Penumbra (28 page)

“But they know you exist now, Josh, and they now know what you are. You've all but played into their hands.”

“I've done nothing but confirm their suspicions. I have no problems with that.”

He studied her for a moment, and the sadness she'd often noted in her dreams of him was back in his eyes. Only it was deeper this time. Much deeper. Then he looked up, and his expression changed, became hard.

“I can feel you up there, Assistant Director. Please come down and join the discussion.”

There was a flutter of wings and a soft thump, then footsteps. Gabriel stopped beside Sam, close enough that his warmth washed over her, yet not so close that he was touching her. His gaze met hers. “You okay?”

Sam nodded. “Josh won't hurt me.”

Gabriel's gaze moved to her brother. “I wouldn't be so sure of that.”

“You would be if you knew anything at all about the two of us.” Josh's gaze was every bit as cold and hard as Gabriel's. “And you'd certainly not consider firing the laser you have in your hand.”

Even as he said the words, Gabriel revealed the weapon. It was a laser, all right, and a lot bigger than the one Sam held. “I'm not firing it, just using it to place you under arrest. You willingly admitted you murdered General Blaine and Kathryn Douglass, and you more than likely destroyed her clone, as well.”

Josh raised an eyebrow. “You were floating about up there for longer than I thought.”

“I guess I was. Raise your hands or I
will
shoot.”

Josh flexed his fingers. And suddenly the stirring wind seemed to be a whole lot hotter. Fear raced through Sam.

“Josh, no!”

The words were barely out of her mouth when a bright blue beam of light lit the darkness. Her heart seemed to lodge somewhere in her throat, and her fear intensified until it seemed her entire body shook under the force of it. It wasn't just fear for Josh, but for her own safety as well.

Why, why, why?

The question rolled through her mind as the normally swift and deadly blue beam arced across the night in seemingly slow motion. Josh watched it, eyes narrowed, moving only when it seemed too late. The laser sliced through his forearm, skimming through his jacket and shirt before burning a trail along his skin.

She knew, because she felt it. Pain ripped through her, and she staggered backward, gasping in shock and dropping her laser to the ground. Sweat broke out across her forehead, but she clamped down on the scream that bubbled up her throat, so that it came out more like a hiss. She grabbed her arm with her free hand, supporting it carefully.

“What the hell?” Gabriel's voice was soft, but it hinted at pain. He, too, had felt the burn of the laser, but indirectly through her. “Sam, are you okay?”

“Yes.” She stared at her brother as the final pieces began to fall into place.

“Two halves of a whole,” he said softly.

She closed her eyes. Took a deep breath. The pain was fading, but not the deeper pain that came with realization. She might not remember everything, but she knew enough.

“That's why you saved me,” she said. “You cannot exist without me.”

“Sam, you want to explain what's happening?” Gabriel said.

She glanced at him. The laser was still held straight and steady. He might not know what had happened, but he was still intent on capturing Josh.

Not realizing—or maybe not caring—that Josh would never, ever, allow himself to become someone's prisoner again.

Not knowing that in trying to maim or kill Josh, he'd be doing the exact same thing to her.

“You felt what I felt,” she told him.

“I know that. But why the hell were you feeling what he was feeling?”

She wrapped her fingers around his arm. If he tried to fire the laser, she'd feel the movement of his muscles. Would try to stop him.

“Josh and I are twins. Two parts of a whole.”

He frowned and glanced at her quickly. “Fraternal twins. So?”

“You forget that we are military creations, born in a lab.” She hesitated, then licked her lips. “Our life forces are connected and combined. If he dies, I die.”

His shock was evident in the way his muscles tensed. “That's not—”

“Just as it's not possible for you to feel when she is hurt?” Josh commented. “We are linked, the three of us, more than any of us could want.”

She glanced sharply at Josh. “You once said that you would let Gabriel rot in hell except for the fact that I would come and rescue him. But that was a lie, wasn't it? You knew, even then, that hurting him would hurt me.”

He smiled. “It wasn't a lie. Just not the entire truth.”

“Many things you say aren't the entire truth, Josh.”

“Would someone care to fill me in on this conversation?” Gabriel's voice was filled with frustrated anger.

And that was dangerous, given the situation.

She squeezed his arm and wished he'd lower the weapon. “Josh is Joe. They are one and the same man.”

“And who is Joe?” His voice was hard. Cold. He'd heard their conversation; he just needed confirmation.

Josh glanced at her. “Tell him.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sethanon.”

Gabriel's muscles moved. She threw her weight against him, knocking him sideways. The deadly blue beam shot skyward, briefly illuminating the rooftop of a nearby warehouse before disappearing from sight.

