Peach Blossom Pavilion (4 page)

However, I felt happy and content with my art lessons and fine food; Fang Rong and her husband seemed almost parental to me, so I had little inclination to complain.

Life in this turquoise pavilion was really not so horrible as it was described by people outside.

Yet one thing made me sad. I'd been here nearly four weeks now, but Mother had never written to me nor come to visit as she'd promised. Counting on my fingers, I suddenly realized that she would be leaving for Peking tomorrow. So I went to Fang Rong and asked for her permission to let me leave the pavilion to see my mother off.

Although she smiled, the big mole between her brows looked as if it were about to leap toward me in full force. "Ah, you foolish girl. Don't you know the rule in Peach Blossom? You can only be allowed to go outside the main gate on the following occasions: when you get an invitation from some very important guests, that's only after you've become very popular and much sought after; when I take you out for business like fixing your hair or having clothes sewn for you; when the pavilion organizes an outing to entertain important parties."

"What do you mean?" I stared at her mole to avoid her eyes.

"Don't ask too many questions; it never does a little girl any good." Her voice grew very sharp and harsh. "Anyway, you're not going out, not tonight, not anytime, not until I tell you to, you understand? Now go and help Ah Ping in the kitchen. Tonight we'll have a police chief, a banker, a cotton merchant, and many other important people to entertain."

In the corridor on my way to the kitchen, I heard an assortment of noises-singing, chatting, pipa plucking, mahjong playing, Fang Rong's yelling-drift from the different chambers. The sisters were putting on makeup, dressing, practicing their singing, or tuning their instruments one last time before the guests arrived. Today was a Saturday and business seemed unusually good. I peered down the street from a latticed window and saw shiny black cars pull up at the entrance, disgorging important-looking men-some clad in elegantly tailored silk gowns, others in perfectly pressed Western suits.

As I was watching the ebb and flow of cars, I felt a pool of sadness. Did my mother have any inkling that I was now living in a prostitution house and not a rich man's residence? Why didn't she come to see me?

I blinked back tears and hurried to the kitchen. Seeing me, Ah Ping's pale face brightened. She gave me an affectionately chiding look, then pretended to hold a plate in one hand, while her other hand made a pouring motion. After that, she shrugged as if to warn, Ah, Xiang Xiang, of you're late again next time, all the choice morsels will be gone!

She went to close the door, then returned to ladle bits of abalone, shark fin, and fish from the various cauldrons. She set the delicacies on a plate and pushed it across the table toward me. I was not hungry, but in order to please her, I picked up a piece of abalone and popped it into my mouth. As I was savoring the rubbery taste, I heard the grating of paws on wood.

"Aunty Ah Ping," I threw down my chopsticks, "it's Guigui!"

I dashed to open the door and let the puppy in. He yapped, then furiously licked my feet and wagged his tail. I scooped him up and began to feed him with the food from my plate. He lapped and gobbled happily.

Some strange sound emitted from Ah Ping's throat. She was protesting that I shouldn't feed the puppy with the delicacies reserved for important guests. I stuck out my tongue. She smiled back, then signaled me to continue eating.

But the only thing I wanted now was to see my mother. Tears swelled in my eyes as I buried my face into Guigui's.

Ah Ping gestured with her hands. Something wrong?

"Aunty Ah Ping, I have ... a stomachache, so can I-"

She waved toward the door. Go.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Then thank you very much." I put Guigui down on the floor. He protested by pulling the hem of my pant leg with his teeth. "But Aunty Ah Ping-"

Again, she waved frantically, then leaned her cheek on her hands. Go, go take a nap.

I hurried down to the courtyard, and after making sure that no one was hiding within the bamboo groves, treaded cautiously along the hidden path until I reached the main gate. Heart pounding, I hid behind the bamboo foliage for the right moment to escape. I waited until the denizens of the establishment-Fang Rong, Wu Qiang, the sisters, the maids, the amahs, the male servants, the guards-appeared for the ritual of greeting the arriving guests. While they were kowtowing and pouring flattery to the important visitors, I slipped out.

Once clear of the gate, I ran all the way to the main street and hailed a rickshaw.

"Hurry, hurry! " I kept shouting to the coolie's scrawny back.

He turned and scrutinized me, his dull eyes menacing under the street light. "Little miss, this is a long way, so I have to save my energy. You don't want me to fall down in the middle of the road; do you?"

So I kept my mouth shut and listened to his tortured grunts until he finally entered a long, dark passage and pulled to a stop in front of a dilapidated house. I thrust a few coins into his calloused hand, then ran toward the low building. Dim light seeped out from underneath our cracked door. I knocked on the thin wooden plank, my heart pounding and my mouth sucking in big gulps of air.

The door creaked open and light flooded from behind Mother's back. Eyes widened, she dropped open her mouth. "Xiang Xiang, what a surprise! I've been worried to death about you!"

Choked with emotions, I could only utter a loud "Ma!" then thrust myself into her arms.

Mother led me inside and took me to sit down on the floor. The room was practically empty except for two suitcases and a few odds and ends.

She was dressed in a threadbare black smock and pants. Her hungry eyes scrutinized me for long moments. "Xiang Xiang, you look so different!" she exclaimed, stroking my face. "Now your body is much stronger and your face rounder. I'm so glad that you're well fed." She touched my floral cotton top and pants. "Look at you in this pretty outfit!" Before I could respond, she plunged on excitedly, "Xiang Xiang, I'm so glad that we finally have a piece of good luck!"

"But Ma-"

"Xiang Xiang, try not to complain too much; learn to be grateful."

