Pattern of Shadows (18 page)

‘Have you borrowed my green cardigan?’ Mary held on to the door handle of what was now Ellen’s bedroom.

‘Ever heard of knocking?’ She had her back to Mary.

Rain blew against the windowpanes and gathered in lines along the wooden frames. Through the smeared glass Mary saw the curtained lights of the houses on the opposite side of the street. ‘The curtains should be closed,’ she said.

‘My room, my business,’ Ellen retorted. ‘I like them back. Anyway, blackout finished two months ago, if you care to remember.’

‘There are still restrictions,’ Mary said. ‘The “dim out” means we can use ordinary curtains instead of black-out ones … not none at all. But it’s not that. They can see you in your underclothes from across the street.’ She went over to the window, pulled the curtain across the wire and, out of habit, tucked the material onto the windowsill to make sure no light escaped.

‘God, you have to interfere, don’t you?’ Ellen stepped into her skirt. ‘Miss bloody goody two shoes.’

Mary reached past Ellen into the wardrobe. ‘Mine I think,’ she said, taking the green cardigan from a hanger. ‘I’ll have it back if you don’t —’ She glanced at her sister struggling to fasten the buttons on her skirt and stopped before she finished the sentence. ‘Ellen? Oh God, no, Ellen, you’re not—’

‘Pregnant. I’ll finish the sentence for you.’ Ellen glared at her. ‘I’m pregnant. So what?’ She stretched her arm
past Mary and slammed the bedroom door closed.

‘What has Al said?’

‘He’s gone. He’s gone back to America. That should please you, Miss high and bloody mighty.’ Ellen took a jumper from the wardrobe and shoved her arms into the sleeves. ‘Except you’re not so high and bloody mighty, are you?’ She pulled it over her head, her voice muffled. ‘You do know what it’s called, don’t you?’

‘What?’ Mary frowned. ‘What what’s called?’

‘It’s called fraternization.’ Ellen smoothed the jumper down. ‘At least that’s what they call just getting friendly with a German. But you’ve gone one better, haven’t you Mary? You sleep with one.’

Mary’s legs buckled; she sat on the bed. The window frame rattled with a blast of wind. Downstairs Mary could hear her father coughing as he moved about the kitchen. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Ellen folded her arms. ‘Frank told me.’

‘Frank told you what? When?’

‘Never mind when. I just know, that’s all.’

‘Ellen, you’re wrong. You’ve got it all wrong,’ Mary said. ‘God, do you know what trouble you’d get me in if you go around saying things like that?’

‘True though, huh?’

‘No, it’s not true. If that’s what Frank’s said, it’s only one of his many nasty lies.’

‘Well you would say that, wouldn’t you?’ Ellen went to the window and opened the curtains again.

‘Look, whatever rubbish Frank’s told you is –’ Mary struggled for the word ‘– is rubbish. What is real is what’s happening with you, Ellen. How long did you think you could hide being pregnant?’

‘As long as I needed to.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Mary held out her hand towards her. ‘What are you going to do, love?’ Ellen didn’t move. Mary let her hand drop. ‘Have you’d tried to contact Al? His unit?’

‘Me and Al finished. He doesn’t know.’

‘Oh! I didn’t know, you didn’t say.’

‘Why should I? Why should I tell you anything?’

‘Don’t, Ellen. Don’t push me away. What are you going to do? They’ll have to be told,’ Mary nodded towards the floor. ‘You’ll not get away with it forever; you’ll be showing properly before long. You’ll have to tell them.’

‘Why?’ Ellen lifted her chin. ‘I’ve found out about a place down South. I’ll tell them I’ve got a job, go there.’

‘Dad won’t let you go.’

‘I’m not a kid anymore, I’ll go where I like.’

‘What kind of place?’

‘Somewhere where girls like me,’ she said, her mouth twisted, ‘girls like me … can stay there until it’s … until afterwards … and then they take it away … for adoption.’

‘You can’t, Ellen, please. You mustn’t think about giving your baby away. We’ll manage somehow. I’ll sort Dad out.’

‘And give that lot round here something to gossip about? Old Ma Jagger? Not bloody likely.’

‘Sod them. Who cares what anybody thinks?’ Mary caught hold of her hand.

Ellen squirmed away from her. ‘Who cares? Who cares?’ Her voice rose. ‘Him downstairs for starters, he’ll bloody kill me if he finds out.’ She pulled her arms tight to her body and crumpled on to the bed. ‘Oh God, oh God.’

