Pastor Needs a Boo (33 page)

She also told him that, when in doubt, try and run your fingers through a woman's hair. A sister with a good and expensive weave would stop your fingers cold. There was no way you were going to mess with that weave and mess up that hair she'd paid good money for.

“You like?” Shanna said to Todd, and turned around so he could get a full, panoramic view of the thong.

“Me like … me like,” Todd answered grinning. “Looks like somebody paid a lil' visit to the booty doctor. Come on over here, so I can examine that newfangled silicon correctly.”

Todd was really glad Shanna had gone and gotten something done to her butt. It was too much like a white woman's behind for his taste. As stiff and proper and Ivy League–acting as Todd Townsend was, he still had a black man's affinity for a big juicy behind on a woman.

Shanna bounced over toward Todd and put her new butt right in his face. She loved the way she looked. Only problem with this new butt was that she had to go up two sizes with her jeans. Now she finally understood what her cousins were talking about when they lamented that jeans were not cut for black women. They said they always wore at least one size larger to make room for their hips, behind, and thighs.

“Arrrhhh,” Todd growled, and took a bite off of Shanna's cheek. He was impressed. The silicon was of high quality.

Shanna swatted Todd's hand and said, “Down, boy.”

He said, “You sure that is what you want?”

Shanna bit her lip and thought about what her man was saying. She grinned and said, “Nahh.”

Todd laughed and reached up to grab a handful of Shanna's hair. He wanted to touch her hair, and he also wanted to give it the weave test. Shanna moved Todd's hand real fast, and then touched her hair.

He couldn't believe how right Tatiana had been when she told Todd, “You know, Dr. Shanna Webster wears a hellavu good weave. I wish I knew where she gets her hair done. Her weave specialist is off the chain.”

“Does your husband suspect anything,” Luther asked, and wrapped his arms around Tatiana again.

She shook her head. It was clear Todd was settling in for the evening, probably pulling his favorite TV show,
Grimm
, up on demand.

“Good,” Luther said with a smile. “And you have some extra time down in Florida?”

“Yeah,” Tatiana said and placed a kiss on Luther's cheek. “You smell awfully good.”

“Thank you, Ma'am,” Luther said, and started taking off Tatiana's T-shirt. “You know,” he murmured in the nape of her neck, “You make sure Xavier doesn't try and back out of participating in that
Dancing with the Stars
business your ex is doing at his church. From what I've heard, it's going to be a hit, and Denzelle is going to get a whole lot of play with the folks voting for the bishops.”

“Luther, have you ever seen Xavier dance?”

Luther shook his head.

“He is horrible—moves like he has a stick up his butt for real,” Tatiana said.

“Is he really that bad,” Luther asked, “or are you comparing him to Denzelle Flowers, who gives the impression he can handle himself on the dance floor.”

“He's worse. Plus, I don't want him doing any more than he has to with Camille at a big Gospel United Church event. I don't want people to associate the two of them as the bishop and his wife when I am going to be part of the bishop and his wife.”

Luther wondered if Xavier had that little talk with Tatiana about not being able to marry her if he was going to be a bishop. He would have texted Xavier to get some clarity on the issue. But that wasn't smart. Xavier would sense something was wrong, unlike Todd Townsend, who seemed to buy Tatiana's BS hook, line, and sinker.

The last thing Luther Howard needed was Xavier Franklin figuring out he was doing Tatiana. Xavier thought he ran a tight ship where his women were concerned. Luther knew that fool would challenge him like they were some brothers on the corner over his thing with Tatiana.

On second thought, Luther did remember Xavier sharing that he'd talked to Tatiana. So she was just being stubborn and entrenched in some wishful thinking. He wasn't going to waste time trying to get Tatiana to accept she wasn't marrying Xavier. It was best to push her gently off of this subject before she got all riled up, and then pissed-off enough to cause trouble for everybody. He said, “If you don't want Xavier out there dancing with Camille, why not get him to challenge Denzelle to a debate, like the ones the Republican candidates did before Romney became the favored son in their race? That will be a great way to get folks interested in what each candidate is about.”

