Patchwork Dreams (7 page)

Hearing the sound of an engine, Jacob glanced out the window. A black car came to a stop in front of the shop.

Daniel grimaced. “Ach, Jacob. Ready to get to work?”

Usually, Becky enjoyed Sundays. The quiet afternoons were filled on alternating weeks with long church services where they sang from the Ausbund, their hymnal, and visiting relatives. This Sunday would be a time for visiting folk, and she hoped Jacob would find someone to be friends with, even a girl, so he’d leave her alone. She didn’t want him to hang around Seymour, though. Nein, the faster he returned to Pennsylvania and his Susie, the better.

At least, the better for her state of mind.

Her heart might tell a different tale.

She shook her head. She’d never been so befuddled before Jacob had arrived, and she didn’t like it one bit.

Jacob had even intruded on the nightly devotions, when Grossdaedi read from the big Bible right before they retired. If only her grandparents didn’t spend so much time with the family. Maybe if they had their own private devotions, she could go to bed without her final thoughts being on Jacob instead of on God. Jacob disrupted and invaded her sleep. God generally didn’t.

Last night, she’d tried to pray before falling asleep, but even then, her prayers had been mostly for Jacob.

Or maybe for herself.

And her dreams…ach! How could one man affect her so? Even Kent, with his smooth, cajoling ways, hadn’t captivated her thoughts like this Jacob.

It just wasn’t right.

But today would be good. She would get away from him and spend time gossiping with the women. It was a sin, for sure, but one that didn’t seem to stop anybody. She would enjoy it as long as they didn’t talk about her.

But that was almost always how it went.

She usually tried to stay in the shadows so that she could escape notice. And eavesdrop.

And Jacob, well, he could hang out with the buwe, or maybe with her onkel and the older men.

Anywhere he wanted to, as long as it was far away from her.

Jah, it would be a good day.

She carefully twisted her hair and pinned it up, then secured her white prayer kapp over it. Grabbing her apron, she tied it over her dress and hurried downstairs. Emma still slept. Becky would listen for her to wake up while she helped get breakfast on the table.

Thankfully, the men were still in the barn when she made her way into the kitchen. While she sliced the bread, Katie laid out the butter, jams, and jellies, and Mamm scrambled eggs and fried bacon. Ruthie set the table, laying out the plates and the eating utensils and placing the salt and pepper shakers in the center, while Grossmammi supervised from a nearby chair. Breakfast was ready when Daed, Grossdaedi, and Jacob came in and washed up.

“Gut morning, Bex.” Jacob’s deep voice held a teasing note.

Why did he have to target her? Becky’s stomach clenched. “Morning.” She avoided Jacob’s gaze, turning instead to see if anything else needed to be placed on the table. There was nothing left to do. Head lowered, she silently slid into her place.

At least she hadn’t been outright rude.

She swallowed hard and tried to focus her attention on the silent prayer.
God, why did You send Jacob here to torment me?

***

Jacob climbed out of the buggy at the home of Daniel’s brother, Onkel David, as Ruthie called him.

Children were already running around, the little ones playing what appeared to be a game of tag. Several young girls sat in the dirt near the big barn doors, playing with kittens. And a group of teenagers and young adults were engaged in a game of volleyball.

Katie went to join in the game, while Becky disappeared into the house with her mamm.

Becky needed to be outside, playing.

Jacob eyed the house for a moment, frowning. But then he turned to join the game. Maybe she’d come out later.

He’d be surprised if she did.

Jacob merged into the game on the right side of the net. He nodded to the young man next to him, then fixed his eyes on the ball. The temperature had risen to almost fifty, at his best guess. The ice had melted, so the ground was soft and muddy, but he didn’t care. Clothes could be washed.

Though Becky would probably be the one washing them. He hated to create more work for her, and he hesitated for a second. But as the ball came toward him, he reined in his thoughts and prepared to play.

Sometime later, the ringing dinner bell interrupted the game. Jacob followed the others to the pump to wash up before going to the table loaded with fresh-baked bread, cold cuts, and other sandwich makings. With his plate loaded, he found a place to sit on the porch with some of the other young men his age.

