Perfect Chemistry 1 (19 page)

colors like I did the other day made me take my guard down. I'm not

about to do that again. I push the door open after taking one last

glance at Brittany, wondering if leaving her right now makes me an

idiot, a jerk, a coward, or all of the above.

At home, when I'm far from Brittany and her car keys, I look for

my brother. I promised myself I'd talk to Carlos this week and I've

delayed it long enough. Before I know it he'll be jumped in and get the

ritual beating as the initiation into the Latino Blood just like I got.

I find Carlos in our bedroom, in the process of shoving something

under his bed.

"What was that?" I ask.

He sits on his bed with his arms crossed. "Nada."

"Don't give me that nada bullshit, Carlos." I push him aside and look

under his bed. Sure enough, a shiny .25 Beretta is staring back at me.

Mocking me. I pull it out and hold it in my hand. "Where'd you get

this?"

"None of your business."

This is the first time in my life I've seriously wanted to scare the

crap out of Carlos. I itch to stick that gun in between his eyes and

show him what it's like for gang members all the time, to feel

threatened and unsure of what day will end up being your last. "I'm

your older brother, Carlos. Se nos fue mi Papa, so that leaves me to

knock some sense into you." I look at the gun. From the weight I can

tell it's loaded. Geez, if it accidentially went off, Carlos could be killed.

If Luis found it. . . shit, this is bad.

Carlos attempts to stand but I push him back on the bed.

"You go around strapped," he complains. "Why can't I?"

"You know why. I'm a gangbanger. You're not. You're gonna study,

go to college, and have a life."

"You think you've got our lives all planned out, don't you?" Carlos

spits out. "Well, I've got a plan, too."

"It better not include gettin' jumped in."

Carlos is silent.

I think I've already lost him and my body is as tense as a steel rod.

I can prevent the jumping in from happening but only if Carlos is willing

to let me intervene. I look at the picture of Destiny above Carlos's

bed.

He met her this summer in Chicago when we watched fireworks

from Navy Pier on July Fourth. Her family lives in Gurnee and ever

since they met he's been obsessed with her. They talk on the phone

every night.

She's smart, she's Mexican, and when she eyed me and my tattoos

when Carlos tried to introduce us she got so scared her eyes darted

around as if she'd get shot just being within five feet of me.

"You think Destiny'll want to date you if you're a strapped gang

member?" I ask.

No response, which is good. He's thinking.

"She'll dump your ass as soon as you can say 'twenty-five caliber.'"

Carlos's gaze wanders to the picture of her on his wall.

"Carlos, ask her where she's goin' to college. I'll bet she has a plan.

If you want the same plan, it's doable."

My brother looks up at me. He's waging a war within himself,

choosing between what he knows is coming easy to him--the gang life--

and the harder things he wants to go for, like Destiny.

"Stop hangin' around Wil. Find some new friends, and join the

soccer team at school or somethin'. Start actin' like a kid and let me

take care of the rest."

I stuff the Beretta in the waistband of my jeans and walk out of

the house, heading for the warehouse.

TWENTY-SEVEN : Brittany

I was late to the football game. After Alex left, I stripped down to

my bra and underwear and jumped into the pool to grab my keys.

Thanks to Alex, I got a demotion. Darlene, the co-captain of the pom

squad, is now officially the captain. It took me a half hour to dry my

hair and reapply my makeup in the girl's changing room. Ms. Small was

p.o.'d I was late to the game. She told me I should feel lucky I got a

demotion instead of being suspended from the squad.

After the game, I lay down on the living room couch with my sister.

My hair still smells like chlorine, but I'm too tired to care. As I watch

reality shows after dinner, my eyes start to close.

"Brit, wake up. Colin is here," my mom says, shaking me.

I look up at Colin, standing over me. He puts his hands up. "You

ready?"

Oh, man. I forgot about Shane's party, which was planned months

ago. I'm so not in the mood. "Let's ditch it and stay home."

