Past Sins (16 page)
He drew in a deep breath and let it out in one long whoosh. “Actually I keep hoping I’ll wake up and discover this has all been one really long nightmare.”
She had to smile. “I’m truly sorry for all of this, Jeffrey.” She’d said it so many times she hoped it still sounded genuine.
He lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “I suppose I should be thankful.”
She frowned, couldn’t see how he would feel grateful in any capacity.
“I’m certain I would never have been dragged about, almost kidnapped and used as a walking, talking tracking device if not for my relationship with you.”
She laughed. Couldn’t help herself. The sound was strained but it was better than crying.
He looked at her and then he laughed, too.
Several minutes elapsed before they’d regained their composure.
“You are an exceptional man, Jeffrey.” That same old regret and maybe a little sadness enveloped her.
He took her hand in his and managed a damn decent smile. “It’s you who is exceptional, Olivia. In all my life I’ve never met a woman so extraordinary.”
Why couldn’t she be in love with this man? It would be so easy…so safe.
“I don’t deserve that compliment.” Guilt plagued her. She’d let Jeffrey care about her and she hadn’t been able to reciprocate to the same extent.
“Yes, you do.” He stared at their entwined hands. “But I know whatever we had is over. Maybe it never really was.”
“I do care about you, Jeffrey.” She needed him to know that.
He laughed softly. “I know you do. But I also know that you love
him.
”
Her breath trapped in her throat and it took every ounce of strength she had not to let the tears crowding against her lashes fall. “I tried not to. I told myself for three years that I hated him. That if given the chance, I’d kill him.”
Jeffrey cleared his throat and pressed his free hand to his chest. “I still have trouble with that part. I just can’t see you as an assassin. I know how much you care for your patients. It just doesn’t fit the Olivia I know.”
She searched those brown eyes for pain or anger and found nothing but resignation and affection. “I’m not that person anymore. Maybe I never was. Sheara was a persona I slipped into in order to be what the CIA needed me to be. To serve my country. At the time I was convinced it was the right thing to do. I guess that’s why I took the easy way out when the opportunity arose.”
A frown marred his smooth brow. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
She hadn’t admitted this to anyone. “I didn’t try to fight what happened three years ago. I could have done something. Demanded an inquiry. Stood up for myself. I probably wouldn’t have won, might even have ended up dead, but I could have tried. But vanishing was the route I took. The easy way out. Maybe I’d been looking for an excuse to become someone else. I don’t know.”
Jeffrey’s smile was understanding. “Sounds as if Dr. Mills has been doing some self-analyzing.”
“Maybe. I just know that I can’t go back. Whatever happens in the next twenty-four hours, I have to get through it without taking a life. I don’t think I can do that again.”
Jeffrey took her by the shoulders and made her look directly into his eyes. “Olivia, you know how I feel about guns in general. I’m antiwar, anti…well, lots of things. But I want you to swear to me that you will do whatever necessary to survive this.”
He was just too damn sweet. She almost lost the battle with the tears. “Jeffrey, I”
“I mean it,” he said sternly. “You do whatever you have to do to survive.”
His words shored up her waning determination.
“I will,” she relented when his gaze pressed her for an answer.
“Good.” He let go of her and seemed uncertain what to do with his hands until he’d dropped them to his lap.
“I don’t know how this will turn out,” she ventured. This next part was crucial. It was abundantly clear that the real threat had never been to him. He’d been a mere pawn. Keeping him in the line of fire any longer was unconscionable. “But I don’t want you at risk anymore.”
“I’m fine, really. I’ll be okay.”
She shook her head. “I can’t risk your exposure to what may happen next.”
“Olivia”
“Jeffrey” she cut off his argument “you could become a liability. Any distraction could get me killed.”
That appeared to give him pause. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“I’d like you to stay here. Landry will ensure the room is covered for however long it takes.”
“I have money,” he countered.
“I don’t want you to do anything that will draw attention to you. Don’t use a credit card or ATM card. Nothing. Just stay here in the room. Use all the room service you want. Watch television. Movies. Just don’t leave the room.”
“For how long?”
She knew he was thinking of his work again.
“This will all be over soon. I’ll call you and let you know it’s safe to return to L.A.”
His eyes searched hers. “You’ll call?”
As long as she was alive she would. She supposed that was what he was getting at.
“If you don’t hear from me in the next seven days, I want you to withdraw all your liquid assets as discreetly as possible. As well as mine.” She grabbed the pad and pen on the bedside table and jotted down her account numbers and associated pins. She fixed her gaze on his so there would be no misunderstanding as regards her intent. “Disappear. Don’t go back to L.A. unless I tell you it’s safe to. Between the two of us we have sufficient money for you to build a new life somewhere else. New name. The whole works.”
