Perfect Princess (4 page)
Authors: Meg Cabot
A Note from
Her Royal Highness Princess Mia
Princesses have traditionally had a lot of impact on the world of fashion, even all the way back in olden times. When Queen Elizabeth I dyed her hair red, so did all the ladies in her court.
And when Josephine, the wife of the emperor Napoleon, started wearing these high-waisted dresses to hide her pregnancy, so did everybody else, not just in France, but all over Europe (and most of them weren't even pregnant!).
But I guess it sort of depends on the princess, since so far, I haven't exactly seen a burgeoning demand around the world for Doc Marten combat boots, or anything. But hey, who knows, soon flat-chestedness and Yield-sign-shaped hair might totally come into style!
by Paolo, royal hairstylist and cosmetician, and Sebastiano, fashion designer and wardrobe consultant
[with commentary by Princess Mia]
Queen Victoria was a principessa who had so profound impact on fashion during sixty yearsâand more!âon the English throne. Anyone who has seen the movie classicos Gone with the Wind and The King and I knows how important the hoop skirt was to both those storiesâScarlett's kept getting caught on things, and Anna's⦠well, the sight of her dancing with Yul Brenner would not impress so much if she'd be wearing one of Empress Josephine's high-waisted muslin frocks, no?
When the Principessa Victoria step onto the throne, all over England, small feet, they become the rage! Because the Principessa Victoria, she have the tiny feet.
And because she is so small, the Principessa Victoria keeps ordering her skirts to be made wider and wider, so she looks more impressive in the throne room, no? Soon everyone everywhere is wearing skirts so wide, they hardly fit through the door!
Soon a style of dress is named just for herâthe Princess dress, still around today! The bustle eventually replaced the hoop skirt in popularity, but only after the principessa, she so saddened by death of her husband, Albert, she retire to the castle and won't come out for no one. When she die, people all over the world, they cry too, because who gonna tell them what to wear now, eh? âPaolo
Queen Vic take ver good care of her skin. She always use the soap and water and ex with sponge. That's why she look so good.* âSebastiano
[*Because English is Sebastiano's second language, he sometimes forgets the second syllables of words.
Here he means:
Queen Victoria took very good care of her skin, and exfoliated with a sponge.
She also had nine children and extended the British Empire from India all the way to Melbourne. But who cares about that?
A popular prank that my cousin Hank liked to play, back when he lived in Indiana, was to call up the local drugstore and ask them if they have Prince Albert in the can. Then when they say they do, you're supposed to go, “Well, hadn't you better let him out?” Prince Albert is apparently some form of chewing tobacco. He was also Queen Victoria's husband, the one she had all the kids with. Whatever. It can get pretty boring in Indiana.]
Mia's Random Act of Princess:
Be like Victoria: Invite your friends over for tea. Do the British thing and put milk in your tea instead of lemon or honey. Serve tiny cucumber sandwiches on white bread with the crusts cut off. Totally vegan AND delicious!
Caroline and Stephanie, daughters of Prince Rainier of Monaco and Principessa Grace, (formerly Grace Kelly, the movie actress) are molto bella, just like their mama. They have their mother's loveliness, just like they have their father's Mediterranean hot temper and love for the champagne, no? Sought after by playboys all over Europe and beyond for their faces and fortunes, the little principessas have always been the most popular of the European royals. The Principessa Stephanie, she is even the model for the short time! The principessas, they marry, to the race car drivers and the speed boat driver and even to the bodyguards! Today the principessas, they are raising their own little princes and principessas, who look as bella as their mamas and their grandmama! âPaolo
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The Prin Car and Steph have bodies like mods and can wear any. With their complex they look esp good in white or black.* âSebastiano
[*What Sebastiano seems to be trying to say here is:
The Princesses Caroline and Stephanie have bodies like models and can wear anything. With their complexions they look especially good in white or black.
But let's examine what's really important here:
ONE OF THEM MARRIED HER BODY GUARD??? I would so never marry one of my bodyguards. I mean, for one thing, they are all too old⦠and in Lars's case at least, so not my type. I mean, in his spare time, Lars likes to go boar hunting. BOAR HUNTING.
Need I say more?]
Mia's Random Act of Princess:
Be like Princesses Caroline and Stephanie: On the first warm, sunny Saturday of spring, spend some time outside. But remember: Due to the destruction of the ozone layer, you must be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen. And a big floppy hat. And long sleeves. And sit in the shade. There's nothing appealing about premature aging from the sun.
MARIE ANTOINETTE
Poor Marie! So misunderstood! She only wants to make things prettyâ¦. Who doesn't? And she try too hard, married to that little pot-belly dauphin. He love her so, he build her a little village of her own, so she can pretend to be the milkmaid! Soon all of the royals in France are pretending to be the milkmaids. Like little Bo Beep, these milkmaid principessas look!
Only the real milkmaids, they not so happy about it, no? Because they have to do all the work.
Still, nothing bring out the rosy cheeks like exercise, and what better exercise is there, than bringing in the milk? âPaolo
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Milk! It does the bod good!* âSebastiano
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[*I believe Sebastiano is trying to say that milk does a body good.
It is very hard for me to keep all these princesses straight, especially during the frequent pop quizzes Grandmère springs on me during our princess lessons. So I wrote this poem about Marie Antoinette, to keep her straight from everybody else:
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There once was a great queen of France
who spent millions on wine and romance.
The peasants complained,
'cause the money had been drained
from their purses and seats of their pants.
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The queen, she ignored their complaining,
and for most of the time she was reigning,
she closed palace doors,
called the peasants “Such bores!”
and there were no fireworks or parading.
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'Til “Your majesty, ma'am,” said a squire,
“of your rule the peasants do tire.
They have nothing to eatâ
no bread and no meatâ
They're setting the palace on fire!”
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To which the queen cried, “Oh, for heaven's sake!
Why do you quiver and quake?
If no bread's in the pantry, and meat is so scanty,
why don't we let them eat cake?”]
Mia's Random Act of Princess:
Be like Marie: Be kind to food service industry workers, and tip well! Princesses are always gracious to wait staff.