"Are you kidding? Everyone is expecting us to be there. There's no

way you're missing the biggest bash of the year." He looks at my

sweatpants and T-shirt that says ‘GET CHECKED’, which I got when I

did the Breast Cancer Walk last year. "I'll wait while you get changed.

Hurry up. Why don't you wear that black minidress I love?"

I drag myself to my closet to change. In the corner, lying next to

my DKNY tank top, is Alex's bandanna. I washed it last night, but I

close my eyes and bring it to my nose to see if his scent lingers in the

fabric. All I smell is laundry detergent and find myself disappointed.

I'm not ready to analyze my feelings right now, especially since Colin is

downstairs waiting for me.

Slipping on the black minidress and fixing my hair and makeup takes

a while. I hope Colin isn't pissed I'm taking so long. I have to get it

right. My mom will surely comment on my appearance in front of him.

Back downstairs, I see Colin sitting on the edge of the couch

ignoring Shelley. I think he's nervous around her.

My mom ‘the inspector’ walks over to me and feels my hair. "Did you

condition?"

Does she mean before or after my swim in the pool to retrieve my

keys? I push her hand away. "Mom, please."

"You look amazing," Colin says, sidling up beside me.

Thankfully Mom backs away, obviously pleased and comforted by

Colin's approval even if my hair isn't perfect.

During the ride to Shane's house, I study my boyfriend of two

years. The first time we kissed was during a spin-the-bottle game at

Shane's house our sophomore year. We made out in front of everyone,

Colin taking me in his arms and kissing me for a full five minutes. Yes,

the onlookers timed it. We've been a couple ever since.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks, glancing my way.

"I was remembering the first time we kissed."

"At Shane's place. Yeah, we sure put on a show for everyone, didn't

we? Even the seniors back then were impressed."

"Now we're the seniors."

"And we're still the golden couple, babe," he says, pulling into

Shane's driveway. "Let the party start, the golden couple has arrived!"

Colin yells when we walk into the house.

Colin joins the guys while I search for Sierra. I find her in the

living room. Sierra hugs me, then motions to a spot on the sofa next to

her. A bunch of girls from the pom squad are here, including Darlene.

"Now that Brit's here," Sierra says, "we can start playing."

"Who would you rather kiss?" Madison asks.

Sierra leans back on the couch. "Let's start easy. Pug or poodle?"

I laugh. "You mean as in dog?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," I say. Poodles are cute and cuddly, but Pugs are more

masculine and have that don't-mess-with-me look. As much as I like

cute and cuddly, a poodle won't cut it. "Pug."

Morgan scrunches up her face. "Ew! Poodle for sure. Pugs have that

pushed-in nose and snorting problem. Not conducive to kissing."

"We're not actually going to try it, dumbass," Sierra says.

"I've got one," I say. "Coach Garrison or Mr. Harris the math

teacher?"

Every girl says in unison, "Garrison!"

"He is such a hottie," Megan says.

Sierra giggles. "I hate to break the news, but I hear he's gay."

"No way," Megan says. "You sure? Well, even if he is, I'd still pick

him over Harris any day."

"I've got one," Darlene chimes in. "Colin Adams or Alex Fuentes?"

All eyes turn to me. Then Sierra nudges me, giving me a hint we've

got company--Colin. Why did Darlene set me up like that?

Everyone's eyes now focus on Colin, standing behind me.

"Oops. Sorry," Darlene says, covering her slip of the tongue.

"Everyone knows Brittany would choose Colin," Sierra pipes in as

she pops a pretzel into her mouth.

Megan sneers. "Darlene, what's wrong with you?"

"What? It's only a game, Megan."

"Yeah, but we're playing a different game than you're playing."

"What's that supposed to mean? Just because you don't have a

boyfriend--"

Colin walks past us and heads for the patio. After giving Darlene a

pissed-off look and silently praising Megan for telling her off, I follow

him outside.