A man who had introduced himself as Ben turned toward Jacob. “You’re staying with Onkel Daniel, ain’t so?”

“Jah.” Jacob took a bite of his sandwich.

“How long are you here for?” Ben asked.

Jacob shrugged. “Until—Daniel and I haven’t agreed on a date.” Daniel had said when he was ready to go. And, at some moments, asking for a ticket home seemed very appealing. But then, there was Becky.

“Are you one of those who came down here looking for a frau?” Ben snickered and nudged the boy next to him.

Jacob furrowed his brow and took another bite, not saying one way or the other.

“Just stay away from Daniel’s Becky.” Ben gave a sage nod.

The words caught Jacob by surprise. He frowned and looked up, noticing all the other men on the porch nodding in agreement. So much for any of these guys being talked into courting Becky. Wouldn’t happen. Her future husband would have to be one of the men in the exchange. “Was ist letz?” He knew that he shouldn’t encourage gossip, but perhaps this would be a chance for him to offer a positive comment on Becky’s behalf. Other than her unhappiness, and the boppli, he saw nothing but good in her. And the boppli wasn’t bad. Just a little off-putting. How many men wanted to be an instant daed?

Though, to gain Becky….

Ben shook his head. “I shouldn’t talk. She did confess, and her sins were forgiven. But….”

Jacob studied a crack in the porch floor, then cast a sidelong glance at Ben. “Her beau jumped the fence, ain’t so?” Leaving her in disgrace. He struggled not to grind his teeth.

“Nein.” Ben leaned closer but didn’t lower his voice. “Englisch. And Kent says that the kid isn’t his, that she’s loose.”

“But the Englisch have some sort of test they do to verify parentage,” Jacob protested. But it was weak. Of course, Becky wouldn’t have agreed to that. It wasn’t the Amish way, even if the alternative meant ruining her reputation.

Sadly, there was usually some truth in rumors.

Jacob turned his attention to his sandwich, confusion clouding his thoughts, his emotions warring.

If only he could pull Becky away and find out the truth so that he could know how to defend her better. How to reach her.

If only she’d trust him enough to tell him.

If only he understood the need he felt to fix everything for her.

It didn’t make sense. She meant nothing to him. Right?

***

Becky managed to stay out of the way of the ladies all morning, hiding in the corner of the big room with all the married women and young children and listening in on the conversations. She didn’t really fit in anywhere. Not being married, she had nothing in common with those who were, and the girls her age…well, she had zero things in common with them. So, she felt like what Kent had called her once—a wallflower. She hadn’t been sure what that meant, and he hadn’t explained it to her, but the description hurt. That same pain ate at her now. If only she could fit in somewhere.

Kent had encouraged her to drink some sort of liquid that had burned her throat all the way down and settled like molten lead in her stomach. He’d said it would loosen her up. Maybe it had, but all she knew for sure was that the one time she’d tried it, she’d run the buggy into a ditch on the way home and broken it, and the next day, she’d awakened with an awful headache and felt terribly sick.

Daed hadn’t been happy, though he hadn’t said much about it. The disappointment she’d read in his eyes had just about torn her heart out.

She’d never touched the stuff after that. The aftereffects were too horrible. And she couldn’t remember what she did when she drank. It wasn’t worth it.

She eased out of her corner, locating Emma asleep in her grossmammi’s arms, and wandered into the kitchen, where she poured herself a cup of coffee. Then, she pulled her shawl more closely around her and stepped out the back door onto the wraparound porch. She loved the way Onkel David had built it. She used to beg Daed to copy it and make their porch a wraparound. He’d said that the big front porch was enough. At least he’d hung a porch swing, her favorite place to read.

Grasping the coffee in one hand, she started walking toward the front of the house, but male voices stopped her.

“Just stay away from Daniel’s Becky,” she heard her cousin Ben say.

When Jacob asked why, Ben repeated those awful words that Kent had said.

Tears flooded her eyes, and her throat burned.

She could only imagine what Jacob thought.

She gripped her coffee cup handle so tightly that her knuckles turned white. With the other hand, she dug her fingernails into her palm.