So how could I have the heart to tell her the truth-that I'd been tricked into a prostitution house? Besides, I was indeed well clothed and fed and not too badly treated. Although Peach Blossom Pavilion was a prostitution house, it was indeed also a mansion for rich men and I did work there as a maid. So why distress Mother with the rest of the truth? Therefore, when she went on to ask me this and that about my new life, I simply told her not to worry.

When I asked Mother why hadn't she come to see me, she sighed, "Hai, Xiang Xiang, I've been very busy going from house to house to borrow money to pay off our debts before I leave this dusty world." She paused to put one strand of my hair in place. "I did try to go to your place, but the address Aunty Fang gave me was wrong. I've been asking around anyone who might know her, but," Mother stopped in midsentence to look at me tenderly, "anyway, you're here now."

I scribbled my address and gave it to her. "Ma, this is the right address, so you can write me after you've arrived in Peking."

She carefully folded the paper as if it were a hundred silver-dollar bill and put it into her purse.

My heart slowly shattered inside.

Fall was fading into winter. The weather had already turned chilly and most of the leaves on the white parasol trees had fallen, and were strewn along the Huangpu River bank.

After a rickshaw ride and an interminable walk, my mother and I dragged our numbed bodies toward the North Train Station, dreading the moment of departure. Only one thought occupied our minds: We never knew when we would see each other again.

Staring at the parasol leaves scattered in intriguing patterns along the asphalt ground, Mother said, her voice smeared with melancholy. "Xiang Xiang, we Chinese say `falling leaves returning to their roots.' You understand what this means?"

I looked up and caught her eyes beaming with tears. "Yes, Ma, it means that no matter what happens, we should always find our way home."

A wry smile broke out on her bloodless face. "Will you remember this?"

I nodded, too choked with sadness to say anything. Also because I was thinking: But Ma, where's our home? I don't think we have one to go back to anymore! The turquoise pavilion, although it also had a "mama," was definitely not my home, nor was the nunnery my mother's. But I swallowed my words as well as my tears.

We arrived at the station and stepped inside the crowded lobby. Mother hurried to join the queue to buy tickets. I watched rich tai tai chatting languidly while waiting for their servants to buy them first-class passage.

After a while, Mother rushed back to me, waving the ticket in her hand. We hurried to the train. In the past, I had always felt excited by trains. I'd liked listening to their "Wu! Wu! " sound and watching the white smoke puffing out from their noses like steamed snow, while imagining the exotic places they would take me to. But now I dreaded this black monster. Soon it would grab my mother and take her away from me to a walled temple filled with baldheaded women reciting unintelligible sutras as if they were talking to ghosts!

"Xiang Xiang," Mother said, while tenderly putting a Guan Yin pendant around my neck, "now hurry back to Aunty Fang and behave. Always obey her as if she were your real mother and never cause any trouble; you understand?"

I felt tears stinging my eyes. "But Ma, that fat, ugly pig is not my mother!"

Thwack! Mother slapped my face.

I started to cry. "Ma, why don't you take me with you?"

"You think I've never thought of that?" She sighed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my tears. Her voice came out soft and low. "Sorry that I hit you, Xiang Xiang. But do you have any idea what kind of a life it is to be a nun? It's fine with me since my prime has passed and now I'm but a worthless old woman. But you're young and beautiful and have a bright future waiting before you, so I won't let you squander it in a nunnery. Besides," she sighed again, "one of the novice nuns told me that the Mother Abbess said .. She stopped in midsentence.

"Said what?"

"That you're too beautiful to be a nun, and she fears your beauty will bring bad luck to her temple."

Usually my heart would leap to heaven when people said that I was pretty, but now it sank to the bottom of the sea. "How do they know that I'm pretty?"

"I told them, because I'm so proud of you." Mother patted my head. "Xiang Xiang, I know a servant girl's life isn't easy. But it's only temporary. We'll find a way out sooner or later. Now listen to me. After you've seen me off, go right back to your master. And don't forget it's very important that you obey him and his wives, and try your best to get along with everyone, otherwise you won't have a roof to live under nor even thin rice gruel to warm your stomach. Remember, not only that you must put up with any hardship, you have to endure it with a smile, so no one will see a trace of bitterness." She paused to search my face. "Xiang Xiang, instead of complaining, you should thank heaven for all this, you understand?"

I nodded, licking and tasting the salt of my tears. "Ma, when will we see each other again?"

"Not for a while, but we will." Mother squeezed out a smile. "We can always write to each other. Or maybe I can even try to come back here to see you." She paused, "There are many temples on the western side of the Taiyi Mountain southwest of Peking. I think I'll settle there, but I'm still not sure in which one. I'll write you as soon as I arrive."

She sighed, looking at me with her tear-misted eyes. "Hai, Xiang Xiang, I know no matter how decently they treat you in your new house, you're still a maid after all." She considered for a moment, then spoke again thoughtfully, "Just remember one thing: We can't beat fate, but we can play along and make the most out of it. Try to be happy." Mother went on, "Also, be careful what you tell about yourself in the new house. Don't say anything about how your baba died. Be cautious."

I nodded.

Mother gave me a quick hug. "Xiang Xiang, I'm afraid our paths must part now. May Guan Yin be with you till we meet again.

With that, she hurried toward the train, tripped, pulled herself up, then, without turning back, mounted the black monster. With her back to me, she frantically waved her one-way ticket until her familiar slender figure vanished among the crowd.

I stared hard at the tracks that would take her away to the nunnery in Peking but would never bring her back.

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