Perfect Chemistry 1 (35 page)

try, though. Um, let's see. What's the real reason you came here?"

"Because I wanted to show you how much I love you," I say.

Alex blinks a couple of times, but beyond that he shows me no

emotion. This time he lifts his shirt over his head. He flings it to the

side, baring his bronzed, washboard stomach.

I kneel next to him, hoping to tempt him and throw him off balance.

"Do you want to go to college? The truth."

He hesitates. "Yes. If my life was different."

I kick off a sandal.

"Did you ever have sex with Colin?" he asks.

"No."

He takes off his right shoe, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Did you ever do it with Carmen?" I ask.

He hesitates. "You don't want to hear this."

"Yes, I do. I want to know everything. How many people you've been

with, the first person you slept with . ."

He rubs the back of his neck, as if there's a tension knot there

he's trying to relieve. "That's a lot of questions." He hesitates.

"Carmen and I . . so, um, yeah, we had sex. The last time was in April,

before I found out she was sleepin' around. Before Carmen is a bit of a

blur. That's when I went through a year-long period where it felt like I

dated a different girl every few weeks. And slept with most of 'em. It

was fucked up."

"Did you always use protection?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about the first time?"

"My first time was with Isabel."

"Isabel Avila?" I ask, totally stunned.

He nods. "It's not what you think. It happened the summer before

freshman year and we both wanted to get the virgin thing over with

and find out what all the hype about sex was. It sucked. I fumbled

around while she laughed most of the time. We both agreed doin' it

with a friend who you treated like a sibling was the worst idea. Okay,

I've told you everythin'. Now please take that jacket off."

"Not yet, muchacho. If you've slept with so many people, how do I

know you didn't catch a disease? Tell me you got tested."

"At the clinic when I got the staples in my arm, they tested me.

Trust me, I'm clean."

"I am, too. Just in case you were wondering." I remove my other

sandal, glad he didn't make me feel stupid or give me crap for asking

more than one question. "Your turn."

"Do you ever think about makin' love to me?" He slides off a sock

before I even answer his question.

FIFTY-TWO : Alex

"Yes," she answers. "Do you think about making love with me?"

I lie awake most nights, fantasizing about sleeping next to her . .

loving her. "Right now, muneca, makin' love to you is the only thing on

my mind." I check my watch. I've got to go soon. Drug dealers don't

give a shit about your personal life. I can't be late, but I want Brittany

so damn bad. "Your coat's next. You sure you want to keep goin'?"

I slip off my other sock. The only things preventing me from being

naked are my jeans and briefs.

"Yes, I want to keep going." She smiles wide, her beautiful pink lips

glistening in the light. "Turn off the lights before I . . . take my coat

off."

I turn off the shop lights, watching as she stands on the blanket

and unbuttons her coat with trembling fingers.

I'm in a trance, especially when she looks at me with those clear

eyes shining with desire.

As she opens her coat slowly, my eyes are fixed on the present

inside. She walks toward me, then trips on a discarded shoe.

I catch her, then place her on the soft blanket and settle atop her.

"Thanks for breaking my fall," she says breathlessly.

I brush a strand of hair from her face, then move beside her.

When she wraps her arms around my neck, all I want to do is protect

this girl for the rest of my life. I ease her jacket open and lean away.

A pink lace bra stares back at me. Nothing else.

"Como un angel," I whisper.

"Is our game over?" she asks nervously.

"It's definitely over, querida. 'Cause what we're gonna do next is

no game."

Her manicured fingers are on my chest. Can she feel my heart

beating against her palm? "I brought protection," she says.

If I'd known . . . if I had any idea tonight would be ‘the night’ . . . I

would have been prepared. I guess I never wholeheartedly thought this

would be a reality with Brittany. She reaches into her coat pocket and

a dozen condom packages spill onto the blanket.

"You plannin' on makin' this an all-nighter?"

Embarrassed, she puts her hands over her face. "I just grabbed a

bunch."

I remove her hands and touch my forehead to hers. "I'm jokin',

Don't be shy with me."

Slipping the jacket off her shoulders, I know I'm going to hate

leaving her tonight. I wish we could have an all-nighter. But wishes are

only granted in fairy tales.

"Aren't. . . aren't you going to take your jeans off?" she asks.

"Soon." I wish I could take my time and make this night last

forever. It's like being in heaven and knowing the next stop is hell. I

slowly trace kisses down her neck and shoulders.

"I'm a virgin, Alex. What if I do everything wrong?"

"There is no wrong here. This isn't a test in Peterson's class. This

is you and me. The rest of the world is shut out right now, okay?"

"Okay," she says softly. Her eyes are glistening. Is she crying?

"I don't deserve you. You know that, querida, don't you?"

"When are you gonna realize you're one of the good guys?" When I

don't answer, she pulls my head down to hers. "My body is yours

tonight, Alex," she whispers against my lips. "Do you want it?"

"God, yes." As we make out, I shrug off my jeans and briefs and

hug her tight, devouring the softness and warmth of her body against

mine. "Are you scared?" I whisper in her ear when she's ready and I'm

ready and I can't wait any longer.

"A little, but I trust you."

"Relax, preciosa."

"I'm trying."

"This won't work unless you relax." I pull away and reach for a

condom, my hands shaking. "You sure about this?" I ask.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure. I love you, Alex," she says. "I love you," she

says again, saying it almost desperately this time.

I let her words seep into my body and hold myself back, not

wanting to hurt her. Who am I kidding? The first time for a girl hurts,

no matter how careful a guy is.

I want to tell her how I feel, tell her how much she's become the

center of my being. But I can't. The words won't come.

"Just do it," she says, sensing my hesitation.

So I do, but when she sucks in a breath, I just wish I could take

the pain away from her.

