Parker's Island (35 page)

“I’m
so
sorry
,
”
h
e said, pulling me into his arms.

He let me cry for a few minutes.  “It’s not just the
nightmare,
and the lady at the beach didn’t do anything wrong.  She was sweet. 
Of course she would assume that the baby was
y
ours.  Everyone does.
Even Hailey thought she was yours. 
But t
hat’s not fair to you
,
either
.”

“I told you a long time ago that I don’t care what anyone thinks, except you.
 
Bu
t
t
here’s something else
bothering you
,
isn’t there?” h
e asked.

“
Sometimes it’s just too easy to pretend that this really is our life.  I
keep
try
ing
to ignore the obvious, to find some peace, but
I know that in a few months I
’m going to
have to leave.  I don’t know if I can leave you
.  N
ot again.”

“
You don’t have to leave
.
  I want you to stay
, b
oth of you.
”

“And what
, p
lay house?
  This isn’t your problem
,
”
I said, looking down at my growing belly.

“I
s that what you think we’re doing now?  Do you think I
just want you to stay
because
I need a cook or a maid
?”
h
e asked, offended.

“
No,
of course not,
but it
’s just been so easy to forget…
”

“
Forget what?”

“This
,
” I said, rubbing my stomach
and thinking of Chad
.

“I don’t understand.”

“I told you; sometimes it’s just too easy to pretend that this
life
with you
is real
, and she’s…
ours.
”

“It is real.”

“No, it’s not.  We’re sharing a lie.”

“Delaney, there are no lies between us.  We’re just…”
             
“We’re just what
,
Logan
…
f
riends?”

“You know how I feel about you.”

“
And you know how I feel about you
.  W
e spend every day together, convincing everyone that we’re a
happy
young couple.  At night we share dinner and a movie, and then we each go to separate rooms.”
             
“That has to be enough for now.  But it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about following after you every night.
  I promise you it won’t be like this forever.
”

“I know I don’t have any right to ask, but I need…you.”

“I’m right here
,
”
h
e said, pulling me close.

I looked into his eyes,
“Please make me forget
,
”
I begged.

“Delaney, oh God, I
can’t
.
  You don’t know how much I want you, but I can’t
.  N
ot yet
,
”
he
said, finally understanding what I was asking of him.

“Please
?  J
ust one night?”

“That won’t be enough…
for either of us.  I’m not free to
give you that moment.  Not yet.”

I took a step back from him and said, “I had no right to ask you to break your vows.  It was wrong.”
I was shaking, not sure what to do at that moment.

“You think
I won’t make love to you because of
Martina?”

“
I know you
don’t love her, but she is your…w
ife.
” 

“I don’t
give a damn about
Martina
, or
honoring
th
at
stupid vow
. 
I care about you and what you need.”

“I
told you what I
…
need.”

“You need me to be free
from
all of this…
this
mess
,
first.  I c
an
’t let you b
e
ar
anymore guilt than you already needlessly place on yourself.  I could give in, and we’d share something wonderful
tonight
…but
what happens in the morning?  Y
ou’d hate yourself
,
and I can’t let
that happen.
  I love you too much to sleep with you tonight
,
knowing that I have a wife.  I can’t make you the other woman, even
though
to me,
you’re the only
one
.
”

I thought about what he said, and knew he was right.
  “I
know you’re right.  It’s just…
so hard being so close to you and not be
ing
able to
…
”

“Delaney, I love you more than anything, and believe me
,
if I was a free man tonight I wouldn’t have hesitated.  It’s killing me to have you here and not be able to touch you and hold you all night
, every night
. 
But
I swear to you, I will make this right.”

He took my hand and
led
me to my bed.  “You need to sleep
,
”
h
e said, and pulled back the blankets.

“I can’t.  I can’t close my eyes.”

“Slide
in
,” h
e said, taking his shoes off.

“What are you doing?” I asked, praying he had changed his mind
, not caring what the morning would bring
.

“
Just scoot
,
”
h
e said.