‘Shush, shush.’ Mary pulled her into her arms. ‘Come
on now, love, it’ll be all right. We’ll sort something out.’

Ellen tucked her face against Mary’s neck and sobbed.

‘How far gone are you?’ Mary asked.

‘I’ve missed two periods … I think it must be about eleven weeks. Oh God, what am I going to do?’

Mary stroked her sister’s hair; it felt dry and brittle.

The window rattled again as the back door banged. ‘That’s Dad gone out.’

Ellen sat up. ‘What am I going to do?’ she said, her voice hoarse. ‘He’ll kill me.’

‘He won’t. I won’t let him. We’ll find a way.’

‘I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible to you.’ She leaned on Mary and began to cry again. ‘I just wanted to believe Al would take me back to America and every time you said something I remembered how you hated him from the first time you saw him and …’

‘Hush now.’ Mary rocked her.

‘… and I knew it hadn’t worked out with you and Frank. So I didn’t care …’ She stopped.

‘Sshhhh.’ Mary stopped swaying. ‘What, love? You didn’t care … about what?’

‘Nothing.’ Ellen moved her head against Mary’s shoulder. ‘Nothing.’ Ellen wished things hadn’t changed between her and Mary. She wished she’d never met Al. Most of all she wished she hadn’t been so stupid as to think Frank Shuttleworth was interested in her when all the time all he’d wanted was to hurt her sister …

He’d grinned at Ellen when she opened the door.

‘What do you want?’

‘Well, that’s a nice welcome I must say.’

‘Mary’s not here.’

‘I know,’ he said, ‘it isn’t her I want to see. She obviously hasn’t told you we’re not going out any more?’

‘Oh. No, she hasn’t. More fool her then; you were the first bloke that had looked at her for … well forever, as far as I know. Is it Dad you wanted then?’

‘Yes.’

‘He’s gone to The Crown.’ Ellen waited a moment. ‘You’ll probably catch up with him, he’s only just left.’

‘Mind if I have a word first?’

‘Why?’

‘Couple of things I want to tell you.’

‘What about?’

‘Why don’t you let me in and then you’ll find out?’

Ellen opened the door wider to let Frank in. ‘You can’t stop long. I’m going out in a bit.’ She closed the door and stood with her back to it. ‘Mary and I don’t talk much these days. You probably know why,’ she said, her tone petulant. She watched Frank slowly raise one eyebrow as though he was making fun of her and then noticed his expression change to one of appreciation. His gaze moved over her long slender legs, the curve of her hips under the thin material of her dress. She pulled her shoulders back, thrusting forward her breasts. ‘She doesn’t like Al.’ Ellen pushed her lower lip out in a provocative manner. ‘Hasn’t since the first time she saw him that night in the pub; since you both saw us. Remember that night, do you?’ she said, unable to resist the slight stab of resentment.

‘Probably more than you do, love.’ Frank smiled. Laughter lines crinkled around his dark grey eyes and the dimple in his chin deepened.

He was very attractive when he smiled. Ellen wondered why she hadn’t noticed before. ‘Won’t be a minute.’ In
the scullery she took a small mirror out of the pocket of her coat, quickly applied some lipstick and pinched both cheeks. Pulling the grips out of her blonde hair, she shook it free. A feeling of excitement fluttered in her stomach. She wasn’t sure what was going on but it had made her feel good to see the look of pleasure on his face. And it’d be one in the eye for Mary if she went out with Frank. Mary must have been crazy to dump him. When she returned Frank was sitting at the table with his leg held stiffly out in front of him, his jacket slung over the back of the chair. She sat down opposite him. ‘What happened to your knee, then?’

‘Just something I picked up at Dunkirk,’ he said shortly.

‘If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s no skin off my nose.’

‘Let’s just say it buggered up my life and have done with it.’

‘Fine by me.’ She bit her thumbnail.

‘You’ve got my bad habit.’ Frank said

Ellen tilted her head. ‘What’s that?’

‘Biting your nails. I always do that when I’m worried … or nervous.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’ She tossed her hair away from her face.

‘You look worried.’

‘I don’t, I’m not.’

‘Seems to me you are. Trouble with this boyfriend of yours?’

The tears came all at once. ‘Our Mary told me he’s got another girl on the go.’ She looked defiantly at him. ‘I think she’s out to cause trouble between us.’ A hint of uncertainty came into her voice. ‘Anyway, if he’s been
messing me around, he’ll be sorry.’

‘Poor chap.’

Ellen gave a defiant laugh. ‘No man messes me about.’ She stood up. ‘I have to go, I’ll be late.’

