Perfect Imperfections (3 page)

CHAPTER 4

Every time Kim travelled by air, the feeling of being a guest onboard and not a host felt oddly nice. Not fretting over the flight schedules, service times, meals, and the annoying fliers was a welcome change as well. She handed the cabin bag over to Dave who settled it in the overhead cabins as she settled into her window seat. Her view out the window was that of the jet bridge, and she watched people walking through it and disappear towards the back of the plane. The non-stimulating images allowed her mind to wear off.

The year and half that she had been working as cabin crew had been an exciting, overwhelming and a humbling experience. She had visited places she had only read about in novels and travel magazines. From Bali in Indonesia to Oslo in Norway, she had seen so many places and had begun to cherish the experiences so much. She had met some really nasty people too, but most of them were just amazing. The different countries and cultures that they came from opened Kim to a new world that she didn’t quite know existed.

On the very first flight after her two-month long training, Kim met Dave who was flying business class to Athens. There was nothing that could have drawn her to him. An average looking, slightly pudgy, slightly balding man with a serious look would have hardly caught anyone’s attention, and she would have never given him a second thought if it wasn’t for the person flying with him. Bill happened to be her best friend Beth’s boyfriend and whom Kim had known for as long as she could remember. So, on her layover, the trio decided to go sightseeing.

For Kim it was like jumping into one of those novels she had read as a young teen. The walk through the historic triangle of Plaka, Thission, Psyri was majestic. The coexistence of different eras fascinated her.

“You are awfully quiet?” Bill had teased Kim as they stood in front of the Parthenon. It took Kim some time to realize that both Bill and Dave had been looking at her with smirks on their faces and she became very aware of herself and that she probably had her mouth hanging down. She quickly straightened herself and tucked the loose strand of hair fluttering across her face behind her ears. Hoisting her handbag more securely over her shoulders, she walked ahead, moving with the crowd.

“No I am not. Just soaking in the history,” she said over her shoulder. “You guys better hurry up,” she scuttled to catch up with the moving tourist, “I don’t want to miss the details the tour guide is giving.”

“It’s all probably on Wikipedia. Even I can tell you all of that,” Bill said as he and Dave sauntered through, deliberately just to irk Kim a little and it was working.

“Yes, and that’s the same.” Kim glared at both the men. Her look defied any argument and the men fasten their pace to join her.

“You take things too seriously,” Dave said as they sat down at Bets Café for some snacks.

“I just don’t want to miss anything. I just want to make the most of my visit here,” as she paused to finish the Greek yogurt glazed with honey and walnuts, and mumbled, “Not everyone can afford to fly business class and stroll through such places on a whim.”

“Jeez, Kim.” Bill seethed.

“I’ll get us some coffee.” Dave got up and left.

Bill straightened in his chair. With unmasked emotion, he said, “That was so not required. What’s with you these days? You just don’t think before you talk, do you? You’d better apologize for your snootiness.” Then he cooled down a bit and added, “Dave will probably let this pass for your childishness but I know you and this is not you. So either tell me what your problem is or behave like an adult.” He too got up and left leaving Kim scowling to herself.

Childishness?
The word played on in Kim’s mind.
Am I the one being childish here? How dare he? These guys are the ones who are fooling around and they think I am being childish,
she fumed to herself.

“Here is your frappe.” Dave returned with a tall glass, which he placed on a table in front of Kim. “This should douse down the fire you are breathing out on us all.” He winked at Bill and continued, “We have covered a lot today, Syntagma, Acropolis, and The Acropolis Museum. Tomorrow we have just half a day, so to speak. Would you like to go see the Pandrossou Street Market or the National Archaeological Museum?” He took a large bite of the pastry he was eating and dropped some of it all over his T-shirt.

“You have just doused the fire or else Kim would have burnt you alive. Nothing annoys or embarrasses Kim more than clumsy people dropping food while they eat!” Bill teased.

Kim shot him her well-practiced death-stare but he had already opened the floodgates of the endless leg-pulling that went late into the night.

Once Kim was back in her room she couldn’t help but go over the day she had just had.
I am in Athens. I am in Athens!
She could hug herself. The excitement of all that she had experienced so far and all the local flavor that she would get to experience the next day at the Pandrossou Street Market kept her from getting any sleep. She tossed in bed all night as her thoughts kept going back to Dave.

She accepted she had been nasty to Dave. It wasn’t really his fault that he had all the money in the world to visit places like these whenever he chose, and do whatever he pleased on his trips. She felt awful thinking about how she had behaved with him and how Dave had come back and made the whole atmosphere light again. It wasn’t awkward at all. It could have and should have been so, but it wasn’t. And that had broken the ice.