I slid over to the middle of the bed and stared up at him with such longing.  I ached for him, all the time.  He slid in next to me and wrapped his arms around me.  “Can you close your eyes
,
now?”

“Yes
.  N
ow I can
,
” I said
, snuggling into his warmth
.

“Try to sleep.  You’re exhausted.”

I rolled to my side and laid my head on his chest.  I was so tired, and he was so comforting
.
I finally drifted off to sleep.  I awoke a few hours later, screaming.  Logan was gone.  I looked around and realized it was still dark. 
I knew h
e couldn’t have
left yet; the ferries didn’t run that early.

I ran downstairs needing to see him, but he wasn’t in the house.  “Logan?” I called, wondering where he had gone.

I turned on the lights in the kitchen and decided I’d make some tea and wait for him.  He came in a few minutes later, dripping with sweat.  “Are you okay?  What happened?”
             
“Nothing
.
I was just
jogging on the beach.  I do it all the time.”

“I’ve never seen you go jogging
,
” I said, wondering when he found the time.

“I um, I
usually
jog
…
late at night
,
”
h
e said, looking a little nervous.

“Why?”

He walked over to me
and
put his hand on my cheek
.  He sighed
and said, “
Every night
,
I watch you walk into that bedroom and you don’t know how much I want to follow you, but I can’t.  So I go jogging!”

“Maybe I should take up jogging
,
” I smiled.

“Probably not a good idea in your condition
,
”
h
e grinned.

“No, probably not
,
” I said, looking down at what once was a small waistline.  “
Would you like some tea?”

“
No
,
thanks. 
I have to get ready to go.  You should be asleep.  Did I wake you when I left?”

“No.”

“Nightmare?”

I nodded, knowing it would do no good to lie.

“Delaney, do you trust me?”

“What kind of question is that?”
             
“Do you?”
h
e pressed.
             
“You know I do
,
”
I said.

“Then
hang in there just a little longer.  I promise
yo
u that everything will work out.  P
lease believe me
,” h
e said, and then ran upstairs to shower and change.

I watched him drive away
,
a
nd for the first time in months,
I was alone.  “Well, I have you, don’t I
,
girl?” I said, reaching down to pet Duchess.

I wandered through the house straightening this and cleaning that.  I decided to go to town and get a few things for dinner. 
Logan
said he’d be home by dinner time and we’d go out
, b
ut I wanted to stay in and just be with him. 

The day dragged on forever, even the beach wasn’t much of a distraction until Duchess pulled me into the water, chasing after a seagull. 
We were both
soaking wet when
we
got back to the house and
were
met at the door by Logan.

“You’re back!” I said, grinning.

“Um, yeah
,” h
e said, turning away from me.

“What’s wrong?”

“You better go get cleaned up or I’m going to have to go jogging early tonight
,
”
h
e said, a bit out of breath.

“I don’t understand.”

“Delaney,
trust me.”

“I thought we had this discussion this morning.  I do trust you.”
             
“If you don’t go c
hange out of those wet clothes
,
you won’t be able to trust me
,
”
h
e said, turning once again to look at me and then took a deep breath.

I looked down and realized my wet clothes clung to me, leaving not much to the imagination. 
I might as well
have
not been wearing a bra for all the good it did.
“Oh
,
no, I walked back
like this
.  Everyone must have seen…
”
I realized, trying to remember how many people I passed on my short journey back to the house.

“Delaney, so help me
,
if you don’t go change…
”

“Wha
t?  What are you going to do?”
I
asked
, playing with him now.

“Please
,
”
h
e pleaded
, with closed eyes
.

“
Okay,
I’m sorry. 
I’ll grab a quick shower and then I’ll come down and cook dinner.
”

I came back downstairs
a short time later
and Logan was gone.  I thought maybe he did go jogging.  I was immediately remorseful.  I started cooking dinner
, knowing I needed to apologize to him
.  He came downstairs a few minutes
later
.  H
e had
showered and changed
into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt
which did nothing
to dec
rease my desire for him
.