He caught hold of her hand. ‘Hang on a bit. You can’t go out all upset. He’ll think you’re desperate and that won’t do, will it?’

Ellen suddenly realised she was going nowhere.

Frank took hold of her other hand. ‘Come on, sit down for a minute. If you don’t want to talk about your Yank –’ he grinned, disarming her ‘– we can talk about something else.’ He gave her fingers a slight tug. ‘We’ve never really talked, you and me. Never had the chance, have we? What do you say? I know … you choose a subject, any subject.’

At that moment a familiar low whine began in the distance.

Afterwards, for weeks afterwards, Ellen often wondered if things would have gone as far as they did if the air raid hadn’t happened. As the warning got louder and louder, Frank cursed. ‘What’s the point of Moaning Minnie these days? We wouldn’t know where the V2s are going to land anyway, we can’t soddin’ hear them, so why warn us? Bloody bombs could be anywhere.’

Ellen was panicking. ‘We have to get under the table,’ she said. ‘Quick, drag the hearth rug under.’ She ran to the back door and clicked the light off; for some reason it made her feel safer. By the light of the fire, they shifted the chairs and pushed the rag rug under the stout oak table. Frank propped himself up against one of the table legs and eased Ellen back so she was leaning on him. He put his arms around her. She was still trembling. ‘No point in being scared,’ he said, ‘we’re as safe here as anywhere.’

She snuggled down as though it was the most natural thing for her to do. Wonder what you’d think of this, Mary Howarth, she thought. ‘I know but I just hate it,’ she said. ‘I hate everything about this bloody war.’

‘Bloody Germans,’ he said.

‘Yeah, bloody Germans.’

‘And your sister’s sleeping with one.’ The frown lines on Frank’s forehead furrowed for an instant but when Ellen pulled away from him his face was expressionless.

‘What? No! I don’t believe you.’

‘Why would I lie?’

‘I don’t know.’ Ellen paused. ‘Anyway, how could she be? The only ones she sees are POW patients at the hospital.’

‘And the doctors…’

‘One of the doctors? My God, how could she?’ Her voice lowered to a whisper. ‘She could get done for fraternizing.’ Ellen was silent, a slow anger growing inside her. After all Mary had said about Al, she was carrying on with one of the enemy – a bloody Jerry. She couldn’t take it in. ‘How do you know though? Have you seen them?’

He closed his eyes as though in confirmation. ‘So, who is she to judge anyone, eh?’

‘Just wait until I see her.’

It was then he’d stopped Ellen talking. Leaning over, he covered her mouth with his. She opened her lips to let his tongue explore. Slowly unbuttoning her blouse, he freed her breasts from her brassiere and lowering his head, sucked on one nipple. Immediately Ellen felt the heat radiate from her thighs. She moaned and arched her back, sliding down on to the rug. Unbuttoning her
skirt, Frank lifted her slightly and tugged it down. He stroked the smoothness of skin between stocking top and camiknickers. She touched him, felt him respond. Shrugging out of her blouse, she dragged the brassiere straps down her arms. He fumbled with his braces and buttons and pushed his trousers past his buttocks. Tracing his tongue over her lips, he gently circled one nipple with his palm before trailing his hand along her hips, pulling her camiknickers over her thighs and down to her ankles. She flicked them away and, as he moved his mouth up over her stomach, breast, throat, she groaned again and curved backwards. From what she knew of Mary, she wouldn’t have let this man do these things to her. Well, as she’d thought earlier, more fool Mary. She had him now. Ellen wound her arms around his neck and drew him towards her, feeling his hands down her body, stroking the soft blond hair between her thighs, and cautiously sliding a finger into her. She was ready for him.

They’d both dozed until the all clear began its wail. Frank jumped up. ‘Blast!’ He pulled on his trousers and hauled his braces back over his shoulders. ‘Come on, get up,’ he said curtly, ‘if we get caught they’ll go mad.’

‘You needn’t worry. I told you, I’m not expecting Mam back for ages.’ Ellen’s words were automatic; she knew he couldn’t wait to get away from her. She could feel the hard
lumps of the rug underneath her back and turned on her side. In the ashy glow of the fire, her skin, gleaming with perspiration, revealed the roughness of his lovemaking, ugly bruised swellings against the paleness. Sitting up, she pushed her arms into the crumpled blouse and looked around for her discarded camiknickers and skirt. ‘Does this mean we’re going out, now? You’ve definitely finished with our Mary?’