Perfect Imperfections (11 page)

CHAPTER 21

The afternoon was perfect. The girls talked about the crazy night they had had. Sam told them about the new assignment she was helping with at work. Judith told the girls that she was being considered for a promotion. Kim patiently listened to them. She couldn’t imagine how absorbed she had been in herself that she just didn’t know what was happening in her family. She felt a little guilty at that thought.

“Ma, I was thinking... I should start looking for a job,” said Kim after a thought. It felt as if she wanted to say something more, but did not know exactly what. Then she almost regretted it when she saw Judith’s and Sam’s faces.

“Well, that’s nice.” That is all Judith said and continued eating.

“I’ll see you girls at home,” she said and quickly kissed them on their cheeks and rushed back.

Sam was already on the phone as they sat back. “Hi, Suzie, you wanna go shopping?” Kim cleared the bill and waited for Sam to be done. “All right, I’ll pick you in about twenty minutes? See ya then.” Sam hung up and looked at Kim. “Are you coming with us for some window shopping?”

“Nah! You girls carry on. I’ll head home,” said Kim as they started walking out.

“All right, I’ll drop you,” said Sam as she fiddled in the bag for the car key.

“That’s okay. I want to walk back,” said Kim, gesturing her to go ahead. The afternoon sun was disappearing behind the tall buildings. The warmth in the air was beginning to disappear. Kim didn’t know when was the last time that she had gone for a walk by herself. She couldn’t help thinking that she had lost sight of who she was.

So lost was Kim in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she had crossed her apartment long time back and was closing up on the mall nearby. She looked at her watch to check the time and decided to get herself a cup of coffee and then head back home. To her surprise, there wasn’t a big crowd at Starbucks, and she went and stood behind the only guy at the counter, who was apparently taking forever to place her order. How did people take so much time to place an order for their coffee! Kim always found that difficult to understand. Finally, the guy was done and when he turned around, Kim wished she had not come here at all.

“Jake!” Kim said with an obvious surprise and a hint of annoyance in her voice. She had had a really nice time with him the previous evening, but she was not looking for company right now and definitely not his.

“Thankfully, you are behind me this time. Chances of you spilling coffee over me again is minimum!” Jake looked at Kim and winked.

“Ah! Are you going to hold that against me forever?” Kim said, rolling her eyes skywards. “One cafe latte, no cream, no chocolate syrup.” Kim placed her order and turned around towards Jake who was already walking towards the table nearby.
That was rude! —
Kim thought and felt annoyed. She picked her order and walked towards Jake to let him know it was rude to walk away while someone was talking to them. But, just as she approached him he just nodded towards the chair in front of him and asked, “Would you like to give me company for some time?” Kim looked at him puzzled. She wanted to say no, but then thought for a moment and took a seat across from him. “Watched any new movie?” he asked.

“We already covered all this last night,” Kim said as a matter of fact and sipped on her coffee with a smile curling up at the corner of her lips. They sat there in silence for some time looking at each other. Then Jake relaxed in the chair, his legs folded, his coffee mug in one hand, and looked past Kim outside the entrance glass door.

Several minutes passed by and they had not said anything to each other. With the last of her coffee, slurping in the cup Kim realized they had not spoken to each other and were just sitting there, both engrossed in their thoughts. Kim felt odd that they barely knew each other, hadn’t spoken to each other in the last — she looked at the wall clock hanging on the wall behind her — well over half hour and that didn’t feel odd.

Finally Kim broke the silence and asked, “So, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Going mountain biking. Wanna come?” he asked, still looking outside.

“Don’t have a bike,” said Kim, knowing he was just being polite.

“You could hire one, that is, if you really wanna go? And I think you should.” He straightened up and looked at Kim. He was not joking, almost as if he was defying her to do this.

“All right! Where can I get one?” she asked.

“Google it, dear,” said Jake and got up from his chair and started leaving. “I’ll come pick you at 5, Saturday morning.” The last of his words were barely audible as he disappeared into the street. Kim sat there a moment thinking of what just happened. Had she just agreed to go mountain biking with Jake and she had to fend for herself to find a place that rented out mountain bikes? And she had a day to do that. Almost annoyed at herself for agreeing to have coffee with Jake, she got up and walked back home all the while telling herself that she didn’t have to do this. But she knew she would. She could go mountain biking, couldn’t she?

On Saturday morning, Kim stood below her apartment with her rented bike. In a few minutes, a black Land Cruiser pulled in front of her and Jake got out.

“Thank God you didn’t pick up a bike with tassels and a flower studded front basket,” he teased her as he picked the bike and strapped it to the bike stand behind the car. Checking to make sure that the bike was secured firmly he gestured Kim to get in the car. They got in and took off. Again there was the comfortable silence between them before Kim decided to break it. In her head, she was getting irritated at the realization that she was so comfortable with this almost stranger.

“So, where are we headed?”

“To the mountains,” said Jake and then paused. “I think you will like the view and maybe even the exercise.”

Jake looked at her and then straight ahead at the road. And again there was the silence between them. It took them a little under forty-five minutes, and they were at a small cabin at the forest. Jake parked the car at the place marked by planks and got out.

“Come, I'll introduce you to ‘The Guy’,” said Jake and headed towards the cabin and Kim followed.

“Tim! How are you, my friend?” Jake said as he shook his hand in the new handshake lingo that Kim had been seeing lately. It was a mix of a handshake and a fist-bump with a lot of other hand gestures that were difficult for the brain to register that early in the morning. Then he kept his car keys over the counter.

“Good morning, Jake,” said the guy named Tim. “I see you have brought company this time.” He tilted his head towards Kim who was standing beside Jake. “Hello ma’am,” he greeted as he waved at Kim.