“Those debates were pretty lame, Luther. Plus, Denzelle will annihilate Xavier in a debate,” Tatiana answered, and then said, “Ooops, sorry.” She'd almost forgotten Luther Howard was a staunch Republican. But then again, so was Xavier.

“You have problems with my party affiliations, Tatiana?” Luther asked with a soft chuckle. He was well aware of the disdain most black people had for the modern Republican Party. But when had Luther Howard ever cared about what most black people felt?

Luther Howard lived his life by the edicts of one of his favorite books,
The Prince
, by Niccolo Machiavelli. He especially loved chapter eight in the book. That chapter sanctioned using immoral tactics to get what you wanted. A quick and ruthless decimation of an opponent was the way to go, according to old boy Niccolo.

Tatiana held her peace. There was no way she was starting a fight with Luther Howard over his party affiliation.

Luther held Tatiana tight, and then let her go. He said, “We can't do this, love.”

“Huh?” Tatiana said. She was surprised, relieved, and scared at this turn in the program.

“I'm not going to hurt you, Tatiana. I'm not going to sleep with you, either. I like you and don't want to ruin a potentially good friendship with us sleeping together. Plus, I want to keep the air clear between Xavier and me. You are his woman, and I don't want you bad enough to tamper with that.”

“Thank you?” Tatiana said with a raised eyebrow.

“You're welcome.”

“Sooooooo.”

“Yes, I put a hit on Camille,” Luther lied. He wasn't bothering Camille as long as she played the game according to his terms. Even though he understood why Xavier would want Tatiana over Camille, Luther knew Xavier would not get elected as a bishop with Tatiana Townsend on his arm. Church folk hated her more than they did Bishop Thomas Jefferson's wife, Violetta.

Tatiana was staring at him with a pained expression on her face.

“What?” Luther asked.

“It won't be painful for Todd, will it?” Tatiana asked carefully. She didn't want Todd to feel a lot of pain when the hit hit.

“How sweet,” Luther said with a hard laugh. “No, it won't hurt too much, even though I'm sure it will be a bit uncomfortable to be murdered. Most people don't like getting killed, you know. At least, that has been my observation.”

“You make it sound like Todd is going to the dentist for a root canal,” Tatiana told him.

“Well, it probably is kind of on that order,” Luther answered with a shrug. “Is he saved?”

“I don't know,” Tatiana said with a worried expression on her face. It had never occurred to her how important salvation was until now. She couldn't help that Todd needed to die for things to work out for her. But she didn't want him to die without at least saying the sinner's prayer.

“Pity,” Luther said. “But at least he'll die with a real big smile on his face.”

Tatiana frowned. What in the world was Luther talking about? The only time she thought about a man dying with a big smile on his face was when he died while being with a woman. Tatiana's eyes got real big. Todd? Cheating?

“What, Tatiana?” Luther scoffed. “You honestly believed that your husband was being true to you while you ran off and did whatever you wanted to do? That's why he let you do what you wanted to do. He needed you away so he could be with his little honey on the side, Dr. Shanna Webster.”

“I knew that wannabe white–looking heifer was after my man,” Tatiana snapped. “When I get back to North Carolina, I am going to—”

“Possibly be a very rich widow with a very explainable death kind of murder,” Luther replied matter-of-factly. “Todd went and got himself some of that WP21 folk think is off the market.”

“You mean that watermelon powder stuff men use with their women like some kind of super Viagra? That stuff that killed those men back in the 1980s at the Gospel United Church conference?”

“Ummm … hmmm,” Luther said. “Shanna got it for him from one of my cousins. As soon as the order was placed, I got a call, and I ordered a special dose for your husband. Now, the only thing they are waiting on is the call from you giving the final okay.”

Tatiana took in a deep breath. She was in this way too deep. But it was too late and too dangerous to turn back now.

“What about Camille? Does Xavier know that you are going to put a hit on her?