She sniffs and wipes a tear that's running down her cheek. Seeing

her that emotional is my undoing. For the first time since I saw my dad

lying dead in front of me, a tear drops from my eye.

She holds my head in her hands and kisses my tear away. "It's

okay, Alex."

But it's not. I need to make this perfect. Because I may never get

another chance and she needs to know how good it can be.

I focus on her completely, desperate to make it special. Afterward,

I pull her close. She nestles into me while I stroke her hair, both of us

content to stay in our private world for as long as possible.

I can't believe she shared her body with me. I should feel

victorious. Instead, me siento una mierda.

It'll be impossible to protect Brittany for the rest of her life from

all the other guys who want to be near her, to see her as I've seen her.

Touch her as I've touched her. Man, I never want to let her go.

But it's too late. I can't waste more time. After all, she isn't mine

forever and I can't pretend she is. "You okay?" I ask her.

"I'm fine. More than fine."

"I really gotta go," I say, glancing at the digital clock sitting

crooked on one of the tool carts.

Brittany rests her chin on my chest. "You're going to quit the Blood

now, right?"

My body stiffens. "No," I say, my voice filled with torment. Hell,

why'd she go and ask me that?

"Everything's different now, Alex. We made love."

"What we did was great. But it doesn't change anythin'."

She stands, collects her clothes, and starts dressing in the corner.

"So I'm just another girl you can add to the list of girls you've slept

with?"

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?"

"No."

"Then prove it to me, Alex."

"I can't." I wish I could tell her something different. She has to

know it'll always be like this, I'll have to leave her for the Blood time

and time again. This white girl who loves with her heart and soul so

intensely is like an addictive drug. She deserves better. "I'm sorry," I

say after I step into my jeans. What else is there to say?

She averts her eyes and walks to the garage's exit like a robot.

When I hear tires screeching, my protective senses kick in. A car

is heading our way . . . Lucky's RX-7.

This is not good. "Get in your car," I order.

But it's too late; Lucky's RX carrying a bunch of guys from the

Blood comes to a screeching halt in front of us.

"No lo puedo creer, ganaste la apuesta!" Lucky yells out the window.

I attempt to hide Brittany behind me, but it's no use. Plain as day

they can spot her sexy, bare legs sticking out of her coat.

"What is he saying?" she asks.

I have the urge to take my pants off and give them to her. If she

finds out about the bet, she'll think that's why I slept with her. I have

to get her out of here fast.

"Nothin'. He's trash talkin'," I say. "Get in the car. 'Cause if you

don't I'm gonna put you in there."

I hear the creak of Lucky's car door at the same time Brittany

opens hers.

"Don't be mad at Paco," she says, then slides into the driver's seat.

What is she talking about? "Go," I order, not having time to ask

what she means. "We'll talk later."

She speeds away.

"Shit, man," Lucky says, eyeing the back of her BMW with

appreciation. "I had to find out if Enrique was shittin' me. You really

did screw Brittany Ellis, didn't you? Did you videotape it?"

My answer is a savage punch to Lucky's gut, making him fall to his

knees. I straddle my motorcycle and rev the engine. When I see

Enrique's Camry, I stop by his car.

"Listen, Alejo," Enrique says to me through the open window. "Lo

siento mucho--"

"I quit," I interrupt before throwing the keys to the shop at

Enrique and riding away.

As I drive home, my thoughts turn to Brittany and how much she

means to me.

The reality hits me.

I'm not doing the drug deal.

Now I understand all those chick flicks I make fun of. 'Cause now

I'm the sappy dork willing to risk it all for the girl. Estoy enamorado . .

. I'm in love.

Fuck the Blood. I can protect my family and be true to myself first.

Brittany was right. My life is too important to throw away on a drug

deal. The truth is, I want to apply to college and make something good

out of my life.

I'm not like my father. My father was a weak man who took the

easy way out. I'll take the challenge required to leave the Blood, forget

the risk. And if I survive, I'll go back to Brittany a free man. ;Lo juro!

I'm not a drug dealer. I'm letting Hector down, but my reasons for

being in the gang were to help protect my neighborhood and family, not

deal drugs. Since when did dealing become a necessity?

Since I got pulled over, it snowballed from there. I got arrested,

then Hector bailed me out. Right after I asked questions of other

OG's about the night my father died, Hector and my mom got in a

heated discussion. She had bruises on her. After that, Hector was all

over me about the drug deal.

Paco tried to warn me; he was convinced something wasn't right.

Racking my brain, the pieces slowly come together. Dios, was the

truth right in front of my face? There's one person who can tell me

the truth about the night my dad died.

I storm into my house and find mi'ama in her room. "You know who

killed Papa."

"Alejandro, don't."

"It was someone in the Blood, wasn't it? The night at the wedding,

Hector and you were talkin' about it. He knows who it is. You know,

too."

Tears start welling in her eyes. "I'm warning you, Alejandro. Don't

do this."

"Who was it?" I ask, ignoring her plea.

She looks away from me.

"Tell me!" I scream at the top of my lungs. My words make her

flinch.

For so long I just wanted to take the hurt away from her, I didn't

think to ask what she knew about my father's murder. Or maybe I

didn't want to know, because I was afraid of the truth. I can't let it go

any longer.

Her breathing is slow and jerky as she puts her hand to her mouth.

"Hector . . it was Hector." While the truth sinks in, dread, shock, and

pain spread through my body like wildfire. My mom looks up at me with

sad eyes.

"I just wanted to protect you and your brothers, That's all. Your

papa wanted out of the Blood, and got killed for it. Hector wanted you

to replace him. He threatened me, Alejandro, and said if you didn't get

jumped in, the whole family would end up like your father--"