The evening had been so easy after that, and conversation had flown smoothly. Though she had to admit she had gotten a little bored when the conversation strayed to business, the actual reason why Dave and Bill were in town. But once they were done, they made sure she was a part of the conversation. Well,
Dave
had made sure she was a part of the conversation. A part of her felt nice, even special, for the way Dave spoke to her and treated her. She wondered if he was always like this or if he was nice just to her. She was surprised when she caught herself secretly hoping that it was just for her.

She could not explain this need — why did she want a man clearly nowhere near her age to make her feel special? But Kim didn’t think much about it; in fact, the thought didn’t even cross her mind. She couldn’t wait for the sun to rise and for her to be in Dave’s company again.

CHAPTER 5

The trip to Athens was the beginning of the many short work vacations Kim enjoyed with Dave. She couldn’t say when they had begun to plan trips together, but they had already seen Venice, Istanbul, Brussels, São Paulo and she had grown to enjoy going to these new places more in Dave’s company. Things were always planned and everything taken care of. The feeling of not being in charge and letting go was a refreshing change she was enjoying more and more. Not taking care of details and relying on someone else was a feeling she couldn’t remember, and that often made her feel a little bitter towards Judith. She couldn’t say either when two room bookings became one room booking. It was something that had happened just as naturally as everything else.

“Kim, are you and Dave serious?” Beth shrieked over the phone.

“So Bill told you,” said Kim. “Would it be that bad if I said I am?”

“No!”

“Why?”

“No! No! No! No! No!”

“Why?” A hint of annoyance was seeping in. It was none of her or anybody’s business whom she was dating.

“Kim? You can’t…” said Beth.

“Why not, Beth?”

“Ah, for starters, he is older than you.”

“And?”

“Well, and….” Beth huffed out a breath.

“Kim, I like the man, I really do. He is a gem of a person. But… he is way older than you. You know that and don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it. You may find things nice today and may have things in common today but what about… in five, ten years from now, when you will still want the same things but he will not.”

“Do you mean that couples of the same age never grow apart?”

“No, well, yes, they do but that is different.”

“How is it different?”

“Kim…” Beth started but Kim cut her off.

“Aren’t you much younger than Bill? How is this any different from your situation? For anything it makes more sense for us than it made for you when you started dating Bill. And not that I want to be nasty but what was Bill when you started dating him?”

“Kim!” Beth whispered before the line went silent as sheer shock of the words hit Beth and Kim struggled with her temper. That wasn’t fair, she realized. These things are not thought of practically or planned.
And well that’s exactly what the point was.
But she knew she had crossed a line. You can’t dig on friends.

“Beth,” Kim began, “I didn’t mean it like that but that’s what my point was. You agree that Dave is a nice guy, he loves me and cares for me and shouldn’t that be enough? And you, of all people, should understand that.”

“I know.” Beth’s thin voice finally broke the silence on the other side of the line.

“But.”

“But?”

“Are you really happy?”

“More than I have been in a long, long time, Beth, and you know I haven’t been happy with everything that has been happening over the past year. I don’t know since when, and that should tell you something. I don’t know what it is that I feel for Dave other than that I am at peace when I am with him. And for now that is all that makes me happy. Can’t I leave it at just that for now?”

“Well, then I am happy if Dave makes you happy.”

A smile escaped her lips as Kim thought of Dave. “He does. He just fills me up. And you know it’s not just about the trips to fancy places or dinners and shopping. I mean I do enjoy all of that, but it’s the smaller things, the everyday things that make me happy.”

Kim walked to the window of the room and peeked through the curtains. “You know, Beth, it feels so nice not to be in charge of everything all the time? That is really what makes me want to be with him more and more. I can just let go and be in the moment and enjoy without worrying about details.”

“You deserve to be taken care of, given everything that’s happening.” Beth felt happy for her friend but somewhere deep down, she also knew her friend. Kim may enjoy this change of not being in-charge for now, but she knew that when one is wired to be a certain way, a change is refreshing only for a small amount of time. Yet, knowing her friend, if she dared to point that out to her now, it would only incite Kim further and she didn’t want to be on the receiving side of the brunt that would follow. She also knew that she needed to be by Kim’s side when the difficult time came, and she knew it would. Was she an evil person to think that her friend would have a failed relationship? No, she was being practical. She loved Kim to bits to see her get hurt.

“Oh, that must be Bill.” said Beth as the doorbell rang, and she started walking towards the door. “Kim, don’t be mad at me, okay?”

“I am not. I can’t afford to be mad at you. We’ll talk later?”

“Yes. Take care, okay?”

“You too. Say hello to Bill.”

“Yes, I will.”

Kim clicked the phone off and placed it at the table by the window, and continued to look out.
Dave is the best thing that could happen to me and I am not going to let anyone take that away from me.

“You are awfully quiet today? Is everything okay?” said Dave as he watched Kim read the menu card in perfect silence as if it had some secrets codes written all over it.

