the few short hours Anna had been in England it had already wormed its way into her broken heart.

It was still dark outside as she slipped quietly down the stairs and out the front door. The gardens were still coated by a dusting of fine white snow. A heavy fog lingered in the air, making everything feel sad and haunted. At the bottom of the garden Anna sat down on a cold, snow covered rock and watched with fascination as the water trickled down, passing over the mossy rocks. There was no sign of life. The birds had left the trees and the huge green frog was long gone. A deathly silence hung heavily in the air. After half an hour or so, when the damp had seeped through her jeans Anna left paradise and headed back towards the castle.

***

James