I find Colin sitting on one of the lounge chairs by the pool.

"Did you have to fucking hesitate when Darlene asked that

question?" he says to me. "You made a fool out of me back there."

"Yeah, well, I'm not very happy with Darlene right now."

He gives a short laugh. "Don't you get it? It's not Darlene's fault."

"You think it's mine? As if I asked for Alex to be my partner."

He stands. "You didn't protest too much."

"You want to fight, Colin?"

"Maybe I do. You don't even know how to be a girlfriend."

"How can you say that? Who took you to the hospital when you

sprained your wrist? Who ran onto the field and kissed you after your

first touchdown? Who came to visit you every day last year when you

got chicken pox?"

I got driving lessons against my will. I passed out drunk in Alex's

arms, but I didn't know what I was doing.

Nothing happened with Alex. I'm innocent, even if I have thoughts

that aren't.

"That was last year." Colin takes my hand and leads me into the

house. "I want you to show me how much you care. Now."

We enter Shane's bedroom and Colin pulls me down on the bed with

him.

I push him away when he nuzzles my neck.

"Stop acting like I'm going to force you, Brit," Colin slurs. The bed

creaks under his weight. "Ever since school started you've been acting

like a damn prude."

I sit up. "I don't want to base our relationship on sex. It's like we

never talk anymore."

"So talk," he says as his hand wanders on my chest.

"You go first. You say something, then I'll say something."

"That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. I don't have

anything to say, Brit. If you've got something on your mind, let it out."

I breathe deeply, chastising myself for feeling more comfortable

with Alex than here in a bed with Colin. I can't let our relationship end.

My mom would freak, my friends would freak . . . the solar system

would go out of alignment. . . .

Colin pulls me beside him. I can't break up with him just because

I'm scared of having sex. He is, after all, a virgin, too. And he's waiting

for me so we could share our first time together. Most of our friends

have done it; maybe I'm being silly about the whole thing. Maybe my

interest in Alex is my excuse to avoid doing it with Colin.

Colin's arm snakes around my waist. We've spent two years

together, why blow it all for some silly attraction to someone I

shouldn't even be talking to?

When his lips are inches from mine, my gaze freezes. On Shane's

dresser is a picture. Shane and Colin at the beach this summer. There

are two girls with them, and Colin has his arms intimately around the

cute one with brown hair and a short, shag cut. They're smiling wide, as

if they have a secret they aren't about to share.

I point to the picture. "Who's that?" I ask, trying to keep the

unease out of my voice.

"Just a couple of girls we met at the beach," he says, leaning back

while looking at the picture.

"What's the name of the girl you have your arm around?"

"I don't know. I think it was Mia or something like that."

"You look like a couple," I say.

"That's ridiculous. Come here," he says, pushing himself up and

blocking my view of the picture. "You're the one I want now, Brit."

What does he mean by now? As if he wanted Mia over the summer,

but now he wants me? Am I overanalyzing his words?

Before I can think further, he eases my dress and bra up to my

chin. I'm trying to get into the mood and convince myself my hesitation

stems from my nervousness. "Did you lock the door?" I ask, filing my

uneasiness into the dark recesses of my mind.

"Yeah," he says, totally concentrating on my breasts.

Knowing I need to participate but having a hard time motivating

myself, I feel him through his pants.

Colin lifts himself up, pushes my hand away, and unzips himself.

When he lowers his pants down to his knees he says, "Come on, Brit.

Let's try something new."

It's not feeling right, it feels orchestrated. I move closer,

although my mind is far away.

The door creaks open and Shane's head pokes into the room. His

mouth stretches into a wide grin. "Holy shit! Where's a cell phone

camera when you need one?"

"I thought you locked the door!" I say angrily to Colin as I quickly

pull my bra and dress back down. "You lied to me."

Colin grabs the blanket and covers himself. "Shane, give us some

fucking privacy, will ya? Brit, stop freaking out like a psycho."