“No.” He shook his head adamantly. “I’ll wait for your call.”
She fisted her fingers in his shirtfront and forced him to look at her. “I don’t know if I’ll survive, Jeffrey. I hope I do, but I can’t make that promise. But you can. I need you to promise me that you’ll do exactly as I say.”
Emotion glittered in his eyes and it was all Olivia could do to restrain her own. This was so unfair to him. He hadn’t asked for any of this…hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
“All right. Whatever you say. I’ll wait one week. If I don’t hear from you I’ll take…the money and move to…” His mouth worked with uncertainty but no words came out.
“Don’t tell me where you’ll go.” She thought of all those torture techniques she’d taken extensive training in order to endure. She’d experienced her share in the past. Anything she knew could become fair game. No matter how strong a person, everyone had their weakness. The right technician with just the right technique could find it.
Jeffrey nodded. “So, I guess this is goodbye.”
Her chest felt so tight she couldn’t draw in a deep enough breath. Admittedly she wasn’t in love with him, but she did care very much about him. “I guess so.”
He got to his feet. “Well, I…” He glanced around the room. “I should get some sleep.”
Olivia rose, the weight of yet another change in her life feeling heavier than ever. But it was the right thing to do. She went on tiptoe and kissed his jaw. “I won’t ever forget you, Jeffrey.”
He stared down at her, his feelings of affection abundantly clear. “Nor I you.”
For three beats she battled the impulse to kiss him, really kiss him. But that would be a mistake. Would only hurt both of them when she walked out that door. Instead, she smiled and for one sentimental moment she let herself recall the good times they’d had together.
The moment passed and she mentally geared up for what had to come next.
“I should call Landry and let him know I’m ready to go.”
She reached into her jeans pocket for her cell but Jeffrey stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Just one more thing.”
She tried to read the abrupt change in his expression, but it was a look totally uncharacteristic for the man with whom she’d shared so very much. “Yes?”
“Tell Landry that if he hurts you again I will hunt him down and kick his ass.”
O
livia considered the home of Paul Echols. Nineteenth century, in the famed historic section of Georgetown, minutes from his upwardly mobile career in D.C. He owned two Mercedes and had one child in the most prestigious private school in the area. His wife was the quintessential socialite, ensuring the Echols name was on elegantly embossed invitations originating from the addresses of the politically prominent.
The neighborhood was the reason they’d had to take the time to borrow new transportation. The other vehicle would have stood out on this street.
Before long, dawn would be stretching its pink and purple fingers across the sky. Olivia, for one, would be thankful for the coming light. Sitting here for more than an hour, in the dark, with Landry was beginning to get to her in ways that could only lead to trouble.
It hadn’t been so bad before, when Jeffrey was with them. But now, with only the two of them, the tension had started to thicken in the air. Made breathing near impossible.
She had intended to get a couple of hours’ sleep before launching into this morning’s critical surveillance, but neither she nor Landry had been able to wait.
In fact, she’d wanted to make
the
call a full sixty minutes ago, but Landry had insisted they needed to watch for a while first. Determine if Echols appeared to be going about life as usual.
Olivia really didn’t know the man except by sight. She, of course, understood the position he’d held in the previous White House administration, but there had been no reason for her to have been acquainted with him.
Part of his job as a special adviser to the president would have been to keep him abreast of the ramifications of such sensitive operations as the one Olivia had carried out three years ago. Echols was the moderator. The neutral voice in such sensitive matters.
“We should make the call,” she said again, frustrated with the waiting. Going crazy breathing the air permeated with the subtle scent that was uniquely Holt Landry. Her entire body tingled with a simmering anticipation that would be assuaged by only one thing.
And that wasn’t going to happen.
“We should be patient,” Landry countered, his deep, refined voice husky from lack of sleep or maybe his own mounting tension.
The car was compact, too cramped for her liking. With no console between the driver’s seat and the one she occupied, they sat almost elbow to elbow.
“Finish your coffee.”
The extra-large white cup sat on the dash, still half full of the now-cold mega-strong brew they’d picked up at a drive-through before arriving in Echols’s swanky neighborhood.
“Right, and then I’ll be making a run for the shrubbery.” She surveyed the meticulously landscaped lawns along the street, each lit with just the right ambient lighting. Once upon a time she’d sat through all-night surveillances without needing a nature break, but she’d grown far too soft for that now.
The silence that followed had her mind wandering into dangerous territory again.
Landry hadn’t really changed that much. The image of his muscular torso popped into her head. He’d stayed in shape, which wasn’t surprising since he’d been very athletic when she knew him…before.