“No, why do you say that?” asked Kim, still not looking up from the menu.

“It’s just that usually you are all excited to see what a restaurant has to offer and don’t really restrain your opinions about their menu, their interiors, their music. But today…” he gestured towards her, “…quiet.”

“Yes, I am trying this new thing out,” she said, finally placing the menu down and looking up straight into Dave’s eyes. She knew that was something he just loved about her, the confidence that just radiated out of her. “Today, I am trying to be all sophisticated…” she said and then paused, sat up straight in the chair as if to prove a point, “…like you.”

“Nah, you should go back to the previous version of yourself.” Dave picked up the menu trying hard to mask his amusement. He had fought the attraction he felt towards Kim from the get-go. He couldn’t have allowed himself to be distracted by a relationship and that too with someone much younger to him. But all his restraints went out the window every time she was in front of him.

She clearly had issues but in many ways, she appeared to be an extension of himself. He could not bring out his inner self that often, but when he was with her, it happened naturally. He loved her confidence even though she didn’t know about things. Her determination to figure things out herself and her resistance to ask for help, everything about her made him ache for her when she was not around. Kim was a difficult person to be with at times and that was made clear to him in their very first meeting when they were out sightseeing in Athens. But don’t the imperfections of a person give them depth, make them who they truly are, good and bad — a whole?

She could easily make a simple situation into a difficult one. But in all the mess that she tended to create, she seemed like a lost little kid struggling to find her way and determined to find it on her own. That energy in her was magnetic. It drew him to her every time she was in his presence. He often thought of asking Bill what the deal with Kim was, but for some reason he never did. He wanted to figure it out himself and with every layer that he peeled off, it became harder for him to understand her. But with the time they had spent together he was slowly beginning to understand that in the core of it all Kim loved her family so much so that she had given up her own future a way. Sometimes it’s harder to forgive yourself for what you cannot do for yourself and that is a heavy burden to carry. He was glad he could be there to help Kim lift that burden.

So he sat there, reading the menu and observing Kim from the corner of his eye as she fidgeted in the chair. He tried his best not to smile.

“Are you ready to place your order?” a waiter interrupted their moment of silence.

“Yes, I’ll have a smoked salmon salad with crab dressing.”

“I’ll have the same.”

“All right then, two smoked salmon salads with crab dressing. Anything to drink?”

“No. Water is good.”

“Why won’t you ask me?” Kim asked in a hushed voice.

“I did.”

“Well, then ask again, because I didn’t answer.”

“You want to be treated like a grownup. I didn’t think I needed to ask you the same question again. You’d tell me when you were ready.”

“Humph! How long are you going to throw that in my face?” She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest.

“Kim,” Dave finally dropped the act as he knew with experience that the humor he felt was clearly lost on Kim and if he had learned anything about Kim it was that a good moment could turn into a mindless argument in no time. “What is bothering you?” he placed his hand on the table, palms up, indicating he wanted hers in his hand.

Kim relented, but she really wanted to tell Dave about her conversation with Beth. She wanted to ask him that if Beth wasn’t taking the news about their relationship well, how was she to break it to her parents?

She slipped her hands into his and Dave squeezed them gently.

“What is it?” he looked at her as she fiddled with the cutlery. “What is bothering you Kim? Is everything okay at home?”

“Yes, at least for now. But I am not sure for how long it’ll be okay.”

“What do you mean? Is Richard back in the hospital?”

“No, Dad is at home. He is… well, he is fine at home.”

“Then?”

“Beth called.”

“And she was not very happy to know about you and me,” said Dave unexpectedly. “And that is making you wonder how Richard and Judith will take the news?”

Kim shot him a look; it annoyed her that Dave could read her so easily. It annoyed her that she didn’t get to explain herself. But what was she complaining about? That Dave understood her so well? That he cared enough to understand her and her situations even before she had to?
Real mature of you, Kim.
She huffed, knowing she was just being difficult.

“Well, yes,” she said. “I am worried how they will react.”

“They will react the way any parent would. And you have to allow that. You cannot control how others feel. All you can do is give them enough information about the situation and enough time to accept it.” When Kim didn’t look up or say anything Dave continued. “What were you expecting? That they would be thrilled to see their daughter in a relationship with a man much older that her? You can’t be that naïve, Kim. You knew they would never accept this easily and willingly.”

“Yes, I didn’t. So what do you suppose we do since you have everything figured out so well?”

The sharp tone clearly indicated Kim’s annoyance but she also knew that Dave was only helping.

“Sorry! I am sorry, I don’t mean to take this out on you.” She placed both her hands in Dave’s and squeezed them hard. “I… I guess I didn’t think this far ahead. I didn’t think when or how to tell my parents. I was… am just enjoying our time together. I don’t know what to tell others anything about us. What do I tell people when I myself don’t know what is happening?”