She hit the ground with a grunt, but rolled swiftly to her feet. Josh was gone, cloaked by night and moving swiftly away.

You've finally found what you began searching for so long ago. You found, in Gabriel, that piece of yourself you always felt was missing, no matter how close our connection. You have chosen your path, and it is not mine.
His words rolled through her mind, at once soft and sorrowful and yet somehow determined.
I have given you time, as you asked that night, but I shall wait no more. It begins, Sammy. Do not try to stop me.

I have to, Josh. This time, I have to.

Then we shall truly discover who is the stronger power.

I guess we will.

He disappeared from her mind and her senses, just as Gabriel grabbed her arm and swung her around roughly.

“Why the hell did you do that?”

“Because you would have killed him.”

“And rid the world of a monster!” He spat the words, his fury so great it was almost smothering her, making it difficult to breathe.

“And in killing him, you would have killed me!” She raised her eyes to his. “Or was that a price you were willing to pay?”

For a long time, he didn't answer. She began to think he wouldn't when he released her arm and pushed her away from him, almost violently.

“He shot Andrea. That was the face of the man who shot her.”

Oh God.
She closed her eyes and battled the sting of tears.

“I didn't know—”

“Would you have cared?” he asked, savagely. “She was just one of the hundreds of agents Sethanon has killed across the country, yet you protected him here tonight.”

“Because—”

“Because you believe a lie,” he spat. He thrust a hand through his hair. Then he made what sounded like an anguished growl and walked away without a word.

She took a deep breath and released it slowly.

The war Jack had warned her about was about to begin.

And she was stuck in the middle between a brother she couldn't support and a man who would do whatever it took to avenge the death of the woman he had once loved.

A death that had been caused by her brother.

It was laughable to think that she'd once believed that when she discovered who she really was, all would become right in her world.

But nothing was right. It had all just gone straight to hell. And it had taken whatever hopes she might have had of a relationship with Gabriel with it. With everything that had happened tonight, with all that she'd remembered and discovered, it was
that
that probably hurt the most.

She blew out a breath and turned around. To discover Gabriel waiting for her at the end of the alley.

Hope ran through her.

He didn't say anything as she approached him, his expression neutral and the green-flecked hazel depths of his eyes giving little away.

She stopped in front of him. Her heart was beating a mile a minute, dread and hope combining to make her stomach churn. But she somehow kept her voice calm as she said, “I cannot help my past. I cannot change what I am. And I certainly can't let you kill him.” She hesitated, then added softly, “I don't want to die, Gabriel.”

He studied her for a moment longer and said, “But will you help me stop him?”

“Yes.” Because she didn't want this war any more than he did. She wanted peace. All she'd
ever
wanted was peace.

And somewhere to call home.

“That's all I can ask for, then.” He held out his hand.

She placed her fingers in his, felt the strength of them wrap around hers, and for the second time in her life, she suddenly felt as if she actually belonged somewhere.

It was such a powerful feeling that tears stung her eyes again.

She'd left the ruins of the Penumbra project believing there was something out there for her. Something, or someone, she needed to find.

Against all the odds, it seemed she'd found that someone.

All she had to do now was hold on to him.

S
AM WATCHED THE FOAMY FINGERS
of ocean creep across the damp black rocks of the cliff not far below them. The power of the waves shivered through her, setting her soul on fire. More than ever, she felt at home here. Felt
right
here.

“I can see why you bought this place.” Gabriel stopped beside her, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets and his breath condensing on the cool evening breeze. “It's wild and untamed and somehow perfect.”

She glanced at him, a smile teasing her lips. “You almost sound envious.”

“I think I am.” His gaze met hers, and there was something in his eyes that warmed her even more thoroughly than the energy of this place. “Are you sure you want to try this?”

She nodded. “Mary said I could shapechange. That Josh and I did it often. If I could do it then, I should be able to do it now. It's just a matter of remembering.”

Gabriel nodded in agreement. “I'll guide you through the process as best I can. Just remember, if you
do
change shape, don't stay in it for too long. Your muscles won't be used to the stresses of your alternate shape, and I don't want to see you tumbling off the damn cliff.”

“The sea won't hurt me,” she said.

“No, but smashing down on the rocks certainly will. So please, just this once, do as I ask.”

A smile teased her lips. “Afraid of getting Illie back as a partner if anything happens to me, huh?”

“Well, you are
far
more kissable than he is.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Meaning you've attempted to kiss Illie? I didn't know you were inclined that way, Gabriel Stern.”