Luther thought about that question, and then shook his head. He said, “Xavier still believes he's stuck with Camille and will have to figure out a way to live with her, and then find a way to be with you. I want him in the dark on that, because he'll play the game better if he believes he's stuck with Camille,” Luther told her, like he was really going to do this this way.

“So,” Tatiana began carefully. “How are you going to … you know…?”

“How am I going to have Camille Franklin killed?”

Tatiana nodded.

“That plan, Sweet Thing, is quite elaborate, and might require some help from you,” Luther told her, and went and poured himself some more of that expensive, Caspian Sea Russian vodka.

 

Chapter Twenty-four

“You ready for this?”

Denzelle sighed. Who in the world did his best friend think would be ready for “this”? He said, “You need a refill, Obie?”

“Nahh. I have to drive back to Durham. You know I can't hold my liquor like you.”

“Yeah, you can be pretty lame on that front,” Denzelle said with a chuckle.

“So, are you ready, D?”

“How ready can a preacher get to be in
Dancing with the Stars
, Obie man?”

“I'm not talking about the event. Are you ready to get out there and run for bishop?”

“I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be for this bishop's race. The other candidates have already started putting out negative campaign ads on each other. Man, this is the church, and they are out there airing all of the denomination's dirty laundry. What's next?”

Obadiah closed his eyes for a second and said, “D, this is what's next,” and pulled up his iPad and the YouTube video of Denzelle's women going rogue at that infamous church service years ago.

Denzelle stared at something he kept praying would just go away. But this thing was like a horror movie. Every time he thought that monster was gone, it came back to do more damage. He said, “I cannot believe this video is titled
Church Gurls Gone Wild.
”

“Yeah, Lena and I were cracking up when we saw the title, and you have a lot of hits…” Obadiah stopped when he saw the pained expression on his friend's face.

“It is what it is, D. And it happened. You can't mess with women's emotions, run game on sisters, and not expect to pay for all of that dirt you sowed.”

Denzelle raised his hands up. Obadiah was right.

“Well, at least you've learned your lesson,” Obadiah said. “There are brothers out there, like Reverend Larry Pristeen, who are working up on a very hard and painful lesson in this area.

“Larry has been going all over the country preaching and flirting and talking trash to some of these church women. It's only a game to build up his ego and garner support for that weird singles' ministry he has started getting so much attention for. Personally, I don't know why church folk are getting all excited over Pristeen and his new program, D.”

“Me, neither,” Denzelle responded, shaking his head. “You know Larry tried to hit on Marsha the last time we were at his church in Asheville.”

“You lyin',” Obie said and laughed. “Larry ain't got no game. What kind of pitiful pimp concoction did he come up with to try and hit on your girl?”

“Marsha is not my girl,” Denzelle said in a tight voice.

“My bad,” was all Obie told him, thinking, She needs to be your girl.

Denzelle sighed. Larry was quite fortunate he didn't know he'd hit on Marsha like that. Because if that were so, Denzelle would have put his foot so far up the brother's tail, he would have needed a trauma surgeon like Todd Townsend to get it out.

“That was some sneaky mess Larry tried to put down on Marsha, Obie. You know the game some brothers run on women to make them think they are above trying to hit that when that is exactly what they are trying to do.”

Obadiah nodded. He knew exactly what Denzelle was talking about. He said, “Larry better stop while he's ahead. Because one day he is going to do that to the wrong kind of woman—one of those unstable stalkers.”

“That's exactly what is going to happen,” Denzelle said. “And if he gets a really crazy one, he'll wake up in that hotel room all tied up, crying and wondering if he's in that movie
Misery
with Kathy Bates and James Caan.”

Obie was laughing. He said, “That is exactly what is going to happen if Larry doesn't stop playing these games on church women.”

“But you know something,” Denzelle continued, “I don't understand how Larry keeps his women in check. Even a good sister will go off on you if you play her too hard. Know what I'm sayin'?”

“He picks 'em real well,” Obie said with a frown. “He only zooms in on the sweet ones—the ones who don't sleep around, want a sincere and steady relationship, don't tell all of their business, and think they are supposed to be patient and wait, because they don't want to scare Larry away while he is getting himself together.”