She waved back realizing that Tim was not a ‘normal’ guy. She felt rude at her choice of words. She smiled at Tim wanting to over correct herself. “What a beautiful smile you have ma'am." Tim said sheepishly and turned around to the back wall placing Jake’s car keys on the numbered board.

“Hey Tim, you are not planning to steal another of my girls now, are you?” Jake said casually and winked at Kim.

“I can’t help it, Jake, if they find me more charming than you,” Tim said with a laugh as he Hobbled back to the counter with two phones like devices attached to a florescent loop. “Your mobile phones, please?" He asked as he handed both of them one each of the handsets.

“Left those in the car like you told me last time.”

Jake turned around and started walking out. Kim followed, and said to Tim, “See you!”

“In two hours, Tim,” Jake added, without looking back. Once outside, Jake waited for a moment for Kim to catch up with him. Then, he went back to the car and unstrapped the cycles. Kim hopped on hers with excitement. She had never done this before but…

Two hours!
She thought to herself. That was too much. Jake started cycling towards bike trail. Kim felt a little annoyed with the way he would just walk away without letting her know what, when, and how.

A twinge of hate began to well up within her. But she thought it was better not to say anything at this point. She let out a huff and followed him.

Kim found it hard to keep up with Jake who often went out of sight, but it gave her a chance to realize how unfit she had become. She was only twenty-six.
Not a good sign, Kim,
she made a mental note and felt annoyed with both herself and Jake. First of all, he had nudged her into coming here, and now he was behaving as if he was all alone. She felt frustrated and was ready to give up. Lost in her thoughts she didn’t realize that Jake had noticed she was struggling and had stopped ahead waiting for her to catch up and gave her a shout, “Old lady, buck up!” And chuckled, which annoyed Kim a little more.

The dusky brown of Kim’s skin was now red, and drops of sweat beaded her brow. Jake observed it. He was almost enjoying seeing Kim struggling, but he knew he should hold the laugh that was threatening to escape.

“Kim, you are horrible! You need to do this every week,” said Jake as he pedaled ahead just as Kim got near. By now, Kim was fuming. It took all the energy she was left with and pedaled as fast as she could to catch up with Jake, who had again disappeared somewhere ahead. Kim rounded the corner and could see his bike abandoned by the track.

Forgetting that she was mad at him, she feared if he was hurt or something.

She left her bike by the track and started looking for Jake. She was still not sure whether she should call him over the walkie-talkies they were given by Tim, which now hung by her wrist.

Just then she heard Jake’s voice, “Here, Kim, down here!”

Kim jogged to the edge of the track, moved the tall grass and saw Jake sitting by the extreme edge of the cliff. The view ahead of them was priceless. Kim forgot that she had been annoyed and went on and sat down beside him. It was just around six-thirty, and the sky was lighting up. The serenity and the solitude was breathtaking. They sat there in perfect harmony with nature as it turned from dawn to day, and with each other. Kim felt it — she was able to just be in the quiet of the morning with Jake and not have conversations.

***

On the sixth or seventh Saturday mountain-biking trip that Kim went on with Jake, she began to get used to the comfort of silence they shared. She now knew her way around, and had begun to like the fact that Jake didn’t babysit her and let her do things on her own, which was something she was not use to in the longest of time.

It frustrated her at times when she would see Jake looking at her struggling with something and still not offering to help. But once she was able to get things done on her own, she liked the feeling that he didn’t come forth to help. It gave her a sense of accomplishment and a certain amount of peace.

Today, when she was at their spot, watching the sun change the color of the sky as it rose in front of them, Kim looked at the openness in front of her and murmured, “Thanks!”

She could feel Jake looking at her.

“You know what I mean,” she said, without looking at him.

“It’s nothing!” he said, though he kept looking ahead, and gave Kim a light pat on her shoulder.

On their way back home, Kim turned the radio. Her favorite song began playing and she did what she hadn’t done in a long time — she sang out aloud, in grossly incorrect synchronization with the singer.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked, looking at Kim, who was now imitating Miley Cyrus with her tongue sticking out and banging her head side to side. Jake started laughing at Kim’s crazy avatar as she sobered down when the song was finally over. “What was that?” Jake asked with clear amusement on his face.

Kim smiled ear-to-ear at Jake.

“Sam and I used to do this every time a really cheesy song which we hated would come on radio, on the road trips dad would make us go on. He wouldn’t let us change the channel if we didn’t like the songs, so we came up with this unique way to enjoy them.”

And though she laughed, there was an underlining longing for her father which showed itself when she said that. She cleared her throat to get rid of the lump that threatened to form at her throat.

Jake noticed the sudden change in her voice. “That’s an interesting way to get along with unpleasant things in life!” he said glancing at Kim, and then there was another overstretched pause.

Kim realized how that had led her to do things in life. What Jake had observed was true. She had trained herself to get comfortable with things in life that she did not appreciate. She didn’t even know how she truly felt about them anymore. Was that how her relationship with Dave had been? This question made her very uncomfortable with herself. She shifted in her seat, and felt sick.
Was this how I have been all my life?
She wanted to run… run away from herself.

“So! There is a play going on this weekend? I am going with a bunch of my friends. Do you want to join?” Jake’s question brought Kim back and the distraction made her feel better.

“Ah, I think I want to stay at home tonight… you know, with Mom and Sam.” Kim said instantly, almost as if these words were etched into her subconscious.

“All right!” said Jake. There was another moment of silence.

“On second thought, I think I’ll join you guys. What time is it?” Kim said as suddenly as she had spoken the previous sentence. She didn’t want to be alone by herself, which would give her time to face
the
question.