For the first time since he’d plowed back into her life, she wondered about the women he’d been with since they parted ways. She mentally rolled her eyes and wanted to kick herself for even thinking about it.
She’d had her share of one-night stands. Had lived with Jeffrey for six months, and dated him for three months before that. She certainly couldn’t expect that Landry had remained celibate. That would be ludicrous, considering the voracious sexual appetite she recalled quite vividly.
Warmth stirred deep inside her as images from the past filtered through her mind before she could stop them. Okay, so maybe this wasn’t a good distraction to pass the time. They were on surveillance duty. Focus, Olivia.
“I assume you let Jeffrey down easy.”
Landry’s statement yanked her from the thoughts she shouldn’t be thinking. “I beg your pardon?” The conversation between her and Jeffrey was none of his business.
“You and Jeffrey. The relationship. It’s over?”
Landry turned his face in her direction. The meager light offered by the coming dawn allowed her to make out the firm set of his jaw. She couldn’t read his eyes, too dark. The one thing she could sense above all else was the way his nearness drew her.
“What makes you think it’s over?” Dumb, Olivia.
He turned his attention forward again. “I just assumed you’d realized your mistake.”
A burst of disbelief blew past her lips in the form of a choked laugh. “My
mistake?
You’ve got some nerve, Landry.” She gripped the door’s armrest tightly to hold on to her anger. “The only mistake I’ve ever made is getting mixed up with you.”
Why the hell were they even having this conversation now? Because it was the safest way? This was the way it had always been. They had both used the danger…the extreme nature of their professions to cushion the personal relationship. She recognized that now for what it was, a way to maintain distance. And she was every bit as guilty as he was.
For about ten seconds she thought he wasn’t going to respond. What did it matter? The next few hours would determine if they survived or not. What was the point of discussing anything until they knew if tomorrow would come?
“I don’t believe you.”
Her eyes widened with disbelief. Was he trying to start an argument? Well, by God, she wasn’t taking the bait.
“Believe what you want.” She never took her gaze off the Echols’s home.
His silence sent satisfaction, if not victory, roaring through her. The very idea that he would make a statement like that. Cocky bastard.
“When you’re ready to admit you’re in denial we’ll talk.”
She glared at him. “I am not in denial,” she returned calmly, too calmly.
He turned that dark head and looked her straight in the eye. “I kissed you, remember? I know I wasn’t the only one who wanted more. You still have feelings for me.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and refocused her gaze on the Echols’s house. Though there wasn’t much light, she wasn’t about to risk him seeing the truth in her eyes. “Get a grip, Landry. Don’t confuse a physical need with an emotional attachment. Whatever you think you felt when you kissed me was about sex, nothing more.”
He reached over and grabbed her hand, his knuckles brushing the underside of her breast, sending a fierce longing through her. “Then you won’t mind if I hold your hand for a bit.”
Fine, let him push the issue. He always had to prove his point. “You’re crazy.”
“Maybe.”
Hauling her full attention to the Echols’s home once more, she hoped he’d make a move, any movesoon. This Monday morning Echols appeared to be in no hurry to get out and about. It was going on seven. Surely it wouldn’t be that much longer. She really hoped he didn’t plan to have a leisurely breakfast with his family. She wanted
this
over.
The feel of Landry’s thumb making suggestive little circles in her palm tugged at her. She kept her hand limp, wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how even that small movement affected her.
“There hasn’t been a night in the past three years that I haven’t lain in bed and thought about you. Missed you.”
Olivia tugged to free her hand from his but he held on, wouldn’t let go. Dammit. “Can we focus here, Landry?”
“This might be the only time we have together.”
Jeez, now he was playing dirty. She’d just have to use another tactic. Anything to keep him from guessing her true feelings and to keep this conversation out of even more dangerous territory.
“A guilty conscience will do that, you know. Haunt you.”
That persistent thumb stopped, but he didn’t let go.
“That was part of it,” he confessed.
She looked at him then. Stared hard through the semidarkness. If his voice hadn’t sounded so raw…so wounded, she might have been able to pretend his attention was just a game…a way to pass the time and distract her from the call she wanted to make.
But she couldn’t pretend. She knew what she’d heard.
“You knew where I was.” That she’d let the hurt and vulnerability come out in that statement made her want to snatch back the words. But it was true. There was no denying how she felt on that score.
“You were safe. I didn’t want to disrupt the careful world you’d built. I couldn’t take that risk, Nessa. Olivia,” he amended. “You’d been through enough. As much as I wanted to be with you, I wanted you safe even more.”
Okay. Enough. She was not going there right now. “Whatever you say.”
