Peach Blossom Pavilion (42 page)

This Woman Is Not My
Husband

the next morning when I woke up, sunlight was splashing on my feet. I stretched and wriggled my toes, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the after-flavor of love. Then I saw Qing Zhen's face next to the qin table, watching me with a grave expression.

"Something wrong?" I sat straight up, pulling up the blanket to

cover my nudity. Then I wondered: As a prostitute, why would I feel modest in front of a man? But I did, because he was not any man, but the first man I had fallen in love with.

"No." He smiled wryly. "I've been watching you sleep."

I smiled back and rubbed my eyes.

"Precious Orchid, we better hurry."

"Why?

"Because we've already lost a lot of time-we need to look for your friend."

I bit my lips till I felt the tangy taste of blood. I'd been so captivated by this monk that I had forgotten about Teng Xiong! How could I be so selfish and heartless?

Half an hour later, we were again searching in the woods. Despite the tugging of my conscience and my urgent calling "Teng Xiong! Teng Xiong!" it was my poet-monk lover, not my lesbian lover, who occupied my thoughts. Although my reason told me that I should concentrate on looking for Teng Xiong, everywhere my eyes saw the image of Qing Zhen. All the passing trees were his muscular arms stretching out to embrace me, every sigh of the wind was his powerful voice calling my name, and every rustling under my feet was his moaning during the balancing of our yin and yang.

We walked for another half an hour when suddenly Qing Zhen exclaimed, "Look, there's a Buddhist temple behind those cypress trees." He grabbed my hand and pulled me along. "Let's go!"

A novice monk answered the door. I explained to him about Teng Xiong and the bell.

His face lit up. "Come in!" he said, then turned around and yelled at the top of his boyish voice, "Miss Precious Orchid is here for Mr. Teng Xiong ! "

Soon a plump, fiftyish monk hurried toward us, followed behind by an older, stooped one. Then, behind the two monks, to my great relief, the tired yet smiling Teng Xiong.

"Precious Orchid," Qing Zhen lowered his voice, "I thought you told me your companion was a woman."

Before I had a chance to answer, several monks had gathered around us, excitedly explaining how, during their dawn walking meditation, they'd heard sounds from within their temple's old bell (left there after a new one had been donated by a rich patron) and rescued the semiconscious, delirious, and parched Teng Xiong. The loud explanations exploded in the air, breaking the tranquility of the isolated temple.

Now the still weary Teng Xiong was demanding to know what had happened to me and so I explained to her and the eager monks how I'd been captured by the bandits, then finally rescued by Qing Zhen with his magical feat. Everyone's story told, silence fell during which I noticed Teng Xiong looking at Qing Zhen with suspicion and beginning hostility.

As we followed the small group of monks to the reception hall, I was well aware of Qing Zhen's silent upset and Teng Xiong's swelling jealousy. But I had no idea of what to do. Oblivious to the tension now being generated, the monks ahead were still relishing the excitement of the rescues by telling the tales over and over. With the interruption of their monotonous routine by these exciting events, the monks' cultivation of nonattachment had instantly been thrown out of their mind's window.

After we were served tea and snacks, the plump abbot, Pure Wisdom, invited me to stay. "Mrs. Teng, we've already prepared a room specially for you and your husband."

"But." I stopped short. I'd been about to say: This man is a woman and I'm not her wife! But Teng Xiong cast me a glance so sharp that my words instantly retreated back into my mouth.

She turned to smile at the monk. "Thank you, Master Pure Wisdom. I'm sure my wife is now extremely tired after all her worries and tribulations. She needs to rest soon."

I didn't even have the courage to direct my eyes to Qing Zhen to see his reaction. Moreover, I was glad that my sentence had been killed on the spot; otherwise, who would have believed such mumbo jumbo as "this man is a woman and I'm not her wife"? The monks would only think that I'd become delirious after being kidnapped by the bandits.

Qing Zhen was silent. When I mustered up the courage to peek, he didn't even look angry as I'd expected-just dazed. He must have thought that I'd shamelessly lied and cruelly betrayed him. Inside, my heart slowly cracked into pieces. I could almost see the shards crash onto the floor, skittering along until they halted right under the statue of Buddha.

Now Qing Zhen was politely taking leave of the monks. Fearing he would be gone without a word to me, I walked to him and lowered my voice. "If you must leave, at least let me accompany you as far as the courtyard."

Once in the open space, I demanded before he had a chance to speak, "Qing Zhen, why didn't you ask me to go back with you?"

He looked both shocked and angry. "Precious Orchid, you're married and your husband is right here. And you want me to bring you back to the temple?"

I screamed. "But I'm not married and Teng Xiong is not my husband. She's a woman!"

"A woman?"

"Yes! Like me! With breasts and no jade stalk! "

He didn't respond, but kept staring at me with his penetrating eyes. Finally he said, "Precious Orchid, are you making fun of me?"

"I'm not; Teng Xiong is a woman and I am not her wife! "

"Then why does she dress like a man?"

I told him she was escaping a cruel master and this was her disguise.

Qing Zhen looked lost in thoughts. "Then what is your relationship with her?"

Since I loved Qing Zhen, I didn't want to lie to him. But I was in a dilemma. If I told him the truth-that Teng Xiong and I were lovers yet I didn't even love her-Qing Zhen might think I was just using Teng and despise me for that.

I looked at Qing Zhen, speechless. Finally I pleaded. "Qing Zhen, I don't want to stay here; please take me back with you."

He still looked hurt. "But I can't. I'm a monk and this is a temple."

Desperate, I blurted out, "Is that so? Then why did you seduce me?"