“There's a whole lot that you don't yet know about me,” he said, amusement creasing the corners of his eyes. “That, however, is not one of them.”

Yet.
That one word warmed more than anything else he'd said so far. “And thank goodness. I'd hate to think I'd have to keep an eye out for men as well as women competing for your attention. Hell, it took me long enough to even
get
your attention.”

“You had it from the very beginning,” he said mildly. “Now, are we going to attempt this? Because that storm is getting closer and I'd really rather be sitting beside the fire in that ramshackle, run-down house of yours when it hits.”

So would she. But not yet. Not just yet. Her gaze went to the black clouds sweeping toward them. Their energy tingled through her, as fierce as the sea itself. It was the perfect night for flight. The perfect night to find a part of herself she'd lost long ago.

She took a deep breath, then said, “Right. What do I do?”

“First off, relax. Breathe deep and release the anger, the fear and the tension.”

“I'm not afraid.”

“But you
are
tense. I can feel it,” he said. “So breathe in deep and, when you exhale, imagine each time you're casting away a little bit more of that tension.”

She did as he bade and, after a few minutes, a sense of calm fell around her.

“Now,” he said. “Imagine there's a well deep down in your soul. Imagine it filled with warm and eager light. Feel its welcoming caress surround your fingers, your hands, your arms, as you reach for it. Feel it flush through your entire body.”

Even as he spoke, energy began to pulse through her body. It tingled through her, around her, a force that was both familiar and foreign. As sharp as the storm and the sea, and yet very different in its feel.

“Imagine that light surrounding you, embracing you. Feel it in every fiber, every muscle. Let it become you, and you it.”

The energy surged, encasing her in a pulsating mesh. She felt as if she were teetering on the edge of a precipice, about to step into the unknown. Except it wasn't unknown, because she'd been here before, and the memories were beginning to surface. In her mind's eye, she began to see the hawk she was about to become.

“Now,” Gabriel said, voice soft, “imagine the hawk. Welcome her into being.”

She didn't have to imagine. The hawk was with her, in her. It always had been; all she'd needed to do was remember her. And she
did
remember. The magic surged through her body, its touch fierce, joyful, as it unmade one shape so that she could become the other.

And then she was soaring up into the dusk, into the electric air, into freedom. And oh, it was glorious. She laughed in sheer delight, the sound the harsh cry of the hawk. Gabriel soon joined her, following her as she wheeled around on the updrafts, his gold and brown plumage glowing in the fading light of day.

It didn't last long. As he'd warned, her muscles quickly began to tire. Reluctantly, she arrowed down, calling to the shifting energy as she neared the ground, hitting it in human form but a little too fast. She stumbled several steps before she caught her balance.

“So how was your first flight?” Gabriel said.

She spun to face him, her grin so wide it felt like her face would split from the force of it. “Amazing. Magical. I want to do it again, and again and again.”

He laughed and caught her hand, tugging her toward him. “Tomorrow,” he said softly. “
If
your arms aren't leaden from this evening's efforts.”

“You, Gabriel Stern, are a party pooper.” She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. “But even so, I do have this insane desire to kiss you senseless right now.”

“Then by all means, do so,” he said, but his smile gave way to seriousness. “There is, however, one thing you should know before you do.”

She raised an eyebrow, and oddly felt that once again she was standing on the edge of that precipice. This time, however, she was stepping into the unknown—but it was an unknown she didn't fear. “And that is?”

“Hawks mate for life,” he said softly.

Something more than joy, something that was delirium and elation and euphoria all wrapped up in one explosive package, rushed through her, making her want to sing and dance and cry all at the same time. “Meaning you could never get rid of me now, even if you wanted to?”

“Not even if I wanted to,” he said, his gaze fierce in the fading light of the evening. “Not that I want to. Not anymore. You're everything I thought I'd once lost, Sam. It might have taken me damnably long to realize it, and I might have been a bastard along the way, but I want you in my life, come what may—and no matter what your brother might throw at us—both now and in the future.”

She laughed then, and for the first time in a long time, that laughter was as free and as happy as she felt. Because for the first time in a long time, she had not only a past, but a future, and someone to share it with. And she didn't have to worry about holding on to him. He was hers, now and forever.

As if to prove the thought, he kissed her. It was slow, sensuous, and, most of all, it was an affirmation of belonging.

“Why don't we take this inside?” he said after a while. “Maybe we can explore, in greater detail, that desire of yours to kiss me senseless.”

She smiled. The explorations wouldn't stop with just kisses, and they both knew it. “It sounds like a perfect idea.” A perfect beginning.

And it was.