He exhaled a heavy breath. She refused to shift her attention from their target again even if her curiosity was killing her to analyze his expression.
“I don’t know what to say to convince you except that, even when I watched you allow Jeffrey into your life, I couldn’t be with anyone else.”
Disbelief, confusion and so many other emotions that she couldn’t separate one from the other rushed over her. She couldn’t quantify the revelation. Three years and no one…he’d stayed faithful to her? How was she supposed to process that information?
“I can’t talk about this right now.” It was too much to expect.
All she’d learned in the study of the human psyche escaped her at the moment. She couldn’t comprehend the scope of his admission. Completely unexpected. Had she really meant that much to him? There was a time when she’d thought so. She wrestled her thoughts back to the matter at hand, watching for a reaction from Echols.
For several moments Landry said nothing more. She spent some of that time stealing glimpses of his profile as night’s shadows slowly gave way to gray light. Those lean, chiseled angles that had once driven her crazy with desire made her want to reach out and touch him just to make sure he was real. He was here. He’d come to help her…to protect her. He’d been watching her all this time. Calling just to hear the sound of her voice.
“You were the one, Nessa,” he said softly, his gaze still dead ahead. “I didn’t expect to have to go on with my life without you.”
All the guilt she had hoped he’d felt for the past three years suddenly dumped on her shoulders.
“The truth is,” she anted up, “I did what I had to do in an effort to erase the memory of you.” There. She’d said it.
She battled with the emotions twisting inside. Why the hell had she let this conversation slip into this territory?
“We should…” He reached out and gripped the steering wheel, maybe for something to do with his hands instead of touching her. “I don’t know…” He glanced at her before shifting his gaze back to the target. “Maybe take a look at
us
again…if we survive.”
She had to touch him. A simple caress of his lean, beard-shadowed jaw. It felt good to touch him that way. His eyes closed as if he too reveled in the sensation.
How could she have pretended that she hated him for a minute, much less three years? She’d been lying to herself. Trying to go on. Pretending the past was over…didn’t matter.
“I agree.” She managed a shaky smile. “And so you know, Jeffrey and I parted as friends. For me, that’s really all it ever was.”
When she would have drawn her hand away, he took it, drew it to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.
She stared into those blue eyes and for the first time in three years she felt herself slipping away, getting lost the way she did when they first met…so long ago. He’d had that power over her then…he had it now.
Lights came on in the downstairs portion of the Echols’s house, snapping their collective attention to their mission.
Dangerous, Olivia, she chastised. Don’t let yourself get that distracted again. If they wanted to survive, she’d sure as hell have to do better than this.
“Well, well,” Landry said, “our boy is up and at ’em.”
“I’m making that call now.”
Landry watched the house while she entered the series of numbers that would connect her to Echols’s home number as well as block her number from showing up on his caller ID. Of course, a guy like him could easily have her call tracked down, but her effort would buy them some time.
Echols answered on the second ring.
“Mr. Echols, this is the past calling with a warning. Ancient history is about to come back to haunt you.”
She and Landry exchanged a look. The tension inside the vehicle escalated, the source wholly different now.
“Who is this?” Echols demanded.
She smiled at his impatience. He was far too important to bother with a nuisance like her.
“Your worst nightmare, Mr. Echols. This is Vanessa Clark, the CIA agent your administration ordered to eliminate a high-profile Middle Eastern target. Sound familiar?”
“Miss Clark, I’m certain I have no idea what you’re suggesting.”
She laughed drily. “Then I would suggest that you ask your good friend Director Woods or his deputy. Today’s the day, Mr. Echols. I want my life back. I’m coming for it.”
Olivia ended the call.
Landry gifted her with one of his particularly charming smiles. “Very good, Agent Clark. You sounded just like the girl I used to know.”
Problem was, she wasn’t that girl anymore.
Fifteen minutes later the front door opened and Mr. Paul Echols hustled down to the cobblestone drive in front of his house, loaded into the black Mercedes and pulled out onto the street.
“Here we go.”
Landry waited an adequate amount of time before easing away from the curb and following the same route Echols had taken.
At 7:00 a.m. traffic was still fairly light. Olivia remembered clearly that by half past seven the situation would be vastly different.
Echols was no fool. He took a number of unnecessary turns to ensure he wasn’t tailed. He could take all the turns and evasive maneuvers he wanted. Olivia wasn’t worried. Like her, Landry was a master at sticking to a target.
At 7:33 he stopped at a park that was well off the beaten path. One she didn’t readily recognize. Not that she’d spent that much time visiting the local parks. She hadn’t. She’d been too focused on her career to take time for anything so domestic.