"I fell in love. I wasn't supposed to, but I did."

"You love me, but you can't take me back, then what are we going to do?"

Just then Teng Xiong materialized; she marched up to stand protectively by my side, then glared at Qing Zhen. "I think my wife has already spent too much time imposing on a celibate monk-"

Before he could respond, I said, "Qing Zhen, believe me; I'm not his wife. He's a woman." The statement sounded ridiculous even to my own ears.

Qing Zhen's expression turned sad and angry. "So, Precious Orchid, do you think that I'm also a woman?"

Now Teng Xiong turned to me, eyes releasing their long-held daggers. "So after all I've done for you, you slept with him?" She pointed an accusing finger at Qing Zhen, her tone sarcastic, "A monk? ! "

Right then a door creaked open, revealing an ancient shaved head. "If you visit us, please keep quiet and respect the sacred tranquility of our temple." The monk scrutinized the three of us for a few moments before pulling the door shut.

Qing Zhen cast me a bitter glance, then strode out of the temple gate.

"Qing Zhen!" I called after him, but he quickened his pace.

Teng Xiong put her hand around my shoulder and half-pulled me back to the temple.

When Teng Xiong led me back to her room, it was obvious to me that I'd better try to straighten things out with her.

Right after we sat down, I said, "Teng Xiong, I'm very sorry, but I just couldn't help it."

She looked at me hard and long. "Don't fool yourself, Precious Orchid. It's just a moment's infatuation-"

"No, it's not." I spoke through teary eyes. "He's the first man I've ever loved-"

She threw back her head and laughed. "Do you know what you're talking about? Didn't you tell me you could never stand any of those chou nanren?"

"But Qing Zhen is different, he's not like the other men."

"Different? Precious Orchid, let me tell you. Men are all the same, they stink!" She went on bitterly, "Maybe a jade stalk is the only thing that he has and I don't. But that doesn't mean he's better than me-"

"He is very good."

"But Precious Orchid," her tone softened; now she was pleading, "maybe he's very good at sex, but he's still a man after all. And a man will never understand the real need of a woman, especially a delicate and complex woman like you. Precious Orchid, you need a woman like me to take care of you and love you, not a man, let alone a monk. How would a monk know anything about pleasing, loving, and taking care of a woman?"

"No, you're wrong. Qing Zhen is very good at all these."

She looked both shocked and hurt.

"He saved my life and nursed my wounds after I was raped by the bandit."

Teng Xiong pulled me into her arms and showered kisses on me. "Precious Orchid, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry for ... what you've gone through. I should have pushed you under the bell first, please forgive me."

"Teng Xiong," I delicately withdrew myself, "it's nobody's fault. It's just bad luck. And I'm sorry. I don't mean to ... hurt your feel„ ings.

She remained silent, now trying to take my hand, which I instantly withdrew. "Teng Xiong, I love him."

"But you love me, too."

How could she be so definite? "But it's a different kind of love," I said, "It's more like the way I loved ... my sister Pearl."

"That's fine. In fact that's better, because there's something deeper to our love since we're both women."

I couldn't think of anything to say in response to this.

"Precious Orchid, believe me, your infatuation for him will soon pass like drifting clouds. Besides, think about it, with no money, how are you going to spend your life with him?"

This jolted me back to my unpleasant reality. I realized that since I'd lost my qin and all the money and jewelry, I was now but a penniless and homeless woman! And of course, as a monk, Qing Zhen wouldn't have any money either, and he didn't even offer to take me back to his temple! I started to cry, tasting the bitterness of my tears as well as that of my first love for a man.

Teng Xiong reached to wipe my face with her silk handkerchief. "Don't cry, Precious Orchid. It's not the end of the world, just the end of a fleeting affair. Take it as a bad dream." She looked deeply into my eyes. "You have me and I'll take very good care of you; that's the most important thing. Besides, unlike the monk, I'm rich." She gave her pants' pocket an emphatic pat. "I can buy you anything you want and treat you to any restaurant you like. Will you work in the field under the scorching sun, eat sweet potatoes and watery soup every meal, and wear a many-patched robe, all for the mere sake of a man? A refined woman like you, you are entitled to a pampered, luxurious life, not an impoverished one with a penniless monk. If a jade stalk is what you like in him," she tilted her head and laughed, her short, silky hair glistening, "then don't worry, I can also get one. Whatever size and texture feels the best to you."

I didn't respond.

"Precious Orchid?"

"Yes?"

"Please stay with me."

That evening I felt relieved that Teng Xiong was too drained to demand sex. While her body lay motionlessly beside me, I was wide awake. My body flipped and flopped on the hardwood, buginfested bed, agonizing over my unexpected desire for a man. Qing Zhen was handsome, mysterious, a monk. Somehow, he also knew how to make me feel wonderful as a woman. And I didn't even get paid. For the first time, I'd done it for love.

Just like I played the qin not for money, but self-cultivation. Moreover, Qing Zhen played the qin. Like me, he also had a purity to his heart. I loved Qing Zhen. And I'd go back to stay with him till both our brows turned white ...

I lay listlessly till dawn came. Then, as soon as I heard the monks' chanting drifting across the courtyard, I slipped off the bed, put on my shoes and jacket, cast a farewell glance at Teng Xiong, and sneaked out of the room. After a few wrong turns, I finally saw Qing Zhen's hut in the distance, looking tranquil and welcoming. I quickened my steps. When I reached the door, I gave it a gentle push and it fell open with a sigh.

I stepped in and went straight to Qing Zhen's room. He was sound asleep, the blanket moving slightly with his breathing. With a melting heart, I slipped into bed next to him.