At the first singing she’d gone to after finding out she was pregnant, and after Kent had dumped her and started spreading those awful rumors, one of the Brunstetter buwe had tried to talk her up into the hayloft. She swallowed hard, remembering the scary look in his eyes, the whispers and pointing fingers and stares of the others there.

She’d refused to go. Instead, she’d slunk off into the darkness and gone home.

She’d never been back.

Becky turned to go back inside, hoping no one had heard the creak of the loose floorboard she’d forgotten to avoid. She wouldn’t go to another singing. Ever. Not even Jacob’s brilliant blue eyes and smooth talk would sway her. But he’d probably never ask her again after hearing those lies from her cousin.

She grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, blinking back the tears. If only she could take Emma and go home to the solitude of her room.

Something brushed her arm. She bit back a scream and jerked her shoulder, the coffee in her mug sloshing out, spilling lukewarm liquid over her hand.

“Bex.” Jacob spoke in her ear. He removed the cup from her shaking fingers and set it on the rail. “Kum, walk with me.”

When Becky looked at him, the tears in her eyes almost undid him. Jacob never had been able to handle women’s tears. At least she seemed to have them under control. They sparkled on the ends of her eyelashes but didn’t run down her cheeks.

He leaned toward her and swallowed when he caught a whiff of her scent. “Please.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she studied him, as if unsure of his motives.

“We’ll stay in plain sight.” She might open up once they were alone, but he knew suggesting such a thing would frighten her.

“Nein. They’ll think we’re courting.”

Jacob tilted his head. “I don’t care what they think. I have a girl. And your family should care enough for you to not jump to the wrong conclusions.”

From what Ben had said, though, that wasn’t the case. Jacob wanted to throttle Ben, especially after he’d heard the creaking of the boards behind them, then seen Becky moving away. But, even more, he wanted to know the truth about what was going on.

“Nein,” she repeated, and this time, she shook her head to punctuate it. “I need to be alone. Just…go.”

Jacob frowned and tilted his head. “Bex. Walk with me a little ways.”

She hesitated.

“Kum.” He reached his hand toward her.

She drew back, but after a moment, she nodded and headed toward the steps. Jacob moved to her side in silence.

She walked in the direction of the barn but bypassed it for the fields beyond. Jacob stayed beside her, a body width separating them as they matched step for step. With everything in him, he wanted to ask questions, to clarify things in his mind. But Daed had once told him that silence forces people to talk to fill the dead air. He waited patiently to put that theory to the test.

Becky’s breath was ragged, like she’d been crying or was angry or something. Jacob looked out over the fields, to the trees in the distance, and to the neighboring farms around them and waited for her emotions to calm down.

But after fifteen minutes, she still didn’t seem inclined to speak. Perhaps she had more patience than he did. Waiting had never been his strong point.

Jacob drew a deep breath and stepped a bit closer, not so much to crowd her space as to make speaking softly easier. He ventured a glance at her. Tears ran unchecked down her face, dripping off her chin.

Jacob exhaled and looked away, glancing back toward the house. He couldn’t see it, not with the barn separating them. He reached his arm out to wrap his fingers around Becky’s, tugging her to a stop. If only he could comfort her with a hug. He spoke with all the sympathy he could muster. “Bex—”

“It’s not true.”

He kept still, waiting.

She stomped her foot, a futile effort in the muddy ground, if she wanted the sound effect. “It’s not true! Not a bit of it!”

That pretty much said it all. Especially when he considered her volume.

He opened his mouth to apologize but then closed it again when he couldn’t think of what he had to be sorry for. Maybe for not understanding the situation completely. Jah, he definitely stood in the dark.

She jerked her hand from his and wiped her brow, which glistened with beads of moisture. “And you shouldn’t listen to gossip.” She spat out the words, then whirled and headed across the field. Going away from him, away from her onkel’s house.

Leaving him feeling like he’d run headlong into the side of the barn. Again.

She’d said she wanted to be alone. He should have listened.

He whipped off his hat and ran his hand roughly through his hair. “Women,” he muttered.

***

Becky needed to get away. Her heart hurt, her eyes ached, and she had a sore throat. All from crying so much. Something she still couldn’t get under control.